In the book Don't Yell, Don't Yell, the clues that lead parents to yell at their children are called external incentives, and the escalating thoughts and emotions are gunpowder in firecrackers. When both are available, shouting will happen.
For this mother, the child's stubborn saying "no" is the external fuse of emotional collapse. At this time, yelling hasn't happened yet, and then it enters the second process, and the concept is upgraded. "Say no to everything, you are against me" and "You are deliberately challenging my authority" ... The idea is constantly escalating, and yelling happens from time to time.
Many times, we can find external triggers, but it is useless. We need to know the deep-seated reason behind children's behavior: why do children like to say "no"?
/kloc-After 0/year-old, children can call themselves by their first names or "I", indicating that self-awareness has begun to form, and he has begun to change himself from an object to a cognitive subject. In the process of forming self-awareness, children's stubbornness and rebellion are common characteristics, because he believes that he can do anything, so he wants to make his own decisions.
From the development stage, when any skill begins to develop, there will be a strong physiological and psychological reaction. For example, as soon as I learned to ride a bike, I always wanted to go for a ride. The same is true of children's self-awareness. He has realized the existence of "self", so he has always wanted to call him.
Before the child is one year old, he will think that he and his mother are one. I am a mother, and my mother is me. Now children have a sense of self. He knows that I am me, and I can control myself to do something. So rejection, resistance, stubbornness and rebellion are very common. Parents can understand this and be more patient with their children.
It is normal for children to say that they are abnormal, and it is normal to resist. With the growth of age, children's attitudes and ways will change. Parents should not over-restrain their children, for example, let their 2-year-old children sit there quietly and listen to stories for half an hour, which is beyond their age characteristics.
2 years old is the first period for children to resist, and it is also the key period for the formation of rules. The child is about to enter kindergarten at the age of 3. In addition to teaching children to take care of themselves, certain rules should be formed.
At home, while giving children the greatest freedom, make clear what not to do. Children of this age are curious about the world. Parents should let their children explore freely on the premise of ensuring their physical safety. There can't be too many rules, but there must be, for example, sockets must not be touched. Rules are boundaries and red lines that cannot be touched.
When the child was young, I thought it was great to have an old man to help take care of the child, but this problem appeared after the child was 2 years old. Because the elderly are cautious in taking care of their children, and the children climb high and low or play with water and mud, the elderly will be very anxious, so they will restrict their children from all aspects and repeat "no ... no ..." and follow the children all day.
Too much management is not good for children's development, and it will also make children feel incompetent and incompetent. If young, children will try more in all aspects to develop their abilities better.
Parents should also pay attention to one thing: don't use children's fears to discipline their children. If the mother takes the child to the supermarket, the child wants to buy lollipops very much. The mother refuses to take into account the child's dental health, and the child lies on the ground. At this time, many mothers will scare their children: "If you don't leave, I won't want you." "I can't control you?" I will never care about you again. "
These are angry words to the mother, but not to the child. He really thinks that the mother wants to abandon herself, and the 2-year-old child has a strong anxiety about separation, which has a great psychological impact on the child. Some children are afraid to have nightmares and cry when they fall asleep. Parents should never take advantage of their children's fears.
Dabao is about 2 years old and likes playing with building blocks best. Because the fine movements can't be achieved, he will either build a few blocks and collapse, or push down the built blocks himself. After many times, he felt depressed and began to lose his temper and throw blocks.
At this time, we will know that the child lost his temper because he made a lot of efforts, but he still failed, which led to frustration. What should parents do when their children encounter setbacks and have negative emotions? Parents should help their children get rid of negative emotions as soon as possible.
My approach is: first of all, calm the child's emotions and pat him on the back with his child in his arms: "The baby tried to build it many times and it collapsed. Are you super sad now? " Then affirm what the child has done: "Mom tells you that this is not your problem, but your age. Because you are still very young, it is too high and difficult for you to build, but you have just been able to build 8 pieces, which is much more powerful than many children. " Finally, help the child and help him complete the construction.
Children can't reach things, holes can't be pierced, puzzles can't be put together, building blocks can't be put up ... children really made a lot of efforts, but they still didn't do it. Parents should appease their children in time, affirm what they can do and guide them out of negative emotions.
There is no standard for parental assessment. If there is a standard, I think good parents should be children's fun partners, who can play with their children, whether they are 1, 2 or 3 years old.
Parents should relax, not be anxious, about their children's growth. If the child has a little "bad" behavior, parents will think of the future and have no way to relax themselves. How do parents relax themselves? You know, all children's problems are growing problems, which are different from the future. Parents should not define their children from the perspective of adults. Even if the child is temporarily behind, we should look at the child with a developmental perspective. Many problems will be solved slowly with growth. If anxious parents magnify the problem and cling to it, they will really take it seriously.
Interesting parents will forget their parents' identity, play with their children like children and enjoy the process by themselves. When Dabao was over 3 years old, I found a very nice cartoon Bourrouilh. This is a family with four dogs: my father is a full-time nanny, taking care of two babies and occasionally working at home. My mother is an office worker, my sister Bourrouilh and her sister Bingo. ...
It turns out that parents and children can still play like this! This is how I feel when I look at Bourrouilh. Children can play with the tickling crab that their father accidentally brought home from the beach, or use a feather as a wand. Mom and dad will be immersed in the game and fully integrated into the role. It's so fun that our family often copies the games in cartoons into our lives. When the child says "Grandma is coming", we can quickly get into the role. ...
In the process of accompanying children, I also get the pleasure of innocence, and children live in the present. Parents should look at their children with appreciation, see what their children are doing well, encourage them constantly, and don't always pretend to be educators.