one
I lived in Shanghai for half a year, but my apartment moved to three places because of unemployment. At first, I lived in a free prison in the south of Jing 'an Temple Road, like a birdcage, and never basked in the sun. The residents of these free prisons, except for a few fierce and thief-like tailors, are poor and unknown scribes, so I named that place Huanggrub Street at that time. After living in Grub Street for a month, the rent suddenly went up, so I had to drag some broken books to an acquaintance's barn near Happy Valley. Later, I was forced to move into this board house, so I found a small room in the middle of Dengtuo Road on the north bank of Waibaidu Bridge, in the slum opposite Rixinli, and moved there.
These rows of houses on Dengtuo Road are only a few feet high from the ground to the roof. The room upstairs where I live is smaller. If you stand on the floor and stretch yourself, you will have to put your hand through the gray-black roof. Stroll into the door of that house from the alley in front, which is the owner's house. In the middle of the pile of rags, tin cans, glass bottles and old ironware, you take two steps sideways. There is a ladder in the middle, and several rungs fall off and stand against the wall. With this ladder, connect it to a two-foot wide dark hole, and you can go upstairs. The dark floor was originally as big as a cat's forehead, but the owner divided it into two small rooms. The outside room was occupied by a female worker of N Tobacco Company, and I rented the small room with a ladder. My monthly rent is a few cents cheaper than the outside room because the outside tenants want to enter and leave my room.
My landlord is a hunchbacked old man in his fifties. On his bluish-yellow face, there is a layer of dark oil. Two eyes, one big and one small, have high cheekbones, and several wrinkles on the forehead and cheeks are all soot, which seems to be indelible every morning. He gets up at eight or nine every day, coughs for a while, and then chooses a pair of bamboo baskets to go out. By three or four in the afternoon, he always picks an empty basket. Sometimes he comes home with a full load, and his bamboo basket is full of rags and broken iron glass bottles. On a night like this, he had to buy some wine to drink, sitting alone on the edge of the bed and cursing a lot of unpredictable words.
The first time I met my roommate next door was in the afternoon when I moved in. At five o'clock, it was getting late in Spring Festival travel rush. I lit a candle and put some broken books just moved from the warehouse there. First, they were piled into two piles, one smaller and the other larger, and then two two-foot easels were covered on the larger pile of books. Because all my utensils are sold out, this pile of books and easels will be used as desks during the day and beds at night. After setting up the easel board, I faced this table made of books and sat on the smaller pile of books to smoke. My back naturally faces the interface of the ladder. While smoking, I stared at the candlelight on the table and suddenly heard a noise at the entrance of the ladder. Looking back, I only saw a magnified projection of myself, and I couldn't distinguish anything else, but my hearing clearly told me, "Someone is coming up." I stared in the dark for a few seconds, and a gray face of Zhang Yuanyuan and a semi-slim woman's body just caught my eye. As soon as I saw her face, I knew she was my roommate next door Because when I came to look for a house, the old owner told me that there was only one female worker living upstairs except him. I like the low price of the house, and I like that there are no other women and children in this room, so I rented it immediately. When she stepped onto the ladder, I stood up, nodded to her and said:
"Sorry, I just moved here today, so I will ask you to take care of it later."
After listening to my words, she didn't answer. She put on a pair of big black eyes, gave me a deep look, walked to her door, opened the door and entered the room. I only met her once. I don't know why, but I think she is a poor woman. Her tall nose, long gray face and slim figure all seemed to indicate that she was poor, but I was worried about my life and didn't have time to pity the unemployed woman worker. A few minutes later, I sat quietly on that small pile of books and watched the candles go out.
After staying in this slum for more than a week, she goes to work at seven in the morning and comes back from work at six in the afternoon. Always see me sitting on the pile of books in front of candles or oil lamps. Maybe her curiosity was aroused by my stupid attitude. One day, she went upstairs from work, and I still stood up and let her pass like the first day. She came up to me and stopped suddenly, looked at me and asked me as if she was afraid of something.
"What books do you read here every day?"
