01.
Outside the car window was an endless sea.
It rained and stopped, the rainbow was not far ahead, the road back to the city was long, I sat on the passenger side, looking out to the left, sneaking a glance at you.
You hold the steering wheel in your hands, you look straight ahead, and ask, "What are you looking at me for?"
A "Why do you ask such a provocative question?
The naughty answer, "Why are you asking such a provocative question? I haven't even asked you why you went to the beach with me", came out of my mouth, but I suddenly paused, and after some thought, I kept quiet.
"Didn't, didn't look at you." I said, wandering.
You laughed, shaking your head, freeing your right hand to grab my left hand, put it in your palm and squeeze it, leaving the smile at the corners of your mouth a little thicker.
You did not seem to notice the ups and downs of my heart and struggle.
We only met, oh no, reunited two weeks ago.
I had taken a year off from school, returned to my home country from Seattle, and was interning all over the place, trying to find direction for myself as I neared graduation.
In the summer, I temporarily settled in Guangzhou, working on weekdays and queuing up at Fangcun's Grandma's Beef Stew stalls on weekends, or looking for Chen Tim Kee's Fish Skin on Baohua Road, which made me feel at home.
One day, I came out of the Guangxiao Temple and was stopped by a fortune teller at the entrance.
"Lady monk, your yintang is light consort color, it's an auspicious sign."
"Academic great auspiciousness?" I asked smoothly and rhetorically, not raising my eyelids.
"Not also, look at the face, the female monks of the schooling, only next year can be better, good, good, this great auspicious in?"
Being a word in the schooling, I have been wide-eyed began to believe in evil, and hastened to ask, "Where?"
"Oh heh heh, the marriage thing, the past life has been determined, congratulations on the female monks line will be renewed."
"What previous destiny, which previous destiny? Quickly say to hear!"
In my gleaming eyes full of hope, the fortune-telling is not slow, quietly stretched out five fingers.
"Renewal of destiny in the Wutai Mountain? Or his last name Wu, Wu? Or the name with five, the fifth in the family?"
"Five hundred dollars for the fortune telling just now, plus another five hundred to solve the fortune."
"So expensive, make a 0.25 discount." I said.
The fortune teller looked sacred, serious tone, "Gua is the oracle of the bodhisattva, the money is also collected for the bodhisattva, how can and with the bodhisattva bargaining? If you don't have enough cash, you can use your credit card."
I watched him pull out the POS machine in a hurry, my chest was a mess, and I got up to go, but he pulled me back, yelling that I hadn't paid the bill yet.
More and more finger-pointing around me, I am at a loss for words, suddenly someone squatted beside me, more slowly and methodically than the fortune-telling, pulling out a book of checks, writing down the account and $500, dashingly tearing it off, and taking a lighter to light it up.
"The Bodhisattva will receive the check within one business day, do not bother to do it for you."
After the words, this person pulled me up and left.
We walked three blocks together before "Great God, thank you so much!" "No need to thank" "Then I go first?" "Let's go together, there is only one way to the station anyway" after the first words.
I said, "You look like a person."
"Your friend?"
"Not really a friend." I said, and told a story about a past that wasn't really a past.
Two winters ago, my freshman year, a Twitter friend was passing through Seattle and asked me to meet him. He repeatedly stated that he wasn't a bad guy, and that if I still didn't feel comfortable, he would bring a friend, and I would pick the time and place for dinner.
So, at 6pm on a Friday, I met them at the Crab at the end of downtown.
We wore gloves and chatted as we smashed crabs with hammers. The guy who was brought in was a friend from elementary school who had been away for more than a decade and happened to be in Seattle for an interview, and he was so eloquent that I hardly looked away as he talked about all the different aspects of the world.
I saw him smiling, and his gaze was directed at me from time to time, and every glance could disrupt my heartbeat.
I hastily looked away, pretended to concentrate on eating the crabs, felt his eyes move away and then quietly looked over again, and ate the whole pot of crabs in this cat-and-mouse game.
