In Baidu's encyclopedia, "preaching" and "encouragement" are explained as follows:
From the literal meaning of understanding, it is very easy to figure out the difference between the two. But real life is complicated, and many times we think we are encouraging people with good intentions, but we accidentally step into the pit of "preaching".
To give an example of a husband encouraging his mother-in-law, but accidentally getting caught up in the "preaching". The first thing I'd like to talk about is the fact that I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it. My mother-in-law has a strong character, plus she used to be busy at work, so when she suddenly became idle, my husband and I were a little worried that she would be unhappy if her attention was not diverted in the long run. Therefore, we discussed the need to encourage my mother-in-law to participate more in community activities in the neighborhood, such as square dancing or learning how to use the computer. Then one day, my husband talked to my mother-in-law on the phone about this topic. On the phone, my husband encouraged my mother-in-law to participate more in community activities, and he praised her for always being very smart, and she would definitely learn square dancing and other things as soon as she learned them. At first it was normal, but then it slowly started to get a little off-topic - my husband started to tell my mother-in-law that if she wanted to learn something, she could go to Taobao and search to see if there were any available resources or something like that. I don't know how to use a computer to type, and I didn't even understand what he was saying, let alone my mother-in-law, because it was so obscure. The reality is that my husband is a Taobao addict (sometimes he thinks Taobao is everything), and he has jumped from "encouragement" to "preaching" - showing off his knowledge, brushing up his presence. The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you are doing and what you are doing. The mother-in-law's response to her husband's words was cold, and the atmosphere became a bit awkward, while the husband was unaware of it. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and you'll be able to do it all on your own.
I've often been in this situation myself. For example, when I first learned something useful from Mr. Xiaolai, I couldn't wait to share it with my husband. I thought I was doing him a favor, encouraging him to practice the results, but in reality, first, I did not do it myself, and could not convince the public; secondly, I shared with my husband to satisfy my own desire to reason, not to encourage, but to preach!
So, in our lives, we have to be wary of "preaching" behavior, what kind of behavior is preaching?
So we need to be on the lookout for "preachy" behavior in our lives.
Most people's "preaching" is more of a forced reasoning, or the use of a condescending commanding tone, which gives people a sense of inequality that is not respected. It's as if there is someone standing on a pedestal, telling you what he thinks is useful, but not paying attention to whether it's right for you. For example, a lot of parents' ear-to-ear sermons or teachers' sermons. This type of preaching is easier to recognize.
The problem with "preaching" is that it happens unconsciously when you encourage others. For example, if you start out encouraging others, then it becomes a way to brush up on your own presence and satisfy your own desire to express yourself. This type of preaching, and how to avoid it?
Always remember that what you are trying to do is to encourage others and to restrain your own desire to express yourself. Encouragement is to stand in others' point of view for the good of others, while preaching is to brush up one's own existence. So listen more and understand what others are thinking, and combine it with the reality of the other person's situation in order to give pertinent advice. Listen more, you can do less expression, thus avoid accidentally in the preaching.
When communicating with each other, pay attention to listen to each other's feedback, give each other more opportunities to talk to each other, in order to ultimately help analyze and solve the problem! For example, the husband and mother-in-law communication process, if you notice the mother-in-law's response to him is not positive, you should adjust the content in a timely manner, and listen more to the mother-in-law's thoughts on their own suggestions in order to achieve good results!
The English word for encouragement, encourage, has three meanings:
The Chinese equivalent of encouragement is more often referred to as the first and second meanings. And the second one, to stimulate by assistance, means to stimulate others by helping them or favoring them.
Just as stars support each other's movies by buying lots of tickets and inviting people to see them, the best form of encouragement is to help others fulfill their wishes!
For example, if your partner wants to get up early with you, you can encourage him verbally and tell him he can do it. But what if you do something about it? For example, ask him if he needs your help to wake him up after you get up early to help him get up early. Or, after you get up early yourself, help him make his bed so he can get up early and be in a good mood. As a matter of fact, that's what I did with my own husband. After only a while, my husband has been able to do his own early rise!
Another example is that my husband told me that he wanted to practice the bamboo flute, and the first time, I encouraged him in words. In action, I will take the initiative to undertake some of the household chores at home, so that he can set aside time for him to practise at ease. When he was practicing, I would praise him for his progress, but I would also point out what I thought was not good in a calm way. Occasionally, when he felt particularly proud of himself, he would specifically run over to me and ask for my evaluation (not very good at blowing, but he would still hear the good and bad). This shows that he needs my encouragement and that my encouragement is doing a good job!
Choosing to be an encourager of others and, more importantly, showing encouragement through action!