Title: High Sensitivity is a Gift
Translated by: Li Hongxia
Published by: Beijing Union Publishing House
I don't know if you've ever encountered a situation where you hear the sound of a loud speaker at a square dance, and you feel uncomfortable; or if you look at someone else, and see that they've swept you off your feet, and you feel that they are looking down on you; or if someone is angry, whether or not it's directed at you, as long as you're watching, you feel uncomfortable, as if it's your fault that they're angry. Or as long as someone is angry, no matter whether it is against you, as long as you look at the side, you will feel very difficult, as if other people are angry with your fault; and every time a large group of people party, you can always push on the push, really can not be pushed off, went to start thinking about how to be able to leave early, but worried about their own walk to let others spoil the fun ... ...
If you often encounter these situations, then I believe you will often hear friends advise you: "Don't think too much!" "Why are you so sensitive?" Every time you hear these you will also feel very self-blame, blame yourself why is so sensitive, why can't you let go of the heart some, don't care so much. Whenever you think of this, you feel even harder and blame yourself even more. So you find a lot of ways to want to change yourself, but can not change, or unconsciously think too much, or will be very sensitive. If you continue this vicious circle, you will live more and more tired, more and more painful, and may be your side will be more and more avoid you, because they will think you are too glassy, dare not approach you.
Is it true that highly sensitive people can only live more and more tired, and can't live an easy and beautiful life?
No, even if you are highly sensitive, you can still have a good life. The author of this book, Ilse? Sander has found a way to break the vicious cycle of hypersensitivity. She is a counselor and a former pastor. At the same time, she is also a hypersensitive person, and she once suffered a lot because of her hypersensitivity, but now she doesn't think that hypersensitivity is a defect. Now she doesn't think it's a flaw, because she's found great ways to relax her hypersensitive self and to utilize her gift of sensitivity to perceive unique pleasures. Her discovery has been a boon to the hypersensitive, and it can be said that this book is the antidote for the hypersensitive, specializing in the treatment of "glassy heart".
The book has been published in 18 countries, and has been very well received. In Japan, just three months after its release, it sold 30,000 copies. It also shows that there are really a lot of highly sensitive people, indeed, the data shows that there are almost 1.5 billion highly sensitive people worldwide. So if you find yourself a hypersensitive person, please don't worry and be afraid, because you are not alone, and there is the world and I love you!
Okay, let's get to the meat of the book.
First of all, we need to understand the qualities of a highly sensitive person, because all of us are a little bit sensitive to a greater or lesser extent, but what a typical highly sensitive person is like is not clear to many people. Then we need to talk about why highly sensitive people are prone to live a particularly tiring life. After carefully understanding the causes of tiredness, we will be better able to find a targeted approach. Finally we will learn ways to make life easier and happier for highly sensitive people? I believe that after learning today's content, highly sensitive people will be less anxious and more happy.
Before understanding the qualities of a highly sensitive person, first we need to know that high sensitivity is an innate temperament, and that highly sensitive people have a fairly developed nervous system that is capable of perceiving more information. That is to say, from a very young age, highly sensitive people can easily perceive some of the subtle things around them, such as the mother's mood suddenly some anxiety, highly sensitive children will be very easy to detect.
Highly sensitive people can sense very subtle changes, for example, if an ordinary person perceives that something is wrong when someone's mood has changed by 50%, while a highly sensitive person can perceive that someone's mood has changed by 40%, or even 20%, when the mood of the other person has changed.
So, hypersensitivity is not something that can go away after training, because it has a neurological basis, just as our blood type is innate, and you can't change your blood type to B by training.
Since we can't change it, we need to understand it. Only the more you understand it, the more you can know how to get along with it, how to avoid its shortcomings and play its strengths.
So what are the qualities of a highly sensitive person?
Why are highly sensitive people ****emotional*** particularly strong? We've already mentioned above that highly sensitive people have quite a well-developed neurological system in their brains, so they can sense what's going on around them very clearly, and they empathize very well. So a hypersensitive person might be easily moved to tears even watching a PSA movie, and would be several times more likely to be frightened by a horror movie than the average person.
So maybe you're wondering, is it true that people with strong *** emotions are highly sensitive?
Not necessarily, there are some people with high ****emotional power who are able to put their ****emotional power away very well, that is, they are able to sense other people's emotions very well, and also able to come out from other people's emotions very quickly. They are not much affected by other people's emotions and are naturally insensitive.
