De--Parents should strengthen the cultivation of ideology and morality, and set up a tall image in the children's minds with noble moral sentiments and perfect personality strength.
The child is a mirror of the parents, parents should pay attention to their own behavior, to give children an example. In addition, do not over-indulge the child, we must respect the child, correctly evaluate the child, create a good spiritual environment for the child, so that the child from a young age to be able to experience the delicate emotions between people. The delicate emotions are love, mutual consideration, mutual concern, and a kind of sympathy.
Parents should first believe that the child, the child is willing to be a good child, willing to be loved by parents, but also have their own merits and strengths. Believe that every child is developing. Then we treat the child is kind, smile, appreciate, to listen to his voice, to take time to play with the child, communicate emotions. In the play we do not interfere too much with the child, to appreciate his independence. Of course the child has shortcomings, treat the shortcomings do not get angry. Because we have to believe that everyone has shortcomings and believe that shortcomings are temporary and can be corrected. Always believe in him and encourage him to do better and better.
Guide the child to perceive the love of others. In early childhood, the child's ability to understand is limited, if there is a lack of proper guidance, the child will mistakenly think that the people around him love and dedication to him is deserved. Only through the correct guidance, the child can realize the responsibility, obligation and dedication, and understand that he will be a useful person to the society and others in the future.
Teach your children to learn to think from other people's point of view. We need to let our children understand that everyone has their own needs, and that by considering things from others' perspectives, they will be able to understand, sympathize with, and care for others, and develop the habit of being willing to help others.
The child's ability to bring joy to others in a small way. The child is able to perceive the love of others, knowing that everyone has their own needs, will use that young and kind heart to care for others, so that the child has a sense of responsibility, sense of obligation, know how to respect and care for others.
Can--Parents should constantly improve their own talent in practice and master the real skills. Without real talent parents, it is difficult to let the child really admire.
One, confidence and courage. Parents should objectively evaluate their own qualities, family conditions and the actual situation of their children on the basis of the establishment of such confidence: that is, firmly believe that through their own efforts and their children's efforts, the children will continue to progress, will grow to meet the needs of society's qualified personnel.
Second, reason and tolerance. Parents should maintain a stable mood, not anxious, objective and fair view of the child, calmly deal with difficult issues. Understand the child's ignorance and faults in the process of growth, encourage the child in difficulty, and comfort the child who has been hurt.
Third, perseverance and patience. Education of children is a long-term and hard thing, there should be a long-term plan and short-term arrangements. At the same time, also pay attention to patience and meticulous, specific and thoughtful.
Fourth, love and enthusiasm. The success of family education depends largely on whether parents have love and enthusiasm.
Strict - parents to establish a cordial parent-child relationship. Disproportionate love and distorted love will produce emotional barriers between parents and children.
Respect - parents should respect the child's personality, rights, hobbies, interests, and independent choices, and not impose their will on the child.
A scholar went to a middle school to investigate the status of autonomy of secondary school students, in the survey of 150 students, when asked to study and life in the difficult problems, a moment can not be solved, how to do?
The 150 students answered almost in unison: "Of course, if you have difficulties, you should ask your parents to solve them. None of the students answered that they first think of a solution, really can not be solved, and then look for help from their parents; when asked what career they are prepared to engage in the future, 90% of the students said that they have to go home and ask their parents to answer.
The scholar summarized the results of his survey afterward, not without concern, said that the lack of autonomy, the importance of self-awareness in the choice of numbness, nowadays, the children live in the grandparents and parents to build a "greenhouse" without the wind and rain, is the "hold big generation! "
The first step in the process is to make sure that you have a good idea of what you are doing.
In the child's life, do not need to bear any obligations, what to eat, when to eat; what to wear, wear a few pieces; school someone to send, after school someone to pick up ...... and so on, all by the parents to arrange a good, the child is only passive acceptance. Some parents have a tendency to shape their children from childhood according to their own ideals, values and behavior, without considering the child's own qualities, interests, and forcibly shaped the child as if he or she were a clay figure. Some parents do not understand the psychological characteristics of the child, can not experience even more can not enter the child's psychological world, arbitrarily use their own way of thinking instead of the child's way of thinking.
