The court surrounded a lot of students watching the game, NND, pick up is not not pick up can not be ......
2 high school when living in the school, a classmate went home to let him help me take some things, then send a text message: to me! burn some clothes and money.
3 Last night I cooked crabs, and when the water boiled, I threw the crabs into the pot one by one. The crabs were fresh and moving around in the pot.
Wife hit a small good, can not see this, so hide behind me and cover your eyes do not dare to see.
I relieved: Jia Jia, we are not too cruel? Wife: Well ............ put salt?
4 We teach chemistry old man myopia 800 degrees, a class on the blackboard after the board turned around and suddenly pointed at me and shouted
shouted: What are you standing! I was sitting in the last row! I was sitting in the last row of seats, and behind me on the wall hanging my coat ......
5 first aid class in college, CPR first aid, the professor said while demonstrating:
Professor: both hands to press the chest, can not be too strong, press down on the 2-3cm can be too strong easy to the patient! The patient's ribs will be broken if you press too hard!
Professor: Please see the demonstration below (both hands pressed hard), click! The model's ribs broke.
Embarrassed to say, the next class ~
6 University to go to Shenzhen sketching, with classmates in the road to stroll, suddenly a male student to the side of the road, tapped a person's shoulder to ask: "Big Brother,, please", is not his brain was squeezed by the door, but even asked for the bank's banknote escort! The banknote escort probably didn't hear it either. Turned back to the nervousness of the gun (big spray) pointed at him: "What do you want! What are you doing?"
Bursting waterfall sweat 。。。。。。。
7 I bought a million evil graduation book when I graduated from elementary school, because it said that the constellation of January 20 - February 18 is -
--- Water cylinder
Afterwards in a long time people ask me what is your constellation, I said it is a water cylinder!
8 With former colleagues from work, in the company across the road to the station, across the street came a man, staring at me for a while, I just wanted to ask him to recognize me. The man looked at me, then vomited! I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this one! ~~
The man was a drunk!
I was speechless, and my coworkers laughed, and the story went on for ages.
The coworker said to everyone, **** that ugly ah, the man took one look at her and threw up.
9
My friend was once drunk, according to his mom, he was in the bathroom, his right hand holding a phone, his left hand pressed the mirror, and the mirror in the "inmates" look deep into the eyes, said: eat well ah? How's the prison regime these days? I'll try to get out as soon as possible...
10
One time, because something to contact a classmate, but his cell phone did not save his number, so to another and he was very familiar with the classmate text message, "Please have XXX's telephone number? Then wait patiently for a reply, 5 minutes later, finally received a reply, can not wait to open the text message, it is written, "ah" two big words. I have no choice but to send another text message to the big brother, "So, please tell me okay?" And continue to wait five minutes, received a reply, once again can not wait to open to see, clearly written in another two words, "yes ah"!
11
I just went to college at that time, special soil, another class teacher let do ppt show, never used before, just that time I was the first to go up to speak, open the computer half of the projector did not respond.
The following a few buddies shouted press F2, press F2!
So I hesitated, asked: is the two keys at the same time?
12
A little girl ran up to the counter and said to me: 'Auntie, give me a packet of ketchup.'
I'm a boy, at least that's what it says on my ID.
So I smiled and said to her as I handed it to her, 'No problem, little brother.'
The little girl was flabbergasted: 'I'm not a little brother!'
Me: 'Then am I an aunt?'
The little girl took the ketchup and scurried away!
13
Graduate school graduation, a girl in the class of two boys to help her from the seventh floor to the first floor of the five boxes of things, tired of the two boys almost broke, look at the building of the aunty to look past, said a word that makes me feel so far, "their boyfriends do not spare, other people's boyfriends to use it to the full! "The company's website has been updated with the latest information on the latest developments in the field of computer technology.
14
One day when I went out, I gave my best friend a phone call and asked her to come out with me, and then I got on the bus and dialed a phone call to her: "Little M. Are you there? Going out now?" Then my best friend Little M said, "I'm making the bus!"
I said, "I took the 10X bus, which one did you take?" My best friend was ecstatic: "Me too eh!"
I felt something was wrong, saw the opposite side of the person looking at me like a psychopath, subconsciously looked back and found my best friend Little M sitting on the seat behind me: "Are you there yet? Have you arrived? Why don't you say something, hey ......."
15
On one occasion, I took Route 45 to Zhonglou and got on a middle-aged woman. There were not many people on the bus, but she was standing against me and another MM. I subconsciously put my bag in front of me, but the MM next to me was looking out the window without realizing it. Soon, the middle-aged woman a hand into the MM's bag, said when it was too late, I suddenly let out a loud fart, and stinky and loud ah, caused the car full of people to look at me, ashamed of me hate to find a hole to drill ah. However, smoked the middle-aged woman hurriedly retracted the hand to cover the nose! Haha!"
16
The whole dormitory was very simple when I was a freshman, and all eight of us had never seen what a condom looked like in person.
