Marriage, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is the most people headache, the most helpless. From the outside, the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship just involves two people - mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In fact, behind the scenes there is a crucial "third party" - the mother's son, the daughter-in-law's husband. Because of him, two unrelated women have become inseparable relatives. And they will be bound to each other for many decades to come.
01
Is a mother-in-law a third party in a marriage?
Small Xia and her husband did not live together with her mother-in-law after they got married.
As early as Xia Xia's first meeting with parents, mother-in-law said to Xia Xia, "young people are concerned about their own space, after the marriage, you two live their own days on the line, I don't live with you, you live in a world of their own."
At the time, Xiaoxia was grateful that her mother-in-law was an enlightened person. If they didn't live together, how could there be so many bad things to worry about?
Their matrimonial home was a two-room apartment, the master bedroom was for Xiaoxia and her husband, and to their surprise, the second bedroom, which was temporarily used as a study, was packed up by her mother-in-law, who said it was reserved for herself. She said that she could also come over for a small stay in the future if there was any physical discomfort or need.
Small Xia felt a little awkward but didn't say anything, and her mother-in-law has her own house, and it's very close, so I don't think she'll have much of a chance to come and live here, so I didn't think much of it.
However, Xiaoxia never expected that her mother-in-law would become a regular visitor to the house since she got married.
She has a key to the door of Xiaoxia's house and is free to come and go.
One day, Xiaoxia got off work early and bought vegetables to cook and eat with her husband. As a result, when they got home, they saw their mother-in-law mopping the floor. Actually, I wasn't upset that my mother-in-law was giving us hygiene. But he organized things in my house according to his customary grouping, and he went through all the drawers in my room, literally. He even knew there were black clips in my room cabinets. It's funny, one day I cut my bangs, not too long and not too short, and I wanted to find a clip for it, but I couldn't find it in my closet. As a result, my mother-in-law said, there is a packet of them in the third drawer next to your bed, it seems to be the kind of hair tie used in the previous wedding, go and get it! I was shocked, I realized that my mother-in-law even knew what was in my drawer. I also told my husband to tell his mom not to come and do chores for us, but even after that, he still came as usual.
Photo from the web
The next few days, my mother-in-law was like clocking in at work, coming over every day for a few hours, in her words, she was worried that we couldn't take care of ourselves, and she was too busy at work to do this.
Small Xia and her husband couldn't refuse.
Mother-in-law is the kind of person who is in charge of everything. She would teach Xiaoxia how to fold clothes, how to mop the floor, how to clean the glass so that there are no marks on it. Xiaoxia felt like she was going crazy. She said before marriage that it would be a two-person world, but after marriage, how did it become a three-person family?
The mother-in-law is even more concerned about her husband than she is about herself, and she is the kind of person who is always on the lookout for new things to do. I've seen more and more of my mother-in-law's luggage, and the guest room will only be more clothing that will not be taken away.
Sometimes Xia Xia do not know, in the end, mother-in-law is the third party between their marriage, or their own is the third party between their mother and son?
Photo from the network
02
To put it bluntly, Xiaoxia's mother-in-law simply can't stay away from her son, and in her heart, her son is no longer her child. Even if her son is married and has a wife, she still can't be assured that her son will be in the hands of other women. She must see that her son is well-fed, well-dressed, and warm, so that she herself can be steady and at ease.
Eileen Chang once wrote a sentence: "Nowadays, the state of many marriages is: on the one hand, there are parents who don't know how to withdraw, and on the other hand, there are children who don't know how to refuse. What was originally a marriage of two people has hardened into a gladiatorial arena of six."
Photo from the Internet
After reading Xia's story, I suddenly felt a chill.
It didn't happen to me, but examples like this are commonplace. Perhaps marriages are much stronger and happier when mothers-in-law are not involved in their children's lives or live together as little as possible. The elders need to withdraw from the lives of the young people at the right time for both parties to get along best.
My sister's mother-in-law is an example of the opposite, and their family relationship gets along very harmoniously. My sister's mother-in-law after helping my sister and brother-in-law with two children can go to kindergarten, often disappeared in their lives, and with his little sister walking around to play, square dancing, and recently played up the jitterbug short video, want to call her back to have dinner together have always said that there is no time.
Summary:
I myself am someone else's daughter-in-law, however, I think is relatively simple. If my husband is good enough to love me, then what mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship for me is not a thing, small things can be turned into nothing. If he treats me badly, then a very small thing, I myself will be infinitely magnified.
In fact, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not as complicated as we think, although there will be a situation like Xia Xia's mother-in-law, but as long as you yourself want to understand your own situation, what is the most important thing for you. Timely communication with the agent, that is, as the agent's husband, understand everyone's needs and situation, the problem will be solved.