My colleague got kidney stone, rest at home. His little nephew asked what is a kidney stone, he said it is peeing when there are stones out, his little nephew is very worried, said: uncle, when you pee must put the foot fork, be careful not to smash the foot!
One day, I saw a pair of twins, SO cute,
but I couldn't tell the size
So I asked: Who is bigger and who is smaller?
The girl said mysteriously: Guess which one of us is the older brother and which one is the younger sister~!
I was walking in the park at night with my three-year-old daughter in my arms, and there was a pair of lovers hugging and kissing in the shade.
My daughter looked at them for a while, turned her head sideways and said to me affirmatively, "Mommy, they must be stealing something good."
Mingming was 5 years old, and had just learned how to count when he yelled for someone to come up with a problem, and his dad said to him, "You come up with your own problem and do the math yourself."
Mingming thought for a moment and said, "Hair washing + massage + back stepping = 18, hair coloring + sauna + mask = 20"
Everyone was flabbergasted at first, and then they laughed.
Kid: "Mom, what's this?"
Mom: "It's rat poison."
Child: "Mommy, are the mice in our house sick?"
Extraordinarily fond of one of the children in the small class
So I kept going to tease him
Asked him: what's mommy's name
She milked her voice and finally spit out the **** name
"So, what's daddy's name?
Only to see him gleefully and unambiguously said two words: husband
One of her colleagues has a 6-year-old daughter, began to change teeth, her mother took her back to the unit after the tooth extraction, my mother asked her: "tooth still hurts?" The little girl's answer made the group of people next to her laugh: "Awww, the tooth was left in the hospital, I don't know if it hurts or not!"
Once a father asked his child
Who's in charge at home?
"Dad, he's the head of the family."
Mom knew
so she asked him too, "Who's in charge at home? Say it right and I'll buy you candy."
The child said, "It's mommy, it's mommy"
" Didn't you say that daddy is the head of the family?"
"But mom is the neck of the family, the neck so that the head towards that turn towards that turn ~~~~~~"
Occasionally there is a male colleague, one day in the roadside restaurant drinking dinner, see the side of a 3-year-old girl is very cute, went up to tease her "little sister, play with you! Well", the little girl looked at him and said "not good, mom said the little girl to play with the little girl", my colleague did not die, and said "I'm also a woman ah, you and I play it". ...... Finally that little girl replied words really classic, she looked at my male colleague, said "I do not believe! You take off your pants and let me see!" =_=#
Son 4 years old saw a frog jumping, he learned this frog jumping, jumped a few times, stood up and said: really tired ah!!!! It's hard for frogs to jump like this every day.
A friend gave the MAIL, I read almost happy, to ensure the real original
The other day I was listening to the radio in the dormitory, I heard a very small girl to her mother to point out a song, she said her mother
Mom is very hard, can not rest on Sundays, to the bookstore to buy a lot of problem sets for her to do, so she would like to
For her mother to point out a song.
On hearing this, the host was touched and said 'What an understanding child. May I ask what song you would like to order for your mom?
The little girl said in a childish voice 'I would like to order Xin Xiaoqi's "Why do women make things difficult for women"
Respondent: supreman - Xiu Cai Level 2 5-12 10:25
Someone asked the farmer "What do you feed the pigs with?" "With leftovers and unwanted vegetable peelings." The farmer replied.
"In that case, I should punish you." The man said, "I'm a public health inspector, and it's against the law for you to feed animals intended for public consumption with things that are nutritionally deficient. The fine is $10,000 dollars."
A short time later, another well-dressed man came and asked the farmer, "What fat pigs! What do you feed them?"
"Shark fins, chicken livers, seafood and such." The farmer replied.
"Then I should punish you." The man said, "I'm an inspector for the International Food Institute, and with one-third of the world's population hungry, I can't let you feed your pigs with food that good. I'll fine you $10,000."