She speaks with a soft Suzhou accent, and I can't write it after listening to this voice, so I can only translate her words into ordinary vernacular. )
I blushed after listening to her words. Because I sit there every day, although there are several foreign documents in front of me, in fact, my mind is in a mess and I can't understand a line. Sometimes I just imagine filling some strange models in the blank between the previous line and the next line of the book. Sometimes you can deduce some unreasonable fantasies just by looking at the illustrations in the book. At that time, because of insomnia and malnutrition, my body was actually sick. In addition, because my only property, a cotton gown, is worn out, I can't go out for a walk during the day, and there is no light in the room. No matter day or night, I light oil lamps or candles. Not only is the whole body not as good as ordinary people, but the eyes and feet are also very atrophied. In this state, how can I not blush when I hear her question? So I just vaguely replied:
"I don't read, but sitting here doing nothing must look terrible, so I put these books on the shelf."
Hearing this, she gave me a deep look, made a puzzled description, and went to her room.
At that time, it was false to say that I didn't look for trouble at all and did nothing. Sometimes, my thinking is a little refreshing, and I have translated several English and French poems and several German short stories with less than 4,000 words. Everyone was asleep at night, so I quietly went out to post and sent it to the newly opened bookstore. Because at that time, my hope of taking office in all aspects had long been completely cut off. Only in this respect can I rely on my boring brain to make a difference. If my translation is published by their editor, it is not difficult to get a few dollars. Therefore, since I moved to Deng Tuo Road, when she spoke to me for the first time, this translation has been sent out three or four times.
two
Living in the confused Shanghai Concession, we are not susceptible to the changes of the four seasons and the past days. After I moved to the slum of Deng Tuo Road, I only felt that the rags I was wearing there were getting heavier and hotter every day, so I thought to myself:
"Is it old in spring?"
But I am so shy in my pocket that I can't go anywhere. I just sit in a dark room day and night. One day, probably in the afternoon, I just sat there. The roommate next door suddenly came over with two packages of paper in his hand. When I stood up to let her go, she put a packet of paper in her hand on my desk and said:
"This bag is grape pulp bread, please keep it safe, it will be delicious tomorrow. Besides, I have a pack of bananas to buy here. Please come to my room to eat together! "
I held the paper bag for her, and she opened the door and invited me into her room. * * * lived for more than ten days, and she seems to have believed that I am a loyal person. When I saw the expression on her face when she first met me, that puzzled description was completely gone. When I entered her room, I realized that it was not dark, because there was a window facing south in her room, and the light reflected by the sun came in through this window. I saw a small room, a bed made of two slats, a half table painted with black paint, a crate and a round stool. Although there are no curtains on the bed, there are two clean green sheets. There is a small tin box on the half table, which is probably her comb. There are already many greasy ideas on the tin box. She put away some semi-old cotton-padded jackets and coarse trousers piled on the bed stool and let me sit down. I was embarrassed when I saw her being attentive to me, so I said to her:
"We used to live in the same place. Why should we be so polite?"
"I'm not rude, but every day when I come back, you always stand up and let me, but I feel very sorry."
After that, she opened a bag of bananas for me to eat. She also took one of her own, sat on the bed, ate and asked me:
"Why don't you stay at home and go out and find something to do?"
"I thought so, too, but I couldn't find it for a long time."
"Do you have any friends?"
"I have friends, but at this time, they don't come and go with me."
"Have you ever been to school?"
"I studied in a foreign school for several years."
"Where is your home? Why don't you go home? "
When she asked here, I suddenly felt my present situation. Because since last year, I have been depressed day by day, almost putting "Who am I?" "What kind of situation am I in now?" "Is my heart sad or happy?" These ideas have all been forgotten. After her question, I re-imagined the hardships of the past six months layer by layer. So after listening to her question, I just looked at her and couldn't speak for a long time. When she saw me like this, she thought I was also a homeless tramp, and suddenly there was a lonely expression on her face, and she sighed slightly and said:
"alas! Are you like me? "
After a slight sigh, she stopped talking. I saw some redness around her eyes, so I thought of another question and asked her:
"What are you doing in the factory?"
