Text/Meng Xiaoman
I leave you with 99 points of this love, and I want to give the last 1 point to myself.
2017.10.8 Sunny Sunday
(1)
Tonight, there are many people in the square, forming small teams in twos and threes, dancing to unknown dance music. I sat quietly on the stone bench, watching them dancing, and suddenly felt envious.
A long time ago, I imagined what I would look like when I grow old: my hair is gray and my face is covered with deep and shallow wrinkles. In every free afternoon, he walks on the streets like a snail with a cane and a slightly chubby body.
I can accept all the ugliness of old age calmly, because in my picture, there is still you by my side. Even if I get old, I will not be lonely. In the wide world, we are always a couple holding hands side by side.
However, fantasy will always be wiped out by reality. Looking at the message "Xi'er, I'm in love" sent on the phone, my hands began to tremble until these words began to become blurry. Slowly turned into a black line.
Someone came over and asked me why I was crying? I lowered my head and didn't answer, letting my hair fall to cover up my embarrassed appearance. I didn't make a sound, just let the tears flow down my face. It turned out that "silence is better than sound" is such a heartbreaking feeling.
The wind blew and I shivered. In such a hot weather, I felt cold. There is probably no other person like me in the world. Raise your head and let the wind dry the tears on your face, so that the fact that you just cried can all disappear.
They are all gone, the excitement is gone, but I am still here. I smiled as I watched the insects whirling under the dim light, spinning tirelessly in circles. Compared with them, what's the difference between me and me? I'm all working hard for the ethereal light.
We should have known each other since birth. It all stems from the great friendship between mothers. They are best friends who play very well. Ever since they were students, they have talked about everything. If they are good, they have to wear a pair of pants.
We are not much different in age, which is also related to the agreement between our mothers. They agreed to get married at the same time, and I don’t know how it all happened just right. They really held their weddings on the same day, and got pregnant one after another. After that, there were two of us, and you naturally became my brother.
Sometimes, I always feel that this is everything arranged by God. It allows us to know each other since childhood and avoid the tragedy of "you were born before I was born, and you are old after I was born", but I still seem to have missed it. You, or rather you have never seen me behind you.
I remember the last time I was sick, you came in a hurry with the medicine you bought, complaining and preparing medicine for me at the same time. I don't like taking medicine, but you pretend to be angry and ignore me even if the medicine is left there.
Then, you ran to the kitchen and got busy. The sound of ping-pong-pong sounded like a symphony to me. After cooking the porridge, you filled a small bowl and put it in front of me without saying a word. I called you but you ignored me. I knew you were angry.
I had no choice but to pick up the medicine, pinch my nose, and pour all the medicine into my mouth as if I was looking forward to death. Then, the bitter taste began to spread, and I made a painful expression, twisting my face into a clown-like look, and you laughed, very exaggeratedly.
This trick has been proven time and time again. You, a thousand-year-old iceberg, will also smile because of such a funny expression. You picked up the porridge, handed it to me, and told me to eat it quickly, otherwise it would be finished slowly and I would have to take medicine. I obediently took it and ate it quickly.
You have always played the role of an older brother and taken care of me like a sister, but my heart began to change.
(2)
That day, when you appeared in front of me hand in hand with a girl, I was dumbfounded. I had fantasized about that position countless times, but it ended up being occupied by another girl. You introduce her to me and take me to dinner.
At the dinner table, I saw you constantly picking up vegetables for her, telling her to eat more, and you were willing to pick out even the most disgusting fish and put it in front of her.
Once upon a time, I thought that such treatment would only belong to me, but I didn’t expect that you would give it to another person so easily. Maybe you like her very much, but I also like you very much. You can see it by turning your head.
I finished the meal in silence and walked behind. Looking at your figures intertwined, I felt like a fool for loving you so humbly.
After I went back, I didn’t contact you for a few days. I wandered around the campus alone. Going to class and eating became a formality, a formality to prove that I was still alive.
Later, someone pursued me and the dormitory cafeteria was completely surrounded. I didn’t like him and was afraid of avoiding him, but he still kept appearing in front of me. I even used candles to express my love, which attracted countless people to watch, putting me in a dilemma.
You were passing by and saw my embarrassed look, so you rushed into the crowd and pulled me away, leaving a group of people in a daze. You don't know, at this moment you are like a warrior, leading me to escape from the chaotic battlefield. Even if there are swords and swords around me, I am not afraid.
When I ran to the playground, you put down my hand and asked me if I was stupid. If you didn’t like it, just refuse. Why did you stand there without saying anything? If you really couldn’t do it, you could call me. Seeing your angry questioning, I laughed instead. It turns out you still care about me.
I contacted you again, endured the dining table for three people, endured your tenderness towards her, pretended to be an outsider, and sent you my blessings. I just want to stay by your side, in the name of my sister, at least this way I can truly feel that you have never left.
I don’t know how long this situation lasted. It got so long that I started to feel numb and got used to it, but you told me that you broke up. I can't believe that your first love ended like this. After all, I can see that you like her.
You told me that the girl broke up with you because she disliked you for not being gentle enough, having no time to accompany you, and not knowing how to take care of girls. I laughed and told you that this girl has no taste. If you break up, break up. There will be a girl who loves you.
For example, for me, I hid these four words in my throat and did not say them out. After all, I didn’t want to take advantage of them so quickly. It would make me look bad. Anyway, now that I have time, I can be nice to you, let you slowly feel my love, and finally accept me.
Unexpectedly, before I could say anything, another girl broke into your world. This message from the mobile phone was like a bomb, which blew me away.
(3)
Why will I cry tonight? Because I have always liked you, in this love competition, I have always stood behind you, just a turning distance away, but why is it so difficult to turn around!
From a long time ago to now, you are the only one I like, and it has never changed. I reject other people’s pursuits because you occupy my heart. I can’t hold other people in my heart. I want to I started to feel heartache.
The phone call came, and it’s yours. I know you saw that I didn't reply, so you called me to ask. When the familiar name came into view, I didn't have the courage to answer the call. I'm afraid that when the call is connected, my tears will burst into tears and disrupt your happiness.
Suddenly, I thought of Zhang Ailing, this beloved woman whom I had also humbly loved. Zhang Ailing once said, "When she met him, she became very low, as low as the dust. But she was happy in her heart, and flowers bloomed from the dust." At this moment, I truly understood her original feeling. It turned out that Love is such a painful and joyful thing.
While I was lost in thought, you sent me a message: "Silly girl, are you hiding and crying alone again? Don't cry, brother will feel sorry for you. Your thoughts have been with me for a long time. I understand, but I can't accept you because you are my sister. In my heart, you have always been a good girl. You deserve someone to love you wholeheartedly. One day, that person will come, you. Just be prepared."
After reading this message, I was completely dumbfounded.
It turns out that you have long known that I am behind you; it turns out that your rejection was all for me; it turns out that not all love is on a first-come, first-served basis. If you don’t love, you don’t love.
I understand, this time, I will let go. Although the wound will heal very slowly, I am still grateful that meeting you in adolescence made me understand what it is like to love someone. From now on, I will not hold on to the memories.
However, I still want to leave this 99-point love to you. The last 1 point, I want to give to myself. This heart still has to wait for the perfect moment, waiting for the one that belongs to me. he. Wish you happiness, wish me happiness!
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