A few months later, a third man came. As with the first two, he poked his head over the farmer's fence and asked, "What do you feed the pigs?"
"Old man," the farmer replied, "now I give them ten dollars a day and they buy themselves whatever they want to eat."
Responders:I'm happy ah - Apprentice Wizard Level 2 5-12 10:31
Too long jokes aren't funny, I've got a shorter one
One day a monkey accidentally stepped on an ape's feces, and later on they bonded, and when someone asked them why they bonded, the monkey said that it's all the apes feces (karma) ah!!!!!
Respondent: lanselq - Magician Grade 4 5-12 10:32
In the bus, a pregnant woman standing said to the man sitting beside her: don't you know I'm pregnant? Only to see the man was very nervous and said: the child is not mine!
Responders: a small soft snow - Assistant Third Level 5-12 10:34
The fox with the street walking, head-on bumped into the old wolf. The old wolf reached out to give him a big mouth, "let you Ya do not wear a hat".
The fox went home, depressed, and got a hat to wear.
The next day, he ran into the old wolf again, and received a big mouth, "let you wear a hat".
As several times, always beaten. The fox thought, so old beaten is not a matter of ah, no, I have to find the tiger to complain.
Just arrived at the door of the tiger's house, he heard the tiger talking in the house.
"You can't always be so unreasonable to beat the fox ah, back to the fox to find me to complain, I'm not good to cover you ah. At least we have to get by on face, I teach you a trick.
Next time you see the fox, say to him: give me some laundry. If he brings you soap, beat him up and say, "I want laundry detergent, who told you to get soap? And when he brings the washing powder, you can beat him too, saying I want the soap, who told you to take the washing powder.
Or you can tell him, go, find me a woman. If he finds you a fat one, you beat him up and say I want a thin one; if he finds you a thin one, you beat him up and say I want a fat one.
This is not a knot, you can also beat him, and I can face."
When the fox heard this, well, let's not complain and go home.
The next day, the fox ran into the old wolf again on the street. The old wolf shouted, "Go and find me some laundry.
The fox was calm: do you want washing powder or soap?
The old wolf heard that, huh? I have a hand ah. And said: go, find me a woman.
The fox is still not flustered: you want fat ah, or thin?
The old wolf was furious, and reached out to give the fox a big mouth
Let you not wear a hat!
Responders: xdafu - trainee magician second level 5-12 10:37
I new road a company, see whoever called who called the old ...... good, the old king good, the old Zhang good, Liu Jie, introduced to me: "This is the husband!" "Husband good!!!"
Liu Jie: "This is my husband!!!"
Responders: love of the group - Apprentice Wizard Level 2 5-12 10:38
Wife instructions
Drug instruction manual:
The name of the product is commonly known as the folk wife, the formal occasions can be called the wife or wife or the inner person; now also known as Darling.
Chemical name WUMEN
Composition water, blood, and fatty carbohydrates, odor ethereal.
Physical and chemical properties nature active, depending on the situation can be divided into monovalent (married), divalent (married), trivalent (married)..... The n-valent (married). Easily soluble in honey and sweet words; melting point decreases under the catalyst of true love and diamonds, money and mansions. Difficult to dissolve in whitening
The properties of this product is cola-shaped bump, the surface is smooth, coated with a variety of cosmetics, diamonds, platinum has a strong affinity; shyness produces the phenomenon of red shift; anger produces a blue shift (green shift) this product over time produces a yellow shift, the shape will be changed, but it does not affect the continued use of the product.
Functions main cure for single phobia stubborn disease, also have obvious effect on lost love and lovesickness.
Use and Dosage One tablet is recommended for a lifetime.
PrecautionsThis product is intended for single adult males only. Caution is required when taking, if the drug causes the user to experience floppy ears (palladium ears), fear of the inside, bronchitis, etc., then you must immediately seek advice from a relevant medical professional and use it under the guidance of a doctor; if not, you can continue to use it. Eating more than one has a fatal allergic reaction, eating more than 2 kinds leads to adverse interactions!
