Not long ago, Aunt Li's grandson had a full moon, and the scene was as lively as a wedding banquet. When men drink, women get together to chat.
In the gap between the daughter-in-law Xiaojun going downstairs to send her friends away, Aunt Li held a thin child in her arms and opened the spit mode for the relatives who arrived. "Being a mother-in-law who doesn't know is really bad. The child was born prematurely, was sent to the intensive care unit as soon as he was born, and began breastfeeding after discharge. However, at first, the thin children couldn't suck milk and cried with hunger. If you can't bear to see your child cry, give him milk powder to drink. A month later, the child has not been breastfed for several times. Take milk powder feeding as an example. Xiaojun now feeds his children every hour according to the parenting book. How did this happen in our hometown? Children cry when they are hungry. How can a mother stand it? The child only grew so big in a month. You talk too much. People are still unhappy. Oh, it's a long story. " After that, several aunts who are both mother-in-law feel the same way. You talked to your daughter-in-law about all kinds of forests. One of the aunts sighed with emotion: "We are old and can't keep up with the times."
While speaking, Aunt Li's son staggered into the room. He was so drunk that he suddenly fell down on the chair and couldn't wake up when he shouted. Aunt Li was so anxious that she bit my son bit by bit, screaming and complaining, helping his son turn over in distress and feeding him glucose water. Appearance and energy give people the illusion that her son in his thirties suddenly returned to childhood. Her daughter-in-law, Jun, stood by and watched all this at a loss.
02
Aunt Wang took her little granddaughter to the wedding reception. This is the child of her second wife.
A few years ago, the blood shed between her and her former daughter-in-law Lily was ignited after the birth of her eldest grandson. At that time, Lily and her husband often quarreled, and the room was filled with smoke. Lily has no patience for children's education, and sometimes she punches and kicks when she is in a hurry. The child began to rebel at an early age. Aunt Wang didn't like what her daughter-in-law Lily did, and the family conflict escalated. She can't control her son, her grandson or her daughter-in-law, but she is not reconciled. Everyone is complaining, complaining. Soon, my son's marriage came to an end.
Later, my son met RUI and got married again. My son loves his new wife very much. After their daughter was born, their feelings became closer. She likes emotional life, so he took her to high-end restaurants all over the country and went to the tropical seaside for a holiday. Life was gorgeous and colorful. At first, Aunt Wang praised her daughter-in-law, but after a long time, all kinds of new daughters-in-law were not revealed from her mouth. The thrifty Aunt Wang doesn't like her daughter-in-law's extravagant life, spends a lot of money on things, and complains that she is too tight with her parents.
That day, she took her granddaughter to the party and kept saying, "The child's mother and grandmother spoiled her. I don't know if it's okay for her to eat, will it lead to diarrhea, and it's not good for her to take care of the children. Back to XiaoRui will not be happy ... "
03
When my friend Linlin mentioned her mother-in-law, Aunt Zhang, she looked helpless. My mother-in-law has been fighting Linlin since she got married. Of course, the object of contention is her husband Daming, the only son of her mother-in-law.
Although my son Daming has been married for many years, his mother has always cared about him. Every day when it's time to eat, the young couple will get a phone call from the old lady on time to remind them to go home for dinner. Even on the rest day, the couple's private time can't be guaranteed, because mom called again.
On one occasion, Linlin and his wife didn't go back to their mother-in-law's house as usual, but went to their parents' house for dinner. Her husband's cousin called, actually appointed by her mother-in-law, trying to "spy" the truth behind her not going home for dinner by innuendo. Linlin was depressed for a long time.
After several years of marriage, they have no children. Once, Linlin came home and found that the room had been cleaned. It turned out that my mother-in-law took their spare key without telling them. Linlin almost collapsed that time.
04
There are a group of aunts who love square dance in the community, among whom Aunt Wu is the lead dancer. She is cheerful and optimistic with a smile on her face. But everyone who knows her knows that her wife has cerebral thrombosis and is limping. She takes pleasure in knowing life, silently accompanies him, and seldom complains about hardships in front of others.
When her son and daughter-in-law are not at home, Aunt Wu plays and practices the piano with her seven-year-old grandson. I have never heard her complain about her son and daughter-in-law. Family relations are peaceful and harmonious.
A neighbor asked, "You are an only child, grandson. Why not let your daughter-in-law have two more children? "
She smiled and replied, "One generation doesn't care about two generations. This is their own business. They want it, or they don't want it, they don't have it. I care a lot. I am in good health now, and I will take my grandson with me when I need help. After serving the old man, you will be fine. I will jump in the square with everyone and have fun. "
……
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are strangers who are not related by blood and come together for the same "lover". Then why are some people inseparable from each other for a long time, while others hate each other for a long time?
Let's put aside the reason for the daughter-in-law first. A very important reason is that some mothers-in-law lack a sense of boundary, can't define their responsibilities, and can't let go of their concerns. If you can't let go of a burden, it will destroy the harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Aunt Li has a certain sense of boundary, but her responsibilities are not clear enough, so she feels that her mother-in-law is difficult. Now that my son and daughter-in-law are married, they are the masters of this small family. Taking care of children is their own responsibility. This is a matter of course. When I was a child, I took care of my drunken son because they couldn't let go. Aunt Li hasn't even regarded her adult son as an independent person. As for daughter-in-law Xiaojun, although she is a new mother, she should bravely shoulder the responsibility of being a mother. Her husband was drunk but stood by and did nothing, which showed that she still needed to practice.
Aunt Wang is a typical person who walks into the border and can't let go. I have no confidence in feeding young children, but I can't do it in front of my mother-in-law China. Knowing that there is nothing I can do, I don't want my son to stand on the side of my daughter-in-law. The relationship between the two daughters-in-law is not good. There must be her own reasons. It's really sad and pitiful.
Aunt Zhang is getting farther and farther on the wrong boundary. She has a strong monopoly psychology and strong behavior, and can't even be described as "unable to let go". This mother with Oedipus plot is terrible and dangerous. She regarded her son as her private property and even threatened him with moral kidnapping, so that her son became bored after marriage.
Aunt Wu is the most free and easy, so the daughter-in-law and son are very relaxed, very lucky, and the family relationship is very harmonious.
The daughter-in-law who has been a woman for many years has experienced many storms, many years of baptism and many vicissitudes. Old, outdated and inevitable. The wrinkles on their faces, their old faces and their lack of physical condition really make people feel that there are many romantic figures looking at the present. As a daughter-in-law, you should treat your mother-in-law with respect, be as tolerant as your own children, and try to put yourself in her shoes.
As a mother-in-law, if you face these realities frankly, try to get close to new ideas and try to understand young people, maybe there will be less complaints and complaints. If you let go at the age when you should let go, you may not be so disgusted. Instead, I don't know what I should and shouldn't do, and I don't want to face the reality and admit that I am behind the times. I don't want to, and I don't want to let go. This is the cancer that destroys the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and even family happiness.
The best state of mother-in-law is not intimacy, but respect from a certain distance. Knowing each other which boundaries can't be crossed, knowing what to do and what not to do, making concessions and making choices, understanding and tolerating each other, the ideal relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not far away.