Audio Transcript
1
Hello everyone, in this installment, I'm going to read the book "High Sensitivity is a Gift" for you.
I don't know if you've ever encountered such a situation, walking, hear the sound of the square dance loudspeaker, you feel very uncomfortable; or with other people looked at each other, see each other swept away, you will feel that the other side look down on you; or as long as someone is angry, no matter whether it is not for you, as long as you are watching, you will feel very difficult, as if other people are angry with your fault; and every time a large group of people are angry with you, you can see that the other person is very angry, but also the other person's fault, as if the other person's fault. The same; and every time a large group of people party, you can always push on the push, really can not be pushed off, went to start thinking about how to be able to leave early, but worried about their own go let others spoil the fun ......
If you often encounter the above these situations, then I believe you will also often hear friends advise you: "Don't think too much!" "Why are you so sensitive?" Every time you hear these you will also feel very self-blame, blame yourself why is so sensitive, why can't you let go of the heart some, do not care so much. Whenever you think of this, you feel even harder and blame yourself even more. So you find a lot of ways to want to change yourself, but can not change, or unconsciously think too much, will still be very sensitive. If you continue this vicious circle, you will live a more and more tired, more and more painful, and probably the people around you will avoid you more and more, because they will think you are too glassy-eyed, dare not approach you.
Is it true that highly sensitive people can only live more and more tired and can't live an easy and beautiful life?
No, even if you are highly sensitive, you can still have a good life. The author of this book, Ilse? Sander has found a way to break the vicious cycle of hypersensitivity. She is a counselor and a former pastor. At the same time, she is also a hypersensitive person, and she once suffered a lot because of her hypersensitivity, but now she doesn't think that hypersensitivity is a defect. Now she doesn't think it's a flaw, because she's found great ways to relax her hypersensitive self and to utilize her gift of sensitivity to perceive unique pleasures. Her discovery has been a boon to the hypersensitive, and it can be said that this book is the antidote for the hypersensitive, a cure for the "glassy-eyed".
The book has been published in 18 countries, and has received many positive reviews. In Japan, just three months after it was released, 30,000 copies were sold at once. It also shows that there are really a lot of hypersensitive people, indeed, the data shows that there are almost 1.5 billion hypersensitive people worldwide. So if you find yourself a hypersensitive person, please don't worry and be afraid, because you are not alone, and there is the world and I love you!
Well, let's get to the meat of the book.
First we're going to learn about the qualities of a highly sensitive person, because all of us are a little bit sensitive at one time or another, but what a typical highly sensitive person is like is not clear to many people. Then we need to talk about why highly sensitive people tend to live a particularly tiring life. After carefully understanding the causes of tiredness, we will be better able to find a targeted approach. Finally we will learn ways to make life easier and happier for highly sensitive people? I believe that after learning today's content, highly sensitive people will be less anxious and more happy.
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Before understanding the qualities of highly sensitive people, first we need to know that high sensitivity is an innate temperament, and that highly sensitive people have a fairly developed nervous system that can perceive more information. That is to say, from a very young age, highly sensitive people can easily perceive some of the subtle things around them, such as the mother's mood suddenly some anxiety, highly sensitive children will be very easy to detect.
Highly sensitive people can sense very subtle changes, let's say, if the ordinary people in other people's mood change 50% when the other side of the detection of the other side of the wrong, and highly sensitive people can in other people's mood change 40%, or even 20% when the other side of the change of mood to detect the other side of the mood change.
So hypersensitive people can't be trained to disappear completely, because it has a neurological basis, just as our blood type is innate, you can't change your blood type to B through training.
Since we can't change it, we need to understand it. Only the more you understand it, the more you can know how to get along with it, how to avoid its shortcomings and utilize its strengths.
What are the qualities of a highly sensitive person?
The first trait of a highly sensitive person is that he or she has strong ****emotional power. Why are highly sensitive people **** emotional power will be particularly strong? We've already mentioned above that highly sensitive people have a fairly well-developed neurological system in their brains, so they can sense what's going on around them very clearly, and they empathize very well. So a hypersensitive person might be easily moved to tears even watching a PSA movie, and would be several times more likely to be frightened by a horror movie than the average person.
So maybe you're wondering, is it true that people with strong **** feelings are highly sensitive?
Not necessarily, there are some people with high ****emotional power who are able to put their ****emotional power away very well, that is, they are able to sense other people's emotions very well, and also able to come out from other people's emotions very quickly. They are not much affected by other people's emotions and are naturally insensitive.
On the other hand, highly sensitive people's ****emotional power is strong, but it's hard for them to walk away from other people's emotions. This can easily lead to a lot of problems, such as appearing too fragile or always dwelling on negative emotions that they can't get out of. Like when they watch a tragic movie, they will be stuck in the painful emotions brought by the movie for a long time. So people with high ****emotional power are not necessarily highly sensitive people, and highly sensitive people ****emotional power are extraordinarily strong.