Specification is usually 45 kg to 65 kg, if there is a special overweight situation, please man to strengthen the exercise or find a health doctor to deal with.
Storage at room temperature properly stored, indoor ventilation at the best; if outdoors, you need to avoid women, handsome men in groups. During the use of this product, especially avoid this product at night.
Packaging a variety of fashion, jewelry, handbags, and seasonal changes at any time.
The expiration date depends on the degree of happiness, the longest up to a lifetime; the shortest, a day may also expire.
Approval numberThe official approval number is found on the inside of the diamond ring instruction manual.
Producer old mother-in-law and old father-in-law.
Taboo no matter what, can not say fat
Husband instructions
Drug instruction manual:
Pin name folk commonly known as husband, formal occasions may be called husband; now also called Hani.
Chemical name MEN
Composition water, blood and fatty carbohydrates, with a sweaty odor.
Physical and chemical propertiesNature active, depending on the situation can be divided into one stage (knots), two stages (knots), three stages (knots).... The n-phase (knot). Easily soluble in honeyed and sweet words; melting point decreases when catalyzed by true love, cigarettes and alcohol, money and fancy cars.
PropertiesThis product is a cola-like concave-convex, rough surface, strong affinity for cigarettes, alcohol; shyness produces a red shift phenomenon; anger produces a blue shift (green shift) This product produces a yellow shift over time, the shape will be changed, but it does not affect the continued use of the product.
Functions main cure for single phobia stubborn disease, also have obvious effect on lost love and lovesickness.
Use and Dosage One tablet is recommended for a lifetime.
PrecautionsThis product is intended for single adult women only. Caution is required when taking, if the drug causes the user to experience domestic violence and other phenomena, it is necessary to immediately seek advice from a relevant professional physician (serious cases can be reported to the public security organs and seek legal assistance), and under the guidance of a doctor; no can continue to use. Eating more than one has a fatal allergic reaction, eating more than 2 kinds leads to adverse interactions!
Specification is usually 65 kg to 80 kg, if there is a special overweight situation, please man to strengthen the exercise or find a health doctor to deal with.
Storage at room temperature properly stored, indoor ventilation at the best; if outdoors, you need to avoid women, handsome men in groups at. During the use of this product, especially avoid this product at night.
Packaging a variety of fashion, watches, cars and seasonal changes at any time.
The expiration date depends on the degree of happiness, the longest up to a lifetime; the shortest, a day may also expire.
Approval NumberThe official approval number is shown on the inside of the diamond ring instruction manual.
Producer wife and husband.
TabooNo matter what, you can't say stink.
Responders: wenxiao18 - Assistant Grade 2 5-12 10:41
awesome
Responders: wind gravel - apprentice magician Grade 2 5-12 10:42
1, the soldier asked the company commander: step on the landmines during the battle what to do? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Damn, what can be done? Stepped on the broken at the price of compensation.
2, a long time did not receive your message, I am very heartbroken. I think of death, I have cut my veins with potato chips; hit my head with tofu; jumped from a building with a parachute; hanged with noodles. But all the ink death into, you just invite me to eat a meal, support me to die.
3, if you feel the heart digging cold dig cold, please call my phone! If you want to talk about your feelings, please press 1, talk about your work, please press 2, talk about your life, please press 3, introduce me to someone, please press 5, invite me to dinner, please say straight, find me to borrow money, please hang up.
4, the giraffe married a monkey, a year after the giraffe filed for divorce: I no longer want to live in this jumping up and down days! Monkey angry: leave on leave! Who has seen a kiss still have to climb a tree!
5, the fish said: "I always keep my eyes open is to be by your side do not want to leave." The water said: "I flow all day long tirelessly is in order to surround you properly to hold you up." The pot said, "It's almost fucking cooked and still so stubborn."