He laughed and talked to me, removing his grease-stained plastic glove to reveal a shiny ring on his left ring finger.
When I got up, I was in a trance, I heard him ask for my contact information, shook my head, and said softly, "No, I don't need it.
At first glance, the heart is so, it will not be able to be friends with the boy, why add to the trouble. I said to myself, in the afterglow saw him slightly embarrassed to take back the phone.
In the first few days, I always dreamed of him, and the days gradually faded, but the microblogging friends from now on familiar with each other, something or other to comment on each other retweeted a little bit, but then did not get the news of the elementary school classmates from him.
"Do you remember his name?"
"Of course, Justin Xu," I blurted out.
It was a hot afternoon in Guangzhou, and the Shunlu god slowly fumbled with his wallet like a party touching a check and handed me a business card. Justin Xu, an analyst at a private equity firm.
I turned my face, looked at him for a moment with an expression I didn't know what it was, and said earnestly, "It was an accident, and I really wasn't just confessing my love."
He let out an "oh" and didn't say much. Then, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I saw him reach out his left hand and touch the bridge of his nose, and his ring finger was empty.
Justin Xu, life in the end how many surprising gifts, can let me just such a sea of people met you, met you again.
02.
The car drove out of the sea, into the mountain highway, the field of vision was suddenly covered by the dense forest, the hot pan-golden sunlight was cut by the foliage of the strange shapes of light and dark. They hit the windshield window in clusters, and I stared at them for a moment, slightly dizzy and in a trance.
Do I really have to fall in love with you like this?
How can that be.
The turn was a little steep, and you let go of my hand and said you were going to drive carefully, but you couldn't stop turning your face toward me.
"Why don't you say something? What do you want to eat for dinner, and go to the log cabin barbecue, okay?"
Log cabin barbecue, my heart tip a sweet.
You asked me to have dinner, log cabin barbecue, in the temple reunion and sent me all the way to the door of the neighborhood before saying goodbye a few days later. You flipped the beef tongue, grilled it delicately, poured lemon on it, dipped it in the sauce, and then put it in my bowl when it was done, and then in my bowl again.
I asked you to eat it too, and you said yes, but you still picked up the roast and put it in my bowl.
Your left elbow on the desktop, your body slightly leaning forward, the posture of leisure and cozy, the light outlines the outline of a very soft, every time you open your mouth to speak before, always hanging on the face of the smile will be suddenly heavier.
But this time you only laugh and do not speak, so I asked what you are laughing at.
"No, just think Deja vu [memory illusion, French, has been widely used in other languages, here refers to similar], now this scene.
"And two years ago? You really don't have to tell me you don't remember that dinner in such a cruel way. We had crabs, and you were too busy talking to help me peel them and bake them or anything." I said with an extremely hurt look on my face.
"For a long time, I grilled like this and wondered what it would be like if you were sitting across the table. I didn't even have your contact information, so I didn't think it would ever come true."
I blinked, reacted for a moment, and said, "Don't you think your confession came too soon?"
You laughed and chucked a slice of freshly grilled beef tenderloin into my bowl, "Okay, I'll slow down then, what do you want to eat next week? I'll take you there."
I shake my head, next weekend I plan to go to the beach.
You put down the grill clips, propped your elbows together on the table, looked at me seriously, and said, "I'll take that as an invitation, I'll go with you."
Then, no matter how much I screamed and fought and said no, you just grilled the meat, chucked it to me, smiled, and didn't say a word.
At night, I can't sleep, I want to send you a tweet, and dissatisfied with their own too active, is parked in your interface hesitation, you wrote, you said, I can't sleep.
In the darkness and silence, I sat up in a flash, dialed your phone, and described the same feelings I had in the same situation with you.
It seems that when you like someone, no matter how trivial the coincidence is, it can be treated as a great destiny and a great connection.