When a child is dissatisfied with his or her parents' arrangement or resistance, the parents always say, "We won't harm you, we know better than you do. . In this way, under the aura of love, the child is like a puppet of the parents, the right to choose is mercilessly deprived. At the same time, also lost the opportunity to think independently and take responsibility, over time, children living in such an environment, when asked about their career orientation, naturally, can only go back to their parents to ask for the answer, when in trouble, but also can only rely on their parents to solve the problem. This is a very worrying situation as to whether such a child will be able to stand on his own feet in the competitive social environment of the future.
The children's social knowledge and life experience is insufficient, in the independent choice, the deviation is inevitable. However, it is not possible to prevent them from choosing, choice and responsibility are a pair of twin sisters, the sense of responsibility of people is formed in the self-choice, a person does not have the right to choose, only the right to be chosen, and will not bear any responsibility. Therefore, to give children more rights to self-choice, let the child to their own affairs to make the decision, is the need to cultivate children's sense of responsibility. At the same time, in the process of choice, and can cultivate the child to overcome difficulties, overcome the difficulties of the tenacious will, the formation of things calm, have a good mental quality of the main idea.
The child will eventually have to go out of his parents' sight to open up a wider space for development than his father's generation. If a child does not have the right to choose since childhood and does not experience the taste of choice, how can he choose a suitable path of development in the future to meet the challenges and competition in all aspects?
Faith - parents should take the children's trust, tell the truth to the children, tell the truth, do not make promises indiscriminately, promises should be honored.
Code 1: Parents should speak honesty to their children
Parents must think twice before making promises to their children, not to go back on their word, and promise their children things must be done. If you can't make it happen, you should give your child a timely explanation, apologize to your child and make a self-criticism, so that your child understands and forgives your parents from the bottom of your heart, and then your parents should try to make good on their promises.
Because children always take what adults say seriously. Otherwise, over time, the child will develop a sense of mistrust towards the parents and think that words can be taken for granted, and slowly they will learn to do the same.
The second rule is to praise and encourage your child's honesty and integrity
The third rule is that parents should pay attention to and respect the agreement between the child and the child
For example, if you plan to take your child to his or her grandparents' house on the weekend, but the child has already agreed to go to his or her parents' house on the weekend, you should respect the agreement between the child and the parents' house. The parents should respect the agreement between the child and his or her friends, and not force the child to obey the parents' arrangement for others to break the agreement.
Rule number four: If you find out that your child is lying, don't punish him or her without asking.
The right thing to do when you find out that your child has lied is to patiently inspire your child to recognize his or her own mistakes, and if he or she admits to them, the parents should be understanding and say something encouraging to the child.
And--The relationship between parents should be harmonious, and their attitude towards children should be kind. It is important to talk about democracy and equality.
I. Close relationship with the child.
In the process of cultivating a happy character, friendship plays an important role, so parents should deepen their feelings with their children, encourage them to play with their peers, so that they can learn to socialize with others in a pleasant and harmonious way.
Second, give children the right to make decisions.
There is a close relationship between the development of a happy character and the guidance and control of children's behavior. Parents should try to provide opportunities for children to know how to use their decision-making power from an early age.
Third, teach your children to adjust their mental state.
It is important for children to understand that the secret to a happy life lies in having a well-adjusted state of mind, which allows them to pick themselves up quickly from disappointment. When a child is frustrated, point out to him that the future is always bright, so that he can find comfort in an environment that restores his happy mood.
Fourth, limit the child's material possessions.
Because giving children too many things will make them have the illusion that "acquisition is the source of happiness". The child should be made to understand that the joy of life cannot be equated with the possession of material possessions alone.
V. Cultivate a wide range of interests.
Usually pay attention to children's hobbies, provide children with a variety of interest in the choice, and give the necessary guidance. A child with a wide range of hobbies will naturally have a happy personality.
Sixth, to maintain the beauty and harmony of family life.
Family harmony is also a major factor in the development of children's happy character. Some data show that children who grow up in harmonious families can live happily and grow up healthily in adulthood, much more than children who grow up in unfortunate families.
