My aunt's grandmother lives with her daughter. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and you'll be able to do it all in one place.
At the beginning of the child is small, to the daughter with the child of those years, son-in-law can, every time back to greet yourself, and then the daughter's child college test out, their own old, it became useless, son-in-law on their own is also more and more impatient, openly and secretly hate their own, to get along with the process of contradiction is also more and more.
Girlfriends have no way to rent a house for her outside, but also invited a nanny, but people are old, but also become a bad service, she always felt that the home has become less, nanny and lazy and greedy, once she slept and woke up, found the nanny in the milk, plus her daughter bought meat over, nanny stew will eat a few pieces of the bowl first, was dismissed. The first time I saw this, I had to go to the hospital to get a doctor's note.
Later, the daughter took the aunt back home, stayed more than a year, usually the old man's sleep is less, get up early, once looking for something can not find, through the door shouting daughter to find their own, but that day the son-in-law came back to the late son-in-law, son-in-law woke up, son-in-law let her out of their own home.
In the past, the aunt had a set of her own house, but on the sixth floor, her daughter felt that it was inconvenient to live in the future, so she sold it, and the aunt was left without a home.
In order not to let the daughter difficult, they live in the nursing home. Just live in the time, the aunt is all kinds of discomfort, the meals of the nursing home is not satisfied, but the daughter will often give themselves to take a variety of food, which shook in the nursing home on the past five years.
Then, the daughter to the nursing home to see her less and less often, because the daughter's partner got sick, stroke paralyzed, need to be served by the daughter ......
People are old, but also still have to have their own pursuits and life, rather than have their lives After retirement, to their own life to do a plan, live their own life, if they can move, on their own, but must have a home of their own.
Whether it is the elderly or children, or adults, life needs to be pursued.
I know an old man, are 95 years old, her 70-year-old son often hold her hand out of the sun, the old man is not deaf eyes, especially amiable people. The son said, the old man also practiced calligraphy every day, to children, and always feel that children are not easy, never picky. Because they have a life, the children are willing to surround the old man!
What should people do in their old age to live a good life?
Let's talk about a family in our village!
There is a family in the village, the two families gave birth to seven girls, four sons and three daughters, since childhood, they have been especially favored their son, typical of the son of a man. Three daughters are married, conditions are good, four sons? There are two married, two bachelor, several sons can not earn money, the days are very difficult to live.
The daughter's family is in good condition! Just say pick up their old couple to live, but this old couple? Go to the daughter's home so disgusted, so uncomfortable, stay a long time, the daughter also do not like them to stay in her home. The two old mouth and go back to live with the son, in the son's home is a servant, in the daughter's home nothing to do still complain, and also think that the son is good, the daughter is a loss of money.
The purpose of this story! I want to tell you that some people are really quite obnoxious when they get old, and some of them have been stuck in the 60's and 70's in his mind, not the children are not good to him, is their own thinking can not be changed.
As the questioner asked, what do you do when you realize that your children slowly hate you?
First, live separately
If the children have become a family, I would recommend living separately, it is said that far away from the smell, which is not unreasonable. The family stayed together every day, there will certainly be conflicts, the final solution is to live separately.
The elderly and children live separately, children occasionally visit the old, so the feelings will be much better, and especially intimate, and not because of different habits, often quarrels.
Second, turn a blind eye, less talk
If there is no way to live separately, can only live together, I suggest that the elderly must turn a blind eye. Why?
Think about it nowadays, the young people's concepts and the old people's are really different, they are used to waking up late, do not know how to economize, and throw away things they do not like. If you meet a slightly strong parents, certainly have to nag half a day, then how the result? After a long time will certainly quarrel, each look bad.
So the final solution is to turn a blind eye, respect the young people's habits, what they want to do, they do it on their own, few words, manage their own on the line.
Third, to be able to earn money when you must save more money
Nowadays, social pressure, not children are not filial piety, and really this generation of young people is really a lot of pressure, how many young people of this generation to the old man old age, do not rely on the old man are considered good. So to still earn money in the elderly some advice, be sure to save more money, the old rely on children rely on women as well as rely on their own.
Finally, some advice for young people, be sure to treat their parents better, they are not easy, they have had a hard time than we have more. Treat them with a little more patience, care and attention, their concepts may be old-fashioned, stubborn ideas, which are formed over decades, some of the mindset simply can not be changed. More understanding and more respect for them, a hundred good filial piety first, how we treat the elderly today, how our children will treat us later, generation to generation, generation to generation.
People are old, if you find that their children dislike them, then you should give them to understand that the crows feed, the lamb kneels!
Even animals can do so, born as a man, is not as good as animals?
First of all, anyone who is old has a day.