Of course, high ****emotional power also brings benefits to highly sensitive people. As we all know, having good ****emotional power is the foundation of high emotional intelligence. Therefore, we will find that the naturally high ****emotional power of highly sensitive people allows them to be quite comfortable in doing caregiving work and to get good comments from their clients.
So the naturally advantageous ****emotional power gives highly sensitive people a taste of their own medicine.
Well, let's move on to the second trait of the highly sensitive person: a strong sense of responsibility. How strong is this sense of responsibility? It may be so strong that you want to save the world! When you hear this, your mind immediately goes to: Superman. That's right, highly sensitive people are really similar to Superman, so from a very young age, highly sensitive people sense the uneasiness and anxiety around them and, despite their young age, both start to think of ways to solve other people's troubles. When they see their parents unhappy, they will try to figure out how to cheer them up; when they see their friends sad, they will listen very carefully and try to figure out how to cheer them up.
Perhaps you may wonder if such a strong sense of responsibility could be due to family upbringing. It's true that families can foster a sense of responsibility in children, but this sense of responsibility in highly sensitive people comes from a very early age. Some studies have shown that highly sensitive children are less likely to cheat on others and break rules by the age of four, even when no one is watching them.
Some people may think, isn't it good to be responsible and accountable in this way? Indeed, we need responsible people in our life and work, because such a person is trustworthy and you will feel relieved when you leave things to him.
But the problem for highly sensitive people is that there is too much wanting to do their duty, but limited energy and ability, which is equivalent to having superhuman responsibility but not superhuman superpower. So when the highly sensitive person is exhausted from taking on too much, they can be very inconsiderate of other people's feelings and are likely to become difficult to get along with.
Now we come to the third trait of the highly sensitive person: a rich inner world and a love of exploring the spiritual world.
The Temple of Apollo in Athens is inscribed with the phrase: Know thyself! This phrase was inscribed more than two thousand years ago. The ancient Greeks believed that "Know thyself in order to have wisdom and to be blessed and free from evil." Today, "Know Thyself" is still practiced by many wise people, but only a few of them really know themselves by heart.
However, for the highly sensitive, there is a powerful innate drive to know themselves. This innate drive can be an invaluable asset, and because of it, sensitives are able to create a wide range of extraordinary works in different genres of art.
At the same time, this drive also drives highly sensitive people to prefer deeper communication, and to dislike shallow chatting and socializing. Aimless chit-chat quickly drains the patience of the highly sensitive, whereas in-depth communication in small organizations and groups not only consumes less of the highly sensitive's energy, but also enriches their inner world.
Highly sensitive people need to be aware of the time of day when this drive is aroused, though, because late at night, deep communication, or exploration of the inner world, is likely to keep highly sensitive people awake all night.
Well, let's review the three traits of the highly sensitive person, high ****emotional power, a strong sense of responsibility, and a rich inner world that enjoys exploring the spiritual world. In fact, these three traits are only a part of what is found in highly sensitive people, they also have some other traits such as being more cautious and having a greater sense of crisis, but because of time constraints, we won't go into more detail here.
Here I want to tell you that no matter which traits are involved, they are actually not absolutely bad or absolutely good, they all have their two sides. As what I just said, we can see that highly sensitive traits have a flawed part and a gifted part, so in fact, sensitivity is a double-edged sword, use it well is a very good weapon, use it poorly will hurt themselves. Therefore, I hope that highly sensitive friends hear this and can see the hidden gifts in those defects in themselves.
3
Well, it is clear that the three qualities of the highly sensitive person, then we come to see what in the end is the reason for the highly sensitive person so easy to be tired of the heart?
First of all, the typical hypersensitive person will always set high goals for themselves, they have high expectations of themselves and like to pursue perfection. Because they can't stand the thought of their behavior causing trouble, or pain, to others. So they always set high standards for themselves and pursue perfection. For example, they ask themselves in any situation, can not make mistakes, must always be good understanding. But we all know that there is no perfect person in this world, but highly sensitive people ask themselves to become perfect people. This non-stop pursuit of perfection will be very tiring and exhausting, just like the quartet chasing the sun, even if they are not dying of thirst, they will be exhausted.
In reality, highly sensitive people talk and do things without considering the feelings of others, so careful management, so that their minds are always taut with a string, very tired. This kind of tiredness is like letting your hand every day to hold up something, can not be put down. That's when you realize that not only are your hands tired, but it also limits you everywhere in life, and you can't do a lot of things. So high expectations that can't be met, perfection that can't be chased, puts the hypersensitive person in a bind.
So what's the second reason why highly sensitive people tend to live extraordinarily tired lives? It's a low sense of self-esteem. A low sense of self-esteem may be manifested by the fact that they always feel inferior, are often insecure, always wonder if they are good enough, and are afraid that others will not like them.