Wide--Parents should be tolerant and sympathetic to their children. To allow the child to have shortcomings, to give the child introspection to change the space.
One day at dusk, I saw a father studying child psychology in the institute's building taking his young son home. On the way past a garbage bin, the son wanted to throw the empty drink box in his hand, but the naughty little boy was not willing to follow the rules to put the empty box into the garbage bin, but turned his back on it and threw it backwards. The throw missed its target. At this point his father, who was walking by, noticed and then encouraged his son by saying, "Don't be discouraged, try again!" Encouraged by his father's encouragement, the son excitedly picked up the beverage carton, turned around, and threw again. Under the father's praise and encouragement, the son's third "blind throw" finally hit the target. The father patted his son's head and said proudly, "That's great, this kind of projection will be a piece of cake for you from now on!" Father and son walked away happily.
In such a small incident, it undoubtedly reflects the father's good intentions for his son. Perhaps it is because the father has many years of research on child psychology, so for the "encouragement" of the child's influence he has a wealth of understanding, and therefore will be very timely and frequent encouragement of their son, I hope that his son at any time and place have the courage to meet the challenge of every moment to be a strong. However, what I would like to discuss with my fellow parents here is whether this father has gone too far.
While it is important to develop a child's self-confidence, if you show extraordinary interest in every little move, and give your child encouragement to "work hard" on every little thing, then perhaps inadvertently, these constant attention and encouragement will bring about two kinds of growth in the child's development
The first is that over time these encouragements will cause the child to become rebellious. As the child grows older, he or she will increasingly have his or her own criteria for evaluating what he or she is doing, and if the parent still gives the child a lot of praise for something that is not so great, the child may be very reluctant to listen, because the child is discovering that his or her parent's evaluations will not withstand the test of time and peers. Once they get beyond that early stage of feeling good about everywhere, children are much more sensitive to the question of how they compare to other children in all areas.
The second is that this kind of attention and encouragement puts psychological pressure on the child to be perfect. When the child realizes that the parents' expectations of him or her are "to excel in everything he or she is involved in, to persevere, and to have the confidence to win," the child may lose the courage to try anything. And that's the worst possible outcome.
So, parents can restrain their own attention and encouragement, only in the most appropriate time to occasionally release. And more often than not, learn to be a calm bystander.
Please believe that your child's own growth is so powerful that it will surprise you!
Listen - parents should listen to their children, communicate with them more, and always care about their spiritual needs.
Talking about the heart is to exchange ideas.
Psychology believes that: human thinking is closely linked to language, thinking is realized with the help of language, language is the direct expression of thinking, is a tool for people to exchange ideas. People through the language of the experience that exists in their own minds, ideas more accurately conveyed to others, but also through the language to accept each other's experience and ideas, so as to achieve the exchange of ideas, the purpose of mutual understanding.
So through the conversation with the child, you can timely grasp the child's thought dynamics, and help the child learn to correctly deal with the problems encountered in life.
How to talk to your child? As the saying goes, a mother raises nine children, nine children nine kinds. For different character children, there should be different methods. In general, we can go from the following aspects.
First, the rapport, create the atmosphere of the conversation
The good relationship between parents and children, is a good basis for the exchange of ideas. Some parents usually and the child thought exchange is very little, after the problem occurred after the child harsh reprimand, over time, the emotional distance gradually widened, or in the child does not go along with their own heart, the big card gas, so that the child has a reverse psychology, emotional relationship is in a difficult situation. Talking in this situation is not very effective. For this reason, talk to the child, first of all, to create a harmonious atmosphere, tell a joke, tell something delightful, close the emotional distance, the effect will be much better.
Second, the use of typical, good grasp of the opportunity to talk
The child himself and the surrounding environment at any time may occur some things, if you seize the typical events, the timely exchange of ideas, the effect is better than usual, a first-year female students, in the school outside the school by the boys of the same school of indecent assault, the female students went home to talk about this matter to her parents, her parents are not downplaying the situation, say don't pay attention to the boys of indecent assault, but enlightenment! The girl went home and talked to her parents about the incident. Instead of downplaying it and saying not to pay attention to the boys who had molested her, her parents inspired her on how to deal with such things, so that she could enhance her ability to know right from wrong and realize the way to protect herself. Afterwards, she reflected this matter to her teacher, so that the problem was dealt with in a timely manner.
