Daily good listening to humor paragraph excerpts
1. a female spy was caught by the enemy enemy said: you do not say your mission, you will rape you. The female spy said: is gang-rape, I do not say. The enemy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at the beauty of you.
2. Good friends like underwear even if you have big ups and downs he also contains you, better friends like condoms always for your safety, the best friends like Viagra always give you support.
3. lover is a watch, the more beautiful the better; honey is a pocket watch, the more secretive the better; Miss is an electronic watch, the fresher the better; wife is an automatic watch, do not run on the bar as usual; all kinds of table with a good time to master the good, can not let them noisy!
4. The child asked:? The first thing I want to do is to make sure that I have a good understanding of what I'm talking about. The mother replied: "I don't know, I don't know. The child said: ? The child said, "Why did Dad whisper so softly last night? Then last night, why did Dad whisper, "Heart and liver! Spread the legs?
5. On the night of the engagement, my wife was unloading her makeup, and I foolishly hugged her from behind:? The first time I saw the woman's face, she said, "I don't know what to say, but I'm not sure what to say," he said. My wife asked: "What do you mean? What do you mean? I explained:? The previous in-laws are your guardian, now turned over to me, this handover is not right as I gave you a ransom it? Wife turned her face:? I'm not! You kid earn cheap but also sell good, and you say later to me to be better, or this girl I will go back to my old job! Boy ~~~~~ this she also said out!
6. husband in bed to read, from time to time will reach into the wife between the legs, wife then undressing pouting, husband asked why? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty, so you can turn the book over.
7. My wife and I have the habit of sleeping on weekends. Once we tossed the first night half a night, I opened my eyes and felt like sleeping for days, I pushed to wake up wrapped in my body to sleep like a dead pig wife:? Look at the table, what time is it? Wife sleepy eyes from the pillow under the touch out of the watch to see:? What's the big deal, it's just seven o'clock, go to sleep! I touched my stomach: "Why do I feel so hungry? Why do I feel so hungry? Want to get some food. Wife heard the vigor:? Why don't we continue (love) it! You do not see people's text messages that this kind of thing can be eaten as food and drink as wine? Let's try, do you dare? I'm not convinced by this kind of provocation, so I put on my sword and had a good fight. Things just finished, mom called, chatting about the family, asked me to eat a little more than noon did not eat. I realized that the original wife of this pig-headed look down the table, 12:30 look into seven o'clock. Hang up the phone, was about to find his wife to settle the score, his wife made a look of adoration:? Hubby, you're really too brave, this time we actually did more than six hours hey! Spit blood ~ really want to do that, I shall not really come to an exhaustion of human death!
8. Wife is TV, lover is cell phone. At home to watch TV, go out with a cell phone bankruptcy sell TV, get rich to change the phone occasionally watch TV, all day to play with the phone TV life does not charge, cell phone arrears on the shutdown.
9. The mayor of the township wearing shorts as a report, speaking to the excitement of a foot lifted on the chair, the penis of the exposed, the venue was in an uproar, he thought that everyone was impatient, said loudly: this is just a head, behind the long!
10. late one night, the Public Security Bureau has a case and emergency assembly, a policewoman is a dog trainer, due to the emergency panties forgot to wear, in a hurry, lifted the skirt, so that she trained the dog sniffed the lower part of the dog, the order of the dog will be her panties back, after a while, a male police officer rushed over to the policewoman, said: ? Not good, not good, your dog will be our director of the eggs to bite down!
11. Nowadays, girls, hand ah foot ah leg ah, a little bit of abrasions are sent to the circle of friends? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. You said that the aunt flowed so much blood, why not shoot a wound to send a circle of friends?
12. Nuns and monks live in the neighborhood, the two can not resist the loneliness, cut a hole in the wall, every night the old monk JJ into the hole, said: "Sunrise East", "Sunrise East"! Nuns will take off their pants and walk to JJ to do for a while, over time, the old monk's behavior was seen by the young monk, the young monk also want to see what is inside the East. Coincidentally, one day the old monk wanted to go down the mountain to perform the law, to live outside for a night, let the small monk at home to watch the door. At night, the little monk is also the same as the master, shouting at the hole: "sunrise in the east", thinking: there was a bright light, how to become dark? He then brought the candlestick, pull down the candle, inserted into the hole, only to hear inside 'ah? A sound, there is nothing. The next day, the old monk came back, lonely, called to the hole:? The sun rises in the east? There was no response. Sunrise East? There was no response, and called again? Sunrise East? I heard the nun say. "The old pussy is hurt. What's the matter? The old pussy hurt?