But we are indeed destined. I recalled for the umpteenth time the words of the fortune-teller in front of the Guangxiao Temple, "We have been destined to continue our relationship in our past lives", and the joy in my heart spread out.
03.
The toll booth is not far ahead, and there seem to be only three lanes, seven or eight cars driving side by side began to rush each other, insults and dissatisfaction is separated from the window, we slowed down for a while, and was completely stuck in the middle of a bunch of twisted vehicles.
By the time I turned my face, your hands were no longer on the steering wheel, and I didn't hear what you said, staring at you in frozen confusion.
"What's on your mind?"
You reach up and pinch my cheek, your voice as gentle as your expression.
"I'm thinking about what she's doing and thinking right now." I answer.
And then all the repression and worry I've had this whole journey breaks down, and I talk more and more, faster and faster.
"It's morning on her side, isn't it, and she must be thinking as she makes breakfast that she's going to have to go and remind you later not to work too hard, to eat dinner on time, and to get an early night. She must be looking forward to you calling her, looking forward to you saying that you miss her, looking forward to you going back to the family reunion earlier, looking forward to you--"
The shrill siren interrupted me, "I'm sorry, I'm just grabbing the road", you sincerely and gentlemanly Apologize, I don't think I've ever seen you not gentlemanly look, you suddenly grabbed my hand, moved his foot away from the gas pedal, turned half his body, in the darkening sky y looked at me. You were courteous even in your haste.
"These are not the problems you should worry about, let me go to solve, from now on your my our things let me go to solve, you just have to be happy to do your own good."
You touched my hair, and gently asked me a "good?"
I nodded, when you solve, do not hurt her, I said. Silly girl, you replied, and then hooked your fingers, and when I came closer, stretched your neck and pecked me on the cheek.
I gave you a punch to express the indignation you deserve when you're being eaten, and you caught my fist, and I symbolically struggled twice, and still laughed instead of being angry.
Outside the window, the headlights are streaming, the sirens rise and fall, the evening sun in the not too far a handful of handfuls of the canopy, we are stuck in traffic, dinner time has passed, but do not mind, and do not feel hungry.
But what happened last night in the surf doesn't stop there.
The moonlight floats on the surface of the sea, the sparkling waves rhythmically beat the beach, I ran along the waves, not two steps to be caught back by you. You took off your jacket and wrapped it around me, the wind was strong, don't catch cold, you said.
You were wearing a white tank top that reflected the moonlight, and your bangs looked great when the wind blew them up. I pulled out my cell phone to take a picture of you, but it sounded a dead battery alarm, so I reached out to you and said, "Give me your cell phone, stand up, and strike a pose of a high-flying handsome man."
Your phone stored too many daytime photos, we watched the sunrise together together with sucking water together with the speedboat to the island together with the scenery when climbing the mountain with my expression, the photo is ugly you also insisted that you feel the beauty of all can not be deleted, I am now a piece of the past, and soon into the fascination.
Not far away, you have long obeyed the order to comply with, began to shout "and then do not shoot me on the laugh stiff", but in the moment I pressed the "click", the phone rang, is a girl's name, I ran forward to hand you a cell phone.
You looked at the screen, put the phone on mute and put it in your pocket.
"Why don't you answer it?"
You shake your head, "It's not important."
"Then what's important?" Standing in front of you, I cocked my head and looked at you with a puzzled expression.
The moonlight poured over you, making you look as if you glowed, and the center of the light fell into your eyes, and you looked at me y with them, and I tried to look away, but it was as if you were magnetic, and all my faculties were disturbed and out of whack.
My ears were full of the sound of fine waves lapping at the beach, everything but you was black, and for a moment I saw the eyes that were the source of the light converge low, not fast or slow, and you approached me with a slight side of your face, and your breath came on my face, and was flicked away by my retreating and spinning in a circle.
"You owe me something." I said.
You looked puzzled for a moment and asked me what it was.
"A confession." I replied.
