Ancient Folk Joke Stories
Jokes are characterized by their short length, simple but ingenious storylines, often unexpected, and the wonderful feeling that the God of Laughter has suddenly come to life. Most of them reveal the absurdity of life, and are satirical and entertaining. There is a difference between high and low fun. The following is my collection of ancient folk joke stories, welcome to learn and reference, I hope to help you.
Ancient Folk Joke Stories 1
1. "The Plague Dog is Blessed"
One day, Sun Zaolong was preparing to host a banquet. The eldest worker, Bi Duan, went with him to the street to buy food, and bought a whole basket of fish and meat.
On the way back, Bi Duan saw a yellow dog not far away, and deliberately put the basket down to carry. The yellow dog scurried over and took the meat with a fierce bite. The owner ordered Bi Shuang to go after it. Bi Dwarf chased for a while back empty-handed, said: "Alas, really plague dog blessing!"
Sun rich master inexplicably asked: "What did you say?"
Bi short said: "Well, we when the long laborers, work all year round, never eat a meal of meat, this is as your master said, 'destiny', no blessing ah."
The rich man nodded: "Right! Eating meat has the blessing of eating meat. Why do I keep drinking meat and wine?
This is 'destiny'!"
Bi Duan laughed: "Dongjia, the dead plague of dogs to take the meat, like you, hi hi, also have the blessing of eating meat mile."
The rich man froze.
2, the dog ate the painting and calligraphy
In the late Ming and early Qing dynasties, Lanxi, Zhejiang Province, there is a smart wall Feng, called Bi Dwarf, often against the rich.
One day the tycoon Zhou Daosheng is talking bad about Bi Dwarf in the tea store, coincidentally, Bi Dwarf passed by, walked in and said, "Today I encountered a strange thing." Zhou Daosheng busy asked: "Bi man, what strange things ah?"
Bi short said: "My neighbor's dog, recently specializing in stealing books and paintings. Today, the neighbors of the home collection of paintings and drawings are out of the sun, unexpectedly all were eaten by the dog, the master killed the dog, cut open its stomach, you guess what is inside? Ha, a belly of bad paintings (words)."
The tea drinkers understood that Bi Duan was laughing at Zhou Daosheng, and laughed out loud.
3, Zheng Banqiao send thieves poem
The Qing Dynasty painter Zheng Banqiao young family was very poor. Because of no name and no power, although the calligraphy and painting is very good, but also can not be sold at a good price.
The family had nothing of value.
One day, Zheng Banqiao lying in bed, suddenly saw a sneaky figure reflected on the windowpaper, Zheng Banqiao thought: it must be a thief visited, my home, what is worth you take it? Then he recited a poem in a loud voice:
The wind is rising and the moon is dusk, there is a gentleman to the cold door!
The book is a book of poems, but it is not a book of money.
The thief turned around and ran away. Zheng Banqiao read two lines of poetry to send off:
Out of the house do not frighten the yellow-tailed dog, over the wall do not get in the way of the green flower pot.
Leave some of my children back to see
A friend told, he bought a black and white TV at home when he was a child.
At that time it was a very rare thing, their family was the first in the village,
bought back the day many neighbors in the village are crowded in his house to see,
His father was working in the field, we are watching the rise,
His grandmother trembling from the house came out (at that time, the age of eighty years old),
a TV plug ripped off, leaving a sentence let
"Don't watch it all, leave some for my son to come back and watch."
This is the first time I've ever seen a television program with the same sound as this one.
6 boxes for a course of treatment
The farmer bought a box of rat medicine, and the rat ate it and swaggered away.
The farmer was angry, looking for the merchant theory, the merchant said to catch the rat to be served with warm water.
The farmer did as he was told, and the rat walked away.
The farmer found the merchant again, and the merchant asked, "How many times did you feed it?"
The farmer replied, "Once."
The merchant said, "Look at the manual, 6 boxes of a course of treatment."
If you two become I still have to call you grandma
The countryside puts a special emphasis on seniority.
When I took my girlfriend home, I met an old man of 70 years old at the head of the village.
I said sunbathing, he said why home,
I pointed to his girlfriend and said this is my girlfriend.
My object immediately said grandpa good, the old man said: "Do not call me grandpa, you two want to become I still have to call your grandmother."
Not like I moved so many times
There was a construction worker moving things in the construction site, each time only a little,
The foreman had to speak up.
The foreman said to him in a corrective tone, "What do you think you're doing? Look at someone else carrying something that heavy!"