13. night, his wife sat on the bed, hands and feet moving, suddenly grabbed the husband small jj, a fierce rubbing, and then hard as a stick, the husband wanted to take off his wife's clothes, his wife asked: Why? Husband asked: What are you doing? Wife replied: tomorrow, the driver's license, practice gear.
14. Once upon a time there was a monk dying in the mouth has been reading Shakespeare, there was no such person, and then a scholar has been in the study finally know: the original monk did not touch a woman, he is reading: what is B ah?
15. Liu Bei and Guan Zhang three people trapped on a deserted island, a few days later, Zhang Fei wanted to cut his little brother to hunger. Guan Yu said: SB, knead and then cut, more meat! At this time, see Liu Bei in SY, Guan Yu asked: Big Brother, what are you doing? Liu Bei: the whole point of the sauce, dip to eat!
16. language class, the female teacher asked; "soft" pinyin how to read? Boys shouted "the end of the day? soft" teacher: "you boys pronunciation is not standard, please female students to add the answer" female students should be "day after I? soft"
17. One day the mosquito and the praying mantis saw a beautiful woman in the bath. The mosquito said, hey her chest two swollen place is my two days ago bite swollen. The praying mantis said to, throw this has what it. Look at her thighs up that a bar mark is I cut her a few months ago, and it's still not healed. And still keep once a month to leave blood.
18. the other day in the car, a pretty girl suddenly rushed a well-mannered white guy cursed: "hooligan!" It may be that the young man's hands and feet are not honest. The young man looked very aggrieved and immediately retorted. Both sides began to swear. A little while later, heard the girl scolded, "You are a big hooligan, from childhood is a hooligan, your mother gave birth to you out of the time, you do not forget to have to look back." The car full of passengers heard, the first was silent for a while, followed by bursts of laughter. My coworker shook his head and said, he saw for the first time that cursing can be cursed to so, this is really absolute cursing, no one can beat it. The young man, after being scolded, had his mouth open and could not say a word. Indeed, it is lamentable that this curse is really a thousand years of absolute curse, probably no one before and no one after, said that there is indeed no more ruthless and more detrimental curse words than this. I guess that young man should close his mouth. At this time suddenly heard the young man said loudly: "You are the big hooligan! You are still in your mother's womb to see your father three times a day!" After hearing the crowd, burst out laughing like a mountain, the conductor could not straighten the waist, the driver rested for a moment, before starting the journey.
19. sister and brother to go to school, in the car, saw two dogs mating. The driver took a short break before starting the trip. I'm not sure what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure what I'm talking about. The first one is a dog that is not a dog, and the second one is a dog that is not a dog. At this time, my sister found that there are two hooligans always look at her, the eyes also swept around her body. What are you looking at? Do you want to fight? Sister said loudly.
20. One day early in the morning, came the sound of firecrackers, I do not know who opened a small theater. The first day of screening a piece, the advertisement wrote "seven men and a woman's story", and there is a description: a beautiful woman fainted inexplicably, seven men forcibly dragged into the forest; waiting for the beautiful woman? The crowd found it very attractive and bought tickets one by one. When the movie was shown, Snow White appeared on the big screen and the crowd left in a huff. The next day the crowd passed by the small theater again and saw that the advertisement had changed. The advertisement read "The Story of Seven Men and One Woman", with a note that the days of shock and awe of a beautiful flower girl and seven men was not "Snow White". The crowd found it more appealing this time than last time, and it was stated that it was not Snow White, so they bought tickets again and were admitted to the show, only to have the big screen appear? The Eight Immortals? The words "The Eight Immortals" appeared on the big screen!
