Parents are always most concerned about their children's grades. Even if their children have many shining points in other areas, if they do not study well, they are not considered good children in the eyes of their parents.
It is precisely because of this obsession that parents have higher and higher demands on their children. They hope that they will be better than others, but they are always defeated by reality, and the situation of not accompanying them to reading is performed every day. The mother is kind and the son is filial, and the picture of the chicken flying and the dog jumping together is read together.
Some parents still can’t figure out why they were top academics back then and went to 985 and 211 universities, but their children can’t even figure out 9, 2 and 3.
Some parents are always unable to control their emotions and face their children’s bewildered eyes. Either they went to the hospital for a stent because of a myocardial infarction, or they were lying in the emergency room with infusion because of cerebral hemorrhage. I just get too angry when I help my children with their homework.
I have to say that reading with you is really one of the most difficult tasks in the world. No matter what the parents say, the children just can’t do it. Even if the parents tell them over and over again, the children will never listen. Understand.
As a result, parents will doubt themselves. Is it because they are not good enough? Why are children always unable to accept it?
This kind of frustration will naturally affect the parents’ education of their children. If it is not corrected in time, it is likely to affect the parents’ methods of educating their children.
Frustration can seriously harm parents
When children place more and more expectations on their parents, the pressure they bear will also increase.
They worry that their children will not be as good as other people’s children, that their education methods will not help their children’s progress, and that their children will not be able to go to a good school or find a good job in the future. Can't live a high quality life.
Research shows that as long as there are children in school at home, almost 90% of parents will experience varying degrees of frustration.
Because they always naturally associate their children's current behavior with their future development, they will become more and more anxious, which will harm the parents themselves physically and mentally, and will also damage the parent-child relationship. Become distant.
What exactly is frustration? From a psychological point of view, frustration is the psychological feeling that occurs when people are hindered in the process of meeting their own needs, and ultimately their personal needs cannot be met.
This is a negative mentality, so parents must try to avoid it.
Why do parents feel frustrated?
1. Fierce competition in society
Children today are of course happy in terms of material life, but they are under greater mental pressure, part of which comes from For their own ambition, more pressure comes from their parents.
They have too many expectations for their children, especially in education, and they will devote all their efforts. If the children do not develop according to their expectations, then the parents will feel frustrated.
2. Unable to control one's emotions
Parents not only have to face their children every day, but also face endless housework and their own affairs at work. And they will think that everything they do is to give their children a better life. So once they encounter some obstacles in work or life, they will vent these negative emotions on their children. When they cannot control their emotions well, frustration will arise spontaneously, and only by calming down can they truly think about the problem.
3. Unwilling to accept the mediocrity of children
Geniuses and prodigies will appear around us, which will of course make countless people envious, but as a parent, we must be soberly aware Most of the children are just ordinary people. They have no extraordinary talents and perform quite well in many aspects.
When parents find out that their children are ordinary, their first reaction is that they cannot accept it, and they will naturally feel frustrated.
If parents do not cover up this kind of frustration, it will even affect their children, causing them to think that everything is their own fault, leading to self-denial.
How to stay away from frustration and achieve true companionship?
1. Create a good learning atmosphere
I believe that when most parents around us accompany their children to do homework, they either urge and scold them at the same time, or they play games on their mobile phones from time to time. This kind of companionship is ineffective companionship. It will only make children feel scared or make them resent their parents' behavior. It will not really help improve their academic performance.
To create a good learning atmosphere for their children, the first thing parents should do is put down their mobile phones and pick up books with their children. Instead of watching your children do their homework like a supervisor, you can sit quietly next to them and study with them. This is the high-quality companionship that children really need.
2. Pay attention to the improvement of self-ability
Our country has become the country that spends the most on education in the world. This certainly does not mean that our parents have the most financial strength, but because they have There is a lot of pressure.
This pressure stems from their own anxiety, but will eventually be passed on to their children, hoping that their children will use their efforts to realize their wishes.
Leo Tolstoy once said: "The essence of educating children is to educate yourself, and self-education is the most powerful way for parents to influence their children."
If you want your children to Parents must first work hard with their children to determine what kind of person they want to be, because they are their children's biggest role models, and their hard work will be seen by their children.
When parents continue to improve themselves, children will actually continue to make progress.
3. Learn from children with an open mind
Children all like to be primary school teachers, but of course not all of them can successfully find students.
So parents might as well be their children’s students and let their children explain to themselves the knowledge they learned that day after returning home from school every day. Of course, don’t forget to express their admiration for their children. In this way It will make the child proud.
The so-called teaching is the best way to learn. When children repeat the knowledge they have learned, it is actually a way to deepen their memory of the knowledge.
This is very helpful in stimulating children's thinking. More importantly, it allows children to find confidence and believe in their own abilities, so that they can work harder to do their best.
4. Give your children enough trust and support
When parents tutor their children in learning, don’t always treat their children with a critical eye and tell them that the word is wrong. After a while, I told the child that the calculation for that question was wrong, and kept complaining, complaining about why the child was so careless and stupid. This will only make children fall into deep negative emotions and even start to fear learning, leading to aversion to learning. Psychologist Martin Seligman believes that using positive attributions for failure can help children break away from failure faster.
Parents must learn to affirm their children, see their shining points, and give them unconditional support and trust. Only then will their children move forward positively and not be afraid of failure, because their parents will always be their strong backing. .