What I usually talk about with my friends at gatherings are also extremely grounded topics. I have tried very hard to keep up with everyone, such as falling in love, getting married, having children, buying a house, buying a car ...... and then every now and then calling friends to get together to live a standard life in line with the mainstream values, and I have thought y that this is what 'happiness' is all about, plain and true. But unfortunately, I actually lost in the first session, resulting in the most popular program at each gathering is actually gossiping about my "extreme romantic history. Later on, it was Playko's classmates who made a profound summary: "Maybe the really extreme person is you!"
Well, I think I've not only met the wrong person but also made the wrong friends. (? ￢3￢)
Then, I bounced around two companies, doing all the thrilling "big things", with colleagues, with the boss against, with the villain tearing ...... There is a particularly sincere friend told me, you have to learn to suffer, learn to endure, get through it on the good. At that time, I knew that I was definitely not the material to do undercover work, too indolent, but wherever the bottom line touches the principle of things, I must be a martyr to make the other side y understand the consequences of the same to the end. Of course, I am always the winning side, after all, I adhere to the principle, is the fact, is the truth! But at the same time I became a thorn in the side of some people. I don't know why I couldn't "get over it". Maybe I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't be myself anymore. I began to realize how important it was for me to be myself. A friend criticized me and said, "You can't be too self-absorbed. After all, we are living in this reality and everyone is helpless, so don't be too aggressive". In fact, I also feel particularly tired, and how I do not understand the plight of others, especially my direct leader, often I feel that I am quite sorry for him, but if I understand and compromise the consequence is to have to do irresponsible, detrimental to others and not self-interest, and often have to do their best to clarify some common sense, I really do not dare to think about what kind of a "reality" I am in. I don't know if my bottom line is too high or the bottom line of this 'reality' is too low.
Because I want to be myself, I can't convince myself to go into marriage,
Because I want to be myself, I can't convince myself to get by,
Because I want to be myself, I can't break my own promises,
Because I want to be myself, I almost take out the courage of my six relatives to disown .......
Finally, I decided to quit this 'reality'. Before I quit, I thought about it for a whole year. In fact, I can completely both adhere to their own and well survive in this reality, as my mother, but I simply do not want to be her! Because I'm pretty much the only one who has seen her exhaustion, her hard work, her regrets, her pain ...... What a drain it really is on her. And everything she tries to do is just to fulfill 'what everyone thinks is good'. But the truth is, no matter what she did, everyone thought it wasn't good enough. What's even funnier is that years later, when my mom had rediscovered herself and made a clean break with her past, one of my cousins mistakenly thought that the most intoxicating days of my mom's life were precisely those in the past that she was most reluctant to look back on.
I thought, if life is to be wasted, then at least it should be wasted on something meaningful, on someone worth helping, on something that reflects your values. At that time, I still didn't know what kind of person I was, but when I made the decision to 'return to art', I felt a sense of relief, an unprecedented peace that made me look forward to the future. And every day after that, this calm joy continued to fill my whole body and mind.
In the years that followed, because of my studies and my focus on creating with my mother at home, we didn't have any income, and one of the questions I was asked the most was:
This was also the main question I thought about before I quit my job. People live only three meals a day, but life is another matter, that is an inner practice, may go through an extremely difficult process, but the harvest is the freedom of the spirit, so as to obtain a more affluent life. Some people think that eating is important, but I think that spiritual freedom is more important, because I have a very small amount of food, and if I talk about eating alone and don't often go to restaurants to spend money, I certainly can't spend $1,000. In reality, the real cost is to get married, have children, pay for the house, maintain a car and countless social favors, of course, also includes clothing, travel, beauty salon and other daily consumption.
And what I'm considering is to subtract from the "factory settings". Of course, no matter how we customize our lives, survival is the first thing we have to face, and if we can't ensure that we survive, then all of our ideals are nothing more than pipe dreams. So in addition to the two options of eating and lodging that can't be removed, I've basically deleted the rest.