"wrapped in cigarettes."
"How many hours do you work a day?"
"Start at seven o'clock in the morning and end at six o'clock in the evening, rest for an hour at noon and work ten hours a day. Deduct if you work less than a little. "
"How much is the deduction?"
"Nine dollars a month, so three dollars for ten days and thirty cents an hour."
"How much is this meal?"
"Four dollars a month."
"In this way, if you don't rest for an hour a month, you can save five dollars besides meals. Do you have enough money to buy clothes? "
"There is enough! Where's the manager ... ah! ..... I ... I hate factories so much. Do you eat cigarettes? "
"Eat."
"I advise you not to eat. Only eat cigarettes from our factory. I really hate it here. "
I don't want to say more when I look at her gnashing her teeth and resenting. I took a few bites of the half-eaten banana in my hand and looked around. I think her room is a little gloomy, too. I stood up, thanked her and walked back to my room. Because she is probably tired from work, she probably goes to bed immediately when she comes back every day. Only this night, she seems to be in her room until midnight. After that, she always said a few words to me when she came back every day. I heard her say that her surname is Chen and her name is Chen. She is from Dongxiang, Suzhou. She grew up in rural Shanghai. Her father was also a worker in a cigarette factory, but she died last autumn. She used to live in that room with her father and went to the factory every day, but now she is alone. More than a month after her father died, she cried all the way to the factory in the morning and came back in the evening. She is seventeen years old and has no brothers, sisters or close relatives. Before her father died, she gave the old man downstairs fifteen dollars to do it. She said:
"The old man downstairs is a good man. He never has a bad heart for me, so I have to work as my father did in Japan, but a manager named Li in the factory is very bad. He knows that my father is dead and wants to tease me every day. "
I know almost everything about her family and her father's life, but what kind of person is her mother? Is it dead or alive there? Whether she is still alive, where she lives, and so on, she never mentioned it.
three
The weather seems to have changed. These days, my unique world, the rotten air in the darkroom, like steam in a steamer, makes people dizzy. I have severe neurasthenia at the turn of spring and summer every year. In this climate, I will become half crazy. So these days until the evening, I often go out for a walk after the road is quiet. Looking at the stars from the narrow deep blue sky on the road, walking slowly and dreaming endlessly are good for your health. Whenever such a helpless night, intoxicated by the spring breeze, whenever I want to wander around, I won't go home until dawn. I fell asleep when I was tired, and I slept until the next day. Several times, I slept until my second sister came back from work. After enough sleep, my health gradually recovered. Usually, I can only digest half a catty of bread. Since I began to practice the late-night parade, I have improved to almost hold a catty of bread. Although this is a great blow to the economy, my brain, nourished by these things, seems to be a little more unified than before; After coming back from the parade, before going to bed, I wrote several short stories in the form of Poe, which were not too bad to read. I changed it several times, copied it several times and mailed it out one by one. Although there are some subtle hopes in my heart, there is no news when I think of the previous translation. After a few days, I forgot them.
My neighbor's second sister, she went out to work in the morning these days, and I have been sleeping there. Only when I come back from work in the afternoon will I have a chance to see her several times. But I don't know why, I think her attitude towards me has returned to the state of doubt when we first met. Sometimes she will look at me affectionately, and her dark watery eyes seem to be full of blame and persuasion.
It has been more than 20 days since I moved to this slum. One afternoon, when I lit a candle on time and was reading a novel bought from a second-hand bookstore, my second sister hurried upstairs and said to me:
"There is a messenger downstairs who wants you to pick up the letter with a seal."
When she said this to me, her doubts about me became more obvious. She seemed to say there, "Hehe, your business has been discovered!" " "I hate her attitude very much, so I'm a little short of breath to answer her:
"What letter do I have? Not mine! "
She listened to my angry answer, more like winning, and suddenly a sneer appeared on her face and said:
"Go and see for yourself; Your business is only known to you! "
At the same time, I heard the postman at the door downstairs urging me to say:
"registered mail!"
