It is the most basic responsibility and obligation of a man to turn a girl into a woman.
My dream: to be a secretary when there is something to do, and to be a secretary when there is nothing to do. The reality is: I can’t be a secretary if there’s something wrong, and I can’t be a secretary if there’s nothing wrong.
Men are walking genitals
Eating Tang Monk’s meat can lead to immortality. I wonder if Tang Monk’s poop has the same effect?
Don’t say that others have a brain disease. The prerequisite for a brain disease is to have a brain.
Give me 12 beautiful daughters, and I will praise the Lord every day. In 20 years, these angels will bring me endless wealth.
Celebrities become more famous if they take off a little more, but I was arrested even though I took off all my clothes!
You must look carefully when looking for a partner now, because there are too many people who are neither men nor women!
A mosquito bites you and makes you really angry, but what makes you even more angry is that you can’t find it when it bites you!
I am a very frugal person. I never use paper to poop, never use chopsticks to eat, and I never wash my hands!
Tell you not to force me. If you are forcing me, I will pretend to be dead for you!
When I see a beautiful woman, I first touch my pocket to see if there is any money!
If one day I become a star, I will definitely take it off for you to see!
People are not afraid of death, but they are most afraid of not knowing how to live!
The story of Meng’s mother moving three times actually shows that she had a good son. If it were me, it would be useless to move a hundred times!
I think a fly lying on the glass has a bright future, but I can't find a way out...
The peacock opened its tail desperately, but its butthole was exposed!
If one day I become a gangster, please tell others that I was innocent...
From heaven to hell, I passed through the world!
Are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head
Inadequate social experience means lack of experience.
An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.
When we are young, we often make faces in the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is even.
I am different from you because I am human.
It’s better for you to buy me 10 cigarettes than for me to go to a nightclub once.
People are bound to make mistakes, otherwise the right path will be overcrowded.
All unforgettable love is the moment when the soul wanders on the bed!
I like children, and I like the process of making children even more.
The art of cultivation is actually the art of lying.
When I was a child, my dream was not to be a scientist. I imagined that I was the young master of a landlord's family. My family owned thousands of hectares of fertile land. I was ignorant all day long and led a group of dog slaves to the streets to tease young girls from good families. …
I think I am a pervert, I have Oedipus and a fetish for the best mature women. Otherwise, why do I want to fuck her grandma every time I see that face of our supermarket supervisor?
Women must remember: eat well, drink well, and sleep well. Once we are exhausted, there will be other women spending our money, staying in our room, sleeping with our husband, and having sex with our men. Friend, you beat our children.
If you don’t amaze the world with your coquettishness, you will amaze the world with your lasciviousness
There are so many people who despise me, who are you?
Pregnancy is like pregnancy, time It takes a long time for people to see it.
If you cannot put your woman into a wedding dress, then never stop unbuttoning her clothes!
Instead of sleeping with one woman many times, I prefer sleeping with many women only once.
Asking you how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel...
If you have a bun, don't blame the dog for following you...
You are not afraid of enemies like tigers. , just afraid of teammates who are like pigs
If you don’t have medical insurance or life insurance, don’t act bravely after dark...
You can’t satisfy everyone, because not everyone is human!
Successful women are not afraid of embarrassment!
A girl only needs to change from a virgin to a woman once and successfully, but a boy needs repeated training to change from a virgin to a man. !
Friend, you are leaving today, please fuck this white girl.
Two children argued about the day, and one said: One day is one day! One child said: One day is one day!
There was gold under the man’s knee. I cut off the entire leg and couldn’t find even a piece of copper!
Lovers will inevitably become beasts in the end... If you don’t fuck her today, she will be fucked by someone else tomorrow
Give me a boatload of women, and I will drain myself of energy
p>
Please weigh me a two-dollar stainless steel dart. This is my level 8 assassin certificate...
When will the bright moon come? Ask the sky for wine... Qingtian said: Get the hell out of here, I'm like this I'm so busy that I don't have time to care about you. I'll just read the weather forecast...
In the spring I bury the corn in the soil, and in the fall I will harvest a lot of corn. I buried my wife in the soil in spring, and in autumn I will be... shot
God has given you a pair of wings, so you should be burned...