Worker: "If they want to be lazy, I can't do anything about it, unlike me who has moved it so many times."
As a result, the foreman was amused by him.
Ancient Folk Joke Stories 3After Liu Bei became the emperor
Liu Bei became the emperor, all the straw shoe sellers threw their shoes to celebrate with each other, fantasizing that this time will usher in the spring of the straw shoe world.
But it did not take long for the State of Shu to order the world: the operation of the straw shoes to increase the tax by 30%, not knowing that Liu Bei is too aware of how much money can be earned by selling straw shoes.
Why are all the volcanoes on the moon dead
Ming Ming in elementary school asked his mom, "Why are there no active volcanoes on the moon?"
Mom told him, "Grandpa Moon has gone through puberty, so he doesn't grow beans anymore."
Robbery
A female governor returned home at night, was suddenly two men on the car, a man threatened to say: honestly, robbed the color! The female magistrate heard the laughter and scolded: your uncle, this thing ah, scared me, thought it was being it, it is a double fly ah!
Not you with it?
The American mountaineer said to his companion: "In order to put the flag on Mount Everest, it took almost a lifetime, but it was worth it, hand me the flag."
The companion is dumbfounded and says, "Ah, wasn't it you who carried it ......"
Naming
The other day and a few of my classmates drink, just to say what they are going to name the child.
One surnamed Liu said, if I have a son, I'll call him Liu Buanqi, which is similar to the profession. Then to a student surnamed Huang said: what about you?
The guy didn't blink: If I have a daughter, I'll call her Yellow Pages.
Melon face
qq a beautiful woman said she melon face, especially beautiful.
I drooled and went out to ask people to meet. Night, push the door back on the flop on the bed bawling: "West - melon face is also just, the key problem is her pointy head upwards ah!"
Defense
Mouse: I am now in love with bats, after the children live in the air, not afraid of you cats.
The cat sneered and pointed to the owl in the tree and said: see, she is pregnant with my child!
Rudra through security
One day, Rudra sat on the subway, the entrance to the security inspector pointed to his head, said: "Do not rush, do not rush, big bags through the security check ah ......"
No need to line up for gas
The snail mother carried a small snail crawling on the road, and finally arrived at their destination, while the car that departed at the same time with them was late.
The snail wondered, "Mommy, why isn't the car going faster than us?"
The snail's mother replied, "Son, we don't have to wait in line for gas."
Repairing Heaven's Door
Heaven's door was broken and the tender was to repair it.
Indian: as long as 3,000 to get it right, 1,000 for materials, 1,000 for labor costs, I make 1,000 myself; and came a German, German guy: to 6,000, 2,000 for materials, 2,000 for labor costs, 2,000 to make 2,000 themselves; and finally ran a Chinese: this is 9,000 to 9,000, 3,000 to you, 3,000 to me, and the remaining 3,000 to that Indian!
There's a reason for that
A judge who thinks highly of himself arrogantly said: many people are confused about whether the law is important, or the judge is important. What do you think?
The cobbler said: of course the judge is important!
The judge happily gives him an extra tip and asks: can you tell me why?
The cobbler says: Because the law doesn't need me to shine his shoes.
Meow a little
Flora told Dog, "When I kick you in the test today, you'll have to aim for me."
When it came time for the exam, Ah Hua kicked Dog, and Dog replied, "Meow~~~Meow~~~"
Ancient Folk Joke Stories 4A penny doesn't save a penny
There was an old rich man who was very stingy. One day he went out with his son, and on the way met a small river newly flooded. He couldn't afford to spend money on a ferry, so he tried his best to trip the water. Who wanted to trip to the middle of the river, the water even washed him into the rapids, drifting more than half a mile. His son chased him along the riverbank and tried to hire a boat to save him. The boatman asked for a penny of silver, and his son offered only five cents, and the price was negotiated for a long time. When the old man was drowning in the river, he turned back to his son and shouted, "My son, my son, I'll save you for five cents, but I won't save you for a penny!"
Good luck words
Once upon a time there was a landowner who hired two long laborers. Because he loved to listen to the auspicious words, he gave them two good names: one is called "Gao Sheng", one is called "Fat Cai". On the morning of the fifth day of the first month of the lunar calendar, the landlord wanted to welcome the God of Fortune and say auspicious words. Before dawn, he shouted in a strange voice: "Gao Sheng! Gao Sheng!" Gao Sheng lives upstairs, heard the landlord shouting, then hurriedly replied: "Down! I'm coming down!" When the landlord heard this, he was filled with anger, but he couldn't say anything, so he could only shout again, "Fa Cai! Fa Cai!" Fa Cai lived in the horse corral, where there was no window, and opened his eyes to see that it was dark everywhere, and thought that it was still early in the day, so he answered in a loud voice, "It's still early, it's still early!" The landlord was so angry that he could not even speak.
