1, one day on the bus, due to crowding a man and a woman had a collision.
The fashionable woman turned around and flew her eyes and said, "Are you sick?"
The man felt puzzled back: "Do you have medicine?"
People in the car snickered!
The woman felt angry back: "You have a mental illness ah?"
The man said coldly: "You can cure it?"
The whole car burst out laughing!
The bus driver stops the bus and slumps over the steering wheel, laughing!
2, the bus is super crowded, there is a woman standing in the doorway,
from the back of the car squeezed over a GG to get off,
and the woman said "let a little bit, get off", the female drop wood has moved.
GG stepped on her when he squeezed past.
As a result, the woman was so powerful that she kept scolding, "You're crazy! I'm not going to be able to do that!
The woman kept cursing, "You're crazy!
GG has not been talking, when he got off the bus, he couldn't stand it anymore, and turned around and said to the woman, "Repeaters, you!
The whole car laughed out loud!
There are a few funny kids at the back of the car, constantly accompanying the scene just now,
A said, "You're crazy, ah you!。。。。。 B said "you repeater ah you" 。。。。。。
The whole car laughed out loud!
Later, a small MM also want to get off, squeeze past the timidly said "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not a psychopath ~!
The whole car laughed again!
The woman did not say anything, but from the side drifted a sentence "you are not out of power"
The whole car laughed out loud!
3. The chief: good comrades! The soldiers: the chief of good! Chief: comrades are tanned! Soldier: the chief is even more black! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said: this muscle is well practiced! Soldier: report chief, I am a female soldier.
4, Scrooge something out of the house, afraid of others to steal the drink he just called, so in the paper wrote: I spit in the cup. A moment later he came back and found the note with a few more words: I spit in it too!
5, late one night, I tossed and turned, can not sleep at night, and then sent a text message to the friends of a sister in the bed: "depressed, accompanied by even chat it." Not long after, the sister wrote back: "Well, what do you want to talk about? The topic of your decision." I thought about it, happy to reply: "Then we will talk about heavy topics, for example - your weight!" After a period of silence, the sister back to the text message, it reads: "This is too heavy. Then let's talk about something superficial, like - your IQ!"
6, Scrooge had something to go out, fearing that someone else had stolen the drink he had just ordered, so he wrote on a piece of paper: I spit in the cup. A little while later he came back and found the note with a few more words: I spit in it too!
7, an elementary school student, to a long-time crush on the teacher confession, the teacher said this is not right, but he did not listen. Finally, the teacher could not stand, said: I do not want children. The elementary school student said: I will be careful!" .
8, once GIN and vodka to go to the mountains to hunt deer, greedy two people a person hunted two deer. When they went back to take an airplane, the captain was worried and said, "So many deer are going to be overweight!" Two people are disdainful, said: "afraid of what, last year we are also playing so many deer, as usual in this airplane back!" The captain could not persuade them, so he let them get on the plane.
The plane flew smoothly for a while, then suddenly shook and finally fell down. The two got up covered in dust, and Vodka looked around and whispered to GIN, "Boss, it seems like we fell off here last year too!"
9. A psychiatric hospital heard that the leader is coming to visit the hospital, so the director called a meeting of the patients at the meeting,
Director said: "This afternoon, there is a very important leader is coming to visit, all the people have to go to the door to welcome. In the welcome
welcome time, all the patients stand in the hospital on both sides of the entrance, to stand neatly, when I cough, everyone together clapping
clap, the more enthusiastic the better; I stomped my feet must be all stopped, there can not be a mistake. To all do well,
This evening can give you all meat buns, as long as there is one person messed up, all the people have no buns to eat, remember
?" The patients on stage shouted together, "Remember!"
This afternoon, the leader arrived on time, when he stepped into the door, the welcome of the patients have stood in the doorway this
Then, with the director of the hospital coughed, all the patients applauded together to welcome, the atmosphere is very warm. The leaders who came to visit the hospital
were infected by the warm atmosphere, with a smile on their faces, and applauded together with everyone stepped into the hospital. Seeing the leader has entered the hospital
hospital, the dean stomped his foot, the applause stopped, very neat. Only this leader is still smiling while clapping
Applause a forward march, the dean felt very satisfied. Suddenly, from the welcoming crowd sprang out a strong as Schwarzenegger's sick
man, stride rushed to the front of the leader, swung round and gave him a big slap, angry and unusual roar - "you Ya don't want to eat buns?!!!"
