2017-09-23Elephant Mom, Elephant Dad, Elephant Mom
School has already started, and the progress bar for the start of the school year has started to move forward, but who's bringing up your children during the summer vacation?
Recently I asked around the baby parents, nearly 80% of the parents said that the summer vacation, the children probably more than half of the time are spent in the grandparents or grandparents home.
So how are the kids doing at their grandparents' house?
One mom summed it up this way: well fed, well clothed, well let loose.
That's right, Booker too, at his grandparents' house, eating and drinking, and relying on the old man's love for him, his precious grandson, has become lazier and lazier, and used to be able to wash his own socks at home and clean up his own room, but on a summer vacation all these skills have automatically disappeared.
Many mothers and fathers should have the same worry as me, and I have taken great pains to cultivate a good habit of independence, to the grandparents (grandparents) home all kinds of favor, back to "life can not take care of themselves".
Today we're going to talk about the "intergenerational education" thing.
Working people a choice of last resort
I used to be more opposed to intergenerational education, on the one hand, I do not want to give both parents to increase the burden, on the other hand, the parents of the concept of education and I am different, I hope to use more advanced concept of education to influence the child, so adhere to their own child three years, and then I realized that the ideal is very rich, the reality is very bone.
These three years are really too hard, not at all easier than working overtime.
My father and I both have a job that is not easy, and we are usually very busy at work, and then we have to take care of the baby after work, and even with the help of a nanny, we are still overwhelmed, and there have been several times when I have been close to a breakdown.
In fact, about the intergenerational child, no matter how good or bad, and whether in the north or in the vast countryside, this is a thing that can not be avoided in China today.
Even if you're against it, when you have kids, you'll know what a blessing it is to have someone you trust and who has some experience to help out.
In the face of enormous pressure of life, even if parents want to avoid intergenerational parenting, they don't have much strength to implement it.
Grandparents are happier to enjoy the closeness of the moment
Why are many parents less in favor of intergenerational parenting these days?
Often the reason for the problems caused by intergenerational education is that grandparents don't have to take the risk of failing to educate their children, so they will enjoy the close relationship with their children more in the present and neglect the development of good habits and ways of thinking in their children's future.
Even if grandparents have the intention to nurture their children, they are no longer able to do so in the same way as younger parents.
The old people are very precious to their grandchildren and are very obedient to their children, who live in the old people's home in the leisurely days of clothes and food.
When the child to turn off the TV to write homework, but also did not forget to bring a sentence: "your mom (dad) let you do not always play, you have to catch up with the study!"
Reminding the child to study also in the name of the child's parents, on the one hand, to use the parents of the majesty of the child to deter, on the other hand, is not to assume this influence on the child to watch TV "evil" image.
Some parents may complain that their children are more close to their grandparents than they are to their parents, and they worry that their influence on their children is weakening, but in fact, the influence of their parents on their children has always been there and will not be significantly weakened.
If a child is born and the parents don't take it upon themselves to take on all the various tasks of eating, drinking, sleeping and paving the way for the parent-child relationship, and there just happens to be an older person who can do all of those things, that child by the time they are a year old will think of the older person as the primary dependent, rather than his or her own mom or dad.
At that point, once the old man suggests he wants to go back home, the child will naturally be taken along.
Even if the elderly don't go back home, parents who continue to stay out of their children's daily lives will continue to be lazy and even more reluctant to meddle in their children's affairs, even if they have strong feelings for them.
In this way, over time, children are bound to become emotionally estranged from their parents. This estrangement is almost fatal to the parent-child relationship, which is why there is resistance to intergenerational education among many people.
Responsibility for education should be borne by the parents
The main body of family education is the parents, so as a parent must also take responsibility, when the child opens his mouth to call me the first time mom, I feel happy, satisfied, but also implies responsibility.
It is true that intergenerational education is unavoidable in today's society, but it is not always bad, and it has to be looked at from a case-by-case perspective.
Also, intergenerational upbringing, whether the child is completely handed over to the elderly for upbringing, including sleeping in the same bed with them, or just handed over to the elderly during the day to be picked up and dropped off from school, and watched by the parents in the evenings and on weekends, needs to be made a simple distinction between the time and the extent of the situation.
It has to be said that society places great expectations on women, both to earn money to gain financial independence and to be a good wife and mother, so most of the situation in China is the former, the old man is responsible for the children during the day, the parents are responsible for the children's evenings and weekends.
As far as a family is concerned, if the mental state of the elderly is healthy and optimistic, then their children can not be worse, so the children born in the family, even if the elderly help a little bit more, the children will not be taught by the old man as a bully.
On the contrary, if the elderly themselves have personality and insight problems, their children will also inherit some very bad character, then these will also affect the children.
So it's not necessarily true that children brought up by their parents are much better.
But the fact that young people are better at raising children than old people is not because they are better at raising children than old people, but because on the one hand, it is an adult's responsibility to bring up their own children. On the other hand, young people are better at accepting new things and self-reflection than old people, and these are the family factors that are most favorable to the growth of children.
Company is the best childhood gift for children
In the development of a child's path, the mother and father can not be absent, accompanied by the best childhood gift for children.
A friend of mine was busy working all day, often traveling, the child has been the old man in the belt, the average week and the child to meet less than twice, to the child's birthday or Children's Day will send the child an expensive gift, however, in a video of the child in tears said to her: Mom, I do not want to be more than a good gift, just want to let you stay with me more.
It is true that in today's society, intergenerational education is unavoidable. If you want to avoid the disadvantages of intergenerational education, parents must utilize all possible time to spend with their children and take more initiative to learn and set a good example for their children.