There will be collisions between people, but if it is a team, the collision here will be very dangerous. Why? Two teams are like grafting,
First, the distance is too close, there is no perfect person, only a perfect distance, second, the momentum is too great, because it is two teams, a train, and third, the trajectory is too obvious. You come from the previous track and have a strong obsession.
Two drops of water, very shallow, collide together, at most one drop, two grains of sand, collide together, will bounce. The two air streams will converge. Why do we fight for power? It is because the traces of the past track are too heavy, and then we all believe in the track. The track here is to expect too much from the other party, and then find that the other party will derail without this track.
To this end, we should move from the power struggle to the commitment period as soon as possible, not the content of the commitment, but the road is not dry, but by the nose. You have to ask the other person, or you will live in expectation. Why is that place easy and the people here can't?
In the struggle for power, the biggest shortcoming is pain. In the integration period, the biggest disadvantage of the other party is the advantage. One side is fast, one side is flat, and the three sides are stable.
After the power struggle, first, there is no cost, otherwise you will brake suddenly and retreat when you encounter problems. Finally, it will take three months to plant grass. The second is to lower the expectation of the other party, the third is to keep a certain distance, and the fourth is to leave room for the other party. Fifth, there are watermelons on both sides to grow sesame seeds. During the creative period,
The relationship between people is divided into five periods: the barren period is also called the honeymoon period, the power struggle period, the stability period, the commitment period and the co-creation period.
We are in the honeymoon period, hoping for a perfect person in our life.
The relationship between people is a subject that we have to face all our lives, because people try to satisfy deep psychological motives in the relationship. We "look for" others in order to make up for our own limitations, overcome baby-like fears, and resolve inner emptiness and loneliness, which is the basic motivation to contact others. Psychologists have found that all relationships will go through romantic period, power struggle period, integration period, commitment period and * * * co-creation period. This cycle applies to couples, lovers, parents, brothers and sisters, other family relationships, business partners and friends. So, how is this cycle rhythmic? ?
One person may be in different stages of relationship, and two people in the same relationship may also be in different stages. Turn a fragile and changeable relationship into a stable and mature relationship, and let life constantly show new faces through rich relationships, and people's infinite spirituality will be released. ?
The first stage: the romantic period?
Every relationship begins with a romantic period, and the romantic object can be the opposite sex or the baby. Even if you find a new job, you will have a romantic expectation and imagination. I imagine what will happen in my work. The most likely romance is that boys can imagine that we can have a great relationship after meeting girls. At the beginning of the romantic period, you can't know each other too well, because when you know each other too well, good things won't happen. ?
Family members also have romantic stages. When a young couple first decided to have a child, they were full of imagination about the child. In their romantic feelings, they often have a smile on their lips, just like starting a puppy, and they feel full of fun, just like diapers don't exist in this romantic relationship, just like they think that they can sleep until dawn without being disturbed after having children. So at the beginning of any relationship, the romantic imagination will be very strong, because you have never really experienced it. Like the parents in the case 1, during pregnancy, they have unrealistic fantasies about the coming baby and think that giving birth to a baby is easy and interesting. They were unhappy when they found that it wasn't like that at all. In the early days, I began to have dreams and fantasies because I was unclear. ?
The second stage: the period of power struggle?
One day, however, the romantic period suddenly ended. Just like Huang Huanxiang, for example, one day you suddenly woke up and found that although it was beautiful to date her at night, when you woke up the next day, her hair fell everywhere and her mouth didn't smell so good. She is not as beautiful as you remember, so you begin to enter the second stage of the relationship, that is, the power struggle period. ?
At this stage, people know more and more about each other, but because they don't want to accept this fact, they will have the intention to control each other. The most obvious performance is like Ms. Jing in case 2. Her attitude towards her boyfriend is: you'd better change it, and it will conform to my original romantic imagination. Therefore, the second stage is characterized by control. ?