10, one day a fly mother and son to eat lunch together
Son asked the fly mother: why do we eat poop every day ah
Fly mother said angrily: do not say such disgusting words when eating, eat while it is hot!!!!
11, a night, a naked man called a cab, the female driver stared at him, the naked man was furious, roared: you fucking have never seen a naked man ah! Female drivers also angry: I see where you fucking money from!
12, the night is dark and windy, the pig is on the moon and Chang'e sister kiss me, suddenly a black shadow swept past, the pig rushed to mention the nail rake
chase out, after a while back, said: Damn, Yang Liwei ......
13, the earthworm family is very boring this day, the little earthworm cut himself into two sections to play badminton went, earthworm mother think this method is good, cut himself into four sections to play mahjong went, earthworm father thought, cut himself into minced meat. Mama earthworm cried, "Why are you so stupid? You'll die if you cut it so minced!" Earthworm dad said weakly: "...... suddenly want to play soccer
14, a gambler took $1,000 from his family to gamble, and a few hours later, he came back.
His wife was busy asking, "Has that big ticket 'given birth' yet?"
"Born, born," said the gambler, pulling two $10 bills out of his coat pocket and wailing, "Unfortunately, their 'mother' passed away."
15.What animal loves to ask why?
Passerby: I don't know
It's a pig!
Passerby: Why?
16. Seat belts
The stewardess announced to the passengers: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. The plane is about to
take off." After the plane took off, the flight attendant's voice came back over the loudspeaker. "Please fasten your seat belts a little
tighter. I'm sorry about today's breakfast, we forgot to load it on the plane."
17, Nun's Urine Test
One day, an old nun felt unwell, so she asked a young nun to take a sample of her urine to the hospital.
Unluckily, a woman bumped into her on the way, and all her urine was spilled on the ground. The little nun didn't know what to do.
The woman said, "It's just urine, I'll pay you back." The little nun thought about it and said, "Okay."
The woman said, "I'll pay you for it!
When the test report came out, it was found that the old nun was pregnant!
So the old nun looked up to the sky and sighed: "These days animals can't be relied on, even cucumbers can't be relied on?"
18, the teacher asked the students to use the word "wrinkles" to make a sentence,
Small Qiang wrote: My father's eggs have a lot of wrinkles.
The teacher wrote a comment to the parents: Don't show everything to the children, it's a bad influence.
Small Qiang's father replied:
The boy was careless and wrote the word "face" less.
19, mom often urge sheep sheep: "wearing a skirt when you can not swing; otherwise, will be little boys see inside the little panties oh!" One day, the sheep was happy to say to his mother: "Today I and Xiaoming competition swing, I won!" Mom said angrily, "Didn't I tell you? Don't swing when you wear a skirt!" Sheep said proudly, "But I'm so smart! I took off my little panties inside so he couldn't see my little panties!"
20, today I was fired, on the dismissal of my reasons are as follows:
1, work too seriously , a person to do the work of two people, so that China has another laid-off workers
2, too handsome, so that some lesbians do not want to go to work
3, are 20 years old and still single, proving that not enough emotional richness
4, have never He has never kissed the ass of a horse, and has not honored his leader
5. He is too smart and too good at his job. Sooner or later robbed the rice bowls of those of us
6, too much love for friends, too strong social skills. In fact, the reason is the same as the last one, afraid that I gather a crowd to usurp power
7, never made a mistake at work, abnormal human beings.
21, centipede was snake bite,
sent to the hospital first aid,
doctor diagnosis, said:
In order to prevent the spread of venom must be amputated!
The centipede thinks: "Luckily I have a lot of legs!
The doctor reassured him:
Brother, think better of it,
you'll be an earthworm from now on.
22, a little tiger slowly came over
red-faced asked the little squirrel:
"Excuse me, can I eat you?"
The squirrel thought it was funny to ask: "Is this your first time eating an animal?"
The little tiger was even more embarrassed, "Yes, mom is not at home anymore."
"And what did you eat before?"
The little squirrel asked again curiously.
