Why is it that the more parents rely on their children, the more children want to escape from parental control?

Traditional Chinese parents mostly feel that children are children, they should listen to their parents, they should follow their parents' requirements, go to school, play games, go to work and even get married and have children.

The parents subconsciously always feel that it is for the good of the children that they have to rely on their parents for a safe and healthy upbringing. Unbeknownst to them, this kind of thinking, once it becomes an obsession, forms a serious ? reverse dependence?

Children escape parental control? It is not the child? White-eyed wolf? , is the parents? reverse dependency? too much.

It really isn't the child? white-eyed wolves?

Why would a parent have a severe? reverse dependency?

Children are habit-forming when they are young and their parents are always strong and controlling every aspect of the child's life. Parents feel that the child subconsciously feel that this is normal. But in fact it is the parents for the child? The reverse dependence of the parents on their children is a problem. Reverse dependence? Once more than the child's tolerance, will inevitably lead to the child want to escape, become parents in the eyes of the ? The first thing that you need to do is to get rid of the problem and get out of the way.

One, the child is dependent on the parents

The child in the young, parents attentive care, so that the child is used to rely on parents.

In the world of children, eating, walking, talking? Everything is dependent on the help of the parents slowly learn, the dependence on parents is also increasing day by day, especially the mother.

Fall pain, looking for mom; drink water, looking for mom; happy, looking for mom; sad, looking for mom? Even when you just woke up from sleep and are not yet conscious, you will first look to see if your mom is around.

This kind of dependence makes parents feel that their children can't leave them.

So parents fully enjoy the sense of achievement and fulfillment, as well as the sense of existence brought by their children at this stage.

So parents used to say to their children: ? You depend on me for your survival, you should listen to what I say.?

Two, growing up, I depend on you

The child grows up, the parents slowly drift from the center of the child, the sense of dependence on the child slowly grows.

With the growth of children, from school, the workplace, society and so on all aspects of access to new knowledge, experience a new life, and even slowly have their own small family.

Or because of the understanding, or because of the distance, the child learns to report the good news not to report the bad news, and learns to be in trouble no longer consult the parents' opinion, no longer seek their parents' help? Gradually, parents will feel as if their children do not need them so much.

This lack of need gradually evolved into panic among parents.

So parents can find less and less sense of existence in their children, gradually began to worry, began to be afraid, desperately want to catch the child, want the child to stay with them.

Parents slowly become a phone call, nagging, complaining, once the child depends on parents, now become parents overly dependent on the child, the child began to resist, but the parents will not be easy to say to the child, ? I depend on you?

Why do children reject their parents' dependence

Children resisting their parents is sad and frustrating for them, so parents will gossip and say to others: ? That pup in my house is a white wolf.? or even complain to their children when they are good enough to call, ? How did you grow up to be a white-eyed wolf??

But parents, after all, need to reflect on why their own children have become ?

These are the first time I've ever seen a child in the world who has been in a state of shock.

One, their own control is too strong

Some parents do treat their children as treasures, everywhere carefully protected, always attentive care, but the child's heart did not try to understand, but only to ask the child:? I do everything for you, you have to follow my arrangements," he said.

So the child walks how far, see what kind of scenery, read what kind of books, choose what kind of professional? Even the marriage object parents want to find according to their own requirements.

In fact, such? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. The first time I saw this, I was in the middle of a conversation with a man who had been in the middle of a conversation with a woman. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots. white-eyed wolf?

Growing up, the child has a new understanding and rightly wants to escape from the control of his parents.

Two, strong over

Some parents, although in the encounter before the problem, will give the child the opportunity to choose, but the child chooses after, as long as it is not so satisfactory, will be forced to interfere.

This friend of yours can't give you the benefit of the doubt, can't socialize? This hairstyle of yours is not convenient to comb your hair, change it? You don't study hard enough, you have to finish page x by x o'clock at night? You're not studying hard enough. Your major is too cold, choose a hot major

Every step of a child's growth, every choice, is interfered by the parents, who always say: "You have to do this, you can't do that". You have to do this, you can not do that

The strong bring the result is the outbreak and rebound.

Because of the strong parents, the child is seriously lack of initiative, but also eager to escape from the oppression of parents, so when the child left home, let fly, not even willing to make a phone call to parents to communicate.

Three, the child has lost his wings

Parents say it is for the good of the child, or hope that the child grows up according to their own wishes, or strong interference to force the child to grow up according to their own wishes, to the child to raise such and such a request, but the result is, the pressure is broken the child's wings.

Children who are always arranged by their parents lose their initiative, the courage to choose, the ability to think independently, the willingness to lose self-control, and the motivation to fight for their dreams?

So the children in accordance with the arrangement of the parents of the mediocre to go on, slowly being overwhelmed, slowly began to resent their parents, a chance to get away from their parents, will be like grasping the straw in general, dead not to let go, as long as it can be away from the farther away, the better.

How to reduce the parents? The first time I've seen this, I've been able to see it in my head.

Parents' feelings about their children's reverse codependency

When a child is born, the parents are surrounded by the child every day, the center of gravity of life is on the child, until the child suddenly left the side, the whole life seems to have no center of gravity, become confused, the thoughts of the child naturally the whole surge of the heart.

Find what you can do

The child is a colorful part of life for parents, but not the whole of life.

Find something you can do.

If you are still young and your children are still young, when your children are asleep, playing alone, etc., read books, learn skills, find a suitable job, so that you can avoid focusing on your children.

Find something you can do.

If you are old enough and the kids have left home, plant flowers, play chess, read a book, practice calligraphy? Dance with your sisters of the same age, and find a leisurely job that doesn't pay much, but doesn't overwork you and gives you something to do.

Let go, the child grows up

Parents for the child, is warm, is the shelter, is the retreat, is the courage, but should never be a beast of water.

Let go of your child, the child has grown up! Children need to be in control of their own lives and need to find their own way to their dreams, if they still exist. Stop controlling your children with your parents' ideas and give them back their wings.

Let go, the child is growing up! If the child meets difficulties outside, parents provide a little help as much as they can, he will be grateful to you. If the child fails outside, parents encourage the child and give him a little support, he will be filial to you.

The swallows still need to fly south, leave some distance for your children

I remember reading a text about the swallows, boasting about their goodness. When the swallows build their nests under the eaves of houses in spring, people rejoice and take it as a good omen; when people are about to get tired of them, the swallows fly away again without giving people the slightest chance to hate them.

The same is true of parents and children. Although you don't need to be as distant as the swallow, you need to leave some distance in order to have time to savor the beauty of it.

Parents love their children and plan far ahead for them. But parents are only parents, children need to grow up, for children to consider far-reaching, does not mean that everything has to interfere with the child's decision, pointing the way does not mean that mandatory requirements, the right guidance from childhood, even if the child does not follow the requirements of parents in the future, but also can be a very good life. The love of the parents for the child, is not the expectation that the child can live well?