I finally couldn't fit it in, and I burped a few times. Then, skillfully picked up the small white bottle on the table, poured a handful of small tablets into his hand and counted one *** 12. With the remaining bite of coke, I drank it.
This is phenolphthalein tablet, which is mainly used to treat intractable constipation, also called "laxative". The dosage is 50- 100mg for adults, and 50mg for each tablet, that is, 1 to 2 tablets. It didn't take long for my stomach to react and I grunted. Unexpectedly, I turned and went to the bathroom.
? I went there eight times a night and hardly slept. But I am very satisfied, so that the diarrhea is completely emptied and the huge amount of food I just ate will not turn into meat. Needless to say, I won't eat anything in the next few days, and I have a lot of exercise.
After several trips, I almost collapsed. I lay in bed, staring straight at the ceiling, expressionless. Another sleepless night. I feel like I'm lying in a black hole, and the huge suction makes me fall. There's nothing I can do.
? 0 1
At first, I just lost weight. No big deal. Eight out of ten female college students are losing weight.
? My height before losing weight was about 165CM, 120 kg. I was a little fat at that time, but I could still wear clothes with the right waist to date.
After being rejected by the boy I like, I really made up my mind to start losing weight seriously. That's man next door I met in the club, a warm man with central air conditioning, who is considerate and gentle to me. When I first went to college, I fell in love and decided that he just liked me.
He is really good to me, but he is also good to other girls. When every girl was young, she had a dream of leading role, and always felt that she would be the exception. I didn't wait for him to confess, so I began to make excuses for him. Maybe he is shy, or has any concerns, but I can't think of them. Maybe he doesn't like me at all.
? So on the day of 520, I couldn't hold it any longer. Encouraged by my friend, I made a confession to him in my newly bought skirt. I asked him out for a walk as usual, and he didn't seem to notice anything unusual at all. This is the first time I confessed to a boy, and my heart thumped all the way and I didn't listen to what he was saying.
Walking under a dimly lit tree, I finally got up my courage. ? "Do you know that I have always liked you?" I dare not look up. "ah? I really don't know. " In fact, he is playing dumb. "I have always regarded you as an ordinary friend." "Ha ha ha ha, why are you so stupid?" I smiled deliberately to hide my embarrassment.
? When I came back that night, my roommate drank four cans of beer with me in the dormitory and cried all night. It was my first time to drink. Canned beer can make me drunk.
18-year-old girl has never tasted the bitterness of life. The greatest pain in life is not being loved by the person she likes.
I felt terrible when I admitted failure. At that time, my feelings were very simple. If he doesn't like me, it means I'm not good enough. So I was heartbroken for love and looked down on myself. The legs are a little thick, the ass is a little big and the back is a little thick.
? Well, I thought he turned me down because I was fat and ugly. So, I couldn't stand my thick thighs any longer and decided to lose weight.
? The principle of losing weight is simple. Shut up and spread your legs. Everyone knows that, but you just can't do it. So I decided to carry these two things through, basically eating only some fruit a day and occasionally eating a loaf of bread at noon. I also began to exercise slowly. Every day when others are eating, I run around the playground. I've probably never seen me so serious. I got a fright and lost weight quickly.
In less than a semester, I lost more than 20 Jin. After losing excess fat, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I could have been the kind of girl with strange bones.
The boy I like has long been forgotten. I used the money saved by dieting to buy many beautiful clothes that I couldn't wear before. Looking at myself in the mirror, I am very disciplined, beautiful and thin. I am very satisfied. I only have one thought left. I wish I could be thinner.
If the story ends here, it is an inspirational weight loss story of a girl who becomes beautiful for love. When did it get out of hand? Ever since I began to lose sleep all night because of excessive dieting, my memory has become poor. I don't remember how I ate before I lost weight, nor when I started. The whole person is like a roller coaster out of control, rushing down from the highest point and never getting up again.
? 02
I was fascinated by the decreasing numbers on the scale. I am getting worse and worse, eating less and less, but exercising more and more.
When I open my eyes every morning, the first thing I do is to say that this is the most important moment of the day, and the numbers on the weighing scale can determine my mood this day. Before I weigh myself in weighing scale, I will go to the toilet, drain my body to the cleanest, and then take off my clothes. Even if it can be less than 0. 1 kg, it is worth rejoicing.
