Why are you always unhappy? With the development of society, most people always feel unhappy now, so do you know the reason? Follow me to see why I am always unhappy. I hope I can help you.
Why are you always unhappy 1 1? One of the reasons for unhappiness is the lack of ability to be alone.
Writer Yi Shu said that one of the reasons why we are unhappy is that we don't know how to stay in the room quietly and get along with ourselves calmly.
In other words, if a person doesn't get along well with himself, he will be unhappy.
The bad relationship with yourself can be traced back to the attachment relationship in infancy.
John Balbi, a British psychoanalyst, put forward the attachment theory by studying the interaction experiment between 1 year-old children and their mothers. He believes that there are four attachment patterns between children and mothers, namely, safety, avoidance, anxiety and obstacle.
When the mother leaves, the child will stay and be unhappy, but when the mother comes back, she will be close to her mother and let her play with her. The baby is safe in there. Avoidance type: children don't react much when their mothers leave and come back. They are not only used to their mother's absence, but also don't expect her to accompany them. Anxiety type: when the mother leaves, the child will always cry, and when the mother leaves forcibly, the child will be angry. When the mother comes back, the child will always observe her mother and worry that her mother will leave again; Disorder type: after the mother left, the child was very flustered and at a loss. When mother came back, she didn't know what to do. She wants her mother to hug her, but she doesn't want her mother to hug her.
In addition to the safe type, all three modes will make children feel unhappy, and if this attachment mode continues into adulthood, then this person is insecure, unable to be alone and difficult to be happy.
In fact, true solitude is not limited to solitude, but also included in the crowd. When our mind and spirit are independent and full, we can explore the world safely from the inside without looking for some comfort from the outside.
It's just that people who haven't established attachment patterns since childhood can't feel at ease, live high and feel happy at the moment.
2. The second reason for unhappiness is that you are eager for progress, but have no action.
Some people are not satisfied with their existing life, eager for progress, but not acting, so they are unhappy. This is what we often say, think more and do less.
But what are the psychological reasons?
This has something to do with our superego.
Psychoanalyst Freud believed that personality consists of id, superego and ego.
Id is instinct, pursuing the principle of enjoyment; Superego is morality and pursues moral principles; Self-pursuit of reality principle, responsible for mediating the conflict between id and superego.
Everyone wants to be recognized by others and is eager for progress, which is the requirement of superego. But people's instinct is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages and enjoy happiness, so they are unwilling to act. When the ego defeats the superego without taking action and the goal is not achieved, the ego is miserable and unhappy.
In other words, we are unhappy because we want to make progress too much and are too superego.
The third reason of unhappiness is the desire to be loved.
Loneliness can make a person feel unhappy, so he is eager to establish a close relationship and find someone who loves him, so he will get rid of loneliness and feel happy.
From a psychological point of view, if you are eager to be loved, you will be unhappy when you haven't got it yet.
Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, pointed out that when a person's physiological and security needs are met, he will yearn for love and belonging (the higher needs are respect and self-realization), which is the result driven by internal needs.
Just like those people who can't be alone mentioned above, they actually lack security and love. When they have a loved one in their hearts, they will naturally be happy.
The fourth reason of unhappiness is fear of being too happy.
In reality, we will meet people who are obviously happy but afraid of happiness.
I have had such an experience. For example, if you go to the hospital for a physical examination, it is obvious that the result is good, but it is difficult to be happy because you are worried that the result of the second examination is not good. Besides, there is a weak voice in my heart saying, don't be too happy. If you are too happy, bad things will happen.
I think, many people will have this kind of experience, afraid of being too happy, and there will be a situation where the extremes meet, so they dare not be happy.
From a psychological point of view, this is a fear of uncertainty, and this fear also stems from previous experiences. For example, a similar situation happened before. After happiness, bad things appeared, resulting in traumatic experiences and excessive worries about the future.
The fifth reason of unhappiness is fear of betraying unhappy parents.
Psychology often says that a happy childhood can cure a lifetime, and an unfortunate childhood needs a lifetime to cure. In a sense, this sentence is right.
As for unhappy things, those children who grew up watching their parents make noise will find it difficult to be happy when they grow up.
They think happiness is betraying their parents. Maybe many people don't know this reason, because it is a subconscious reaction.
The child was carefree, but the parents quarreled every day, and the mother always looked sad. Children are instinctively loyal to their parents. "If you are unhappy, I will be unhappy." I am happy when you are happy, so the happy mood is suppressed, and over time, they are unhappy. Even if you encounter something really happy, you will feel that it is not worth being happy.
In fact, this truth may not be realized by many people, because the habit of emotional reaction is difficult to change, especially since childhood.
6. If you want to save your unhappiness, you should start by being aware of your heart.
I have said a lot about the causes of unhappiness, but from the root, they are all caused by ourselves.
From this perspective, saving unhappiness needs to start with self-awareness.
First, be clear about your heart.