One night we talked, we gathered in front of the computer to search for pictures, and we only found pictures of the box and the small unopened packages, not the unfolded kind, so we decided to go to the side of the road to buy one of those coin-operated machines as a group.
These machines turned out to be rusty, and a bunch of us just gathered around that box and debated whether there was anything in it or not, and whether it was worth wasting a coin or something like that, and the passersby were probably pretty sweaty when they saw us ......
Later, when we finally got one, one of the girls exclaimed: "so small!" We all despised it and said we would bring it back to the dormitory and dismantle it.
After opening it, most of us thought it was pretty much what we thought it would be, but the girl still said, "It's so small! And how do you cover someone up?" We were all thunderstruck that she thought condoms were meant to cover the whole person...
Afterwards, when we saw disposable raincoats in the supermarket, we would all say to her, "Your TT."
17
The director of moral education at our high school talked very tough.
Classical passage: Now we have a very uncivilized phenomenon in our school, a lot of students play basketball bare-chested, and most of them are boys!
Is there still a small number of bare-chested girls?
18
A high school classmate was nearly 1,000 degrees nearsighted and couldn't do anything without glasses...
One time when he played ball and smashed his glasses, he continued to play, and continued to head for three points...
The result was an empty center...
The whole court was silent...
Then I picked up the ball and threw it to him to kick off the game...
Then he threw the ball back to me and said, "I thought it was out of bounds, you guys kicked off...
19
Video: Drama Sniper Episode 23
Comments:
Posted by Cool6.com IP:58.57.7.* 2009-08-16 22:08
We have watched a lot of anti-Japanese movies, but the traitors are all Chinese.
20
An aunt who practiced together ~~ one day her husband rode a motorcycle to take her home ~~ on the road, a man tried to stop them, said to them ~~ my car was stolen by the person in front of me, lend me your car to go after him ~ aunt husband ignored him and continued to drive ~ the aunt sat in the back and said ~~~~ I'm lending you my car, I'll wait to take what car to chase you - - .....
21
Once and friends drink, from afternoon to evening, white drink can not be changed into red wine, and finally I held up a glass of wine with one hand and patted him on the shoulder, just to say the words of the heart, he put his mouth as well as for the absorption of red wine all spit on the body, he froze for a second, holding his head and cried, and that's a heartbreaking, I said helplessly:" Not just spit me all over it, all right, we who with who, don't cry", he raised his head to me and said: "X, I spit blood, must have a terminal illness ......", I was speechless... ...
22
Small A company recently payroll, small A happy to run to the financial office to collect wages, and then ......
Accountant said: "You come later to collect wages, I have no change. "
23
My high school classmates (MM) went to college after being sent to the school to promote the AIDS Day by the way to follow the club to participate in a lecture on the prevention of AIDS on the day they moved stools around the classroom to sit in a circle and wait for the teacher to do the speech
This time came in a person to each person took turns to send a banana
My classmates that is called the happy ah Hey ~ listen to the lecture can also be eaten fruit.
She and the person next to her were talking and laughing while peeling the banana and eating it
Then the teacher came in and gave each of them a TT
It turned out that the banana was used to put on the TT
But my classmate only had one banana peel left in her hand.
24
The first year of high school, it was almost time for the college entrance exams, and the senior year of our school was definitely tense. Monday flag-raising, a sophomore female classmates on the screen speech:... You have to face the college entrance examination seriously, play your best level, and don't repeat the mistakes of the middle school examination...
25
The chemistry teacher was doing an experiment with dilute hydrochloric acid and zinc, and he prepared a test tube and poured some hydrochloric acid into it and waited for half a day with no reaction. He was very puzzled, and then he asked one of his students to answer the question: "Why don't you explain why there are no bubbles?
The student: Teacher, you didn't put zinc!
Teacher: This student's answer is very good!
26
When I was in middle school, it started to be popular to have a wenquixing, and my classmates had money, so they bought one, 200 dollars for 98 years.
I wanted to borrow his to play for a while, and when I got to a place where I was asked to enter the password, I asked him what the password was.
He didn't say, he said don't look, personal data.
So I gave up, but my curiosity never went away.
One day, I saw him take out the Wenquxing play, I inadvertently peeped at him to lose the password, I saw him lose 6 of the same characters, the heart secretly happy, so the password is so simple, so find an opportunity to go to the flip to peep.
So, one day when he went out, I turned out of his Wenquixing, and hurried to lose I saw that 6 meters characters ******
....
27
Beijing bus, a man with a four or five-year-old boy.
While waiting for a traffic light, there was a police car next to the bus.
The man, who for some reason hates police so much, said to the boy, "Look, son, they're police. police
You know, they're the sons of the people. I am the people, and pol.ice is my son!"
A second later, the boy shouted, "Then I'm pol.ice his grandpa!"
We sitting next to each other couldn't hold back our laughter.
28
I bought a ride card holder
There was a design on it that looked like a chicken
But we weren't sure it was a chicken
They laughed at me and told me that I had no taste and that I bought such an ugly thing
I was very upset and shouted, saying, "What's wrong with chickens? Chickens have dignity.