? Anxiety about weight made me suddenly suppress my appetite and began to have an inexplicable aversion to food. If I take one more bite, I will panic. In order to avoid eating out too much and affecting my weight loss plan, I tried my best to get rid of all the parties with friends and start working alone.
Under strict diet and exercise, by the time I was a junior, I had lost 80 pounds and my waist circumference was less than 1' 7. I look very thin. But I am still not satisfied. There is only one thought left in my heart, I want to continue to lose weight.
? Such a harsh diet for a long time will inevitably break out. At the beginning, when I really can't help but want to eat, I will choose to chew first and then vomit, chew up the food in my mouth and then spit it out without swallowing it.
? When I tried it for the first time, I felt very happy, as if I had discovered a new continent. I could satisfy my appetite without worrying about eating long meat. So I am addicted to chewing and vomiting. I often buy a bunch of food, bring a big plastic bag, find an empty corner, and end a date alone with food. I eat until I'm full, then I chew it up and spit it in a plastic bag, and then I secretly throw away the food residue. Wipe your mouth and go back to the dormitory as if nothing had happened.
? My mind was a little twisted. Seeing piles of food being wasted, I don't feel guilty at all, and I don't feel sick in the face of food scraps such as vomit.
Slowly, chewing and vomiting can no longer satisfy my long-suppressed appetite. Occasionally, I accidentally swallowed it, and suddenly my appetite was like a sluice that couldn't be closed, and it began to get out of hand. I wolfed down all the food I wanted to chew. For me, this is the end of the world.
From then on, I began to go to the other extreme. When you are hungry for a long time, you can't help eating a big meal, and your appetite is amazing. I eat more than normal people in a day, and I won't stop if I can't eat. And most of them are high-calorie foods that are usually avoided, and they are crazy about sweets such as chocolate and cakes.
After eating, you will fall into deep remorse and use laxatives, hunger strikes and crazy sports to compensate. At first, I took one or two pills according to the instructions. Later, I felt that the effect was not fast enough, so I just ate a dozen tablets together.
Then I completely lost control. Just take a few more bites and your appetite will stop. Every time I have an appetite, I'm like an addict, and I'll try my best to find food. Once I had dinner with my roommate and went to a famous online celebrity restaurant. Since I started to lose weight, we haven't eaten together for a long time, and everyone is very happy.
? After dinner, I began to fidget, regardless of my roommate's repeated detention, making excuses to hurry back to school, and then I ate a lot of food without authorization. It was after a normal meal. I can't count how many cakes, chocolates, ice cream and potato chips I ate.
? In this way, it is either strict dieting or overeating. Eating has become very difficult for me. I don't know how much food a normal adult woman should eat.
? 03
Later, I learned that I had bulimia nervosa. Bulimia nervosa (BN), also known as bulimia, is an eating disorder characterized by repeated overeating, compensatory behavior to prevent weight gain, and excessive attention to one's own weight and body shape.
The main manifestations are recurrent, uncontrollable and impulsive overeating, followed by inappropriate compensatory behaviors to prevent weight gain, such as fasting, excessive exercise, vomiting, abuse of diuretics and laxatives. These behaviors are related to their excessive objective evaluation of their own weight and body shape.
Unlike a cold, I don't know that I am actually sick, let alone what to do. I just feel that my body is like a bottomless black hole, and I can't eat enough.
? This long-term tossing has also sent a serious warning to the body, and it will often have a stomachache; Began to suffer from insomnia and couldn't sleep all night; The skin is getting worse and worse, yellow and dry, with no color at all; Menstruation didn't visit for more than three months; Hands and feet are always cold. Maybe I'm ashamed, maybe I'm afraid I won't understand. I have no choice but to tell anyone around me that I have been desperately supporting myself and pretending to study, work and live normally as much as possible. No one knows what kind of suffering I suffer inside.
? Later, my roommates finally couldn't stand it and worried about my health. They secretly contacted my parents. At that time, there was no high-speed train, and my mother took the all-night train, 16 hours of green leather train.
When I met my mother at the station, I specially wore a dress with several layers of lace because I was fat.
? When I first saw me, my mother burst into tears and kept muttering, "What a good child! How did you make yourself like this?" "。 My mother wouldn't let me help her with her luggage all the way. I know, mom is angry.