Socrates said that an unexamined life is not worth living. He suggested that we should reflect on ourselves. So what should we reflect on?
I think it's about being aware of your heart.
Ask yourself what is the reason behind unhappiness.
In fact, many times, we are just temporarily lost, stop and think about it, and then we will know the direction.
Second, do a good job of separation of topics.
When we can often introspect ourselves, we will know that something in our hearts is holding us back. The key is to handle the relationship between yourself and your parents.
Parents' neglect may cause us to feel insecure, unable to be alone, and then unhappy. Then tell yourself that when you grow up, you are no longer a child and become powerful, so that you can give yourself some strength and support.
For fear of betraying your parents, you can separate the topic, that is, your parents' affairs and your own affairs need to be handled separately, not to mention that you have grown up.
In other words, even if our parents are still unhappy and quarrel all day, we should allow ourselves to be happy, because our life is our own and we need to be responsible for ourselves.
Third, focus on the power of action.
For those unhappy people who can't achieve their goals because of lack of action, we need to take real actions, including making a good plan, doing it step by step, giving timely feedback and finding an example to learn from.
In fact, when we can handle the relationship between ourselves and ourselves, many things will naturally change, because at that time we will become more relaxed and more motivated to change.
Why always unhappy 2 0 1, lack of faith.
A person's happiness lies not in how rich he is. Life is still the same. Some people live on social assistance and even beg in the street, but they are still happy all day. Some people can't spend all their money in a lifetime, but life still can't find fun and taste, and they are unhappy all day.
It is thought that determines people's happiness. If you don't feel happy, there is something wrong with your mind. We live in a modern society, abandoning our ancestors' philosophy of benevolence, righteousness and honesty, and advocating the so-called western philosophy of selfishness, freedom and individuality.
However, we found that the western philosophy of life did not bring us to heaven, but turned heaven into hell.
Without my own philosophy of life, without the direction of life, my mind is in a wonton state and I can't control happiness.
What people fear most in this life is the lack of thoughts and beliefs. If we lose these happy genes, people will certainly not feel happy. People must constantly strengthen their self-cultivation, improve their moral level, and let their thoughts have an oasis and their beliefs have a foothold, so that they can be happy.
02, the mentality of comparison.
We always compare ourselves with others consciously or unconsciously.
Everyone has vanity. In order to live better than others, we all grew up in comparison.
Achievements, work, welfare, meals, cars, houses and children are not as obedient as others, and so on.
Over time, comparison has become a habit. We didn't compare happiness with happiness, nor did we compare unwillingness with injustice. You have surpassed one person, and a large number of people are better than you. You can never surpass them. When we regard comparison as the pursuit of life, our pursuit of happiness will be gone, and happiness will naturally leave us.
Be a man, be less vain, don't compare with others blindly, compare with your past more, and you will see progress, find satisfaction and get happiness.
03, don't know how to pay.
People are not single individuals, but individuals in groups. Without groups, people will only be lonely, depressed and of course not happy!
Our life is inseparable from the approval of others. From the recognition of others, we can show our value and find the pleasure of being a man.
The ancients said: Le Mo Ken is good. Let go of yourself, be selfish and help others. When helping others, purify yourself, sublimate your mind, make yourself a useful person to society and others, get recognition from others, and you will have a source of happiness.
Charity does not need strong action; Charity is not the monopoly of the rich. It is charity to take out hundreds of millions at every turn; Giving people in trouble a confidence is charity; Lighting a lamp for a lost stranger is charity; Encouraging people who get lost is also charity.
If you have a kind heart and are friendly to others, it is that love is valuable and you will get happiness and happiness from others' gratitude.
04, the ubiquitous pressure.
The fast pace of modern life makes people highly nervous. There are old people to support and children to support in the world. Work pressure, family pressure and interpersonal pressure are passed down from generation to generation. Under heavy pressure, we will be unbearable. If you can't find a way to relieve it, you will be depressed if you are stressed for a long time. How can we be happy?
Faced with great pressure, people tend to become anxious. Anxiety about social injustice, anxiety about lack of money and power, anxiety about illness and death, everything is in my heart. I'm too busy. Spinning like a machine, no time to enjoy life.
People live, only carefree, will be happy. Stress brings us not only harm to health, but also endless anxiety. How can I have time to be happy in my life?
05, the closure of the mind.
Society lacks honesty, and people can't communicate with each other heart to heart. In our eyes, only how to protect our own interests, shut ourselves up, confine ourselves in a small self-world, and be careful of others. Don't try to expand your circle and treat people outside the circle as bad people.
No one can be trusted, no one can be handed over. Everyone closes his heart, is keen on the bustling material world in front of him and is tired of trivial daily life. This is a terrible world. Material wealth and emotional indifference.
People can exchange sincerity for sincerity, and they can also exchange sincerity for sincerity. You shut yourself off, others can't read you, and they can't get close to you. You will only get more and more lonely. Man, the greatest sorrow is the death of his heart. How can such people live happily if they don't trust society and feel insecure?
