Introduction:
The movie and TV show "A Servant and Two Masters" has this line: "Marriage is a woman's second cast, cast well, a lifetime to be a happy woman; cast not good, a minute to have you regret."
For most girls, marriage is a very important thing, marriage is the equivalent of a woman's second life, marrying good or bad on the future of women's lives will directly have a huge impact.
Therefore, a large number of women will be worried about marriage, worried about marriage accidents, worried about the poor handling of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, sister-in-law relationship, worried about their "second life" to happen unfortunately, and thus produce a huge psychological dependence on their own mother's family.
The girl thinks that her mother's family is her backbone, that she can still meet the storm even if she has a bad marriage, and that no matter how hard or rough her life is, there will be someone behind her to support her.
Three months after the birth of the mother's family to see the "true"
But not all parents will give their daughters enough support after the marriage, and even by the influence of the traditional concepts of the old, a considerable part of the parents will agree with the "marrying out of the daughter of the water" theory, that once the daughter is out of the water, the water is out of the water. "The first is that the first time you get married, you'll be able to see your daughter's face, and then you'll be able to see her face, and then you'll be able to see her face.
The other day, a reader sent me a plea for help, she is 25 years old, just gave birth to a child three months, but now tells me, in their own child with the most tired, the most depressed time, tasted the life of the cold and warm, but also finally see the mother's family's true heart, it is true that they were too naive before.
Let's call her Xiaojie, Xiaojie naked wedding married to a poor boy with no house and no car, although the parents did not agree, but finally compromised. A few days before the wedding, the mother said to Xiaojie: "married out of the daughter splashed out of the water, you will be the old Li family, life is good or bad must be subjected to their own."
At that time, Xiaojie did not take it seriously, believing that she would be able to deal with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and also believing that she had been the favorite daughter of her family for the past 20 years, and that her mother's family was the one she had to fall back on when she was in trouble.
Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is not as good as imagined to deal with, gave birth to a daughter of Xiaojie endured physical pain, clumsily bring up the child alone, daily tears, immediately after the month out back to live in her mother's home, she believes that her mother still loves her.
It was thought that the mother will be a mind to think of their own, I did not expect the mother to go to the square dance, the work to go to work, in addition to the occasional help at home, usually take care of the child, wash diapers, soak powdered milk, get up at night and so on the work or need to Xiaojie do it yourself.
The child's body bones are weak, every now and then we have to go to the hospital, a mother at this time can not do anything, to be around Xiaojie and the child around; the child always cries at night, noisy next room of the mother can not sleep well.
After a long time, the mother inevitably complained and said directly: "You hurry back to your own home! What's it like to live in your mother's house all day!"
In this way, Xiaojie was driven back to her mother-in-law's home. She wanted to live separately from her mother-in-law, and there was also a rough house in her mother's house for her younger brother, who was in junior high school, to get married.
Mother at first stammered, just do not agree, and finally was forced, decisively refused: "If you occupy not to go, your younger brother to get married how to do?" Xiaojie said, at that moment, she seemed to fall into the ice cellar general cold, but the brain is very clear, she finally understood a fact - they are no longer within the safety of their parents "from the family".
Changes before and after marriage
Before we got married, we were spoiled by our parents, and grew up beside them little by little. We could ask for more than we wanted to, we could be lazy, we could treat pampering as admitting our mistakes, and no matter what kind of mistakes we made, we would always have someone to help us get through them.
Parents are like a huge "umbrella" behind us, sheltering us from the wind and rain, hiding from the sun, as if always so tall and straight, standing.
Before we got married, no matter how old we were, we seemed to be the children of our parents, carefree and retaining our innocence. But after we got married, it seemed like something was quietly changing, but we couldn't tell.
Until you give birth to a child, more trouble comes to you, and all the realities come to the surface. When you go back to your mother's home, they will still welcome you with smiles and cook your favorite dishes; you are with child, in order to make it easier for you, they will also help you take care of it, so that you can do your own thing.