............
"What? Speak up, I can't hear you!"
"Eat milk!"
After saying this, the little tiger's face turned even redder.
After the little tiger finished, the little squirrel took off his clothes and lifted the two big breasts up ~~~~
23, the Arts Festival we are going to dance a huge terrible group dance -
Need to have a sharp fall, high leg lifting, and other violent and difficult movements.
The result is not practiced for a few days we can not stand,
Some are covered in bruises,
Some muscle strain ...... I hurt my right leg is very serious,
simply do not listen to the call!
Today, I went to class on the third floor,
and oh my god,
I was literally
lifting my right leg straight up one step at a time.
The most annoying thing is - while walking,
I heard two girls behind me whispering:
"It's better to go to school in the big city,
If it were in our hometown,
polio can't go to school at all.
These are the most important things that you can do for your children!
24. A man went to Shaolin to learn from the master,
and the master instructed him that martial arts focuses on internal strength,
and that he should first train his internal strength,
and then train his external strength.
After that,
the master took out a pipe and asked him to blow into half a tank of water,
saying that when he could blow the water in the tank to the overflow,
it would prove that the internal strength had reached the highest level.
So he practiced hard day after day,
three years passed,
without any effect,
but he thought: since the master said so there must be his reason!
So he continued to practice.
So he continued to practice.
Ten years passed in this way, and it still didn't work.
Finally, he was disappointed and
decided to stop practicing and go home.
When he arrived home, he met his father,
and his father asked him,
saying that you have been studying with a teacher for ten years.
He felt very humiliated,
so he lost his head and sighed,
when he looked up - his father disappeared ......
25, Ding Yi, how do you talk in class again?
And then punished to write his name 100 times!
This child has repeatedly failed to change,
You look at the table Xiong Lin Kui,
once remembered ~!
26, the FBI's phone rang.
"Hello, is the FBI?"
"Yes, what can I do for you?" The other party asked.
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood at his house." The informant said.
"We'll look into it." The FBI agent said.
The next day, the FBI agents went to Tom's house.
They searched the shed where the firewood was kept, split every piece of firewood,
found no marijuana, cussed Tom out and left.
The phone rang at Tom's house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the Feds help you chop wood?"
"Chopped it." Tom replied.
"It's your turn to call. I have to turn the soil in my garden."
27. A king was choosing a son-in-law, and he pulled a bull to the river and said, "I'll marry the princess to the one who can make the bull nod, then shake his head, and then jump into the river.
A butcher went up to the cow and said: quite a cow B ah? The cow nodded.
The butcher says: Do you recognize me? The cow shakes its head.
The butcher stabs the cow in the ass and the cow jumps into the river.
The king thinks that the butcher is too rough, and the butcher asks to try again, which the king allows. The cow is dragged to the river again.
The butcher goes up to the cow and says; do you recognize me? The cow nods.
The butcher says again: "Do you recognize me? The cow shook its head.
The butcher smiled and said; know what to do? The cow turned around and jumped into the river
26 young man to buy a birthday gift for his new girlfriend.
They haven't been dating long, so the young man, after careful consideration,
thought a pair of gloves would be the most appropriate - romantic,
without being overly intimate.
Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister,
he went to the department store chain to buy a pair of white lambskin gloves.
The girlfriend's sister also buys herself a pair of panties.
The salesman mixed up the two items when he was packing them,
and the girlfriend's sister took the gloves,
and gave her the panties.
Without checking the contents of the package,
the guy sealed it and sent it to his girlfriend,
with a note:
Dear:
I chose this gift,
because I've been watching.
You always go out at night with me without it.
If your sister hadn't been there,
I would have chosen one with buttons.
But she uses a short one,
which is easy to take off.
It's a very light shade,
but the lady who sold it showed me the same thing she uses,
and it's been three weeks,
and it's not dirty at all.
I asked her to try yours,
and she looked gorgeous.
I wish I could have seen it the first time you put it on.
Unfortunately, I can't,
because before I see you next,
someone else is sure to touch it.
Remember to blow some air into it after you take it off
.
Because they're a little damp when you use them.
Just think how many times I'll have to kiss it in the coming year!
I hope you use it on Friday night,
for me.
Love you with all my heart!