The Six Memoirs of Leslie Cheung
The Nirvana Bird
I have heard it said that there is a kind of bird in the world that has no feet, it can only fly all the time, and when it is tired of flying, it sleeps in the wind. This bird only comes down to the ground once in its life, and that time is when it dies.
--"The Legend of Alfie"
"The time is running out, to say goodbye forever to endure one more second has been done." ("Counting Down With You"). 6:41 p.m., April 1, 2003, Zhang has been wandering on the terrace outside the 24th floor fitness room of the Mandarin Hotel for more than an hour. The lyrics are just lyrics, but they correspond like a prophecy to Cheung's state of mind at this moment. During this time, he called many of his friends, he also confided in one of his friends that he had been suffering from depression for a long time and was having a hard time, he also thanked his gay man Mr. Tang and other close friends for taking care of him, and lastly, he mentioned that he needed time to heal himself. He needs time.
Time waits for no man. That's a quote from the priest at the convent in the movie "A Storm is Coming". At this moment, the one thing that Zhang can't stand is time, and if time stood still, he might be able to get through this most unbearable moment for him. In the beautiful Hong Kong under the Mandarin Hotel, dusk was already approaching. Tired Zhang Guorong stayed alone in mid-air, light as a feather, he could not feel the weight of life anymore. At the same time, with Zhang Guo Rong in the entertainment industry partner for nearly 20 years of manager Chen Shufen is waiting for him downstairs cafe; his gay man Mr. Tang at home waiting for Zhang Guo Rong drive to pick him up to go play badminton together. Time stood in the way, as if there was a traffic jam, and it took a long wait for everyone to arrive.
Five months earlier, Zhang had also committed suicide, and the depression-ridden man had toiled for another five months to endure the "pain of life. Mr. Tang was not clothed, and tried his best to keep Leslie in this world for a while longer. However, Mr. Cheung could not wait any longer. For a depressed person, boredom with life cannot be eradicated from the bottom of the heart. Though we all have our moments of boredom at one time or another, we tend to bypass the topic of death and quickly replace it with another "joy". After all, it takes courage to choose death.
46-year-old Leslie Cheung, at the most mature stage of his acting career, whether acting or singing, can be said to be at will. Think about it, older than him, Zheng Shaoqiu, Chow Yun Fat, Tam Wing Lun are still struggling, what he can not stand.2002, Zhang shot his last film, "Otherworldly Space", in which Zhang played a psychiatrist, who used his true love to rescue one of his patients, so that she breaks free from the horrible world of illusion, but he did not expect, the more horrible things But he doesn't realize that even more terrible things are coming to him, and he also begins to see images of another dimension again and again, and evokes a poignant memory he had 20 years ago. In the movie, Cheung often sleepwalks and has gone to the roof and tried to jump off. Zhang's portrayal of this hallucination-ridden character is sobering. Some critics have argued that it was because of his overly committed performance in the movie "The Other Side" that he became psychologically unbalanced and was never the same again. This seems to be an interpretation of Cheng Dieyi in Farewell My Concubine. It can also be supported by the fact that Gone with the Wind's Vivienne Faye also began to suffer from schizophrenia after appearing in A Streetcar Named Desire. There is some truth in this, but it is simplistic. Zhang's boredom with life and his skepticism about the meaning of life had a steady buildup, and his understanding of life at every stage of his life influenced his final decision, which may have been hasty but also long planned.
"Can't find an eternal kingdom, might as well embrace it." ("Counting Down With You") What is it that Leslie Cheung longs to embrace? Is it a momentary eternity, or is it eternal relief? Life is not of our own choosing. What about death? Can we choose it ourselves? What did he see in his last moments? Did he see himself as a bird or a dreaming butterfly, a passing dragonfly? Or was it a glimpse of spring, a breeze, a child called "Ten"? I prefer to believe that he saw the way he came.