This is a sticky season, The air is filled with the smell of sweat; people are like insects, hiding from the sun everywhere; sweat is corroding clothes, and my heart is about to rush out of my chest; my eyelashes are not long enough to cover my eyes, nor can they cover the sunshine. , can't cover the world, nor can it cover the panic in my heart...
Beheading is nothing, the scar on the head is no bigger than a bowl, and 18 years later, I will be a zombie again...
< p> The Frenchman said: Today is the Dragon Boat Festival. I treat you to rice dumplings stuffed with human flesh. Come on, bring on the mummies...If you go out to hang out, your wife will have to change sooner or later
< p> I am an unmarried young man who enjoys the benefits of being married. Super personalized humorous quotesThere are three bowls of noodles that are the most difficult to eat as a human being: human face, scene, and human face.
In short: a bad guy is a man who takes off his pants during the day and a woman who doesn’t take off her makeup at night.
Don’t tell me that we will grow old together. What I want is for my black hair to flow forever.
Life is like a drama, and setbacks are necessary for the development of the plot.
Say sorry to yourself, I haven’t been able to marry you yet
Cow dung is still cow dung, and it will not turn into delicious cakes even if it is steamed in a pot
I have everything, money, status, beauty... but my wife found out
I keep cheering for you, that’s because you are just a loser and can’t be fished out.
How popular it would be if the breast expansion movements in radio gymnastics were incorporated into breast enlargement exercises.
Good deeds will be rewarded with good deeds, and evil deeds will be rewarded with evil deeds. You are too heavy, I can’t carry you.
Facts have proved: How strong the desire to lose weight is, and I am hungry. How loud it is!
If you are well, it will be sunny. Looking at the weather here today, you should be dead!
Wukong yelled: "Tang Monk, you are such a pervert, you actually set the colored bells as a tightening curse!"
Du Fu: A line of egrets ascended to the sky. Bao Zheng: Let me wipe it, you
The gasoline price has gone up to 8 yuan, and there is still a girl who thinks that she is taken out for a ride?
There is nothing wrong with giving enlightenment, but it is your fault to use boiling water.
Literature and art is a disease, and its scientific name is "Speak well and you will die syndrome"
When a man cheats, his IQ is second only to Einstein; when a woman catches rape, her reasoning is second only In Sherlock Holmes...
There are two necessary ways to conquer a woman: please her mother and surpass her father.
The sweat I shed every day is exactly the same as when I filled out my volunteer application. Water got into your head!
Waking up early can really do a lot of things, such as getting some sleep. . .
Are people who are good at Tetris better at tidying up their rooms?
I often walk by the river without getting my shoes wet. Since my shoes are wet, I might as well take a shower!
What do you think about most when you stand bungee jumping? Anyway, I want to pee!
Dare to change your brain capacity and stomach capacity!
No matter how gorgeous and catchy the name is, it still loses to the comment in the end.
In order to test whether Dad really quit smoking, I deliberately left the gas on when I went out this morning.
If an adult says to a child, "Children, don't ask so many questions," what does he mean? Basically, "Actually, I don't know either."
The biggest disrespect to my parents is that as a competent bathroom singer, I still delay taking a shower until midnight every day.
I have an unusual relationship with the media. The food I have eaten has been reported in the news.
"Doctor, what should I do if I have enlarged pores?" "Turn down the pixels."
I really want to eat a Wangqingshui Jueqingdan Mengpo Tang Wangyoucao set meal.
The phrase "one step at a time" is definitely the most vicious and vicious satire on fat people.
Since ancient times, there is no dead end in life. A big river is as wide as its waves.
The simplest emotion between people is to look down on each other.
The funniest thing is to step on the "safety in and out" carpet and fall down.
Little Sunflower’s mother’s class has started: It’s not good for children to cough all the time. Most of the time they don’t want to go to school to pretend, so just give them a good beating.
People are really stupid when they are full, but they are smart from the inside out when they are hungry.
Youth is like a dandelion. It seems to be at ease, but in fact it is beyond control.
Partial solar eclipse is actually caused by children who do not eat well every day.