I'll take the letter and have a look! My heart jumped a few times. It turns out that the translation of a German short story I sent last time has been published in a magazine, and I sent a five-yuan manuscript fee in the letter. When my pockets are almost empty, with these five dollars, I not only have no trouble of paying the house payment in advance at the end of the month, but also can maintain meals for several days after paying the house payment. At that time, no one could infer the great utility of this five yuan to me.
The next afternoon, I went to the post office to get money, and walked in the sunny street for a while, suddenly I felt a lot of sweat. I looked at the pedestrians around me, looked back at my body and bowed my head unconsciously. Sweat on my neck, like rain, comes out one by one. Because when I March in the middle of the night, there is no sun in the sky. In the faint white night in the east, the cold spring cold always stays in the quiet streets and lanes. I still feel that the worn cotton gown I wear is not much different from the holiday season. Now, on a bright spring day, I still can't consciously walk down the street in this nightgown. How can I not feel ashamed compared with my peers who are doing it at the same time? In an instant, I forgot the house payment to be paid in a few days and the slight accumulation in my bag, so I slowly walked onto the clothing store on the road. I haven't walked in the sun for a long time. I looked at the rickshaws coming and going in the street, the gorgeous young men and women sitting in the car, and the rich furnishings in the windows paved with satin on both sides of the road. I listened to the noisy voices, footsteps and car bells around me, and felt like I was in the sky. I forgot my own existence and wanted to sing and dance like my compatriots, so I unconsciously sang a few forgotten Beijing dialects. This temporary nirvana, when I was about to cross the road and turn into the gate road, was suddenly surprised by a bell. I looked up and saw a trolley-bus galloping past me. The fat robot hand standing at the front of the car fell out of the bust and glared at me loudly.
"Pig head three! Don't let your eyes wander! When you fall, call Wang (Huang) enough (dog) to save your life! "
I stood still and watched the dust roll up at the end of the trolley bus. After going north, I don't know where it came from, but suddenly I couldn't help laughing. When everyone around me looked at me, I blushed and walked slowly into the gate road.
I asked some price lines of single clothes in several clothing evaluation shops and gave them the figures I could give. Several shop assistants in the clothing evaluation shop, as if they had been taught a lesson by the master, all put down their faces and said derisively:
"Nong (you) find (Kay what) open (heart)! Don't buy a horse, don't buy a horse! "
I've been asking about a small shop on the side of Wuma Road. I couldn't find a blouse, so I ordered a bamboo blouse and put it on at once. He walked home silently with a bag of cotton robe in his hand. And my in the mind is going to:
"Anyway, this is not enough. I will just use it happily. " At the same time, I remembered the bread and bananas that my second sister gave me that day. Without waiting for the second recall, I found a candy store and went in to buy a piece of omnivorous food such as Qianqiao Gree banana candy omelet. Standing in that shop, waiting for the clerk to wrap it up for me, I suddenly remembered that I hadn't taken a bath for more than a month, so I might as well take a bath today.
After taking a shower, I took a bag of cotton gown and a bag of candy. When I got back to Deng Tuo Road, the shops on both sides of the road were already lit. There are few pedestrians in the street, and a cool breeze blowing from Huangpu River at dusk makes me shudder. I went back to my room, lit a candle and took a picture of my second sister's door, knowing that she had not come back yet. Although I was very hungry at that time, I didn't want to open the bag of candy I just bought, because I wanted to wait for my second sister to come back and eat with her. I took out my book and read it, swallowing saliva in my mouth. After waiting many times, the second sister never came back. I don't know when my tiredness came out and beat me, so I fell asleep on that pile of books.
four
When the sound of my second sister's coming back woke me up, I saw that a pack of 12 ounces of foreign candles in front of me had been lit for two inches. I asked her what time it was! She said:
"The steam pipe at ten o'clock has just been released."
"Why did you come back so late today?"
"Because the factory market is big, we are required to work at night. The salary has increased, but people are too tired. "
"Then you don't have to do it."
"But there are not enough workers, so it is impossible not to do it."