Cheap
Once upon a time, there was a military officer in the battlefield supervising the battlefield, seized a deserter, he was furious, wrote down an oracle: for caning death. He was so angry that he wrote an order that he would be sentenced to death by caning. He didn't know that he couldn't write the word "death", so he tried to beat him with a stick instead, but it wasn't easy for him to write the word "stick" either. Finally had to say to the deserter: "go! I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it.
Two Eggs
The emperor issued a decree: whoever can lie to make him not believe, 100 taels of silver. Now every day into the palace lying people endless stream, but no one to get the reward. One day the old lie came up to the temple, he said to the emperor: "Listen to my grandfather said, 64 years ago, the emperor's father fell to the Miao Mountains, ate my family two eggs. The old emperor said, after returning to the palace with interest 100 times." The emperor thought to himself, what are two eggs? So he said, "I believe it." The old lie asked the minister to immediately calculate the account. The minister counted to 50 years has been shocked, counted to 64 years, the emperor looked at the number of big a read out, busy said: "you lie too big, I do not believe." The old lie laughed, finally got 100 two reward silver.
Monk Pregnant
In ancient times, a monk was seriously ill and was rescued from his home and placed in a lady's bed. The master hired a bone-setter to treat the monk. As the monk could not see the wind, the bone-setter had to give a thick pulse through the cotton blanket. The bone-setter touched the monk's delicate hand and thought it was the master's daughter-in-law. Said: "It is irregular menstruation, most likely pregnant."
Still Dare to Have a Baby
A certain person married a wealthy man's . Daughter, and a year later, gave birth to a child. The mother's family received a visitor's message and sent the young master to send eggs and millet. This young master only know to send things, but do not know what it is for, see sister in bed with a child, alarmed, immediately in front of a lot of people in the face of the sister to train: "How do you dare to give birth to a child? The year before last, for the birth of a child, our father did not kill you ah? The first time I saw this, I was so shocked that I had to go to the hospital to have a baby.
Jokes
Anciently, there was a farmer who had three sons, the oldest was called Fortune, the oldest was called Fool, and the oldest was called Joke. One day the three sons came back from cutting wood, and the farmer asked his wife how much wood they had cut. His wife replied, old man, wealth is not at all, fools have a little, jokes have a quart.
The story of wine
It is said that in the late Ming and early Qing dynasties, a master of the newlyweds for more than a year, do not see the wife of the birth of a child, and Mrs. discussed: "Since you do not give birth to a child, I have to marry a room." Mrs. although dissatisfied, but also had to agree: "Master to add a room, but I have conditions in the first - Master can not like the old, the same room allocation to be equal. The code word is: Master drink white wine means choose me, drink red wine means choose "small", how?" "In!" The master answered with his mouth full. Just after the voice fell, the "little one" was married home. At dinner, the family asked, "Master, what wine to drink?" "Red wine!" And so, the red wine in the master's house was in short supply. Mrs. look at the "little" full of spring, no trick, the stock of sourness can only be swallowed in the stomach. This day, Mrs.'s cousin came to visit, the master prepared four small dishes - peanut rice, tofu skin, small salted fish, chicken cluck. Mrs. see the opportunity to come, busy asked: "Master, drink what wine ah?" "Of course I'll drink red wine," the master replied without thinking. Mrs. that angry ah, angry stomach bulging, but she suddenly came up with a plan: "Master would like to drink red wine no harm. I will have to entertain my cousin with white wine !!!!!!"
Our army will use what weapons
Three Kingdoms period, Zhou Yu jealous of Zhuge Liang's talent, coinciding with the Sun Quan Liu Bei joint resistance to the Cao period, Zhou Yu wanted to make things difficult for Zhuge Liang for lack of weapons, they discussed with Zhuge, "Prime Minister, the great war is approaching, our army will use what weapons ah? " Zhuge Liang was furious: "There are nuclear weapons still fucking looking for me to do what?"
The Emperor's Reply
An official's oubliette was stepped on by his wife in a fight. He was very angry and even played a book to the emperor: "Greetings to your majesty: my wife is very nagging, and yesterday she quarreled with me and stepped on my gauze hat to break it." The emperor saw the decree: "Aiqing you have to be patient, the empress also has this problem, and I have a quarrel with me, is about to be the crown smashed to smithereens. Your gauze hat is nothing, at best, a cloth pocket!"