Daily good humor paragraph appreciation
1. A man went to see a psychiatrist: ? I can't take it anymore! My wife is cheating on me! The psychiatrist: "Relax. Relax, how exactly is she cheating on you? Man:? She goes to the bar every night and is interested in almost every man, I'm going crazy! Psychiatrist:? Don't get too excited! Tell me, where is this bar?
2. this morning is still in bed, dormitory a buddy in the washroom water, mouth also vibrant words:? Wake up early in the morning to wash pants, countless children with the water flow, not dad do not want you, just mom does not accept to stay.
3. At the end of East Han Dynasty, Dong Zhuo abolished Emperor Xian, with Luoyang as the capital, not only ambitious, but also confused by the beauty of the sable cicada as a concubine. Gradually, he realized that all the ministers around him were drooling over Diaochan, so he carefully arranged a banquet one night, which was attended by all the ministers, and Diaochan danced in the banquet, and beforehand, Dong Zhuo had already put ink on Diaochan's chest. Lv Bu, you are the loyal minister who deserves my trust! After that, Lu Bu smiled, revealing his black teeth.
4. Although my wife was born prematurely, she gave birth to a big, fat, white boy, her colleagues in the unit to congratulate, and even the director of the Wang personally came to the son is full of praise. After the crowd dispersed, my wife mysteriously said to me: "I have a master to help her count. Once a master to help her fortune-telling, the first child if you recognize an old godfather Wang, the whole family will be rich and famous. I said:? Then this candidate? My wife poked me in the head:? You silly ah, you see our Wang Bureau today to more like our son ah, and again, now our office director position is vacant, I think I think my wife really considerate, think and my wife to know is half a year ago, Wang Bureau introduced, this is fate na, I see this relative I am determined!
5. One day a restaurant to engage in police family activities, the police eat free. A policewoman ate straight toward the door, the hotel waiter rushed forward to stop her. Waiter: police free, you look not police, have to pay! Policewoman: I'm a secret police, beard down there!
6. Male said to his girlfriend: ? Dear, yesterday dreamed of you, woke up in the morning pants wet a piece of.? His girlfriend shyly asked:? Dear, then you dreamed of me yesterday what? Male:? Yesterday I dreamt that you took off your makeup, and scared me to death. A slap in the face, the girlfriend turned around and left.
7. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, a man's words are not a sentence is true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, men do not fight is not possible; men if it is rich, and who are destined to be, men rely on, pigs will climb trees.
8. A beautiful woman found lipstick is too heavy, take a wet paper towel wipe thrown to the road. An old man picked up, scrutinized half a day suddenly woke up, catching up and said: girl, this ultra-thin is easy to fall ah!
9. One night, my boyfriend and I play race, soon I was left behind, so I shouted at him: ? Robbery ah, robbery! Passersby have looked at us, my boyfriend had to slow down his pace, I passed him, he had to run after me, I saw that I could not get rid of him, and began to shout:? molestation ah, molestation! He was scared a moment on the ground!
10. Two old couples ate dinner one day when the whim: naked meal! To find the former feeling! Naked after the old woman said: I still have reaction yeah! Breasts are still as hot as when they were young! The old man slanted a glance and said: drooped into the soup!
11. men, always smiling, two eyes discharge, either the onset of cheap, or pitfalls! Women's breasts and waist, slutty and flirtatious, not out of your pockets, is to put your black knife! This year's male monsters and female demons, beware of tricks ah!
12. One day on a crowded bus in a conversation situation is as follows: a pregnant woman standing next to a man sitting next to him, said: you do not know I am pregnant? She wanted him to give up his seat. The man was very nervous and said, "The baby is not mine!
13. The man said: parents gave birth to me a gun, always hit in the old place, and now the reform and opening up, but unfortunately all the bullets used up. Women said: parents gave birth to a mound of my field, for nothing deserted for twenty years, now the contract responsibility system, who came to plow who paid.
14. One winter was exceptionally cold, and my wife and I went to the park to play one weekend. See a lot of people in the lake on the ice skating, so I invited my wife and I went up to skate, my wife did not dare. In order to prove that the ice surface of the solid, I took the lead in the first run to the ice to play a circle, see my wife's heart is itching, and finally had the idea of jumping on the bandwagon. I picked her up from the center of the lake to the shore, there is a meter or so from the shore, in order to prove more absolutely no danger, I also jumped up, the results only hear? Snapped? A sound I fell into the ice hole. Fortunately, the shore is shallow, the water only drowned to my waist, my wife was so scared that she screamed and almost cried out. I spent a lot of effort to get out of the quagmire, after ensuring that my whole person is fine, my wife asked me seriously: ? Little brother did not freeze, right? I endured the heart of the cold and nodded vigorously:? Not bad, the little thing is a polar bear! I now think of it all feel cold!