Standing in front of me, you scratched your head, opened your mouth, didn't make a sound, opened your mouth again, and I ran away the moment you made the first syllable.
I ran forward along the waves lit by the white moonlight, the small waves beat and wet my skirt, I remembered the expression you could not see when you stared at me, my face burned a little bit, you must have been shocked by my attacking other dimension, how do I change from a woman to a soft girl?
You put me in a waist hug, pulling my hand, I hastened to obediently walk in your side, with you stepping on the sparkling white moonlight, roaming up and down.
You told me stories, your stories. Starting from our two years ago.
You said, two years ago, you graduated from graduate school and were interviewing for a job. American companies love to make gifts around the company's culture, and when you left that company in Seattle, you were given a ring with the company's logo on it, and comparing the sizes, you put it on your ring finger by hand, and went to have dinner with your elementary school classmates, and met me.
You can't help but look at me, but my eyes are never on you, and you say a lot of interesting things that don't work. You asked for contact information as a last ditch effort, but it was still rejected.
You thought of me from time to time in the process of completely bid farewell to the student years and the transition, you entered the east of a good private equity firm, met the conditions of the girl is good, and then the company opened the Guangzhou office to send you to, your life in the track at the same time become boring and boring.
You finally keep up with the trend to apply for a microblogging account, you find me on it, every day to see me jumping around with boundless energy to live, you will be infected by my happy, and then, even if you have always longed to do different people and different things, and now fall in the multitude of people who work work work work and so on the check, even if you do not want to go home at all do not want to face his wife do not want to be so ordinary day by day old, you will still feel that The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for it.
Your sentences are getting more and more complex, and I reacted for a while before I spoke.
"You're married?"
The moonlight hit your face and you avoided my gaze.
"? Well, nine months ago."
04.
My nose soured with pain, and I knew my eyes were red.
So I quickly opened the window, skimmed my face to the right, and squeezed my eyes into the sideview mirror.
You glanced at me, smiled helplessly, and continued to drive.
The road is clear again, but the sky is already almost dark, the streetlights are waking up gradually bright, the road signs reflect the light, and the GPS is not tired of repeatedly prompting the number of meters ahead is so-and-so.
"According to this progress, it is estimated to be 8:00 later to the city. Still want to eat cabin barbecue?" You ask.
I shake my head.
"Afraid of getting fat?"
I nod.
You smiled again, "Then what do you want to eat, we'll go straight over there and we'll let you."
You began to turn into various forks more often, and the road was obviously more complicated than before. The lights around the sporadic home flavor, the city seems to be not far away.
I was still staring at the dark-colored landscape that was rapidly playing frame by frame.
You do seem to be following me.
I congratulate you on your new marriage, you converge head smile, do not answer, the next road, I always keep a distance from you, you are no longer close, only from time to time to remind me to wrap the jacket, do not catch cold.
On the way back to the road will pass an ancient city, said early to go. Although it is a pity, but I have made up my mind, if you ask me to go, I will answer it.
But you did not ask.
Soothing music was playing in the car, and you suddenly spoke at about 1:00 p.m. The concern remained the same, "You haven't eaten much since this morning, do you want to stop and find a restaurant?"
I shook my head and said I wasn't hungry. I was really not hungry.
In the blink of an eye you've backed the car into a parking space, opened my door, and said, "Get out."
I got up and saw the gate of the old city in front of me, and something moved in my heart.
The ancient city should be a newly developed scenic area, the place is not big, not many attractions, there are only two for tourists to sightseeing shopping pedestrian alley, the rest of the place is still living refused to relocate the indigenous people.
These old residential alleys are narrow and deep, with feet on the green stone boards, white houses on both sides, gray roof tiles on both sides, and a meandering path in front of them that can't be seen to the end.
We walked side by side at first, the more we walked the more narrow the alley, narrow to we had to arm to arm, I am uncomfortable to speed up the pace, and you continue to walk one after the other.