Society is like a carriage. Those without seats encourage rebellion, while those with seats call for stability.
"Neither hot nor cold" is the most comfortable temperature in nature, and the temperature that makes people most want to die in the emotional world
Beauty and ugliness are determined by fate, and fatness and thinness are determined by heaven. , I live by these words.
The main contradiction faced by contemporary young people is: food and weight loss.
If you can be meticulous with me, I will be meticulous with you!
It’s so damn sad to want to be a top student but unable to do so, to want to stop studying but can’t.
“The fourth ring is Audi, the fifth ring is the Olympics, what is the sixth ring?” “Yes?” Hebei Mobile welcomes you! ”
My love for you is as vigorous as a tractor climbing a hillside.
At best, you are arrogant; at worst, you are blind.
Success is of little concern, failure is more than enough every year.
A flat chest will ruin three generations, and a thick waist will ruin a lifetime. Having a big face is not a disease, having thick legs can kill you
My clients have abused me thousands of times, but I treat them like my first love.
Can you stop being angry with me and give birth to my child?
We are always "brainless" in the eyes of our customers, and our customers are always "unhappy" in our hearts.
Some people persist to the end, some persist to the bottom, and some persist to Detroit.
Although I don’t like seafood, the mermaid is acceptable.
It's mine, don't move. It's not mine, leave it there for me.
Facing the sea, spring flowers are blooming, I can only set it as my screensaver.
You must be suffering from serious procrastination. Otherwise, are you still alive?
What others live is called life, but what I live is called adventure.
Sweet, fragrant, spicy, sour, bitter - but you like the sexy ones.
Some things give you a headache if you think about them too much, and feel bad if you think about them.
No matter how awesome you are, why can’t Baidu search for you? No matter how awesome you are, can you hold your pee?
Suddenly a very serious academic question came to mind, who decided that 60 points was a passing grade.
From elementary school to university, the only thing that remains unchanged is a heart that doesn’t want to study.
Sleep on your own and let others go to class!
It’s summer, and the situation on campus is basically as follows: girls dress like nightclubs, and boys dress like migrant workers. Super humorous and interesting funny quotes for children
Love story during the SARS period
Dudu is lustful. Yesterday, he whimsically told Xiaoduo that he wanted to follow the most beautiful girl in the class, which is Wu Xuan. Give birth to a child. He actually dragged Teacher An An to Xuanxuan, pointed at the teacher's ring and said to Xuanxuan: "If you like me, I will give this to you." Xuanxuan ignored him and went to find someone else to play with. Dudu suffered this setback, and his love led to hatred. It happened that Xuanxuan did not come to school for the next few days. When he met everyone, he told everyone that Xuanxuan had been captured to fight in Iraq, or that she had SARS and was quarantined.
Mom asked: "Dudu, do you think the little sister next door is fun? Can mommy give you a little sister too?" Dudu, who still feels resentful because Xuanxuan refused to marry him, replied Said: "I don't like my little sister. Otherwise, mother, please give me a puppy. I want a white one!!"
Free child
Dudu clamored for it. His mother bought him a piggy bank. She teased Dudu and asked him what he wanted to buy first after saving the money. Dudu excitedly told his mother that he was going to buy sanitary napkins. "What to buy?!" Mom opened her eyes wide, thinking she heard wrongly. Dudu replied: "Buy sanitary napkins! It is often said on TV that as long as you use sanitary napkins, you can stand on your head, ride a bicycle, row a boat, and swim freely in the swimming pool..." Mom fainted!
Aunt Tiger
Dudu asked his father to take him to the circus. Dad leaned lazily on the sofa and was reluctant to move, yawning and said: "No, son, I don't have time." Dudu said: "I heard from the children that there is an aunt in the circus who doesn't wear clothes. Dancing on the tiger." Dad thought for a while and said, "Okay, let's go together. I haven't seen a tiger for a long time."
Popular kid
After six. It's a festival, the children have a party, and everyone performs a show. Wu Xuanxuan was the best. She went on stage to perform and play the piano. After the performance, the parents watching the show kept shouting, asking her to play another one. Teacher An An asked Xuanxuan if he wanted to play another song, but Xuanxuan was so anxious that he almost cried: "I didn't play it wrong, why do you need me to play it again?"