The saying goes, "There is no filial son before a long illness." Similarly, when you take the child, eating, drinking, sleeping are fine issues, need to get into trouble day after day, the concept of old-fashioned old people will be upset - this child is not with our last name, not our family, why should I serve so long? Let ta grandma serve!
Some parents also think: "If you're married, you're someone else's daughter-in-law, so why should you stay at your mother's house for so long? The first thing you need to do is to go back to your mother-in-law's house, so as not to invite gossip about both families.
Not all parents are traditional
Of course, not all parents are confined by the traditional thinking, and there are few who really love their daughters.
One of my sisters married to a fourth-tier city for love, her father-in-law is no longer there, and every day she faces her mother-in-law, who is "looking for a bone in her egg," as well as her husband, who lets her tolerate conflicts whenever they occur.
Ten fingers do not touch the spring water, she was forced by life after marriage, learned to do the laundry, practice, cleaning, baby, and quickly grew into our eyes "all-around mother".
There are two other sisters and a younger brother, all of whom have grown up, and the younger brother and sister-in-law live with their parents with their children. Whenever you go back to your mother's home, you don't have to do anything, whether it's housework or bringing up children, there are people who rush to do it, trying to let her rest a little more.
She stayed at her mother's home for three or four months, and her sister-in-law would not have a problem with it, and was peaceful. Her parents always said that this would always be her home, and that she could come back whenever she wanted, and stay as long as she wanted. In her mother's home, she is the little girl that her parents never grew up with.
When a woman marries, she is someone else's?
It's now 2021, and for the matter of marriage, it's not really the case that, as people said at the beginning, "when a man marries a woman," the woman must marry into the man's family and become a member of their family, having nothing to do with her mother's family.
Rather, the man in the man's family separates from the family, the girl in the woman's family also comes out, and the two re-establish a small family of their own. This small family is not dependent on the existence of any family, is no matter the responsibility or risk to the two *** together to bear, this combination is called "new family".
From the "newborn family" back to their "family of origin", we are still the children of their parents, still being loved while growing up, in turn, become the parents of the "umbrella", which is the three families. The best thing about the three families is that it's not just about the two families," he said.
If every parent thought this way, there would be no dilemma for women who are guests in their mother's home and outsiders in their mother-in-law's home.
What should I do if I have to deal with old-fashioned parents?
But what about the old-fashioned parents?
All I can say is, be prepared, and you're on your own!
1. When the exact feeling that they have been excluded by the mother's family, resistance is useless, the effect of communication is also very little, after all, decades of concepts have been y rooted, if you want to change can not be done overnight.
2. Be prepared to face any possible emergencies, prepare for the worst in advance, and think of ways to cope with them, because there is no backing behind you, small things are fine, but when it comes to the big things, they may not be able to help you.
3. Don't tell your husband and in-laws about this, since ancient times, you don't know if they are genuinely thinking of you or mocking behind your back. The best thing is to tell your in-laws that you are exposing yourself to them, telling them that you have no dependence on them, and that if you meet a "bad mother-in-law", you will be oppressed without fear.
4. Let yourself become strong, this strong not only refers to the economic independence, more importantly is the spiritual independence. Strong inside, calm in the event of a problem, find a way to solve it yourself, strong character, because your back is empty, everything depends on you, "spicy" a little bit of the woman is better.
Conclusion:
Have heard the saying: "The most powerful thing in a woman is the resilience, and then the mud can survive." In this world, it is not easy to be a woman, it is not easy to be an independent and powerful woman's even more, it is quite difficult to be an independent and powerful happy woman.
Maybe we don't have a mountain to lean on, but we can rely on ourselves, so that we can become our own "mountain", so that we can give ourselves the "sense of security" that we need, and we ourselves are courageous enough to face the bottom of life.
This way, no matter what kind of difficulties encountered, no matter what kind of people, we can be calm and elegant, and live a good life of their own.