After quitting my job, I gave my mom all the savings from my part-time job and moved back to Zhuhai from Shenzhen, which eliminated the major expense of rent. The main reason for coming home is not just to get a room, but because the one person who can go with me is at home, and that's my mom. A lot of people think that my mom is such a retired middle-aged aunt, square dancing, rubbing hemp is already welcome, at home in old age and wait for death is good, talk about dreams is not a little too much? Some people even think that I work with my mom is simply ridiculous, completely wasted their good years on a thin old man. But I don't think so. I think she's the only one who deserves my help. If I have to work, I'd rather work for my mom, not only because she supports me both mentally and materially, which makes me more free and down-to-earth, but also because I've learned so many excellent qualities from her, her self-discipline, her perseverance, her motivation, her independence, and her unassuming nature are all constantly pushing me to become a better person. More importantly, her unparalleled talent inspired in me a deep sense of responsibility for Chinese culture and art. So I want to fulfill her, and I also want to fulfill myself, and I want to do something for the cause of arts and crafts in China.
Study, work, resignation, graduate school, creation, seclusion ...... A decade has passed, and unknowingly there is one more determined peer. Suddenly, I realized that I was the idealist!
Our life is very poor, but it is incredibly down-to-earth. As a mother, my mom often blamed herself for not being able to give me a richer life, and even sometimes wondered if she was dragging me down in life. But I think it's the opposite. Some people are so poor that all they have left is money, while we are so poor that all we have left is talent. Although talent is not a meal, it saves us the opportunity to spend a lot of money and the ability to endure loneliness and poverty. As the saying goes, it is better to have a skill in hand than in hand. To be able to do everything in life without asking for help, and to be able to take charge of one's own work, is the capital for survival. Some friends have suggested that I should work and create at the same time, so that I can live a more comfortable life. I can only say, if I need to I will, but if in the premise of not affecting the basic survival, I think my time is more precious. There is no one in the world who is so noble that he or she can't live with money, and we also need money to improve our living environment in order to support our creative life to be able to better continue, but one's energy and time are limited after all, how to utilize the limited time to do more valuable things, I think I think I consider it more realistic. On top of that, due to the nature of our work, we don't have a lot of time to spend. I can't say that our life is all that enviable, but it's not as bad as people think. All I can say is that so far, my customized "Minimalist Life System" is running pretty smoothly.
What's especially gratifying to me is that I often receive support and approval from young people, mostly post-90s and even post-00s. They are all good young people with ideals and pursuits, but they feel very lonely and feel that there is no one in their lives who can understand them, so they envy me for having such an enlightened mom who can serve as my strongest backing. Indeed, I have always been grateful for that too. However, I must make it clear that no parent would support their children in pursuing an unprotected and insecure future without any qualms, and my parents are no exception. No matter how supportive they are, that parental worry and concern for their children is always there. If I have any stress, this is the only stress I have.
All idealists are the loneliest people in the beginning, and the reason why people support them or even join them is not because they are lucky, but because their dedication to their ideals arouses the desire for good in the hearts of the people around them and even in more people, and thus the 'reality' we all have today.
My story and my mother's story is special, but I believe every idealist's story is special, and if they're willing to tell it, it's worth hearing. Because the pursuit of ideals is really not just about how to solve the problem of survival, not to mention that today we are lucky, compared to those who pursued the ideals of the predecessors, we are really living in a particularly good time, the convenience of the Internet alone will provide us with a lot of opportunities to survive, it is difficult to imagine that in the current era of this who will really starve to death.
What's really hard is to get the kind of confidence that you can afford to fail, and the kind of faith that will support you along the way. If you understand what I'm talking about, you won't be anxious about expecting success or doubting yourself because of failure after failure. If you are truly an idealist, you will listen to your deepest calling even if the whole world is against you.
I think for the true idealist, just being on the road is enough.