Generally speaking, after the parent-teacher conference is the time when children are most eager to talk to their parents, and seize this opportunity to learn a lot about their children. A senior male student, usually do not pay enough attention to their own learning, the midterm examination results "dump tail". After the parent-teacher conference, he was anxious to know how the parent-teacher conference went. The student's mother did not loudly reprimand the child, she seized this sensitive moment, said to the child kindly: "I feel embarrassed at the parent-teacher conference, but also proved that I usually care too little about you. I only hope you find out the reason for your failure and fight for me in the final exam." The child, who respected his mother, reported frankly to her about his lazy and playful behavior and said that he would catch up in the future. Later, he did make great progress. Seize the time to talk about an issue that concerns the child, and the child is apt to listen.
Look--Parents should be good at finding the child's flash point. Children have made progress, to give timely praise, encouragement, so that children recognize the value of their own existence, enhance self-confidence.
Many parents have high expectations of their children, but they are very stingy to praise their children. They often put on a face of the elders to blame the child, thinking that this is education, in fact, but ignored the marvelous educational effect of praise. The appropriate praise can produce a multifaceted educational effect.
It is conducive to the cultivation of children's good behavior and moral character.
The initial stage of the formation of children's moral character, the concept of right and wrong is vague, poor self-control. Therefore, adult guidance, reward and praise is crucial. Praise the child, can stimulate his correct external motivation, produce good behavior, and can strengthen the child accomplished this behavior, and later when he encountered a similar thing, he will know how to do, and gradually formed good behavior habits and psychological stereotypes.
It gives the child a sense of value, trust and self-confidence that he needs.
Adults praising children for small successes can reinforce the emotional experience of success, satisfy their desire to achieve, and make the child feel good about himself, stimulating his interest in continuing to try and enthusiasm for exploration. The child will try to maintain this praise or hope to be "honored" again.
It increases the child's trust in the parent.
Parents who constantly taunt or scold their children have a hard time earning their children's trust. Parents who make correct comments on their children's words and actions and praise them often create a new atmosphere in the family, which helps to build a positive relationship between parents and children, bringing them closer to each other and generating a sense of trust. The child's motivation also increases. So in a way, praise indicates the respect and love of the important people in the child's life.
How to praise your child?
Stick to principles. As a result of doting, some parents praise their children's behavior without principle, resulting in the child's bad habits of not knowing right from wrong and being arrogant and domineering. Children according to adult requirements to do, and do a good job, should be praised in time, do not do the right thing, even if the child cries, playing rascal must not accommodate him, say good words. Otherwise, praise will lose its original positive meaning.
Timely praise. The child has done something or is in the process, give appropriate praise and encouragement, the effect is very good. If you forget for a moment, you should try to make up for it. For example, the child in the teacher's persuasion, finally willing to eat vegetables at dinner, parents should immediately be praised.
The first thing to do is to praise the child for his or her work. Instead of praising the whole child directly, you should praise the specific behavior of the child. Do not exaggerate, which will make the child complacent and think he is great. For example, the child is very interested in tangrams, often put together some novel patterns, "This child is really smart." This kind of praise is obviously inappropriate, but should be on the matter, you can say: "This pattern is really good." Otherwise, the overstatement of the praise will give the child sowed the seeds of vanity.
Public praise. When a child deserves praise, he or she should get it in front of others. When a child's accomplishments are publicized, it is a double reward. For example, the child's mother says, "The child is very polite." In the future the child is always very careful to maintain this praise and develops the good habit of being polite, and every time he sends a guest to the door, he says, "Good-bye, and please come back to play later."
Mastery of proportion. A child should be praised when he has made an achievement after a lot of hard work, or when he has done what he rightly deserves to do. But in daily life, pay attention not to repeat praise something, when the child to develop good habits, you can properly reduce the child this aspect of praise. Praising your child and giving appropriate rewards or kisses or hugs will give your child marvelous power.
"It is better to count your children's faults than to praise them." Young parents, learn to praise your children!
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