They are not necessarily unconfident, because people with low self-esteem may also act confident, they may work hard and do well in a certain field, but this is actually a compensatory strategy, that is to say, the more the hypersensitive person feels that he or she does not deserve to be loved, the more he or she will try to do better, to strive for a high standard, to pursue perfection.
There are many reasons for the low self-esteem of highly sensitive people, starting with the fact that their behavior is not in line with socio-cultural standards. Many highly sensitive people were often blamed by their parents when they were young, for example: so little noise makes you cry? You're so old, why do you always cry?
It's true that highly sensitive children are hard for their parents to understand because they don't realize that highly sensitive children are like having a magnifying glass that magnifies all the information around them; sounds, smells, expressions, emotions, and so on, the slightest change in a highly sensitive child's place can be magnified by a factor of two, or even more. So if you suddenly change the kind of formula for your highly sensitive baby, he will react immediately, he may cry, he may just refuse to drink the milk.
As a result, hypersensitive people become a problem for parents at a very young age, and they are likely to be counted on and blamed a lot. After a lot of this, the hypersensitive person will quietly commit themselves to pleasing others. Plus hypersensitive people are very good at finding problems in themselves and attacking themselves.
For example, if a new project doesn't go smoothly, it's easy for a hypersensitive person to think about whether he or she didn't do a good job, and it's hard to think about the many factors that can affect the smooth progress of a project.
Hearing this, I believe that many friends will find that low self-esteem and high standards not only make the highly sensitive person more and more tired of living, but also make the highly sensitive person fall into a vicious circle, the more efforts to want to be loved, to please other people, to think about other people, but the more they feel unloved and unappreciated.
So what can be done to break this vicious cycle? Then listen further.
4
Now that we've learned about the three qualities of the highly sensitive person, two reasons why living is especially exhausting, let's learn three ways to make living a highly sensitive life easier and happier.
First, the first is to stop the internal conflict and learn to accept yourself and love yourself.
The conflict within the highly sensitive person is like an internal war, a constant drain on their inner energy. Stopping the internal war will allow the highly sensitive person to release a lot of energy, which will make it much easier. How to stop the internal war? We have to first understand the causes of internal depletion. The biggest cause of internal depletion in highly sensitive people is: not accepting themselves, because they always feel that they are not good enough, that they are not quite the same as others, so they often let themselves live as others expect them to live, to please others.
It's like you're a cabbage, but you're trying to make yourself grow into a radish. You keep trying, you keep expending energy, but you still can't turn into a radish. You can imagine how miserable you would be.
So now, you tell yourself, just be yourself, the cabbage has the value of a cabbage. When you are able to accept yourself and love yourself, you will live a much easier and more comfortable life.
Accepting yourself and loving yourself sounds simple, but it's too hard to do. Because habit is a powerful opponent, you are used to living for others for twenty or thirty years, it is very difficult to change at once. And the best way to change old habits is to develop new ones, so that the new ones are strong enough to desert the old ones.
So, highly sensitive friends, you can start today by learning to write letters to yourself. Letters that are caring, for example, you could write something like, "Dear, I know you've worked hard, and although the results aren't ideal, you've done enough. I've always known that you're lovely, and I feel the greatest happiness to have met you in this life."
These words sound a bit like a love letter, and yes, this is actually you writing a love letter to yourself. In the form of a love letter, you allow yourself to feel a surge of unconditional love, insist on writing it, and slowly you will be able to internalize that force of love. This force can play a part in the war of internal conflict, so that you can live a less tiring life.
But it's not enough to live a less tiring life, how can you be more relaxed and happy?
Don't worry, we have two more methods.
The next method we're going to talk about is: learning to disconnect and live only the right life.
What is disconnection? The word usually means to shed all those things that are not necessary, not appropriate, and make people uncomfortable. And we hypersensitive people's disconnection is about reducing, or even rejecting, some of the content that makes them uncomfortable.
Not being a slave to your cell phone, for example. That is, it's appropriate for highly sensitive people to put their cell phones on silent or in another room. That way you can focus more on your work, or on your studies, without being suddenly disturbed by incoming calls, and without bothering to agonize over whether or not to pick up the phone.
Highly sensitive people can do a lot of similar disconnections in their lives. For example, controlling news and information intake. The truth is that wasting energy trying to keep up with what's going on in the world every day isn't good for anyone, and it's even more burdensome for the hypersensitive.
Because the news media always like to report all kinds of conflicting, negative information. If you listen to too much of such news, it's easy to form false impressions. For example, a succession of celebrities cheating and divorcing will make you easily disbelieve in love and marriage.
Combined with the fact that highly sensitive people are naturally **** emotional, so when they see disaster-type news, they will be very concerned and feel sad when they see the tragic images of other people suffering, and most of the time they can only stand by and watch, which in turn will make it even harder for highly sensitive people.