? My mother stayed with me for a few days and supervised my three meals a day. I had to put my weight loss plan aside for the time being and have a good meal with her. But every bite of food I eat makes me anxious. Because eating is out of my control, only a strict diet can make me feel at ease.
? I tried to talk to my mother about what happened. She thought I didn't eat because I was trying to lose weight. She just kept telling me "Eat well and stop losing weight" and kept putting vegetables in my bowl. I don't know how to explain it to her. I'm really sick. Looking at my mother's sad face, I only know that I can't let her worry anymore. So, I pretended as if nothing had happened and promised my mother that I would never lose weight again. So I swallowed the food in the bowl in one gulp. After repeated persuasion, my mother barely got on the train home.
After sending my mother to school, I cried all the way on the bus. I really can't spoil my health any more. I really can't make my mother feel bad. I really need to live a good life.
After getting off the bus, I rushed to the shopping street behind the school, repeated what I had repeated countless times, overeating, and then ate too much laxatives.
Mom, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
? I have been a self-controlled person since I was a child, and I will try my best to do what I want to do. The first time, I gave up. It is too difficult for me to give up losing weight and eating normally.
Later, whenever I think about that time, I feel that I am running in a tunnel with no exit, and a big black dog is chasing me closely behind me. I can't stop at all, and I dare not stop.
? 04
In my most desperate time, who would have thought that my life would be ruined by losing weight? I met a boy. Later, I thought that maybe God couldn't take it anymore, so he sent an angel to save me.
It was very hot at that time. I go running in the playground every night and see him every day. Later, the two became familiar with each other, and he often took me running together. "You are too thin, don't run so much every day."
So, he dragged me out of the playground to eat delicious food, and then stared at me while I was eating. "Do you know how cute you are when you eat?" I was a little shy and bowed my head and took a big bite of the octopus.
? Slowly, the food seems to be less annoying. I actually started eating a little, and I stopped bargaining for every bite of food. The increase in the number of weighing scales has not collapsed as before. I carefully told the boy the fact that I was ill, for fear of scaring him. I don't know how to explain it. "I just don't eat, you know?" He didn't fully understand it and didn't take it seriously at all. Only a little. I'm too thin. I must eat more.
So he dragged me to eat every meal, and sometimes he would accompany me to eat another meal after eating. With him, I lost many chances of overeating and didn't want to eat all day. The dopamine secreted by love gradually made me forget the pain of eating, and I expected him more than the number of times I lost weight. For the first time since losing weight, there is something more important in life than weight.
? In fact, we didn't know at the time. For bulimia nervosa patients, eating three meals a day is the only effective cure.
? The rebound in weight is also expected. Long-term dieting made my body's basal metabolic rate very low, and soon my body rose like a balloon. I can't wear a lot of clothes before I get fat. The price of being fat is health. Physical function is slowly recovering, and eating disorders are slowly improving.
? Of course, I will still collapse at first. "You really look good, no matter how fat or thin you are." He told me again and again. Under his gentle and firm gaze, I gradually accepted that I was getting fat. People also become relaxed and no longer compete with themselves. He gave me confidence and found the confidence and strength that the whole person lost bit by bit.
? In this way, when I was most desperate, his love became my buffer period, escape or redemption, and finally let me return to my normal life and make peace with my body and food. Finally, finally, we can have a good meal.
Love is really the most powerful force in the world, and those dark clouds lingering in your eyes will eventually dissipate quietly under the action of love.
05
? Later, I often think of the dark days when the little girl in her early 20 s who couldn't get love threw herself into the struggle with food and struggled to survive. I also gradually understand that my extreme aversion to food is to hate myself who is not loved; Later, the crazy desire for food filled the hole in my heart, which was caused by insecurity and love. The apparent eating disorder is actually the disorder of my inner order.
Lose yourself because you are not loved, and love yourself again because you are loved. After these chaotic and dark moments, a girl's complete and independent personality is gradually established. The core of independent personality is to accept yourself from the heart.
The ending of this story is not perfect. Finally, I separated from that boy for some reasons, but I am still grateful to him. I thank him for showing up when I needed it most, pulling me out of the quagmire of losing weight, and for his love to heal my pain and make me proud.
The most important lesson is to teach me to love myself. Learn to love yourself and you will be invincible.