On April 1, 2003, Leslie Cheung was 46 and a half years old. He crossed the terrace and leapt from the 24th floor, the wind whistling past his ears before he reached the ground.
Dappled spring light
I / Floating for decades / Flashing in the starry sky / With confusion
Please / Allow me to say goodbye before / Giving this song / Someday in the future / See you again
Would like to send me off with a warm round of applause / A life of lightness in the future would not be so bad
The warm hands can always be with me at the end / Why should I get any more
And still there's not a trace of remorse!
-- "When the Wind Rises Again"
Cheung Kwok Wing was the first actor in Hong Kong to open up about his homosexuality. After he disclosed his identity, he not only actively participated in gay human rights activities, but also physically acted in several gay-themed films, and his 20-year-long stable relationship with his same-sex partner, Mr. Tong, gradually gained people's recognition, praise and envy. In the world's view, Leslie Cheung is an artist who is absolutely devoted to himself, who cares nothing about the world, and who is "indistinguishable from human drama", but in fact, this is really a great misunderstanding of Leslie Cheung. For a long time, Zhang has always been very concerned about the perception of his surroundings, he will even for the media misinterpretation of his stage appearance and lost his voice tears, but also for the media photographed him and Mr. Tang holding hands and angrily asked reporters to hand over the film.
Chang was able to take his place in both the singing and movie worlds by fighting for it step by step, and he endured a decade-long struggle for both singing and acting. It wasn't until 1997, when he sang "The Moon Represents My Heart" in a concert and confessed his feelings to his beloved Mr. Tang, that he really began to "live for himself" rather than for the arts and for the public. Nevertheless, he chose a rather dramatic occasion and way to disclose his identity. People used to call the act of homosexuals disclosing their identities "coming out", but few people would ask, "If I am a homosexual, do I have to come out? Do I have to show my life to you? I think, for Zhang, who has always taken care of his relationship, his action is not only for Mr. Tang to see, but also for the media and the public, who have violated the boundaries of his life.
The year 1997 meant more to Cheung than just being open about his homosexuality. It was the year he made the Wong Kar-wai-directed film "Spring Breakers," and it was a year of mixed emotions for Hong Kong people, who read into the film's story of a gay couple who banished themselves to South America, even though one of the main character's lines, "Why don't we just start over? When the TV news footage of Deng Xiaoping's death appeared in the film, it was only then that we realized that Leslie Cheung and Tony Leung were fatherless. This is the confusion of Hong Kong people who suddenly need to define their origins. In the movie, Tony Leung always hides Leslie Cheung's ID card, which he thinks will keep Leslie Cheung's heart. The first scene at the beginning of the movie is Zhang and Liang making love in a strange city, and they seem to be having an orgy at the end of the world. The subsequent unfolding of the emotional entanglement of the two people with all the flavors, is more cramped extreme suffocating. What it means to be loose and what it means to be in the dark is what "Spring Breakers" is all about.
"Spring Breaks" at the Cannes International Film Festival for Wong Kar-wai brought the first Chinese-language film's best director award, Tony Leung Chiu-wai also in the Hong Kong Film Awards to win the movie emperor crown, but Cheung Kwok-wing was empty-handed. For Zhang, who has put in a lot of effort, he is still missing out. To be fair, Leslie Cheung's performance in the film is more relaxed and delicate than Tony Leung, especially his use of body language, can be said to be the pinnacle of excellence, whether it is twisting his body in bed and lover pampering or in the kitchen with his lover entwined **** dance, are absolutely amazing, if we leave Leslie Cheung's performance, then the film will be God's grace is gone. Some critics have argued that Leslie's performance in Spring Breakers is too decadent and cynical, but do they remember when Leslie was alone with a waterfall on a lampshade, weeping inconsolably? Zhang seems to be proving that underneath his unruly exterior, he has a heart that is too fragile to be flicked. The ancient theme that life is inherently lonely is most fully realized in the situation of the character played by Cheung. Zhang Guorong began to withdraw from the "myth" and "legend" and separated himself from his true self. Of course, this separation came at a great cost.
