Couples who have been living apart for a long time will certainly have many hidden dangers to their relationship, which is a viewpoint shared by many people, but now with the increasing pressure of life, many families have to be forced to live apart for work reasons, and the existence of such a situation is indeed a serious impediment to the understanding of the couples.
Therefore, for many couples, they are most looking forward to the moment is the couple can end this separation of the day, can be spent together, but long-term separation caused by the gap has actually been objectively formed, once again reunited together, some couples instead of causing serious conflict and friction.
There is a program about emotional disputes between couples, the couple has been married for 26 years, in which the wife is often resident in the field due to work reasons, and her husband has been separated for 10 years, the last two years of the husband and wife reunited together, thought that living together can sublimate the feelings between the two, however, these two years, the two are in conflict, the wife continued to ask for a divorce.
In the program, the wife spit out certain trivialities in the life of the two, the first is due to the husband's love of travel, but the wife likes to do chores at home, organizing the housework, the husband asked his wife to accompany him to go out and travel, the wife asked her husband to accompany her at home to do the chores, to quote the wife's words: "You help me do the chores, I'll accompany you on a trip, you don't help me to do the chores! , I will not accompany you on a trip." The two just like to lift each other up in life, and conflicts arise as a result.
Talking about the second thing, the wife is very angry and very cold, the wife is fine when she likes to go out to dance, once jumped out of attention to the foot injury, thanks to the peer dance partner will be sent home, the wife said she was inconvenient legs and feet, need to be taken care of to send tea, call her husband's phone has been shut down and can not be reached, it was not easy to pass a few days, the husband came back to rush out, not at home to stay hot, the wife said. The wife said that in her most needy time, her husband was nowhere to be found, making her feel especially cold and desperate for him.
In the face of his wife's spitting and complaining, the husband said that the phone has been turned off because he was in the mountains inside the mountain climbing tour, the phone does not signal, so a moment and a half do not know that they can not come back, as for the return home to see his wife was injured and did not take care of the outing, the husband said that beforehand and his friends have an agreement to go out and play, he can not be refused, not to mention that he thought his wife was not seriously injured, can be at home, so he went out again! The first thing I did was to go on a trip, and then I went out again.
Faced with the intense exchanges between the two people on the field, the scene emotional guests are incredibly, 10 years after the separation of the reunion has been pushed to the edge of the original calm marriage divorce, the guests said that if it were not for the separation of the 10 years, perhaps the marriage of each other can not be sustained for so long, but rather is the separation of the marriage of two people to save.
The 10-year "weekend couple" reunion will erupt into a divorce crisis
While the emotional guest's expression is a bit of flirtation, it seems to illustrate a truth that we can't see, the 10-year separation did maintain their marriage for 10 years, so why did the reunion make the marriage fall into a desperate situation? Why does the reunion instead make the marriage in a desperate situation? From the couple's statements, it seems that a slap in the face is not enough, and both of them should be held accountable for it.
The couple's personalities are very different, the wife likes to do housework, square dancing, happy to live their own little happy life, while the husband likes to go out and travel, the two are obsessed with their personal habits, but not willing to make changes and concessions for each other, each other have become a delicate egoism.
Just as the wife said, her husband is willing to accompany her to do housework at home, she is willing to accompany him to go out and travel, the two people behind each other is the companionship of each other as a bargaining chip to blackmail each other, in short, the warmth of the companionship into a cold-blooded trade and exchange, each other in order to their own hobbies and interests, and is not willing to make a little concession.
When there is only left in the eyes of their own time, the other party became transparent, so that his wife's feet injured in the need for people to take care of the time, the husband was even with friends beforehand on the grounds that, in a hurry and went out to play, no matter how much the reason for watertight, but it is clear that reveals a kind of cold-blooded attitude to his wife's indifference, after all, in the personal play and his wife's injuries need to be taken care of compared to the majority of us, obviously! After all, most of us can tell the difference between a personal trip and an injured wife in need of care, and the husband's reasoning is nothing more than an excuse for his own selfishness.
There is a saying that: a small separation is better than a new marriage, 10 years of living apart, so that the long time to meet each other extraordinarily value the time together, each other can find time to accompany each other, therefore, this 10 years of harmony in the illusion of covering up the essence of the marriage of the crisis, when the two are finally reunited to live together, the crisis has been singled out, and the contradiction has been completely publicized.
Get together more time, each other will not pay attention to the time together, more is trying to respect their own interests, and gradually produced indifference to each other, at the same time, due to the increase in time together, the understanding of each other is also gradually deepened, before each other to hide the shortcomings of the exposed, the time to make a person completely back to the original shape, when each other do not want to tolerate each other's shortcomings! The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California at Berkeley.
We should cope with the emotional crisis brought about by the reunion after the separation
This also brings a thought to the vast number of separated couples, how should we maintain the separation of marriage? How to deal with the hidden dangers that may lurk in the marriage?
Because from the middle-aged couple's point of view, the root cause of their coming to the brink of divorce is that one is too much of a feather in each other's cap to make changes for each other, and the other is unwillingness or failure to tolerate each other's shortcomings.
Since the couple, their own consideration of the problem is not only to consider their own, exquisite egoism is the biggest "nemesis" of marriage, too much love for their own is contradictory to the marriage itself, the consequences are the other side of the spit out of selfishness, so we love their own time, but also to appropriate a part of the energy to love each other, love themselves and love each other need to reach a certain tacit understanding, then the marriage of heaven and earth, and the other side of the marriage. The first thing that you need to do is to get a good understanding of what you are doing and how you are doing it, so that you can maintain a balance in your marriage.
The separation will lead to each other can not completely understand each other, this is the objective reality, everyone has this or that shortcomings, this is the same is unchangeable fact, the problem does not lie in how to change these objective external facts, but in how we look at these external facts.
Since no one is perfect, we should rationally recognize this truth, some of the shortcomings of the other side, or some of their own intolerable words and deeds, they should be more tolerant and understanding, after all, to push their own considerations, their own certainly there are a lot of shortcomings and let the other side can not tolerate the words and deeds, their own tolerance of each other to get the other side of their own understanding, the loss of this The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and then you'll be able to get a new one.