The following is from: dailyjokes.com.
1: Four roadies from Chengdu met unintentionally, so they decided to tell their respective roadie histories.
A; Speaking of street people, you must not be as stupid as I am. A month ago, I went to the park and couldn't find my way home, so I finally had to call 110 to send me home, and now I don't dare to go to the park at random!
B; you count what, a week ago, I went out to slip the dog, just walked a few steps, the result of a turn back, can not find the way home, and finally the dog led me home. I'm afraid to go out now!
C; you two are too small, just last night I was hungry, so I went to the kitchen to find something to eat, the results of eating, I can not find the way back to the bedroom, finally, or my wife to see me half a day did not come back, which only ran to the kitchen to lead me back. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get out of the bedroom now," she said!
Ding; Chengdu is there? I was there?
2: One day at a Chinese university, the teacher asked the foreign students to tell him their favorites in the form of "I love...
Chinese students were asked to tell him their favorites in the form of "I love...
Chinese students were asked to tell him their favorites in the form of "I love".
Chinese student; "Teacher, I love Chinese."
American student; "Teacher, I love Americans."
British student; "Teacher, I love the British."
On hearing this, the Japanese student thought; "They all love their own countrymen, I can't be left behind."
So he stood up defiantly and said; "Teacher, I love the Japanese,, people."
(Laughing point in the last sentence, mainly brother in the use of words to curse, hehehe, no blame)
3: The office director received a phone call, said that people to go to the Spring Festival issued by the welfare. I'm not sure who to let go.
The director looked at Xiao Liu who was busy writing a work plan, and then looked at Xiao Wang who was sitting on the side, and casually said, "Xiao Liu is busy (small hooligan), Xiao Wang bar (small bastard)."
The whole office laughed successively, only the director did not know what they were laughing at.
4: male to the female wrote a love letter above wrote: "During the day I am a cloud, you go to that I will follow to there, at night I am the moonlight of the quiet, shine into your window and you sleep together"
Women read it and then angrily said: "lean"! ? Colorful wolf! ? I want to follow me even if it actually want to sleep with me, this kind of thing actually blatantly write a small paper, want to engage in rape ah!
1: The company's playground, the eighth squad leader is training new recruits.
The eighth squad leader: "Comrades! At ease, please. Through three consecutive days of formation training, most of your comrades have performed very well, but there are very few comrades who still can't tell left from right until now!
Now I'm going to let you all answer my two questions, one, what is the hand that you use to wipe your ass on the toilet?"
All the soldiers in the class: "Right hand!"
Eighth squad leader: "What hand is the one you use to carry the bowl when you eat?"
The class warrior: "Left hand!"
Eighth squad leader: "Good! All below, on my command, turn left!"
'Eight' after the sound, that 'very few' comrades and turn the wrong way, attracted the class laughter, eight squad leader fire let him out of the line and asked: "What is the left hand, what is the right hand! "
Very few comrades: "Report to the squad leader! The right hand to wipe your ass, the left hand to serve the rice bowl!"
Squad 8...
2: (1) girlfriend asked me: if I and your mom fell into the river at the same time, you will first on who ah?
I said: Save my mom!
Girlfriend asked me angrily: you said you will always love me, the end of the world are unchanged. I have a question and you're in your original form?
I said: Well! Then I save you first!
Girlfriend even more angry, said: what? Your mom painstakingly brought you up, do you have a conscience ah?!!!? You .....
me: we ..... Tomorrow to learn to swim!
(2) Me: Hey, my mom is not home today!
Girlfriend: well, I'll go cook for you?
I said excitedly: I can! I'm sure it's fine!
Girlfriend said: that, you wait a while, I go to buy some things, a moment to your home to give you a good meal!
After waiting for about an hour, my girlfriend showed up at my house with a bag of frozen dumplings, dripping with sweat...
3: One day I took the high-speed train from Hangzhou to Shanghai, halfway stopped for several minutes has not started, this time the conductor came to our compartment to explain the reason.
A passenger who saw this deliberately asked why the train was not yet started.
The train explained the train failure. The passenger was very worried and said, you do not open, the car behind us to catch up how to do? The passengers in the carriages all laughed!
4: A man has a mental illness, so he came to the hospital to find a psychiatrist to consult.
Men: "Doctor! I'm so bitter, please save me!"
Doctor: "Friends do not panic, you have what suffering, please tell me slowly, or for you to analyze the treatment."
Man: "Every night lately, I dream of beautiful women such as Diaochan, Yang Guifei, Li Shishi, and so on, each of them cleanly surrounds me acutely!"
Doctor: "Wow! It's the 21st century and there are still such beautiful dreams, you're really blessed! What's wrong with that?"
Man: "What kind of luck is that? You know, I dreamt that I was a woman, and I was one of their maids, only I was flat on top, but I was bulging on the bottom, and they were making fun of me, so tell me if I'm miserable."
, a woman walked into a bookstore. Asked the clerk: "There is no Barkin's "Autumn""
The clerk exclaimed: "Eight pounds? What a joke, the old lady lived half a lifetime, a catty have not seen, but also eight pounds of ......"
2, "According to the six streets of Sun Mazi said, his favorite TV series "Palace" to shoot a prequel, this time focusing on the Palace A brother's childhood time stories."
"What's it called then?" "Teen Palace."
Later, they made a sequel, about the children and grandchildren of the Argos, called The Womb.
3. The leader visited the pig factory with his wife.
The director of the farm introduced: this good breed boar mates twice a day.
Mrs. touched the leader: look at the others!
The second circle, the field manager introduced: this boar can mate four times a day.
Madame looks angrily at the leader: you see others!
By the third circle, the field manager said this one can mate eight times a day.
Mrs. screwed the leader: look at others!
The leader asked the manager: every time with the same sow? A: Every time with a different sow.
The leader said: look at others!
4, a couple encountered a family financial crisis, to the end, they could not stand. The husband said to his wife you go to the nightclub at night and try to make some money.
Her husband barred her to the nightclub and picked her up at night.
"How much did you make? " the husband asked.
The wife replied: "I made 100 dollars and 50 cents. "
The husband says: "Anyone else give 50 cents? "
The woman said: "They all give 50 cents! "
5. Man: Do you have any souvenirs at your place
Woman: Yes
Man: What?
Female: tonic wine
Male: tonic what
Female: poured in the noodles, the noodles climbed up and stood
6, late at night, there is a drunken man walked to the door of a nightclub, and suddenly fell down from the upper floors of a pair of disheveled men and women.
He staggered to the door, knocked it open, and the drunk pointed to the two men on the floor and said, "Your billboards fell off!"