In the past few days, I learned from QQ that a friend’s sister suffered from sudden lupus erythematosus, which caused nephrotic syndrome. In a few days, a lively girl was admitted to the intensive care unit of the hospital. . I met this friend when I was a freshman. We haven’t seen each other for a long time. We usually keep busy with our own things. At most, we pay attention to each other’s current situation and updates on social platforms, and occasionally like or chat in the comments.
When real pain and disaster happen around you, it touches a person very much. Disasters rooted in the gaps in reality are like unexpected cold arrows. They have no tragic beauty, only the cruelty of impermanence.
A friend of mine once told me that she likes to watch tragedies, and sometimes she even tends to copy her own life after tragedies. I asked her what kind of tragedy she was watching, and she said it was an idol romance. Mostly. I understood at that time that this was a kind of "bright to sad" girl's heart. Through experiencing the twists and turns of emotions, misunderstandings and even failure to love, I can feel the true texture of love. I said it was very good, but I still don't want to do it just to experience the tragedy. Live your life towards tragedy. The beginning and end of this topic are very thin, like the gauze that can be easily inflated by the breeze in the sun, full of romance and thoughtfulness.
What happened to my friend’s sister reminded me of a similar experience I had in the past. The real sense of reality is hard to forget, so a bit of the past regrets inevitably come back.
I was also living in the ICU at that time, and my family members were kept outside. When I regained consciousness, what I saw was a vast ward with no partitions, and rows of beds. Every bed, including mine, was covered with Surrounded by various screens and instruments. The dry hospital gown looked like it had just been starched, wide and tall. It contained my naked body, and I didn’t know when someone would change it for me. I have several monitoring equipment patches on my chest, and a gel bracelet on my wrist with my name and number printed on it, giving me the double comical feeling of a prison inmate and a corpse on the battlefield.
The hall was silent except for the regular electronic sound of instruments and the sound of nurses pushing trolleys. Everyone here seems to be strangled by the throat. The bulging quilt is silent, but shows a secret struggle. In fact, this is just my feeling, because the people in other beds are either full of tubes or in a coma. I have never seen anyone wake up like me. That afternoon, the equipment in the bed next to me was making random noises, and I was pushed away and never came back. In the early hours of that night, another patient who had been in a car accident was pushed in. The ward was brightly lit all day long. I saw the messy blood on the white ground in the distance shining, and several doctors and nurses were making a lot of noise behind the heavy curtains. Big news, rescue. Less than half an hour later, it gradually subsided. I only heard one doctor say that he could not survive, and everyone dispersed. During the whole process, I lay on the bed, watching the snow-white figures flashing in the gaps between the snow-white curtains in the distance. My ears stood up like two knives. It’s hard to say what I felt. In short, I didn’t fall asleep that night.
I have heard the name "lupus erythematosus" before. In a Taiwanese youth novel, the name is The First Intimate Contact. It was in junior high school, and it was the first romantic novel I read. In the story, there is a girl and a boy. They met on the Internet. The girl’s online name is Qingwu Feiyang, and the boy’s online name is Ruffian Cai. A love that starts from chatting on the Internet is bound to be full of interesting and ambiguous jokes and routines. The two people met and fell in love in a simple and romantic way. However, one day the boy found a butterfly-shaped mark on the girl's neck. What followed was a story of disappearance and search. At the end of the story, lupus erythematosus took away the girl's life and cut off her body. The love of two people.
Reading this book now in the Internet era, the writing is simple and the cleverness is embarrassing, but this is out of time caused by the changes of the times. I have always liked this book, probably for the same reason as my friend who likes tragedies. This book perfectly renders the beauty of love when it is destroyed, just like the plaintive whisper of a lover before leaving in autumn. So this novel, which mixed a male protagonist who spanked bullshit and a female protagonist who carried the beauty of destruction, became very popular that year.
Now when I recall this book, what shocks me is no longer the love that is not necessarily unique, but the destruction of a life that is fresh and beautiful, dancing and flying.
When I was reading the book, the author's description of lupus erythematosus was also freehand. The butterfly-shaped red scars looked particularly flamboyant in the sun, and the readers seemed to be able to find a sense of beauty. However, this book is not realistic after all. It only captures romance and sadness, leaving aside the helplessness and pain of suffering. In terms of love, it is freehand, but in terms of life, it avoids the important and takes the easy.
After reading this book, Qing Wu Fei Fei in my heart is a real and vivid sense of life and vitality, while lupus erythematosus is all the protruding or cone-like malevolence of life.
Fortunately, today's medical conditions are very different. My friend's sister is very cute, which reminds me of Qingwu Feiyang who danced alone regardless of other people's opinions. I asked her to help me tell her sister that when people walk on the road for a long time, sometimes they will suddenly fall into swamps and traps. Don't panic and despair, but think that the sky will dawn soon.
I couldn't sleep that night and stared at the window opposite for a long time, until a vast expanse of white sky came in from the outside. It was a good day, and the breeze blew the curtains as thin as gauze, and the sun shone in. Above, romantic and thoughtful.