Perhaps the drainage system is not good, there is always water in the gap between the stone slabs, and sometimes the stone slabs are laid out at intervals too large, we had to jump, the rhythm of a little bit of bad grasp, we squeezed together on the same stone.
"Careful," you said, wrapping your arms around me from behind when I was unsteady, and my heart skipped a beat. You really are a magnet, and the further away I hide, the more magnetic you become.
My heart suddenly welled up with aggression.
The alley is the most remote back alleys, has almost not heard the hustle and bustle of the scenic area, two-thirty in the afternoon, even the birds are sparse, will move only half of our body hidden in the shadow of the eaves. I was about to speak, your cell phone rang, startled me.
Last night, where the waves and the beach meet, the girl's name on your cell phone screen suddenly appeared, and my feet stuck in the gap between the slabs, a unsteady, fell down.
Your five senses are scared twisted, you quickly squat down, reach out to wrap me in his arms, inner arm and I separated from the distance, asked me to fall did not fall where it hurts.
By the time I opened my mouth to reply, I realized I was crying. My voice changed tone a bit as I unreasonably accused you, "You ruined my long-awaited weekend beach cabin plans!"
You gently patted me on the back, "Just think of it as bringing a free chauffeur and just play your game."
"This free chauffeur part-time job is causing me to cry, it's not cost effective."
"This free driver part-time to make you cry also part-time to make you laugh, quite cost-effective." You reply.
"Who's laughing?" I point to my eyes and glare at you, clearly only crying.
You laughed, you said, "Crying like a watery little lychee."
"A little lychee that you can only look at but not bite." I added.
"Well, no biting." You said, reaching up and pinching my cheek, tightening your arms and taking me into a hug.
Justin Xu, it's not like that, what I was trying to say was stay away from me, why did the exit change all together.
You back me through the alleys, into the pedestrian street, both sides are full of a wide range of small commodities, vendors and tourists are pulling the voice of the loud bargaining, they look askance at your back on the back of your neck around the red eyes of me, I was embarrassed, asked you to put me down.
The little girl selling flowers blocked your way, "Big brother, buy a bouquet of flowers for your pretty sister, your pretty sister is more beautiful than the flowers, wish you and your pretty sister a hundred years of good luck."
You coaxed the little girl away and handed me the flowers, "Here you go, pretty sister who is prettier than flowers."
I looked away with a grunt, "Even if it's prettier than a flower, it's not yours," I said, my eyes lighting up as I turned my head to see the cart of plum blossom glutinous rice cakes.
You took my hand and walked up.
I nibbled on the fragrant plum cake, and the happiness and sweetness that I held back from attacking finally had an excuse, and I jumped and jumped as I took a bite of a really delicious one. You decided that I was hungry, a hand holding my bag, a hand holding my free hand, led me into the roadside a good mood of a small restaurant.
When I was looking for change, the old lady asked, "Are you two newlyweds on your honeymoon?"
You turned your head to look at me, I was embarrassed to turn my head away, and heard you say, "Uh-huh," and your eyes were full of soft and gentle smile.
At that moment, I felt as if we were really on our honeymoon as a newlywed couple.
I watched you sit down opposite me, the sunlight outside the hollow wooden window projected on your silhouette, and I wanted to ask you, "Are you on your honeymoon?". , but you were flipping through the menu for me so gently, telling the clerk that I don't eat cilantro and to leave it out of all the food. I opened my mouth and didn't ask.
05.
It was already dark when the car drove into the city. Streams of neon were swarming with sound. You gripped the steering wheel with both hands, obviously driving a little more carefully and nervously.
Malls and plazas stretched one after the other, and as I passed one of them, the huge digital billboard on the building lit up my face, followed by your surprised, loud question, "Why are you crying?"
I didn't say or look at you, you took my left hand in your right hand and shook it gently, "It's a watery little lychee again. Do you want to eat something, little Lychee?"
I shake my head. "You drive slower," I said, very much in reply.
I was thinking about our future.