15. wife asked me:? You men always say that women are boring, boring what does it mean? I said:? Sultry is the appearance of dignified, inside the meaning of hot! Wife asked:? Do I count? I pretended to look at her carefully, and then shook his head:? You don't count! Wife nodded:? I think so, I should belong to the bright slut. I snickered in my heart: ? Accurate but not comprehensive! My wife wondered:? What is that? I answered triumphantly:? You belong to the full slut! The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money from the company.
16. Lai Changxing and Yang Yuying seaside walk, Lai pointed to the warship in the distance, said: these years I spent enough money on you to buy this warship. Yang Yuying said: these years you in my body shot the gun can also sink this warship!
17. Qing morning subway, sitting next to a beautiful young mother holding a three or four-year-old little too. After a while, may be hungry, has been pestering to eat milk. Mom said: so big still eat milk? The child shouted while picking the mother's collar, the mother took the hand to block the chest, the little man tossed half a day no way. Suddenly rushed to me and shouted: uncle help me pickpocket, we have a me?
18. One night with customers to KTV very late to go home, just into the home thought his wife slept, so tiptoe to the bathroom bath. Just undressed, his wife suddenly appeared, snapped:? Is not trying to destroy evidence? I was startled, hurriedly said:? No, no, I went out before the knife and gun into the warehouse! Wife hee hee bad laugh twice, reached out and touched my jj:? Well, the gun is not lost, but I have to check the bullets are not missing! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'd like to check if the bullets are missing. The first thing I'd like to do is to ask you to do something about it, and then I'd like to ask you to do something about it.
19. How did you get rid of your husband's sleepless nights? One day he came home late and I yelled out, "Is that Zhang, and his last name is Wang?
20. Old Zhang traveled to Yunnan, in the street met two dressed very fashionable ladies stopped the way. The ladies asked: ? Mr., Mr. you see the national dance what dance ah? Lao Zhang asked curiously. Folk Dance! The ladies replied mysteriously. Do not see, do not see, our Beijing Ethnic Park what ethnic dance did not ah! Old Zhang waved his hand impatiently. One of the ladies pulled back and said in a lowered voice: "Have you ever seen a dance without clothes? Have you ever seen one without clothes? After hearing this, Lao Zhang was very angry and pointed at the lady and said: "No clothes? No clothes? I don't know what kind of ethnicity you are, if you don't wear one.
Daily good humor paragraph collection
1. Mr. Lin is a famous spendthrift. One day, his wife's birthday, asked Mr. Lin to take her to the strip joints to open the eyes, Mr. Lin was pestered by no choice but to comply. When they arrived at the door of the strip joint, the uniformed waiter immediately came forward and said politely, "Mr. Lin, welcome to the strip joint! Mr. Lin was nervous to stop, while Mrs. Lin looked at him angrily. Walking into the strip joint, the maitre d' came over and asked: Welcome, Mr. Lin, are you still sitting in the same seat? Mrs. Lin was so angry that her face started to turn blue. At this time, the show just started, strippers twisting waist with the rhythm of the music, the body of the clothes off one by one. She cried out in a delicate voice: Whose is this one? Of course it's Mr. Lin! The whole audience said in unison. By this time, Mrs. Lin had fainted from anger. Mr. Lin hurriedly picked her up and got on the ride-sharing car. Mrs. Lin suddenly came to her senses, so angry that she cursed: you liar bastard, XX! The taxi driver heard, turned his head and said: Mr. Lin, you find this girl tonight is very spicy Oh!