Whereas Highly Sensitive People's ****emotional power is strong, but it's hard for them to walk away from other people's emotions. This can easily lead to a lot of problems, like appearing too vulnerable, or always dwelling on negative emotions and not being able to get out of them. Like when they watch a tragic movie, they will be stuck in the painful emotions that the movie brings for a long time. So ***emotional people aren't necessarily highly sensitive people, and highly sensitive people ***emotional people are extraordinarily strong .
Of course, being ****emotional also brings benefits to highly sensitive people. As we all know, having good ****emotional power is the foundation of high emotional intelligence. Therefore, we will find that the naturally high ****emotional power of highly sensitive people allows them to be quite comfortable in jobs that involve caring for others, and to get very good reviews from their clients.
So the naturally advantageous ****emotional power gives highly sensitive people a taste of their own medicine.
How strong is this sense of responsibility? Probably so strong that it wants to save the world! When you hear this, your mind immediately goes to: Superman. That's right, highly sensitive people are really similar to Superman, so from a very young age, highly sensitive people can sense the uneasiness and anxiety around them and, despite their young age, both start to think of ways to solve the troubles of others. When they see their parents unhappy, they think about how to make them happy; when they see their friends sad, they listen very carefully and think about how to make them happy.
Maybe you're wondering if such a strong sense of responsibility could be due to family upbringing. It's true that families can foster a sense of responsibility in their children, but highly sensitive people have this sense of responsibility from a very young age. Some studies have shown that highly sensitive children are less likely to cheat on others and break rules by the age of four, even when no one is watching them.
Some people may think, isn't it good to be responsible and accountable in this way? Indeed, we need responsible people in our life and work, because such a person is trustworthy and you will feel relieved when you leave things to him.
But the problem for highly sensitive people is that there is too much wanting to do their duty, but limited energy and ability, which is equivalent to having superhuman responsibility but not superhuman superpower. So, when the hypersensitive person is exhausted from taking on too much, they can be very inconsiderate of other people's feelings, and are likely to become difficult to get along with.
The Temple of Apollo in Athens is inscribed with the phrase: Know thyself! This phrase was inscribed more than two thousand years ago. The ancient Greeks believed that "Know thyself to be wise, and to be blessed, and to avoid evil." Today, "know thyself" is still practiced by many wise people, but only a few of them are truly committed to knowing themselves.
However, for the highly sensitive, there is a powerful drive to know themselves. This innate drive is an invaluable asset, and because of it, sensitizers are able to create a wide range of extraordinary works in different genres.
At the same time, this drive also drives highly sensitive people to prefer deep communication, and to dislike shallow chatting and socializing. Aimless chit-chat quickly drains the patience of the hypersensitive, whereas in-depth communication in a small organization, in a small group, not only drains the energy of the hypersensitive, but also enriches the inner world of the hypersensitive.
But the hypersensitive person should be careful about when this drive is aroused, because late at night, deep communication, or exploration of the inner world, is likely to keep the hypersensitive person awake all night.
Well, let's review the three traits of the highly sensitive person, high ****emotional power, a strong sense of responsibility, and a rich inner world that loves to explore the spiritual world. In fact, these three traits are only a part of what is found in highly sensitive people, they also have traits such as being more cautious, having a greater sense of crisis, and so on. But because of time constraints, we won't go into more detail here.
Whichever trait it is, it's actually not absolutely bad or absolutely good, there are two sides to it. As I said earlier, we can see that highly sensitive traits have a flawed part and a gifted part, so in fact sensitivity is a double-edged sword, used well it is a very good weapon, and used poorly it can hurt you. So I hope that my highly sensitive friends hear this and see the hidden gifts in those flaws in themselves.
Having made clear the three qualities of the highly sensitive person, let's next look at what it is that makes the highly sensitive person so easy to get tired of the heart?
First of all, the typical hypersensitive person sets high goals for themselves, they have high expectations of themselves, and they like to pursue perfection.
First of all, typical hypersensitive people always set high goals for themselves, they have high expectations of themselves, and they like to strive for perfection. So they always set high standards for themselves and strive for perfection. For example, they can't make a mistake in any situation, and they must always be understanding. But we all know that there is no perfect person in this world, but highly sensitive people ask themselves to become perfect people. This non-stop pursuit of perfection, will be very tired and tired, just like the quartet chasing the sun, even if not by thirst, will be exhausted.
In reality, highly sensitive people talk and do things without thinking about the feelings of others, so careful management, so that their minds are always taut with a string, very tired. This kind of tiredness is like letting your hand every day to lift something, can not be put down. That's when you realize that not only are your hands tired, but it also limits your life in every way, and you can't do a lot of things. So the high expectations that can't be met, the perfection that can't be chased, puts the hypersensitive person in a bind.