6. Have you eaten yet? Please receive a text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road, an ant happened to pass by, it looked up at the cloudy summit and couldn't help but sing: yalaso, this is the Tibetan plateau! ~~~~
7, you are growing up, some things should let you know: the sky, is used to wind and rain; ground, is used to grow flowers and grass; I, is used to prove that mankind is how great; you are used to stew vermicelli.
8, in the railroad next to the large but did not bring paper, do not worry, the train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry when you're on the river and you don't have any paper, the frogs will remind you: stick-scrape, stick-scrape, stick-scrape!
9, money can buy a house but can't buy a home, can buy a marriage but can't buy love, can buy a clock but can't buy time, money is not everything, but is the root of the pain, give me your money, let me bear the pain alone!
10, God, too blue! The sea, too salty! Life, too difficult! The work, too annoying! And you, have a destiny! I want to think of you, insomnia! Seeing you, too far! What can I do? I want you to think of me can not eat chopsticks, can not swallow the bowl!
11, send you 12 Chinese zodiac signs, I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a goat, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog, looks like a pig!
12, the beauty of learning is to make people confused; the beauty of poetry is to incite men and women to derailment; the beauty of women is to stupidity
No regrets; the beauty of men is to lie and say that the day of the ghost.
13, in your I only care about I care about whether I care about care about your I care about you, I care about you and care about your I care about I care about you care about you as much as I care about you, small child, see dizzy you!
14, heard? Five hundred times in the previous life, only in exchange for a rubbing shoulders in this life, like you and I such a close friend, the last life does not seem to do anything, light h fucking turn back!
15, there are two counterfeiting accidentally create a fake bill of 15 yuan, the two decided to get to the remote mountainous areas to spend, when they took a 15 yuan to buy a good 1 yuan sugar gourd, they cried, the farmers looked for two of them 7 yuan.
16, your life portraits: ten years old to learn to bathe themselves - pig self-cleaning; twenty years old radiant - pig Shimao; thirty years old to find a job - pig Liye; Forty years old hired a maid - pig get maid; fifty years old to learn to play basketball - pig pitch
Respondent: Red Star Erguotou good drink - Assistant second level 5-12 10:42
I have a question can not figure out, obviously before death people
Listening to Fei Xiang's "come back, come back yo", how like "ghosts come, ghosts come yo"
Responders: Magic-YOU - Trial level 1 5-12 10:44
rttttttttttttttttttt
Responders: pbdong - Magic Apprentice Level 1 5-12 10:49
Or the real jokes are funnier
My mom and dad
We were eating dinner as a family, and the TV was broadcasting the newscast.
Mom suddenly said, "Look! Look! The mouse is not wearing any clothes!
I didn't realize it at the time, but when I saw it on the TV
a hairless white mouse!
Another time I was watching TV, and my dad was like, "Oh, this one, this one, isn't that the one who plays that one? I know. That time he was watching a TV show and started again, this time in a loud voice: "Ah! ~This one, this one! Is that ~~~~ Little Grape~~Little Grape~?
I watched half a day and did not understand what small grapes mean? Finally, my sister's quick thinking! ~What little grapes? After half a day is that shoot & lt; Shuowuot> commercials `
Bakery original
Respondent: sad bakery - probationary period first level 5-12 10:49
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! HA! Ha!
Japan. KOREA. China's soccer coach meets God. The Chinese coach asked, "When will our country win the World Cup?" God said, "One hundred years." The Chinese coach cried and said, "I can't see it
Once upon a time! There was a king who gave his daughter a martial arts competition! The event was archery!
The first one shot the apple on the princess's head! He answered to Iam Robin Khan!
The second one also hit the apple on the princess' head! He answered to Iam Hou Yi!
The third shot the princess in the head! The third shot the princess in the head and he replied IamSorry!
An elephant asked a camel: 'Why do your tits grow on your back?' The camel said: 'Get out of here, I don't talk to chickens on my face!