If you are alive, you should open your heart and find something that makes you happy.
Why are you always unhappy 3 0 1? Unhappiness is related to personal characteristics.
People's own judgment of happiness is related to their personal characteristics. For example, people who are healthy, lively, cheerful, self-respecting and happily married are often more unhappy than those who are ill, introverted, inferior and unhappy in marriage.
However, as a happy mood with a strong personal color, the response to the situation is not so obvious. Because of this, there are always people who are happy for themselves; Some people always think that no matter what happens, they are unhappy.
This is also related to the perspective of everyone in personal traits, so other personal emotions are also closely related to happiness. For example, a person's positive and firm personality depends on what he does-the more difficult the task he can face, the stronger these emotions become.
In order to achieve the goal of shaping positive personal characteristics, it is necessary to establish a personal goal. Intention needs short-term mental energy, while goal needs long-term mental ability. What kind of person you will be shaped into will ultimately be influenced by the goals you pursue.
If a person lacks a consistent goal, he will be half-hearted and difficult to carry out from beginning to end, which is not conducive to forming a strong and independent personality and maintaining happiness. Only by setting goals and constantly investing energy can individuals gain gradual experience.
This stable and reasonable behavior, emotion or choice order will also make individuals have "personality" characteristics. If you want to overcome unhappiness, start by setting goals.
02. The way of thinking determines whether you are happy or not.
Psychologists have come to the conclusion through many experiments that the concept you choose will profoundly affect your lifestyle, and lifestyle is also closely related to your mood.
It determines whether you can become what you want to be and get what you value. How did all this happen? How can a simple idea change your mental state and thus your life?
Psychologists divide the thinking mode into rigid thinking mode and growth thinking mode. Because of the rigid thinking mode, they are convinced that their personality characteristics will not change, creating artificial needs that constantly prove their nervousness.
If your intelligence is limited, your personality is fixed and your moral quality is unchanged, then you'd better prove that you can make good use of them, because you can't accept the lack of these basic qualities.
In a strict mode of thinking, these characteristics only represent a few cards in your hand. You always try to convince yourself that this is a straight flush with others, but deep down, you are afraid that this is a pair of 10.
However, in different mentality, they think that this hand is only the starting point of your success. The idea behind this growth mentality is that your basic quality can be cultivated and improved through hard work.
Although people may be different in all aspects, including gifts and talents, or interests and temperament, everyone can change and grow through practice and experience.
When I ask people with rigid thinking patterns, their answer is "I feel left behind", and they will think about their lives like this: "My life is sad", "I have no life of my own" and "I am the most unlucky person in the world".
You don't have to worry about these things: getting low marks in the exam and being rejected by friends or even lovers. None of this is fun. It is natural to be sad when no one wants to deal with these things.
However, people with growth mentality will not judge, label, or just be discouraged and give up. Although they will be depressed, they are ready to take risks, meet challenges and stick to it.
03. Plan your life and get the best experience.
The quality of life depends on what people have done in 70 years and the flow of consciousness (that is, emotional state) during this period. Generally speaking, different activities will bring different experiences and feelings. If you are doing something depressing all your life, you can't have a happy and bright life.
Generally speaking, all activities have positive and negative aspects. For example, people will be in a good mood when eating, but we can't be happy by eating constantly.
Even if diet helps us to alleviate unhappiness, the time spent eating only accounts for 5% of the waking time every day. If we spend every minute eating and drinking, we will lose interest in food, and even lead to anorexia because of negative emotions.
The rest, such as watching TV and brushing short videos, are all the same. A little relaxation can relieve fatigue and add fun to our life. But the more the quantity increases and exceeds the critical point, the less happiness we get.
As we all know, leisure is the most active activity in a day. But according to the analysis of psychologists, leisure activities are also divided into passive leisure activities and active leisure activities.
Compared with passive leisure such as watching TV and reading, active leisure such as sports, hobbies and playing musical instruments can reach the peak of happiness, motivation and concentration, which is healthier and more enjoyable for people.
Therefore, the first step to improve the quality of life is to plan daily activities reasonably, just like choosing active leisure and passive leisure in leisure, so as to gain the most beneficial experience and feelings, so that you will not feel unhappy and meaningless when facing life.
This seems easy, but in today's society where large inertia and fragmented reading prevail, people often can't tell which part of their lives they like or where they are unhappy.
Therefore, in order to plan your life better and achieve the best experience, you can try to review the activities of the day every night, or record the events of the day systematically in your diary, choose a hobby that will make you really happy and stick to it.
Emotion occupies a large proportion in our life. Good emotions can help us make more correct and reasonable decisions, while bad emotions can make us fall into a situation of self-doubt.
According to the above, we can see that unhappiness is mostly related to personal characteristics and thinking patterns, and it is not irreversible. If you can find a way to change and stick to it, you will find that your life will be easier and happier. All positive emotions can be transformed from negative emotions, depending on how you master them.