So hypersensitive people can set some time for themselves when they don't read the news and don't brush their friend circles. This will significantly increase your sense of ease in life.
In addition, highly sensitive people can choose some methods to create space for themselves according to their interests. For example, positive thinking meditation. You can also do things that are good for your body, such as swimming, running, massaging, and bathing. All of these things allow the highly sensitive person to perceive pleasure better.
What is the last way to make life easier for the highly sensitive? That is, gaining emotional dominance and manipulating emotions. This is important for highly sensitive people because highly sensitive people are part of a susceptible body for anxiety and depression, just as some people catch colds easily. This is not an innate part of being sensitive, but more of an environmental influence. If a hypersensitive child grows up without enough security and support, he or she is vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
If you happen to be a hypersensitive person who didn't have enough security and support growing up, and you happen to suffer from anxiety and depression, then I believe what I'm about to say will be very helpful to you. Then I believe what I'm about to say will be very helpful to you.
To gain control of your emotions and manipulate them, you need to understand that thoughts and emotions always come together, and you can't control them directly. For example, you can't control yourself to become happy when you are fearful. But you can use thinking to influence your emotional experience to a certain extent. For example, your husband is not home yet very late, and he doesn't answer the phone. If you think: Is he fooling around with someone else? At this point you will certainly be anxious and angry; and if you think about what he said last night and the U.S. company side of the meeting, then your emotions will be much better.
So your opinion, your perception, can have an impact on your emotions. So how are you going to influence your emotions by changing your thinking?
When you have a negative emotion, you can observe what thoughts are going through your head. Then ask yourself, is this 100% correct? Could there be other possibilities? For example, you meet a friend on the street, but the person doesn't say hello to you. What if you immediately thought, "Did I offend him somewhere and make him angry?" This thought would definitely make you feel unhappy. Now you immediately ask yourself, "Is this 100% correct? Could there be any other possibilities?" When this question is asked, I believe you will think that this friend is nearsighted, and it is very likely that he forgot to put on his glasses today; or perhaps he was in a hurry, so he did not see you. After thinking this way, I believe you won't feel like you've done anything wrong, and you won't be so upset.
Maybe some highly sensitive people would say that the thoughts they have when they are depressed may not have anything to do with other people, they are all about themselves. For example, one always thinks, "What's wrong with me, why am I always doing this badly and that badly?" It's really easy for a hypersensitive person to focus too much on their own flaws with questions like this, just like when you're always looking at a pimple on your face with a magnifying glass. It's actually better to look at it in a different way. For example, when you notice that you are focusing on your flaws again, you can ask yourself this, "How can I change it?" "How can I fix this problem?" "How can I be a little happier?" That's when you start thinking about solutions instead of getting caught up in expanding the problem.
Next time, when you're stuck in a constant state of self-denial, pause and ask yourself, "In what ways have I improved?" "How can I change?" Asking questions like this will allow you to start focusing on the things that make you happy and on things that make you a better person. From there, you can change your emotions and get yourself out of your troubled emotions.
Well, these are the ways to make life easier and happier for highly sensitive people. Let's briefly review the three ways, the first is to stop internalizing and learn to accept yourself and love yourself. You can try to write yourself love letters and give yourself unconditional love; then we talked about disconnecting, not being a slave to your cell phone, and controlling your news intake so that you can be a little more relaxed; and finally, we talked about gaining emotional dominance and controlling your emotions. Do you remember how it was about controlling your emotions and changing your thinking?
5
Well, we've listened to the whole book, now let's review the highlights of the book.
If you are often told that you think too much and are glassy-eyed, and you feel that you are too sensitive and bitter ...... then today's book can be your antidote~
Today, we began by learning about the three traits of a typical highly sensitive person, high ****emotional power, a strong sense of responsibility, and a rich inner world that likes to exploring the spiritual world.
Then we talked about why highly sensitive people tend to live a particularly tiring life. It's because highly sensitive people have high standards and expectations of themselves and pursue perfection. They also have a low sense of self-esteem, are often insecure, always wonder if they are good enough, and are afraid that others won't like them.
Finally we learned how highly sensitive people can live a more relaxed and happy life.
The first method is to stop internal conflict, learn to accept yourself, love yourself, and write caring letters to yourself; then we talked about the method of disconnection, not being a slave to your cell phone, and controlling your news intake; and finally we talked about gaining emotional dominance and controlling your emotions.
Well, the book "Highly Sensitive is a Gift" is shared here, after reading, you have any views or insights on this book, you are welcome to leave a message in the comments section, and discuss with the book friends. If you are interested, you can choose to read the original book to get more new experiences; thank you for listening, we will see you in the next book.
Written by: Guo Yu Jing
Anchored by: Zoi