The children of this age group in junior high school are in the stage of transition from childhood to youth development. At this stage, their bodies and minds will undergo huge changes.
They no longer like to follow their parents' instructions, they want to try to do what they want to do; they no longer care about what their parents think of them, but more about what their peers think of them.
Recently, I came across a parent whose problem is that her children don't like to talk to their parents when they come home, and they just hold their cell phones all day long. The parent-child relationship dropped to freezing point.
Now the child is in the second year of junior high school, and his academic performance is still in the middle, but the child suddenly refused to go to school again, and no one knows what the reason is.
The child now refuses to say a word at home, holds a cell phone all day long, and is addicted to Internet chatting and making friends.
The parents have tried many times to communicate with each other, and even tried to confiscate the child's cell phone, but the result will only cause the child to be even more resistant, resulting in family conflicts.
It's not like there's anything you can do about it.
Why do kids love the online world so much? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new computer, and then you'll be able to get your hands on a new computer, and then you'll be able to get your hands on a new computer.
First, the network chat socialization can enhance the child's sense of self-efficacy.
There must be a process by which a child develops to the point where he or she retreats to the home and prefers to socialize only online. It could be frustration with real-world socialization, or a lack of real-world social skills.
In general, people who are more introverted or lonely are more likely to prefer online socializing.
Because through the internet, one can more easily gain recognition and positive interaction with others. This leads to a greater reliance on and preference for online human interaction.
For example, in online games, as long as one invests time, the character level will be higher and higher, and higher-ranking props will come with it. Slowly, in the ranking game, you are able to see the name of your character, and the prizes of the race level are able to make the other players in the game salivate.
At this point, there will be lower-ranked players who will come to show their affection, give admiration and follow. This feeling will make the child enjoy and become more addicted to the game because the more he puts into it, the more recognition and admiration he will receive.
The sense of fulfillment that online gaming can bring him is something that is hard to get in real life.
Another example is Jitterbug, live streaming, and so on. A small video can get a lot of online game likes, this kind of self-efficacy experience, it is difficult to obtain in real academics.
Second, the dissatisfaction with the reality, from the network social compensation
In the network, you can customize the role you want to play. Because the network of communication is a "self-filtering".
Even the guy who sells pork at the grocery store can be a scholar on the web. There is no bad breath or body odor, no big rake teeth or waist fat, just a fresh and beautiful avatar.
Then you can start to depict the ideal life in your imagination.
In the movie Catfish, the heroine Angela is frustrated by the reality of her life. She has a talent for painting, but is married to a second country man. They have a daughter, who she hoped would inherit her talent for painting, but she is not interested in painting at all.
Angela now has to take care of the family and the mentally challenged children from her previous marriage.
Angela's life is a pool of stagnant water.
So Angela used online chatting tools and registered several accounts to simulate her ideal life. She also attracted a very attractive male photographer.
In the online world, Angela got the kind of lifestyle she wanted.
In online socializing, we can show our ideas more simply, without having to worry too much about reality. Therefore, it's easier to get ****talking in the network than real socializing.
For middle school students, they are at an age where they start to have an inherent need to express their individuality. They begin to feel resentful of some of the rules that are set, or have a desire to challenge. Often, they don't have the ability to challenge.
Wanting to do it, but not being able to do it, can cause conflict and anxiety.
For example, children think that the evening study sessions required by the class teacher are pointless. The evening time should be organized by themselves. Maybe watch a movie, play a game, after a day of study themselves need to relax, this is the combination of work and rest.
But the child if mentioned with the class teacher or parents, to meet him will be ideological education; mentioned with classmates, we only dare to privately spit some. And then almost, by the classmates back to play a small report.
None of the above options are appropriate, the child's best choice is to go to the network to express their views in a virtual identity. He then reaps the rewards of a string of replies catering to his point of view.
From these two points of view, the reason that the child will be more engaged in the online world is because it is more responsive to his inner needs. This inner need is one that he needs to work very hard to get in real life.
So the child will take the easy way out and become more involved in the virtual world.
So what does a mom like that middle schooler have to do to get her daughter back in school?
1. Give emotional support to avoid intensifying the conflict.
The child will retreat to the home, which is a problematic manifestation of the crux of the problem. Just like a cold, runny headache is already at the onset of the disease. But before the onset of the disease, may be cold, may be infected by a virus.
The child's current situation, parents if the reprimand, like in the cold period and then go to the cold shower, will aggravate the condition.
The parents' lack of acceptance and understanding of the child will exacerbate the child's addiction to the Internet.
It takes time to recover from a cold, and the same is true for a child, who needs a certain amount of time as a buffer. During this time, parents can keep a distance from their children and give them space.
For parents, the first stage is not to rush the child back to school immediately. Rather, it's about getting the child to want to talk.
2. Utilize the power of peers
Adolescents are no longer willing to simply follow what their parents or teachers tell them. They care more about what their peers think of them and are more likely to be influenced by them.
Just as when an activity is popular in school, the student body is easily motivated to form groups. For example, yo-yoing in the 80s, or ghost dancing later.
At this point, parents can go to the school and find a teacher who will have a better understanding of what is happening in their child's class. With the teacher's involvement, invite your child's peers who are close to your child to come home and talk to your child.
In the conversation, it is natural to mention what is popular in the school now. This is a great way to get your child's heart pumping and to break down his or her defenses.
At this point, be careful not to let your peers persuade your child in the tone of teachers and parents. This will make the child think that the parents abetted the peers and parents and teachers to form an alliance, which will aggravate the contradiction between the child and the parents and the gap.
3. Seek professional counseling
If your child is usually a day student and has not been going to school for more than a month. You've tried various methods that haven't improved your child's situation, it's better to seek professional help.
Basically, the child's problem is the family's problem. A counselor will look at how to start improving the child's situation based on a family therapy program.