Six years after the filming of "Spring Breakers," 20 years of togetherness failed to keep Mr. Tang from leaving. "At the end of the night, who is ****ing?" This is the sentence Mr. Tang wrote on the elegy. Mr. Cheung is undoubtedly one of the most outstanding actors in the Chinese world, but how many people can understand him in the dead of night? Even Wong Kar-wai, for example, can only use the word "legend" to describe him. The world is full of misunderstandings, and even Wong Kar-wai is no exception.
Springtime is a wonderful time, but it never stays for anyone. Zhang's final leap is by no means a deliberate poeticization of a gorgeous masterpiece. The pain of hitting the ground is known only to Zhang Guorong himself, and the blood he spilled on the street will eventually be forgotten.
Dreaming of a Fascinated Butterfly
You are never really gone, you are always in the bottom of my heart; I still have love for you, and there is nothing I can do for myself.
Don't linger on the years, my unintentional tenderness, don't ask me if we meet again, don't care if I don't mean what I say ......
-- "When Love is Gone"
The May 1993 Cannes Film International Film Festival, arguably the most glittering moment in Zhang's film career. Directed by Chen Kaige, the film Farewell My Concubine starring Zhang Guorong, Zhang Fengyi and Gong Li won the Palme d'Or for Best Picture. Farewell My Concubine" is based on a novel by Hong Kong writer Li Bihua, which was adapted into a TV series back in the 80s. At that time, Li Bihua had hoped that Zhang Guo Rong would play the role of Cheng Dieyi, the main character, but Zhang Guo Rong did not have the courage to turn himself into a butterfly. Unexpectedly, Zhang Guorong finally embraced Cheng Dieyi, after he had crossed the ocean.
"Farewell My Concubine" is undoubtedly one of the myths of Chinese cinema in the 1990s, and arguably one of the most magnificent films. Chen Kaige, Gu Changwei, Zhang Guorong, Zhang Fengyi, Gong Li, Ge You, Ying Da, Jiang Wenli, all of them were outstanding. It can be said that "Farewell My Concubine" exhausted Chen Kaige's artistic energy for his whole life, and since then Chen Kaige's movies have been deteriorating. On the other hand, Farewell My Concubine brought him 10 years of glory in the movie world. Zhang transformed himself from a singer into an actor, leaving his mark on the world of cinema.
Almost every DVD collector owns "Farewell My Concubine," and there are quite a few commentaries on the movie. Zhang Guo Rong's Cheng Dieyi's confusion about life on and off the stage, and about his own gender, is so incomprehensible that it can only be described as "madness". Some people say that Chen Kaige's movie is a typical grand narrative movie, full of politics and changes of the times, but I still saw Cheng Dieyi's journey in this movie. Instead of being a grand narrative movie, it is more like a movie where the grand narrative and personal narrative are at war. It is important to realize that although the director of the film is a man, the author of the novel is a woman. Such a war instead of making the film to obtain a tangled ambiguous effect, for Western audiences, full of exotic Beijing opera; for Eastern audiences, "alien feelings" homosexuality to "Farewell My Concubine" to give a more "rich" color.
In fact, Zhang almost lost his chance to play Farewell My Concubine. Cheng Dieyi was initially cast as the famous Chinese actor Zun Long, who had previously captured the attention of audiences around the world with his starring role in Italian director Bertolucci's film "The Last Emperor". However, due to the conditions of cooperation, the producers eventually dropped Zun Long, and Zhang Guo Rong became involved with Cheng Dieyi. The creative team of Farewell My Concubine was mainly from the mainland, and Zhang was able to work so harmoniously with the mainland creators, and his performance was so glorious that he put in a lot of effort. So much so that one of the judges at the Cannes International Film Festival actually voted for Zhang Guo Rong's Cheng Dieyi as "Best Actress". Though the film did not win the award, Zhang's portrayal of Cheng Dieyi won him the "Best Foreign Language Film Actor Award" from the Japan Film Critics Association in Japan.
