What is it like to be emotionally absent?

The feeling of being emotionally absent is that you are much more emotionally indifferent than the average person, I guess.

Since high school, almost never angry, sometimes there will be unhappy, but think about it think, nothing, and then waves up. The first time I was in love, I didn't like it, but I pretended to be shy and talked about it, and when I saw that he was having an affair with another girl, I wasn't sad or angry at all, but rather, it was a feeling of ah ~ I really did.

Asked a lot of people what it feels like to have a heartbeat, and realized that I've talked to about ten of them, and I've never had that feeling, even when it comes to intimacy such as kissing, or some of the things that other people consider to be girlish.

Maybe with childhood experience related to it, parents feelings are not good, the father's side of the patriarchal, when I was a child looking at my mother lying on the ground want to commit suicide, dad sitting next to watch TV, remember very clear, when I was even inside the heart of the fluctuations, but had to pretend to be anxious to pull up the mother. Mom and Dad were busy working and needed attention at a time when they needed it the most.

I've always been alone, not crazy with other kids, stayed home alone, read alone, made things to eat and then went to bed alone, and have always been called Sven. I'm so used to being alone that I'm annoyed by two people, and having to struggle to find things to talk about, and taking care of other people's feelings, and seeing people I know well and pretending not to recognize them and walking quickly past them.

But I'm also extremely sociable, with the emotional quotient related to it, with the human failure of the young master is very similar, and more clever is that until now no one can see that I'm pretending, will intentionally do some things to make people laugh, before speaking will be what others say budget, and then smooth should be made fun of other people, the people very good, but in fact, a do not want to pay attention to.

The heart is actually very heavy, tears come when they want to come, as long as they want, after careful planning, and then try to mold the emotions, there is no can't get.

If the junior high school is still said to be out of touch, then after high school has been completely gone, in the emotional lack of human face, I may be counted as okay it, no one see through my nature for the time being