And what's the second reason why highly sensitive people tend to live especially tired lives? It's a low sense of self-esteem. A low sense of self-esteem may be manifested by the fact that they always feel inferior, are often insecure, always wonder if they are good enough, and are afraid that others will not like them.
They don't necessarily have to be insecure, because people with low self-esteem may also act confident, they may work hard and do well in a certain field, but this is actually a compensatory strategy, that is to say, the more the hypersensitive person feels that he or she doesn't deserve to be loved, the more he or she tries to do better, to strive for a high standard, to strive for perfection.
There are many reasons why hypersensitive people have low self-esteem, starting with the fact that their behavior is not aligned with sociocultural standards. Many highly sensitive people were often blamed by their parents when they were young, such as: so little sound to scare you cry? You're so old, why do you always cry?
Indeed, highly sensitive children are difficult for parents to understand, because they do not know that highly sensitive children are like having a magnifying glass, which magnifies all the information around them, sounds, smells, facial expressions, emotions, and so on, and a little bit of change in a highly sensitive child can be magnified twice, or even more. So if you suddenly give a hypersensitive baby a different kind of milk powder, he will immediately react, may cry, may directly refuse to drink milk.
So hypersensitive people become a problem for parents at a very young age, and they are likely to be counted and blamed a lot. This happens so often that the hypersensitive person quietly commits themselves to pleasing others. Add to this the fact that highly sensitive people are very good at finding problems in themselves and attacking themselves.
For example, if a new project doesn't go well, it's easy for a hypersensitive person to think about what he or she didn't do well, and it's hard to think about the many factors that go into making a project go well.
Hearing this, I believe that many friends will find that low self-esteem and high standards not only make the hypersensitive person more and more tired of living, but also make the hypersensitive person fall into a vicious circle, the more efforts to want to be loved, to please others, to think about others, but the more they feel unloved and unappreciated.
Now that we've learned about the three qualities of the hypersensitive person, the two reasons why living is especially tiring, let's learn three ways to make the hypersensitive person's life easier and happier.
First, stop the internal conflict and learn to accept and love yourself.
The conflict within the hypersensitive person is like an internal war, a constant drain on their inner energy. Stopping the internal war will allow the highly sensitive person to release a lot of energy, which will make it much easier. How do you stop internal depletion? We have to first understand the causes of internal depletion. The biggest cause of internal conflict for highly sensitive people is: they don't accept themselves, because they always feel that they are not good enough, that they are not quite the same as other people, so they often let themselves live up to what other people expect them to live up to, to please other people.
It's like you're a cabbage, but you're trying to make yourself grow into a radish. You keep trying, you keep expending energy, but you still can't turn into a radish. You can imagine how miserable you would be.
So now, you tell yourself, just be yourself, the cabbage has the value of a cabbage. When you are able to accept yourself and love yourself, you will live a much easier and more comfortable life.
Accepting yourself and loving yourself sounds simple, but it's too hard to do. Because habit is a powerful opponent, you twenty or thirty years are accustomed to live for others, all of a sudden to change, it is very difficult. And the best way to change old habits is to develop new ones, so that the new ones are strong enough to desert the old ones.
So, highly sensitive friends, you can start today by learning to write letters to yourself. Letters that are caring, for example, you could write, "Dear, I know you've worked hard, and although the results aren't ideal, you've done enough. I always knew you were lovely and I feel the greatest happiness to have met you in this life."
These words sound a bit like a love letter, and yes, this is actually you writing yourself a love letter. In the form of a love letter, let yourself feel a wave of unconditional love, insist on writing, slowly you will be able to internalize the power of that love. This power can be a force in the war of internal conflict, so that you do not live so tired.
But it's not enough to live a life that's not so exhausting, how can you be more relaxed and happy?
Don't worry, we have two more ideas.
One of them is: Learn to live the right life.
What is disconnection? The word usually means to discard all those things that are not necessary, not appropriate, and make people uncomfortable. And our highly sensitive person's disconnection is about reducing, or even rejecting, some of the content that makes them uncomfortable.
Like not being a slave to your cell phone. That is, it's appropriate for a hypersensitive person to put their phone on silent or in another room. This way you can be more focused on your work, or in your studies, without suddenly being disturbed by incoming calls, and even less bothering to agonize over whether to answer the phone or not.
There are many similar disconnections that highly sensitive people can make in their lives. For example, controlling news and information intake. The truth is that wasting energy trying to keep up with what's going on in the world every day isn't good for anyone, and it's even more of a burden for the hypersensitive.
This is because the news media always like to report all kinds of conflicting, negative information. If you listen to too much of this kind of news, it's easy to form false impressions. For example, a succession of celebrity cheating and divorce will make it easy for you not to believe in love and marriage.