Hong Kong's showbiz industry is like a jungle of unpredictable depths, and in 1993, Zhang, who had been competing in the singing and movie worlds and being compared to others, had no more rivals. He was 37 years old, and in the course of his watery relationship with Cheng Dieyi, he began to move towards his own legend, towards his own myth. Did he look forward to this day? Was he ready? No one can answer. I still remember when I saw Cheng Dieyi slit her own throat on the stage, the unspeakable excitement immediately spread and mixed into a secretion called tears that filled my eyes. Such a scene shook me, but did not make me sad. The same situation, 10 years later on April Fool's Day, shook all those who learned of Leslie Cheung's suicide. I can't say that everyone was looking forward to such a moment, but I still heard a lot of people saying that Cheung had reenacted Farewell My Concubine, and that he just needed such a flashy ending. A person's death is rapidly dramatized and programmed, with various versions of suicide notes, various versions of speculation on the cause of death, getting further and further away from the truth. What exactly is the truth? Leslie Cheung had hoped to step out of the make-believe stage, but the applause from the stage stayed with him. And while he was going to come out of his depressive life, it was still being debated. This time, however, he succeeded, and he finally could not hear the clamor of the world.
When life is a thing of the past, only the breeze blows by.
Passing Dragonfly
Let me be a passing dragonfly, leaving behind the process of being able to be missed;
Wasting this cheap life of mine, letting you be loved is my honor.
-- "Passing Dragonfly"
In the film "Alfie's Story", starring Leslie Cheung, the capricious but scarred Xuk Tsai has always emphasized this point, he has the right to choose a life of debauchery. In "Legend of Ah Fei", what Xuk Tsai wants to know most is what he will see at the last moment of his life, and he even told Andy Lau: "I will definitely not close my eyes when I die." He wants to see himself at the end, and likewise, he tries to see where he came from. In one way, "Alfie's Story" is closest to Leslie Cheung himself.
In "Legend of Ah Fei," Asahi stubbornly searches for his real mother, and to do so, he goes out of his way to hurt his adoptive mother, as well as every woman who appears in his life. He chases his feelings with games and expresses his treasured feelings with oblivion. But when he finds his real mother, she refuses to come out and recognize him. This is undoubtedly the irony of what he thought was valuable and meaningful. There is a determined and extremely proud voice-over in the movie: "I know there are eyes behind me, but I will certainly not turn back. I merely had to look at her and see what she looked like. And since she won't give me a chance, I won't give her that chance." This footage, which changed from normal-size to high-speed photography, also became the last shot in the short film shown at the farewell ceremony for Zhang's casket, evocative and emotional, as Zhang left willy-nilly and didn't look back.
"Alfie's Story" was neither the first nor the last film starring Leslie Cheung, but it was the first peak of his career, a film that not only brought him the honor of being the only Hong Kong Film Awards winner, but also allowed him to return to acting in 1989, when he had already announced he was quitting the singing world.
The film has created one of Asia's greatest movie performers, Leslie Cheung, as well as a generation of Hong Kong filmmakers, including Wong Kar-wai, who has since made films such as The East is West, Chongqing Woods, The Spring Breakers, and Fancy Years, which have made him one of the world's most famous directors.
Beginning with "Alfie's Story," Zhang began a film career in which he truly created roles. With "Farewell My Concubine," "East Evil, West Poison," and "Spring Breakers," Zhang split his soul into each of the roles he played. Compared to Tony Leung, who also had a great track record, you seem to be more impressed by the roles played by Leslie Cheung. As for the singers who were his contemporaries, Cheung left them far behind. His tango dance with Cherie Chung*** in Crossing the Sea was so spirited and voluble that it could not have been accomplished by someone full of confidence.