At this point, she suddenly shed two tears. I thought she was tired from work, so I felt sad. Although I sympathize with her, I feel a little happy at her childish temper. Open the candy bag and invite her to eat a few. I will persuade her to say:
"I'm not used to working the night shift for the first time, so I feel sleepy. When I get used to it, there will be nothing. "
She sat silently on my half-height desk with a book, ate some clever gree and looked at me as if she had something to say. I urged her to say:
"What do you have to say?"
She was silent for a while, and then intermittently asked me:
"I ... I ... have long wanted to ask you. These nights, you go out every night. Are you making friends with bad people? "
I was taken aback by her words. She seems to suspect that I am with thieves every night. She looked at me and didn't answer, thinking that my behavior was really broken by her, she said softly and continuously:
"Why do you want to eat such good things and wear such good clothes? You know this thing is unreliable. In case someone catches you, you still have no face to be a man. There is no need to talk about the past. I'll ask you to repair it later. ……"
I just stared at her with my eyes wide open, because her thoughts were too sudden for me to explain. She was silent for a few seconds, and then went on to say:
"As far as you smoke, if you quit smoking every day, you won't save a few coppers. I have advised you not to smoke for a long time, especially not to smoke from N Factory, which I hate. You always don't listen. "
At this point, she suddenly shed a few tears. I know these are the tears she shed for hating N Factory, but in my heart, I can't think so. I always think they spilled it because they persuaded me. I thought quietly for a while, and when her nerves calmed down, I told her the reason for yesterday's registered letter, and told her about taking money to buy things today. Finally, let me talk about my neurasthenia and why I have to go out for a walk every night. She listened to my excuses, and she trusted me. When I finished, her cheeks suddenly turned red at two o'clock. She lowered her eyes and looked at the table as if she were shy.
"Oh, I was wrong about you, I was wrong about you. Please don't worry, I don't mean anything. I thought of going astray because of your strange behavior. Wouldn't it be great if you could study hard? That-what's your name-the thing you mentioned just now can be sold for five dollars. How good is it to make one every day? "
When I saw her simple attitude, I suddenly felt an incredible feeling. I want to reach out and hug her, but my reason commands me to say:
"You don't commit iniquity! Do you know what situation you are in now? Do you want to poison this pure virgin? Demon, demon, you are not qualified to love now! "
When I feel that emotion, I close my eyes for a few seconds. After listening to the rational command, my eyes opened again, and I felt that the surroundings were suddenly brighter than the previous seconds. Gave her a slight smile, so I urged her to say:
"The night is deep, you should go to bed! You have to go to work tomorrow! I promise you to quit smoking from today! "
After listening to my words, she stood up and went back to her room to sleep.
After she left, I lit a foreign candle and quietly thought about many things:
"Because of my labor, I have spent three dollars on the five dollars I got for the first time. Even if I put my original dollar together and pay the room rate, I can only save 23 cents. What should I do? "
"Take this broken cotton gown as a pawn! But I'm afraid not in the pawnshop. "
"Poor girl, but I still can't catch up with her now. She didn't want to work, but she was forced to do it. I wanted to find a job, but I couldn't find it in the end. "
"Go to strong labor! Ah, but my wrist is weak, and I'm afraid I can't eat the gravity of the rickshaw. "
"suicide! I had the courage to do this a long time ago. I can still think of these two words now, which proves that my ambition has not been completely exhausted! "
"Ha ha ha ha! Today's trolleybus robot! What did he scold me for? "
"Yellow dog, yellow dog is a good noun, ..."
"………"
I have thought a lot, but after all, there is no good way to save me from my present poverty. When I heard the factory whistle, it seemed to be twelve o'clock. I stood up, put on my torn cotton gown, blew out the candles and went out for a walk.
People in slums have fallen asleep quietly. In a row of foreign buildings facing Dengtuo Road, there are several houses with traffic lights, where they play and pull clothes. A crisp song, with a sad tone, came into my eardrum from the cold air in the silent night. This is about a girl wandering in Russia, where she sings and sells money. The sky is covered with thin gray clouds, as heavy as a rotting corpse. You can see a little star when the cloud breaks, but the sky near the star seems to contain infinite sadness.
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