The first time in my life I saw so many crumpled 10-yuan bills was at Xiao Qi's wedding. On that day, she married into the village along a muddy dirt road after a snowfall and became the daughter-in-law of the Zhao family. A red oversized tea tray was piled high with money from the village, collected from 60 tables of banquets. Fellow friends helped organize it, a **** a little more than three thousand dollars.
Small Qi is my best friend, 25 years old, a famous college graduate students, married. There is no Gong Li Zhang Ziyi Gao Yuanyuan Tang Wei those big names of the star face, but also for the daughters of the dowry threw ten million dollars as a dowry dad. But she is kind and beautiful, gentle and generous, highly educated, educated, is the college of the "goddess" level characters. When Xiao Qi decided to marry this "poor boy", as her good friends, our hearts are not without worry.
When they got married, they rented a 30-square-meter house outside the school. At that time, housing prices in Tianjin had not yet risen, but we knew that it would be almost impossible for my best friend's naive husband, whose parents were both farmers, to come up with a down payment for a house.
Well, things were looking up. A few months after they got married, they bought a two-bedroom apartment a little farther from the city center. A third of the down payment was borrowed from relatives and friends, while the rest came from their "small" savings and support from both families. The rest was financed by a provident fund loan.
"You didn't ask for a house when you got married? A car and a house are the 'standard' requirements for many families to marry their daughters nowadays." Looking at her happy married life, we had the good sense to ask this question.
"The problem is that his family really can't afford a house," Ki added, "To be honest, although I don't have a house, I haven't had any anxiety, I've always believed that we can afford a house in the city where we are going to settle down."
She feels that "people" are more important than houses and cars. Also on this point, she and her mother agreed. Her mother wants her to find someone who is genuinely nice to her and who she can talk to, rather than being trapped by a house.
Small Ki couldn't agree more with her mother. She believes that she and her husband have basically the same outlook on three things, the right personality, and, most of all, confidence in each other's abilities and future. "Of course, you don't have this kind of confidence when you're single, but when you have another half, you feel that two people struggling together can definitely work." In her mind, choosing each other to be partners means ****ing with the same commitment, "Togetherness has never been an empty love story."
In her opinion, well-educated young people with knowledge and ability are not a far-fetched thing if they really want a house in particular to enhance their sense of security. "A house is something you pay for with money, time and energy, not something you wait for by complaining about being picky on one side and settling for inaction on the other."
Many people think Ki is an idealistic literary youth, but she is not, and there is a very realistic side to her love of life. She said that many parents, including girls themselves, want to marry into a rich family and marry the "second generation of the rich". However, she believes that there is a reason for the family to be in the right place, and that different living environments, economic conditions, and educational backgrounds will bring about many differences. Xiaoqi said she is surrounded by examples of the so-called "marrying rich", but the end is not like the TV series - Cinderella became a princess and lived happily ever after. "If you want to use marriage as a bet or springboard, then you have to be willing to lose. It's not that a bad match is always a bad match, but the probability should be relatively small." She believes more than anything else that girls should stand on their own two feet and have the ability to have a better life.
"Never try to tie your happy life to someone, even in a marriage, and without financial strength you can't talk about 'sovereignty'." That's the stark reality, she thinks.
But another friend of mine is not as lucky as Xiao Qi. Not long ago, her two-and-a-half-year relationship with her boyfriend failed to come to fruition because of a house. Both of them work in Beijing, and after this round of soaring housing prices, it's basically hard to find a house with a down payment of less than a million dollars. My friend's mom suggested that the man's family should at least come up with a down payment for a house, and then the two of them **** together to pay off the mortgage after marriage. But for the boyfriend, even if his parents spend their life savings, the money raised by the family is just a drop in the bucket. My friend suggested to her mom that she could consider both families ****ing together for the down payment, and that the two of them would be able to pay the mortgage with their income. But her mom used a veto, she insisted that her daughter, whom she has loved for more than twenty years, can't marry into a family that can't even afford the down payment. In this "war" caused by the house, the friend is physically and mentally exhausted. The two men finally chose to break up.