An elephant asked the camel: 'How do your tits grow on your back?' The camel said: 'Get out of here, I don't talk to chickens on my face!
C Jun's broken car, in addition to the bell ringing everywhere, but he still treats it as a treasure, give it with three locks. He thought, "This is good, this car can at least accompany himself through college.
Unexpectedly, one day, Mr. C was shocked: the car was stolen.
The roommate, who is a psychologist, explained that the three locks on the car really touched the professional sensitivity of the thieves --- such a challenging car, and then broken, but also to steal!
You only need one, right? Well, then I'll take one, please!
There are a few leaders with their hands to go to the hotel to eat, the hotel new a waiter 18 years old dog
Experience is not rich! Leader: "Waiter, tea!" Waiter thought to let check the number of people:
"1234567." The leader was furious: "Pour tea" waiter thought to let the reverse check the number of people,
"7654321 "This is the leader asked: "What do you count?" The waiter replied:
"I belong to the dog" The leader and the bystanders were speechless!
There are two counterfeiting bills accidentally made the face value of 15 yuan of counterfeit bills, the two decided to take to the remote mountainous areas to spend, when they took a 15 yuan to buy a 1 yuan sugar gourd good, they cried, the farmer found them two 7 yuan.
Respondent: birthday gift 521 - Magic Apprentice Level 1 5-12 11:39
A cab driver, at night is driving. Suddenly, a woman in a red dress waved at him, he stopped the car and asked the woman where she was going. The woman said, "I'm going to the cemetery!"
The driver was very scared and thought, "She's not a ghost, is she? But he had to go. The car drove halfway, the woman suddenly disappeared, and then, all of a sudden, reached out her hand: "Help me~!" The driver was scared and sweating 。。。。
Originally, the woman fell into the pit.
There is a young man who loves to play the violin and thinks he is good at it. One day, he was really itching to play, so he came to the street and prepared to show off his skills. At first because of the curiosity of a lot of people sentence over, the young man played with vigor, to because it is really difficult to hear, a minute people are gone. But there is an old lady to stay there, the young man felt not, hate will be shown to the old lady to listen to, a song is finished, the young man asked: "Why do you like my tune, old lady?" I heard your song, I remembered my grandson, he was sawed to death by a chainsaw．
Responders: the God of the wind God - probationary period Level 1 5-12 11:51
There was a calf folded, one day in the ditch side of the poop. The snake saw it and said, "Why are you, pooping there?!" Answered to, "Why have you come to rob me of my fragrant incense!" The snake said; 'So it's Xiang Xiang , I thought it was my dinner!"
Responders: dede1984520 - trial period first level 5-12 11:55
My computer memory is only 128M, I pondered half a day, found a good way, I put the memory in reverse plug, hey! The first time I saw this, I was able to get the memory to work, and I was able to get the memory to work.
Later I also took the floppy disk to the freezer for a day, the result became a hard drive.
I put a dual-core Pentium DD in the case, and the computer ran much faster.
I soaked my monitor in a fish tank and now it feels like an LCD!
I added a magnifying glass in front of the 14-inch monitor, which turned out to be 20 inches, saving me a lot of money
I added a light bulb to the speakers, and then turned the volume down to the lowest level, heh!
1, Lee Teng-hui, Lien Chan, * with a helicopter tour. Lee Teng-hui said: "If I throw a thousand dollars down, the one who picks it up must be very happy. "Lien Chan said:" If I throw two five hundred dollars down, then there will be two people very happy. *Said, "If I throw ten one hundred dollars down, there will be ten people very happy." This time ........? The driver muttered, "Why don't you throw all of yourself down and make 21 million people happy?
2. 'President' Abenomics wanted to boost his popularity and wanted to issue a stamp with his portrait ..... A month or so after the issue, Abian wanted to ask to see an inspection to see how sales were ..... Abian: "How are sales going?" Postmaster General: "Not bad, except that some people often complain that the stamps don't stick well." Abian: "How? %B