By ＼ Zhang Xuan Psychologist
After 5 years of marriage, Lily feels that Mr. Derek's heart seems to be drifting farther and farther away from her. Not only does he no longer say any sweet words, physical contact has become rare, and he no longer goes on trips together on holidays, making life more and more boring. But for Derek, a husband and wife need only be companions, and a spiritual support is enough, so he laughed back at Lily and said, "You're a few years old, and you're still like a little girl.
Lily doesn't know how much longer she can tolerate this lack of interaction and emotional detachment, and although she's not in dire straits, she's a little disillusioned with her marriage and wants to improve the relationship to bring back some of the joys and passions of the past, but she doesn't know how to do it.
Relationships are like cold fires on dead wood; tedium extinguishes happiness
As time passes, we feel differently about our relationships. Every couple is destined to suffer disappointment at some point in their marriage. Sometimes a marriage can suddenly become like a dry branch, with no new leaves emerging, or worse, as some say, like 'wet charcoal', as if it's hard to rekindle it with any effort at all; there's no going back to what was good in the past, and no possibility of happiness.
If you are still willing to continue, in addition to thinking about what attracted you to each other in the first place, reminding yourself not to forget your original intention and lowering your expectations, and adjusting your mindset, you might also want to ask yourself, "What should I do if I want to fall in love with him/her again?
In many cases, the spark that made us fall in love isn't gone, but rather, it's momentarily overshadowed by our partner's flaws that drive us crazy, and by the mundane tasks and monotony of day-to-day life. Therefore, the biggest enemy of marriage is not indifference, but disappointment and flatness.
***Together we can find new ideas to make married life interesting
The best way to get away from the threat of boredom and uninteresting relationships is not to think too much, or to think about each other's good qualities, or to pretend to be negative and think that things will get better when the kids get older, but to find out how to make married life more interesting. The best way to do this is not to think too much or to think about the other person, or to pretend to be negative and think that things will get better when the kids are older, but to work together with the other person to find out how to make the marriage fun and to breathe new life into the relationship.
The following 3 suggestions may not be new to us, but they still seem to have an impact on post-modern marriages:
1. Try new experiences together to overcome the boredom and wake up the passion
It is true that marriages have a down-to-earth nature but if you don't have any alertness to the killing power of boredom, you will not be able to see the difference between the two. And familiarity, inertia, and inertia often lead couples to reject new experiences or limit each other to certain dimensions, resulting in a stagnant or uninteresting relationship.
Another reason for partners to drift apart is a lack of convergence of interests. It's normal for two people to have different interests or to have an uncoordinated pace (one fast, one slow), and it's great that they have their own personal space, but when they start living like two parallel lines, it's a big red flag.
"Passion" in an intimate relationship involves facing each other bravely, taking risks, expressing and creating together, in a continuous process of feeling interaction and communication, and deepening sensory awareness and vitality together. So find out what activities you're willing to give your time to and actively participate in, and create a fun time together, where you can still get close again, and maybe even awaken some good memories from before.
2. Finding intimacy and expressing love through body language
Some people say that after a long time of marriage, holding the hand of the other half is like "touching the right hand with the left hand", and there is no feeling. Many couples have a weak relationship, sex or all the physical expression of love is also gone, the heart is not so comfortable, simply do not hold the hand. However, marriage experts in Europe and the United States emphasize that "intimate touch" and "emotive body language" are important fuels for rekindling passion.
Touching and cuddling releases the happiness hormone Oxytocin, which makes people feel a sense of belonging and relaxation. You don't have to hold hands or cuddle to sleep, but small gestures such as essential oils ***, pillow talk, and gazing y into the eyes can make the other person feel fully loved and increase intimacy.
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3. Do something sweet for each other and take action to flavor your life
Just saying I love you is not as bad as taking action. Love is the accumulation of small actions, the previous those who have been very meaningful to you sweet little action list, and redo look. Expressing joy when you see each other, or surprising each other with a little surprise, can help your relationship grow new leaves.
There was a wife who told me that she came home one day and saw her husband put a small pot of flowers from the balcony on the dining room table and felt so romantic, and there were also people who felt warm because their husbands made a special trip after work to buy a special snack that they had seen on a food program together not long ago.
In addition to life's interest, "sense of humor" should also be put into the sweet list , and each other to laugh together, can smooth out the interaction in the waves, conversion due to communication friction caused by the stagnant atmosphere. The idea is to create a relationship that is not the responsibility of the man, and not exclusive to women, but to do something sweet for each other, so that life can be a little bit more varied and flavored.
Adjusting husband-wife interactions to be more happy and less stressed
This is not something that happens overnight, so it will take some time to get back on track. The challenge of marriage is becoming more and more difficult, and the ideal situation is that both people are actively trying to maintain it, manage it, and if you can't, in addition to seeking early consultation, you can still try to one side to change the lifestyle and adjust the interactive dance, and drive the other side to revitalize the relationship. Once the happy time more, relationship pressure to slow down, the previous kind of relaxed feeling may slowly come back.