"Mom will harm you? Why does mom not care about others but only about you? One day you will understand and you will be grateful to me." This was the most common thing her mom said to her after her friend's breakup.
Can you marry the one you love only after you have a house? I asked online.
Gao Mo, who successfully proposed to his girlfriend on New Year's Day, confessed that having a house is not a necessary condition for marrying the one you love. In his view, the main thing to love a person is to make her feel happy, and happiness contains very diverse, such as daily life care, feelings and hobbies **** Ming, and two people on the future of the planning and vision, when these are satisfied and fit, in order to meet the requirements of marriage.
In Gao Mo's view, a house in a big city is a luxury for young people like himself, a condition that cannot be realized in the short term. He feels that a girl's need for a house may be a need for a sense of security, and that working hard for a girl's happiness, giving her a marriage, and giving her confidence in the future is also a way of giving her a sense of security. But at the same time, he also admitted that he and his girlfriend's situation is also special, know longer, not to talk about conditions to get married. And the woman's parents have never asked for this.
"Aging looks like it's already serious, the state encourages young people to have a second child, parents urge young people to get married, but unfortunately, most of the post-90s don't have the money to buy a house yet, so they can't find an object ah." Netizen Ah Wen said, "The key is, you don't have a house, the people you love don't want to marry you ah."
Boys of the right age around them also have varying degrees of anxiety. "Mainly from the future mother-in-law, I guess, the woman will have requirements." Chen Kai, 24, said, "People will always compare, such as mother-in-law and square dancing with the old men and women, mentioning that their daughters married people have houses and cars, their daughters married bad face can not pass it." Chen Kai's mother also believes that even if the woman initially did not ask for a house, but this is likely to become a fuse for future family conflicts. "People can always point their nose at you and say, you didn't even buy a house for my daughter when you got married, what else are you qualified to say now?"
Chen Kai said, from the day before he was born, the family is working hard to earn money, save money, in the face of soaring housing prices, his parents half a lifetime of hard work drastically shrunk, and now need to work harder. He wanted his parents to travel to enjoy the good life they created, but they certainly will not agree, and they do not have the bottom line.
Lin Chen, who has been working in Beijing for seven years, laughingly calls himself a "buyer" -- someone who bought a house as soon as he graduated. He said he bought a house at a time when housing prices were not so high, and his parents thought that buying a house would prevent their son from having to carry his luggage around in a rented room, and that he would no longer have to pay high rents to live in a partitioned room. In their concept, the most important point is that the son has a set of houses, the price in the marriage market will be immediately different! 29-year-old Lin Chen marriage on the agenda for almost a year, but he also has his own problems, the woman asked to write her daughter's name to the real estate license up, their own parents do not agree. This problem can not be solved, he and his girlfriend's wedding looks far away.
In the eyes of my Australian friend Kate, the Chinese attach great importance to getting married. There's also a lot of emphasis on the financial side of getting married. Her Chinese friend told her that as a guy, if he doesn't have a car or a house, there's no way he can get a date because most girls won't want to be with him.
Kate, now a doctoral student at Tsinghua University, once visited a family in rural China and found they were building a new house near theirs. When she asked why, the farmer told her that it was because his son was old enough to find a wife, but he needed a house before he could do so.
But in her native Australia, it is not the man's responsibility to buy a house. She mentioned that people who get married before the age of 28 often don't have a house. Once married, they save together and buy a house together. If two people work hard and are responsible, having assets or not should not be a barrier to marriage. But she also has to admit that "the minimum wage in Australia is higher than the average wage level in China, and the gap between wages and house prices is not that big."
I also asked my mom for her opinion on this issue. I got a reply of "find a like-minded person, the house is not in a hurry". I sent a screenshot of the chat with my mom to the group, and everyone expressed their disdain, "Your mom is a clear stream in the mother-in-law, no representation." Even my teacher thought, "Your mom has too much positive energy!"
But my mom is not the only one with "positive energy".
(The above answer was posted on 2017-02-18, the current relevant housing policy please prevail)
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