Coupled with the fact that highly sensitive people are naturally **** strong emotional power, so when they see disaster news, see the tragic images of other people suffering, they will be very concerned, they will feel very sad, and most of the time they can only stand by and watch, which in turn will make the highly sensitive people more difficult.
So hypersensitive people can set themselves some time when they don't read the news and don't brush their friend circles. This will significantly increase your sense of ease in life.
In addition, highly sensitive people can choose some methods to create space for themselves according to their interests. For example, positive thinking meditation. They can also do things that are good for the body, such as swimming, running, massaging, and bathing. All of these things allow highly sensitive people to perceive pleasure better.
What's the last way to make life easier for the hypersensitive? That is, taking emotional ownership and manipulating emotions. This is important for highly sensitive people because highly sensitive people are part of a susceptible body for anxiety and depression, just as some people catch colds easily. This is not an innate part of being sensitive, but more of an environmental influence. If a hypersensitive child doesn't grow up with enough security and support, he or she is vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
If you happen to be a hypersensitive person who didn't have enough security and support growing up, and you happen to suffer from anxiety and depression, then I believe what I'm about to say will be very helpful. Then I believe what I'm about to say will be very helpful to you.
In order to take control of your emotions, you need to understand that thoughts and emotions always come together, and you can't control them directly. For example, you can't control yourself to be happy when you're scared. But you can use your thoughts to influence your emotional experience to a certain extent, for example, if your husband doesn't come home late and doesn't answer the phone. If you think: Is he fooling around with someone else? At this time you will certainly be anxious and angry; and if you think of him last night said to meet with the American company side, then your emotions will be much better.
So your opinion, your perception, can have an impact on your emotions. So how are you going to influence your emotions by changing your thinking?
When you have a negative emotion, you can observe what thoughts are going through your head. Then ask yourself, is this 100% correct? Could there be other possibilities? For example, you meet a friend on the street, but the person doesn't say hello to you. What if you immediately thought, "Did I offend him somewhere and make him angry?" This thought would definitely make you feel unhappy. Now you immediately ask yourself, "Is this 100% correct? Could there be any other possibilities?" When this question is asked, I believe you will think that this friend is nearsighted, and it is very likely that he forgot to put on his glasses today; or perhaps he was in a hurry, so he did not see you. After thinking this way, I believe you won't feel like you've done anything wrong, and you won't be so unhappy.
Perhaps some highly sensitive people would say that the thoughts they have when they are depressed may not be related to others, they are all about themselves. For example, always thinking, "What's wrong with me, why am I always doing this badly and that badly?" It's really easy for a hypersensitive person to focus too much on their own flaws with questions like this, just like when you're always looking at a pimple on your face with a magnifying glass. It's actually better to look at it in a different way. For example, when you notice that you are focusing on your flaws again, you can ask yourself this, "How can I change it?" "How can I fix this problem?" "How can I be a little happier?" That's when you'll start thinking about solutions instead of getting stuck in expanding the problem.
Next time you're stuck in constant self-denial, pause and ask yourself, "What have I improved?" "How can I change?" Asking questions like this will allow you to start focusing on the things on that make you happy and make you a better person. From there, you can change your emotions and get yourself out of your troubled emotions.
Well, these are the ways to make life easier and happier for highly sensitive people. Let's briefly review the three ways, the first is to stop internalizing and learn to accept yourself and love yourself. You can try to write yourself love letters and give yourself unconditional love; then we talked about disconnecting, not being a slave to your cell phone, and controlling your news intake so that you can be a little more relaxed; and finally, we talked about gaining emotional dominance and controlling your emotions. Do you remember how it was about controlling your emotions and changing your thinking?
Total Now let's review the essence of the book.
If often people say you think too much, glassy minded, and you also feel too sensitive, very bitter ...... then today this book can be said to be your antidote ~
This book allows us to first understand the three traits of a typical highly sensitive person, high **** emotional power, a strong sense of responsibility, and a rich inner world. love of exploring the spiritual world.
Then, we learn why hypersensitive people tend to be very tired of living. Because highly sensitive people have high standards for themselves, high expectations, the pursuit of perfection. They also have low self-esteem and often feel insecure, wondering if they are good enough, and fearing that others will not like them.
Finally, we learned how highly sensitive people can live a more relaxed and happy life.
The first method is to stop internal conflict, learn to accept yourself, love yourself, and write yourself caring letters; then we talked about the method of disconnection, not being a slave to the cell phone, and controlling news intake; and lastly, we talked about getting emotional dominance and controlling emotions.