We may bicker from time to time for different reasons and topics, but it all ends with you taking me into your arms and making my heart flutter at the tips of my toes, unable to remember any irritation or unhappiness.
We would hang on to each other every day, spend our weekends trekking and eating at interesting places around Guangzhou, and then come back to the States together. I'd go east for an internship and you'd familiarize me with every inch of it, then I'd graduate, work, and we'd settle down in New York. I'll take care of your life, encourage you to pursue your dreams, and never forget to hold hands and go to the water's edge to watch the sunset.
As soon as we had time we drove to all kinds of places, you took beautiful photos for me, and I looked for trouble and you solved the trouble, just like yesterday's beach and today's trip to the old city.
Many nights I watched you fall asleep, and then wrote down the places we have been and the things we have experienced in the silence. There will always be someone to read our stories in the long future when we are old and even dead.
You were in every frame of my fantasies, and they all ended in tragedy.
Yes, at the end of the scenario there is always a girl, holding you intimately, and together you stand against me, and she tells me that you are not mine, that you can never be mine again.
In the car, you drew tissues, reached out to wipe my tears, was opened by me.
"Why not let me know two years ago that it was just a company cultural souvenir? Why must you wait until it is too late for everything to let me meet you again?"
Red light, you were about to speak and green light, you simply put the car parked horizontally on the side of the road in front of a small restaurant. Turned to me, expression serious and serious, open mouth threw the voice.
"You listen to me, I believe that things do not happen for nothing, God arranged for us to magically meet again, is to imply that we are, it is time to make up for everything, correct everything. I've been living in my mistakes for the past two years, but not anymore, you're here again, I'm not going to let you get away again, and I'm going to take care of everything that comes up because of this, so don't you worry about it?"
The restaurant clerk came up and invited us in to sit down, I waved my hand and said I wasn't going to eat, he immediately declared impatiently that you couldn't park here, you apologized and said we'd leave right away and started the motor.
You're really good at saying that I just built a wall around my heart, admonishing myself to accept my fate, that two years of eternity have passed between us, that I should let you go, and that it's not right now, and you dismissed my point, whipped it up, and tore down the wall of my heart, word for word.
Why would there be so many right and wrong, I just like a person.
But why should a girl rely on the world without her own place to squeeze it? The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money from the government. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
I look at you, the heart cold hate, just happened to meet your eyes, you in the street lamp in the chaos of the light of the soft smile to me, look at each other and smile.
Chicken Soup for the Soul, are easy to forward, difficult to do.
"You are so eloquent." I said pathetically.
You snorted and laughed, and pinched my face, "What a little lychee."
06.
The car window is full of restaurants, neon lights tirelessly blinking, the aroma of dishes into smoke wafted in the air, people come and go, a happy sad numb face into my sight and leave. It was past eight and I still wasn't hungry.
"You might as well take me home, I'm really not hungry today." I said.
"Okay, then eat a little something to pad out when you get home, I'll leave my cell phone on with the sound on and wait for you to check in. I'll pick you up from work tomorrow to make up for today's meal?"
You said as you operated your cell phone's GPS, changing the destination to my neighborhood and re-drilling into the night city traffic.
"Bye." I said to you, not answering the question.
"See you tomorrow." You smile softly as you turn your face sideways.
"Bye." I corrected.
"Uh, bye." You respond, not seeming to hear the difference between my words.
Fang, I took one last look at you, deleted your WeChat, cell phone number, pull black your microblogging, completely give up this late two years of fate.
Perhaps many years later we will meet again, calmly and playfully talk about this night in my surging, tangled young heart. But at this time, I must resist your powerful magnetism by disappearing.
At some point in life, you probably should have been my boy, but that moment has long since passed unnoticed. Missed.
The neon dispersed, the tips of the buildings in the neighborhood came into view, and the GPS blared with the tip that there were still 0.5 kilometers to go from the destination.
Dear boy, when I get off the bus, please make sure everything is okay.
-END-