At the beginning of a relationship, people are eager to control each other. The more we can control others, the more secure we feel. But the problem is that all kinds of control will eventually destroy the relationship. Sometimes people are trapped in a period of power struggle all their lives. People may explain that this relationship is wrong from the beginning, so what they should do is divorce and start a new relationship. Before long, they found that the same process happened again, because they didn't face the fact that they wanted to control others. In North America, almost 50% of marriages end in the seventh year. Sometimes, although two people still maintain this relationship and pretend to smile, they no longer care about each other and no longer like each other. ?
According to McKiejo's understanding, most relationships will be divided in the power struggle. In the period of power struggle, it is most likely that friends, partners and couples will fall into the dispute of "I am right". Therefore, the best way to get through this stage is that two people in love promise each other that we will never argue about who is right or wrong. All you have to do is that I agree with you or disagree with you now. If you can come to such a conclusion, you will begin to have a close relationship with each other with great possibility. If you keep proving that I am right and you are wrong, it is likely that the result will be separation. ?
However, there is another possibility in the power struggle. Mcgee Zhuo explained that this is a state of transcendence. For example, if one person between two people pulls himself away from such a period of power struggle, he becomes indifferent. He didn't really feel his discomfort, but made himself numb. Indifference is because they don't care about each other anymore, and they will quarrel and fight when they care. When Huang Huanxiang and his wife see a couple in a state of indifference, what they need to do is to help them return to the period of power struggle and find that kind of energy. ?
The third stage: integration period?
Is there any way to make things different? Huang Huanxiang said that at this stage, if everyone is interested in each other, has some curiosity, has an open mind and shares their defense methods with each other, they can enter an integration period. When the attitude changes, they will not try to control, change or blame each other, but begin to listen and ask each other sincerely. Partners or friends in the integration period can disagree without arguing. They don't argue about who is right or wrong. They can accept their differences and get along well even if their views are quite different. This is a process of gradually accepting yourself and others. The lady in case 2, if she doesn't insist on letting her boyfriend change herself, but understands the difference between him and herself, then she can grow up in the ability to deal with relationships. Otherwise, when she enters the next relationship, when the other party still has shortcomings that she doesn't like, she still can't accept it. ?
The fourth stage: commitment period?
Once the process of integration period is firmly established, both parties are ready to enter the next stage: commitment period. The partners in the commitment period know each other well, including their sincere selves, as well as psychological games and power games that everyone can play. They are willing to exchange their thoughts and feelings. Because they fully understand each other and themselves, they are ready to make a complete commitment. The content of the commitment is not the fantasy in the romantic period and the obligation in the power struggle period, but the commitment to each other's free choice. Huang Huanxiang and Mai Jizhuo suggested that it is better to have children at this stage. In this atmosphere, the child will get the basic experience of a strong relationship, which will help him or her grow into a sincere and unique person. ?
The fifth stage: * * and the creative period?
After the commitment period, it will enter the * * * co-creation period. There are many aspects of "creation", such as * * * raising children with creativity; Two partners can start a business together very creatively. Because two people already know each other's weaknesses, strengths, wishes and dreams, they can cooperate sincerely. When they are together, no matter what they encounter, they will be full of vitality and light, and any task will become a creative process. In the same creative period, whether dancing in pairs or washing dishes together, their interaction is smooth and elegant, and even the most ordinary affairs seem to have spirituality. ?
Moreover, Huang Huanxiang emphasized that it was a cycle from the romantic period to the creative period, so it didn't end there. People will fall into another romantic period again and again, that is, the same person has another romantic period. One person and different people can be in different relationship states. For example, a couple who have been married for more than ten years have no power struggle and have good feelings for each other, but they may be in a state of power struggle with their children in adolescence, or maybe their wife thinks that I have been raising children at home and now I really want to go to college, so she may be in a romantic stage for college study. Maybe the husband and his work partner are in the same creative period. ?
Health is a kind of energy, which can flow freely and has harmonious meaning. When we can have a state of openness and contact with another person, such energy begins to flow. Health is the ability to connect with others. This connection can be made when you are working or playing. This * * * song is not only produced with another person, but also with the whole nature.