However, fairy tales are fantasies, and the source of fantasies is often a kind of compensation for the frustration of reality.
Reality is often like this:
A girl, who has been brought up to be well-behaved and understanding, slowly lives up to what is expected of her in the eyes of others. She wears a mask of personality in her life, and she looks at her words and shows all the "good" side to the outside world, so where did the "bad" side go?
Jung said, "The denied part of our humanity constitutes our inner shadow. The shadow contains the parts of us that we reject, deny, and repel, and once the shadow is formed, it is unconsciously projected onto other people to maintain the ego's sense of morality and superiority."
So the girl could easily grow up and find a bad man as her partner.
For example, Qiu Yingying in "Ode to Joy" had two boyfriends, both of whom were different levels of scum, the second of whom, Yingqin, flipped out and walked away when he learned at a party that she was not a virgin. Qiu Yingying blames herself for the situation and thinks it's all her fault.
She doesn't allow herself to be bad, but desperately needs someone to release her repressed badness; at the same time, when a man is really bad, she can make up for her guilt by condemning him through others to maintain the good image of herself as a victim.
I brainstormed Qiu Yingying's brain circuit of being puaed by her boyfriend and then self-puaed "I'm not a virgin, it's my fault for not satisfying him, I'm such a failure."
So there is never a lack of good women in life who know that the other side is a scum, just can't stay away.
And the bad woman will not self-doubt when it comes to this, for her boyfriend's humiliation, she will fight back, maybe scold back, maybe fight, who knows.
Of course, good women may not realize this, they will only realize their own fault. They'll keep reflecting on it until they get depressed, or severe enough to commit suicide.
So, be a bad woman.
Not bad in the sense of killing and setting fire to people, but bad in the sense of being misunderstood by many.
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The first major trait of a bad woman: sexy
Chinese women seem to have a serious shame for sexy, "wearing sexy = not a good person" is still a lot of people's habitual thinking.
Once I saw a netizen share: when I went to college, I wore a halter dress, and was reprimanded by my mother, "Wearing this, do you want to go out and seduce men? .
As mentioned above, many women see sexiness as a way to please men, not a way of self-appreciation, a way of shame, not a way of pleasure. And women who are afraid to show their sexiness are even more afraid of being categorized as indiscreet, slutty women.
And sexy is a woman's unique charm show, sexy can not, is not identified with their own femininity, and when a part of the female ego is denied, the first adverse reaction is the sense of self-worth is reduced.
Women with a low sense of self-worth follow this up with a chain reaction: projecting this bad feeling. So they can't accept that the women around them are sexy, like the mom of that online friend. Not only that, but when other sexy women experience incidents like sexual harassment, they are often the first to come forward and blame the female victim. In their case, there is no distinction between right and wrong, and being sexy has become the original sin.
However, sexiness is the most external form of female sexual drive release, the release of sexual drive is inevitably accompanied by some of the release of aggression, so the real self-appreciation and sexy self-consistent woman will be dominant, giving a feeling of not to be messed with, for example, the Black Widow in the "Avengers".
This kind of sexiness will be permeated with a high degree of self-identity, internal and external unity, she will not capture the eyes of others because of her sexiness, intending to obtain approval from others. And in the event of sexual harassment, these women will not hold back, because their high self-identity can kill all the "sexy guilty" fallacy.
So, the comments of the people you care about don't make you feel safe, they suppress your sexuality and contribute to a crisis of sexual shame.
Sexy women are the most eye-catching wherever they go, show off your sexiness to the fullest and you have nothing to lose.
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The second most important trait of a bad woman: arrogance
The "arrogance" here is not blind self-confidence, but a feeling of high self-esteem: I'm good, I'm the same as everyone else, but also different.
We once saw a woman named Jersey, a dark-skinned, ordinary-looking woman with a secondary school education, and her husband, an Englishman with a beautiful, white face and a Cambridge graduate, in the Shake Shack. When these two people together, I also difference "WHY?"
By our door-to-door standards, this is a myth.
In the video, when introducing the first time he met his wife, the male lead said "Usually women are surprised to see me and ask me something polite, but she was different, in the bar, she came up to me and paddled me, and she spoke without any politeness, and I felt that she was different from the others."
Curious, I watched all of their videos and finally understood what that "she's not like everyone else" meant for the male lead.
1 Speaking transparently and naturally, not deliberate, not disguised, without any image baggage, giving people a very relaxed feeling;
2 Not to objectify themselves, i.e., did not put the education, appearance, etc. on the chain of contempt, so she does not have appearance anxiety, education anxiety, can naturally get along with the other side of the equality;
3 Real expression of their own love of money, love of face.
The hero has a light in his eyes every time he looks at his wife when she speaks, and has to believe that a true match begins with the real and ends with the inner.
The false outside is just a pleasing, pleasing is I am not good enough, while the real inside is pretentious, I was good.
In the face of the rich and handsome, the good woman will measure I can not, the bad woman will think "I can".
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The third major trait of bad women: selfishness
"Selfish" woman, first of all, is a woman of self-love, from self-love, she will not be self-attacking, she will turn the aggressiveness to the outside, the love of the release of the fullest, rather than hidden in the bottom of the heart.
This kind of bad woman's representative is second to none to the "Ode to Joy" in the Qu Xiaoxiao, she is blunt and sharp, cynical, the first time in the hospital when I met Dr. Zhao will fall for it, from a hot girl in a second to a fan, before and after the 180-degree transformation is a classic.
Imagine Qu is a self-centered person in all things. She is nonchalant when she fights with Dr. Zhao and soft and petulant when she is pouting, and she says directly to Dr. Zhao that she is a vixen who wants to eat the meat of the Tang Monk. In the hospital, she could dislike Yingying Ying's mother for Qiu Yingying, and it was this painful dislike that reaped the heart of Dr. Zhao, who had already broken up with her at the time.
Qu Xiaowei's selfishness makes people love and hate her. She seems to be a shrewd and unreasonable person, but she has a good heart, and she is a "charming bad guy" that people can't stop talking about.
If a woman is like a flower, don't be a flawless white lotus; be selfish, be a rose with thorns, nice to look at, but not to be messed with.
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How does a good woman become bad?
I once talked to a girlfriend about the above points, and she replied, "What you said makes sense, but it's hard to do. "
For the good woman, who also appreciates the sexiness of Black Widow, the arrogance of Jersey Lord and the selfishness of Curvy, but doesn't think she can live up to that part.
This reminds me of the bears in Romania, a bear that has been locked up for 20 years and released back into the forest, but in the end has not escaped its psychological prison and remains in the same place, spinning in circles.
Many of us are like that bear, drawing an invisible circle for ourselves, stuck in a rut.
How to get out of the circle, share a simple method.
For example, when you want to wear a sexy dress and you feel afraid of gossip, close your eyes and imagine who first told you about this sense of unworthiness, inviting TA to come to you while you're wearing the dress, and what TA might say to you, and what choices you'd have to make.
Is it to identify with TA and then take that language and then attack yourself with "Yeah! I'm shameless"; or do you say to TA "Fuck off! It's none of your business what I wear, I can do whatever I want."
And in fact, all the obstacles are imagined by yourself, like the bear, you just projected the people around you as some people in the past. And right now, the people around you are far more forgiving than you think.
And once you experience that acceptance in reality, a new emotional link opens up, and it turns out I can be like that.
Yes, you can be like that, and the aggression and sex drive that good women repress is supposed to be the source of one's vitality. Don't make the mistake of doubting your primal vitality, when you release your frozen vigor, the charm naturally blossoms, and you, then, live as a woman who shines wherever you go.