"Alfie's Story" was filmed in 1990, and 13 years later, at the age of 46, Leslie Cheung brought his life to a close. For fans who love Leslie Cheung, he went too soon. Leslie Cheung once said, "People say that cats have nine destinies, and as a movie actor can have more than nine lives, each movie is a life." From these words we can feel that he regarded the movie as his life, but life is not always full of climax movie, even if he once had 33 consecutive concerts, he had to curtain call.
Did Zhang really need to go through so much life? In fact, Zhang Guorong has been trying to come out from so many lives he created, but such efforts have not been successful, for his final destination, he seems to have long known:
Before, thought there is a kind of bird, as soon as it began to fly to the day of death before landing, in fact, it has not been anywhere, that bird was already dead at the beginning. " ("Fei Zhengzhuan")
For what he went through, how much do you know? In Zhang Guorong's heart, there are a thousand thousand never opened to the people of the dead knot, he did not want to say, we should not pursue the question.
Unruly wind
This life / also in the enterprising / this minute / but miss who
I will say / is the only you can not be lost
Good scenery / seemingly illusory / who understand the joys of life
I will say / for the love of love / still to the ......
Just want to catch up a minute of life / How ridiculous it turns out / You're the real goal
-- "Chase"
Cheung has sung a lot of songs related to the wind, "When the Wind Rises Again", "Unruly Winds", "The Wind Continues to Blow", in which he repeatedly sings of the past and the leaving behind. He once announced his retirement from the singing world, and later "reneged" on his promise to return to the singing world. Such a backtracking is more because he started his career as a singer. "The wind continues to blow, I can't bear to stay away, my heart longs for you, I hope to stay with you." Zhang Guorong's love for the stage is higher than many artists who just take acting as a job. 1977, Zhang Guorong took part in the "Asian Amateur Singing Contest" organized by Li's TV station in Hong Kong and was shortlisted, and at the age of 21, Zhang Guorong began his life as an actor. Zhang Guorong's singing career should be said to be smooth sailing. In the same year, he released his first album "Day Dreaming" without having been in the industry for a long time. According to incomplete statistics, Leslie Cheung has published at least 60 albums. Although we can't say that all of them are classics, but from the mid-1980s, Leslie Cheung began to become a superstar of the music industry in Hong Kong. From the mid-1980s onwards, Zhang became a star in Hong Kong, and from the time he became a superstar until he passed away, he witnessed the glory as well as the downfall of Hong Kong's entertainment industry, and in the mid-to-late 1980s, the fan rivalry between Zhang and Alan Tam, which was fueled by the media, became a spectacle in Hong Kong's music industry. Even more mind-boggling was the fact that Cantonese songs sung by Leslie Cheung, Chan Pak Keung, Alan Tam, Anita Mui, Lin Zixiang, including later Faye Wong, took the Mainland by storm almost effortlessly. Northerners who usually do not speak Cantonese sang Cantonese songs in KTV rooms. Cantonese songs have been popular on the mainland for more than a decade.
Hong Kong cinema even surpassed mainland cinema in the 1990s, with achievements in both commercial and artistic cinema that can be summarized as "brilliant". Leslie Cheung, Maggie Cheung, Jackie Chan, Chow Yun-Fat, Brigitte Lin, Stephen Chow, Tony Leung and Andy Lau are just some of the artists who have witnessed the splendor of Hong Kong movies. Another interesting example is that in any country or region in the world, there are not so many successful examples of "singing but excellent acting" and "acting but excellent singing" as in Hong Kong. Zhang Guorong is one of the most iconic of them all.
In the 1980s, Leslie Cheung appeared in a number of films, his performance in "The Drummer", "Rouge Buckle", "Sinister Spirit", "Heroic" are also noteworthy, but his brilliance on the screen will always be covered by other factors. The lyrics he sang in "The Drummer", "I wish to turn my pain into strength, and silently endure my tears to swim upstream", are quite representative of his mindset when his career was in adversity. "I don't believe in fate, I only believe in hard work with my hands", this is Zhang's philosophy of life in the face of adversity.