Angel in the World
p>The first time Xiao Yudian flew on a plane, she was so excited that she ran up and down the aisle and almost knocked over the drink in the flight attendant's hand. At that time, my mother was busy with luggage and children, so she was really exhausted, so she scolded Xiao Yudian and said, "If you want to play, just go out and play."
I love An'an!
Dudu especially liked the beautiful teacher An An. One day he finally plucked up the courage to tell the teacher: "Teacher, I like you!" Teacher An An teased him with a smile and said: "But I don't like children. Dudu quickly said to Teacher An An: "I will be careful, there will be no children." Teacher An An fainted!
I was listening to the radio in the dormitory that day and heard a very young girl requesting a song for her mother. She said that her mother was very hard and could not rest on Sundays. She had to go to the bookstore to buy a lot of exercise books for her. She did, so she wanted to order a song for her mother. When the host heard this, he was moved and said, "What a sensible child. What song would you like to order for your mother?" The little girl said in a childish voice, "I want to order Xin Xiaoqi's "Why bother women?"
Yudian (female, two and a half years old, a child in the small class of kindergarten)
Yudian is only two and a half years old, a child in the small class of the kindergarten. On this day, the students in the small class were playing games. The teacher poured a basket of building blocks on the table for the friends in the small class to play freely. I saw Yudidian arranging the blocks in a horizontal row in front of him, and then pushed them forward, shouting: "I'm crazy!"
Xiaoduo (male, four years old, Class 3, Kindergarten) Children)
Xiao Duo went to the street with his mother, but the mother lost the baby.
Xiaoduo cried and asked the uncles and aunts on the street: "Have you seen my mother? There is a little fat man beside my mother!!"
Teacher An An (female teacher of Class 3 in kindergarten)
Teacher An An’s boyfriend came to the kindergarten to see Teacher An An today. When the children saw someone coming, they were all eager to show their merit. They ran to Teacher An An and shouted: "Teacher, teacher, your father will pick you up." The teacher fainted.
Dudu (male, four years old, a child in Class 3 of kindergarten)
Dudu VS Ants
Mom asked Dudu to help dry the clothes, Dudu But I just watched a group of ants moving insects in the yard. His mother talked to him and said, "You see how hard-working ants are and they never waste time playing." Dudu said unconvincingly, "But every time I travel to the countryside, I will always encounter them."
The little caterpillars and their mother
The weather is so nice today, even the little caterpillars came out to play. Dudu proudly showed Teacher An An a wriggling caterpillar crawling on his hand. But when Teacher An An saw the caterpillar, she trembled all over, and quickly coaxed and persuaded the children: "Get it outside quickly, its mother must be looking for it." Dudu turned around and ran out of the classroom. , Teacher An An breathed a sigh of relief. Unexpectedly, Dudu came in again after a while, with two caterpillars crawling on his arms, and said to Teacher An An: "Teacher, I have brought the mother insect here too."
Dudu Quotes< /p>
Dudu’s experience growing up: If you want to buy an expensive toy, it’s better to tell your grandpa than your dad.
Dudu’s ideal: If I grow up to be a girl, I will become a doctor; if I grow up to be a boy, I will become an engineer.
Dudu’s views on love when he was three years old: In our family, we only fall in love with relatives. For example, my grandfather, grandmother, uncle and aunt are all relatives.
Dudu’s two-year plan when he was five years old: After I finish kindergarten, I have to start thinking about finding a wife for myself.
Dudu’s most shameful past story: One afternoon, he was so tired that he fell asleep unknowingly while defecating in the kindergarten.
Dudu defeated his father:
Dad scolded Dudu: "You are so stupid, you are such a little pig! Do you know what a little pig is?"
Dudu: "Yes, he is the son of a pig."
Dudu is very disdainful of his mother: Mom: "Be careful not to eat the worms in the apple!"
Dudu : "Why should I pay attention? It's me who should pay attention to it!"