When I finished, I realized that the whole hall was looking at me...
29
One day.
Deadpool: "I have a tiny waist."
I disdained: "You damn that's a pig's waist."
Deadpool was offended and asked back, "So what kind of waist are you?"
Answer: "Human waist."
30
In junior high school, it was two separate sets of desks and chairs put up against each other, and the same desk (male) argued, and then I huffed and puffed and buried my head in my workbook and wrote my name on it, and then huffed and puffed and stood up ready to turn in my homework, and then I saw my
desk sitting on his little stool, and then hugging his little desk. The whole thing flopped down towards the outside. I was stunned, I don't know why, he slowly struggled to get up from his own desk and chair and said pitifully, I thought you were going to stand up and hit me T.T ......
31
The other day I finally went out on a date with my handsome brother who I've had a crush on since junior high school
The way I was dressed up ~ due to wearing a I wore a shirt with a big collar, so I put on a chest patch...
After a very sweet dinner, we took a walk along the shopping street.
Suddenly, my handsome brother stopped and asked me what was sticking under your clothes.
I looked down in bewilderment and saw that the sticker had slipped off!
I calmly took it off and threw it into the trash can: "I don't know what it is~I guess it's stuck somewhere."
So we both continued our walk
And my hand, clasped to my chest, never let go... ...
32
In the dormitory chat gossip, a classmate while chatting with us, while peeling the cell phone recharge card password, the more chatting the more energetic, and so she looked back, recharge card password that one has been peeled through her, and then she used the ingenious craftsmanship of the waste paper scraping out the password in the scraps of paper, but also recharge the value.
33
On one occasion in physical education class, the teacher came up with a serious face and announced: today, I want to criticize two students, a boy and a girl. A boy standing behind me muttered: dog man and woman! A pair of dog man and woman! The teacher said loudly, I'm talking about you, you and XX (the other woman) ~ ~ the class laughed ~ ~
34
The other day, I saw a news on the Internet on my cell phone: the singer was arrested for drug abuse...
I wondered...
Why would you do drugs if you don't have to?
Why did the news specifically say that the drug addict was smiling?
Later it was realized that Hanxiao is a singer...
35
Several years ago, in the company to do secretarial, internal emergency, panicked, rushed to the toilet, found that the women's restroom door hidden, because the toilet for a single pit, dare to enter, so knocked on the door to try, only to hear a female voice calmly replied: please enter ~ ~!
36
When I was digging out my pockets, a key fell out, and I didn't realize it at the time, so I went back to look for it!
There was a young couple on the side of the road, and the man suddenly got excited and said, "Whose is it? I'm not going to be able to get a good look at it, but I'm going to be able to find it.
I thought it was the key and said, "Mine, mine!
Later, I realized that the woman was pregnant. 。。。。
Pity my poor face. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this, but I'm sure I'll be able to get a good deal on this, and I'm sure I'll be able to get a good deal on this. So for a while, I went out to the yard every day holding a clothes propping pole to retrieve all the bras from the house. Neighborhood women came to my house day after day to ask for bras, and I doggedly guarded the front door of my house every day, shouting at them that they were all my mother's!
38
I'm a scrubber, and today I accidentally rubbed out the tattoo of a social boss
39
The school was a bungalow when I was in school, and when the school year started in September, there were a lot of new students. One day a freshman who seemed to be a class rep held up a pile of homework and asked me, "Where's the math office?"
"By the men's room." The math office was indeed by the men's room, but to the left.
The guy went to the right side of the men's room and yelled "report"
There was a pause, and a voice from inside said, "No one is allowed to enter!
......
40
When I was in elementary school, I slept at night and dreamed that I had a fight with my dad, and I was so angry that I woke up. When I woke up, I saw
seeing my dad next to me, still very angry, I went up and snapped two mouths ==
41
One time in the morning math practice, the whole class didn't finish. The math teacher said with a puzzled look on his face: I finished it last night in ad time, you guys are too slow. One of the students was not convinced on the spot and shouted: "The teacher is watching the commercials on Hunan TV," he said! The whole class fell down laughing.
42
News: Tong Dawei's wife gave birth to a daughter
Comments: This Tong Dawei is really great
43
On one occasion I went to a friend's house to get some things and went downstairs, and three of them were ready to go up the stairs to see a few children downstairs to play with the sunflower pointing hand
Friends nosy, went up and said, "Look at my sunflower pointing hand, pointing to one of the children
We then went up the stairs, and then we went up the stairs to see a child, and then we went up the stairs.
We went upstairs, we were there for at least half an hour, and when we came downstairs, the kid was still there
My friend went up and did the Sunflower Pointing Hands, and the kid came back to life
I was sweating like crazy. .........................
44
Morning just get up, on the balcony to see the opposite building of a woman wearing only a bra in the breakfast. Then shouted to her husband to come over to see, her husband ironically, speechless, carried me back to the house completely naked.
Last word: "Are you looking for a girlfriend?"