Where did the country's silver go
Qianlong asked Lawrence Liu: "Where did the country's silver go." Lawrence Liu replied: "fell into the river." Qianlong also asked: "How not to fish it." Lawrence Liu replied: "River deep (Heshen) ah!"
Uncle brother opened
Ah ha ha! Tang dynasty monks, polite polite! I am the county magistrate of this county, and these twenty-five colleagues are the deputy magistrates of this county, oh, the hundred or so people outside, all of them are the magistrate's assistants. There's no hurry to exchange for the customs clearance documents. Can you please invite the Tang Dynasty Monk and his four disciples to go with me to the Yingge Yuan upstairs of the county government office for some entertainment? Of course! We have all the girls we need, and all of them are yesterday's virgins. It's safe! Absolutely safe! It's run by my own uncle and brother...
The first one outside the city is afraid of his wife
There is a man who is afraid of his wife, so he wants to look for people who are like him and worship ten brothers. After searching around, he had already gathered nine people in the city, and one was still missing. They saw a man shuffling a toilet bowl. The people said in unison, "This person must be like us!" So they went up to meet him and explained their purpose. The man shook his hand and said: "Why should I not be first outside the city, and instead come to your city to be tenth?"
The Truth About the Empty City Trick
At this time, there were only remnants of soldiers and weak generals left in the city. Zhuge Liang himself put on a crane cloak and played the zither slowly and unhurriedly on the citadel. As expected, Sima Yi arrived at the bottom of the city floor, see the city gate is wide open, but instead of dropping the army and back. Afterward, the strategist beside him asked Sima Yi: "Why didn't you charge in with your troops, General?" Sima Yi said angrily, "Silly you! There is no one in front of their gate, what if they are offside!"
Ancient Folk Joke Stories 5Zheng Banqiao Chanting Crab Poem
Zheng Banqiao served as Weixian County governor, one day the messenger reported that the governor of the Lord passed through Weixian County, Zheng Banqiao did not go out of the city to meet. It turned out that the governor is a donation class origin, the money to buy the official, enough to lift a sedan chair, but not a little bit of real talent in the belly, so Zheng Banqiao look down on him.
The governor came to the back of the county magistrate, Zheng Banqiao not out of the city to meet, the heart is very unhappy. At the banquet, the governor thought more and more angry. Coincidentally, this time, the servant served a plate of river crab, the governor thought: "Why don't I let him crab as the subject, the poem, if not, I then publicly shy him a shame, or out of my heart of sulkiness! So with chopsticks pointed to the river crab and said: "This thing is rampant in the river, no one in sight, I have heard that Mr. Zheng is too talented, why not take this thing as the theme, recite a poem to help the wine?"
Zheng Banqiao knew what he meant, a little thought, chanting: eight claws across the four fields scared, double chela dancing mighty wind Ling, who knows that the belly is empty, dipped in ginger and vinegar with the wine chanting.
The governor was very embarrassed.
Ancient Folk Joke Stories 6"Dismissed on Purpose"
Zheng Banqiao, when he was a county official, encountered a year of famine. He was removed from his post by the emperor because he opened a warehouse to release grain and help the poor. So, he hired a small boat and went back to his hometown in Yangzhou along the Grand Canal.
One day, see in front of the pier moored an official ship, the mast hangs a "by the decree of the" flag, to avoid all civilian boats. Zheng Banqiao said to himself: "you by the emperor's will to take office, I by the emperor's will to dismiss. Aren't they both 'by imperial decree'?
What are you so godlike about?" So, took a piece of silk, writing "by the will of the dismissal" four big words, also hung to the mast.
The official ship, is the court of a big traitor's son, called Yao Youcai. This person is uneducated, but relying on his son's power, fishing a hat, this time is about to go to Yangzhou to take office. At this time to see a small boat mast hanging on the "dismissed at the behest of" the flag, feel strange, a inquire, it was Zheng Banqiao, sent to him to ask for calligraphy and painting.
Zheng Banqiao heard that this Yao has the wealth, in addition to eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, oppression of the people outside the search, nothing else, and quickly wrote a poem: "It is difficult to buy money a bamboo, the wealth of more than a green flower pot, the lack of branches and less leaves did not have more bamboo shoots, Germany, less Hugh want to be full of Sven." At the beginning of each line is a word, and the word is "wealth and lack of virtue". Yao You Cai took a look, almost fainted.
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