I can rest assured that you are doing the job
An old woman was sitting on a chair in the park, playing with the children on the lawn. Dudu suddenly ran over and asked: "Mother-in-law, are your teeth okay?" The old lady replied kindly: "It's not okay anymore, they've all fallen out." So Dudu took out a pack of walnuts with confidence and said, "Mother-in-law, please replace it." I'll take it and I'll go play ball."
My uncle came home today and saw Dudu sitting on the ground playing with the building blocks seriously, so he asked him casually: "Will your teacher give you music lessons? ?" Dudu replied: "Of course! Teacher An An also taught us to sing "Little Duck" last week. "The little uncle wanted to test him, so he asked Dudu to sing a new song." Dudu thought for a while and seemed a little confused. After a while, he suddenly twisted his waist and swung his hips and sang with great enthusiasm: "The most beloved woman hurts me the most. Why do you love others behind my back..." Uncle stunned.
Musical Cell
In order to cultivate Dudu’s artistic accomplishment, his father took him to the concert hall to enjoy a violin recital. One hour, two hours passed, and the performers on the stage were still playing non-stop... Finally, Dudu couldn't bear it anymore, and he asked loudly: "Dad! When will he be able to saw that wooden box open?" "Dad fainted. Super cool and unique funny quotes
1. Sugar daddy - is the gentlest way to rob the rich and give to the poor.
2. First love is most likely to become a sacrifice on the altar of youth.
3. After marriage, men are like tablecloths that only appear when eating.
4. If the name can determine the fate, I would like to change my name to Qian Duoduo...
5. Don't talk to me about life, talk to me about strangers!
6. I am not serious when everyone is drunk and I am sober alone!
7. To be a gangster with temperament, to be a pervert with taste, to be a pervert, to be an illiterate with knowledge
8. A woman with all kinds of charm is a lighter, and a woman with no understanding of style is a fire extinguisher. .
9. When I heard "I love you" for the first time, I wanted to cry. When I heard "I love you" for the second time, I wanted to laugh. When I heard "I love you" for the third time, I couldn't laugh or cry.
10. Crying on a wound has the same effect as pouring salt on it.
11. The reason for never looking back at love is because you know nothing about it. The reason for being cautious about love is because you have only a little knowledge. The reason for rejecting love is because of your great enlightenment.
12. The wife will tell the man how much a pound of vegetables costs, and the lover will tell the man how many stars there are in the night sky.
13. The love of philosophers is a discussion question, the love of writers is an essay question, the love of mathematicians is a calculation question, the love of politicians is a true or false question, and the love of ordinary people is a filler question. Use love to fill boring lives. .
14. Girls like men who play guitar because they create poetry; women like men who play cotton because they create benefits.
15. It’s different to be fooled right out of the house!
16. When men and women flirt, the most distinctive Chinese character is born: concave and convex.
17. The meaning of three points is: bigger point, thicker point and longer point.
18. Never propose to me. I will agree as soon as you propose.
19. If a celebrity doesn’t accept interviews, it doesn’t show that he is mentally retarded.
20. It’s been a long time since I’ve been a bitch, bitch. I heard that you have become a bitch in one?
21. Everyone has a dark side. If you say you are innocent, then I can only say that you are not human!
22. Occasionally and often in a daze!
23. My wife is a big tree and my lover is a small grass. Planting a big tree is good for shade and raising patches of grass. The grass is good for walking birds. A harmonious society is green and environmentally friendly.
24. Shamelessness is also a quality! Missing is a kind of neurosis!
25. Gold will always shine, but sperm will always run out!
26. Master, you are waiting for me to ask Buddha to grant me a marriage!
27. Don’t be like your dad who wears glasses and writes love letters.
28. In the past, when talking about friends, you first asked if others had friends. Now you have to ask if others are gay. Dizzy!
29. Do not associate with people who dress appropriately in daily life.
30. Men want to lock the zipper of a woman’s wallet. Women want to lock the zipper of a man’s pants.
31. When you come home early from a business trip, make a phone call downstairs to at least give them time to get dressed.
32. I think this curse will appear on the 2012 curse list: Have you joined the Chinese Writers Association?
33. It turns out that articulation is a knowing word!
34. The purpose of installing a mirror in the bathroom is to allow people to urinate and look in the mirror.