Everyone has armor that wraps himself up. This armor makes you look invincible, but sometimes armor can be a weakness.
What is the most direct way to hurt a person in marriage? There used to be a woman who experienced her husband's domestic violence and said it was a fist because it was her husband's fist that broke up their marriage.
But later, she told me a completely different answer. She said it was the tongue. If you want to hurt someone, one word is enough. It is more violent to hurt a person's heart than to hurt his body.
Because no matter how powerful people are, they all have their own weaknesses.
She and her husband have been married for a year, and all the way from love has gone through a very sweet stage. When she was in love, her boyfriend was very kind to her and spoiled her with everything. She couldn't bear to be wronged.
In her eyes, she always thought that her husband was a heroic existence and could do anything.
She couldn't find out what was wrong with him. He lives carefully and works hard. After he wanted to give her a better life, he also paid special attention to his promise. He can always keep his promise in mind and almost do it.
So she married him with confidence. They had never lived together before they got married, which is what she asked. She said she wanted to save the best for the wedding day, and he respected her.
But because they don't live together, their life after marriage is full of contradictions. Only then did she realize that he had many shortcomings. For example, his self-care ability is almost negative.
02
Before he married her, he never cooked, for one thing, he couldn't, and for another, he was busy with work and had no time. He usually eats out or orders takeout, and he regularly asks people to clean his house.
I just can't do anything anyway. She asked him to study, but he only said that he would study when he was free. Coupled with some differences in living habits, such as one likes to stay up late, one likes to go to bed early, one likes to eat spicy food, one likes to eat light food, and so on, all kinds of inadaptability have begun to show.
This kind of trivial running-in, many lovers have run-in before marriage, there is always a person who will make some changes for each other, or both sides will make some changes for each other, and many people who really can't get along finally break up.
But when they were in love, their minds were full of affairs, and they didn't pay attention to these daily necessities. They didn't know until they lived together after marriage that these little things were just grinding people.
She began to think that he was not as tolerant of himself as before. No matter who was right or wrong, he used to coax her first. Now they are unhappy because of these things, but he always walks aside and wants to come and talk when she calms down.
This is an infinite loop. The less he coaxed, the angrier she became, and the easier it was for her to walk into a dead end. And the more she gets stuck, the less he wants to argue with her, so he always stands aside and waits for her to calm down.
Her evaluation of him began to change. She said, "Before I got married, I thought he was full of advantages. Now I think he can't pick out any advantages, all of which are shortcomings."
The conflict between them reached its peak after she became pregnant. I was inexplicably grumpy during pregnancy, and nothing was pleasing to the eye. The two often have a cold war.
03
Until one time, she let him hang up his clothes. There were two clothes and washed sheets in the washing machine. Because she only said clothes, not sheets, so her husband hung up his clothes and went to work.
When she found out, she was really angry. Coupled with the frequent conflicts between the two during that time, she was very unhappy. When he came back in the evening, she blurted out angrily, "Your mother is useless. I didn't teach you this little thing! " "
She didn't think much about what she said. She has a younger brother, and his mother often teaches him to do housework, saying that he can marry a daughter-in-law in the future, so his younger brother has been a little warm man since he was a child, and this kind of behavior of hanging clothes without sheets will never appear.
On impulse, she subconsciously attributed the reason why he didn't know these things to his mother.
When she finished this sentence, she found that the other person's eyes flashed a complicated look, shock, loss, incredible, and unspeakable sadness. She had never seen his eyes. He didn't speak and went to the bedroom alone.
She suddenly realized that his mother died in the fifth grade of his primary school, and he watched her die. Even after all these years, his tone of voice is still a little shaky.
They were together for three months, and she felt very sorry for him. For the first time, she found that the man she admired also had weaknesses. She didn't want to cause him sorrow, so she stopped talking about it in front of him later.
She thought: How did she become like this now? She really didn't want to hurt him.
That night, he didn't come out for dinner. She was afraid to look for him for the first time. Even if she was unreasonable before, she felt that she was right, but this time she felt guilty. She knew that she had hurt him.
She sent him a short message: "honey, I'm sorry, I shouldn't scold your dead mother." It was a long time before the message came back: "Nothing." She breathed a sigh of relief.
04
A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts June.
When I was a child, there was a couple in my hometown. The husband's eyes are not very good, and his right eye can hardly see anything. Because of this, he feels that he is lucky to have a wife and is also very good to his wife.
His wife has a bad temper. She always curses and scolds him. Not only is he not angry, but he is always cheerful. He looks heartless and happy.
Until one time, his wife asked him to bring something, but he couldn't find it for a long time. His wife was very angry: "Are you blind?" I can't see! "It is this sentence that divorced them because he was really blind in his right eye.
At that time, I didn't understand why a person with such a good temper would get divorced because of this sentence. Because my mother often says that my father is blind, many times my father can't find anything under his nose.
Later, I realized why:
Get along with others in life, even if you are angry again, don't poke others' pain. This is especially true in the relationship between husband and wife, because the closer they are, the deeper the "knife" and the less likely it is to heal.
In marriage, many times, the tongue hurts more than the fist.