Chang's first movie was a costume three-dimensional film, "Red Chamber Spring" (1978), Chang played the role of the devil king Jia Baoyu, all day long in a bunch of bare great breasts of the red chamber maids and young ladies in the midst. To some, this might seem like a bad start to his movie career. Zhang Guorong himself does not see it this way, he needs the opportunity to shoot a movie, he needs the "first time". Few Hong Kong actors graduated from film school, they are honed through one film after another and get transformed, even the internationally acclaimed Maggie Cheung also had a long time in the movie as a vase. The same is true of Leslie Cheung.
The actor first gained attention in 1982, when he was nominated for his first Hong Kong Film Awards for Best Actor for his performance in the movie "Youth on Fire". It was at the end of this year that Cheung befriended Tong Hak-tak (Mr. Tong), who had been his companion for 20 years.
In 1989, tired of the competition, Cheung decided to quit singing and move to Canada after 33 concerts. At this time he didn't expect to be back in show business anytime soon after winning an award for his starring role in "Alfie Wong". At least for Leslie, who heard a tidal wave of retrenchment on stage, his mind was made up at that moment.
Good boy ten
I / look back at a certain year / like a lost photo / first appeared in front of my eyes
This / dazed and confused boy / would like to spend his life with a song / into every day / never change
Let the winds on the road of the old days make fun of me / Let all the thoughts of the old days pass by
My favorite song was finally sung / There is no need to strive for more
When the winds rise again / Silently, the winds will rise again. When the wind picks up again / silently this heart no longer cares and insists
I'm willing to go home even if I have to bring tears to my eyes ......
-- "When the Wind Rises Again"
The accounts of Leslie Cheung's childhood are almost all the same, his father was busy with work and women other than his mother, and then his parents divorced, and his older brothers and sisters were all older than him, so his childhood was very lonely, and he didn't even have a partner to talk to, and some people say that it was the unhappiness of childhood that led to Leslie Cheung's eventual death. Some people say that it is the unpleasantness of childhood life that led to Zhang Guorong eventually embarked on the road of no return, and his family should be held responsible for a great deal. But I always have some doubts about these claims. Did Zhang Guorong really never feel the warmth of his family?
Cheung himself said of his parents: "Abba loves me unconditionally, and Ama is good to me conditionally. If I wasn't the Leslie Cheung I am today, A-Ma would have had reservations about loving me. Abba has passed away, but I have always felt that his love for me is completely unreserved, only he did not know to express ...... Since I was a child, I knew that when I spoke to him, he had the patience to listen, but my mom was completely absent, so for a long time, my mom and I could not even communicate a word from our hearts." Zhang Guo Rong words are heartfelt, time is not to go back. Childhood Leslie Cheung, teenager Leslie Cheung, like all children, has his own loneliness and happiness, there are shortcomings, there are also satisfied. Originally, life has many imperfections. Some people want to ask Zhang Guo Rong to be perfect, but Zhang Guo Rong does not want to make a perfect appearance to people.
When he was a teenager, he traveled to England to go to school, and it was his father who sent him there. If his father hadn't suffered a stroke, he wouldn't have ended his studies in England early. Perhaps Zhang would have had a different life.
Chang's father was a tailor in Hong Kong, and Chang's original name was Chang Fat-chung. He was the youngest in the Cheung family, the tenth in line, so his relatives called him by his nickname, "Ten". The maid who took care of him was called "Sixth Sister". The relationship between Cheung and Sister Six was so deep that at the age of 21, he borrowed money from Sister Six to pay for his application to Li's TV station. When she got old, Zhang even bought her a house.
September 12, 1956, croaked ten children issued his first cry in the world, Zhang Guorong's life began.