2. Female: Brother, you are much stronger than Dad! Male: Mom said the same thing. Sigh, Japan even paragraph so beast.
3. Today, a group of male colleagues in the office to speak yellow paragraph, I wear headphones, they thought I could not hear, I do not know how to suddenly talk about when the man must have the requirements, some say, money la, rights la, domineering la, gentle la, manhood la, suddenly, a colleague came to the sentence, when the most important requirements of men on the three, fast, accurate and ruthless, which just happened to come in a group of girls, we just heard the last sentence, then asked why the last sentence. Just heard the last sentence, asked why is fast, accurate and ruthless ah? A group of men with a lewd smile do not speak, this is not gc, gc is why I was a girl actually understood, said the gymnastics it?
4. restaurant cashier a, just guests to wine. We all know that the snowflake dry spleen green bottle, the end of the yellow bottle, the pure life color than the end of the deep. A big brother asked how much beer, store girl paper said:? Green five dollars? The big brother said:? Yellow how much? The girl paper replied:? The yellow six dollars, the yellowest eight dollars. He said in a loud voice: "How much is the yellow one? The most yellow one for me?
5. Beautiful female doctors are very popular with male patients in the hospital, and there are many romantic and golden suitors, of course, they also encounter a lot of sexual harassment. One day, after Mr. Chen had an infertility test at the hospital, the beautiful female doctor wanted to check whether Mr. Chen's sperm count had decreased. She gave him a small sealed glass jar and asked him to go home and take some samples with him. When Mr. Chan came back the next day, the doctor found that the jar was still empty. Mr. Chan explained: Yesterday, I first tried with my right hand for half a day, but there was no movement. I changed to try with my left hand, but it still did not work. I called my wife to help, and she also tried with both hands, but it also did not work. I asked her to use her mouth to get it, still no luck. The female doctor was red in the face. Mr. Chan kept on saying, "It just so happened that my cousin came to my house to give me a gift, she is relatively young and physically fit, so I asked her to come and help. She also used her hands first, then her mouth, very hard. Stop! Stop! The female doctor couldn't hold back any longer: You asked your cousin to help you with this kind of thing? Mr. Chen said: She was happy to! But it still doesn't work! That's why I came to you, to see if you can. The female doctor heard angrily asked: can what? Mr. Chen replied: can you open the lid of this glass jar ah!
6. A swimming coach straight character, and loud. One day, he saw a female student in the shopping mall, so he said loudly: you can't recognize you with your clothes on!
7. There is a small mountain village, there is a couple, female long beautiful, male long not so good, the woman is very flirtatious, and the village of a young man hooked up, her husband slowly noticed, but bitterly unable to find evidence, and one day he finally came up with a way to pretend to go out to visit relatives, said that the night does not go home, his wife saw, the night, they are about to meet their own home, blowing the lights dry, the man Quietly sneak to their own room under the window, but also about a group of brothers from the same family ready to catch adultery! Just listen to the room two people dry gas kick boo boo, the woman was drying is cool, even the voice of the delicate call:? Ah 。。。。 Oh. Ah 。。。。 Oh 。。。。 Harder? Harder? Did you make me feel good? I'll give you a pair of shoes. His husband was outside listening, and he was furious! He gets up and yells into the room, "What the fuck? "Fuck her! Fuck her up! I'll buy you a pair of leather shoes!
8. The girl accidentally touched the boy's? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. The girl was so embarrassed that she asked: "What is it? What is this? The man replied:? The money ah! So they continued to make out. The man accidentally touched the woman's penis. That? So he was embarrassed and asked: "What is it? What is it? The woman replied, "What is it? A storefront! The man was very happy and said: "That's great! That's great! You have a storefront and I have the capital, let's do business together! So they worked early in the morning and late at night, eating three meals a day, plus snacks and refreshments. Finally, the man couldn't take it anymore and protested: "This is unfair! This is so unfair! I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on a new product, but I'm sure you'll be able to get a good deal on a new product.
9. The old king in the office is the most humorous men, often tell yellow jokes to amuse female colleagues, one day idle female colleagues let the old king tell jokes, the old king: Do not! Too thick, not with a little yellow and not funny, female coworkers: not afraid to be afraid of coarse point is okay, not too long on the good too long can not stand.
10. The night of the cave, the groom's shoes old untied. Bride: simply cut open with a knife! Mother-in-law heard outside shouted: No, not with a knife. Apply some saliva on the line!