I remember when I was a child, my grandmother would often tell us a story. The girl grew up, saw her mother with a broken bowl to grandma to serve food, once, the mother accidentally broke the bowl, the daughter exclaimed, mom, quickly stick it up, I have to save it for you to serve food later!
Her mom hurriedly threw away the broken bowl and from then on let the child's grandmother eat with them at a table!
If you have a pension, pension, then they are independent of the family property, who is filial to serve to who
will raise their children, and see them become a family, that you already belong to the success of the retirement, do not feel relieved, a child for the children to take care of, meddle in their lives, or else, others think you are too much is inevitable, listen to this plug, how not necessary to add their own! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty!
In case the children are not filial, then there is a pension and pension insurance, do not have to look at the children's face life.
The family property and so on, and do not give anyone, stay, who later filial piety, old age, make a will to who!
If no one, bought the family property on the nursing home! Never be heartbroken! You are a child of the heartache, to put it bluntly, is a white-eyed wolf!
Actively participate in senior citizen associations, keep some of their own hobbies
When you have a circle. You will not be able to keep your children in this small circle, their happiness and sadness affect your happiness and sadness. Go out and travel with your friends. Gathering party. Dancing is also a good choice.
Attention transfer is on the one hand, on the other hand, you will also have a much better mindset. The most important thing is to be happy!
Many parents believe that their children should be grateful for their own parenting, and full of love in return, if the children show a little bit of dissatisfaction or hate, it will be angry, and even feel that their own children are ungrateful guys.
I don't know, the more this kind of parents, the more children will be alienated from them, but I hope the parents can understand this.
What should people do when they get old and their children slowly hate them?
I'm a mother, and as my daughter grows into adulthood, I think about this issue and deliberately pay attention to the way I get along with my daughter:
1. Maintain a sense of boundaries and respect for your children, and don't intervene or intrude on each other's lives.
The more arranged, the more control, the more worrying parents are the more likely to be hated by their children, who rely on their parents to take care of them while longing for their parents not to bring a single interference in their own lives, hopefully, parents can understand this.
2, do not recite their own parenting pain, to raise children as their basic responsibility.
One of the reasons why children alienate their parents is that many parents like to complain in front of their children, take credit, and even vilify their own spouses, which leads to the children hating themselves more and more.
3. Be a person who is good at self-reflection and willing to self-growth.
The age-generation gap, thinking differences is a reality we must face, a persistent to do things from their own point of view, not willing to recognize their own shortcomings, will certainly lead to many conflicts.
Besides, it is quite normal for family members to have differences of opinion and to be in conflict with each other. If parents know how to think differently and reflect on themselves instead of blaming their children, they can avoid alienation of parent-child relationships.
Some parents do not want to make progress, but the child's life, and even more interference, the child does not hate it strange.
In fact, the relationship between parents and children also need to take care of, need to be managed by heart, if the child is willing to stay with us, perhaps we will not be children hate; if the child is looking forward to fleeing, we really should reflect on their own in the end what they did wrong.
Generally have this kind of thinking, either for people really make people hate, or they are too sensitive, can realize and ask this question is likely to belong to the latter.
When I first heard the hair novel about her mother-in-law's mother-in-law, I really can't believe that there is such a family, the mother is kind and filial, the family is simply the mother as a baby, I can't imagine how good this old man should be, how much people like it, and I always feel that my old age can be done in half of the old man will be satisfied.
The reason why this story is to tell the subject, do not be too bullheaded, emotionally too sensitive really no good, sometimes it is not you are not good, but the elderly and the young people between the original insurmountable gap between the generations, the children in some things on the rebuttal to you, or the performance of the dislike of you, and not you are really bad, but you are each other's concept of a different just think about it, some of their ideas you may not be accustomed to see. The idea that you may not be able to look at the habit, but for many reasons, the reason attributed to their own knowledge of the lesser just.
If you want to improve this mood, I'll give you a few suggestions:
1, live separately from your children, and socialize more with your peers to form your own circle of friends.
2, look at everything, don't feel like you're not right once there is a conflict, children are also the first time to do people, there are issues that are different positions, it does not matter whether they are right or wrong.
3, cultivate their own hobbies and interests, have a favorite thing to do, will not be entangled in some unnecessary small emotions.
4, if you have the conditions, go out more to see the world, the world is very big, see more ideas on the broadening of the mind, you will find that the previous problems are not worth mentioning.
5, seriously examine their own problems, in the end, why do you think you are hated, but also with the children to communicate properly communicate, find problems, improve the problem, and children to deal with the relationship is also conducive to family harmony.
In short, it is to look at their relationship with their children with an extreme attitude, never fall into their own emotions, self-pity, for no one's benefit.
I hope this can help you, I wish you happiness!
Many parents will find that when they were young, they had a good relationship with their children, and the children were very sticky to themselves, but when the children grew up, they became more and more estranged from themselves, and some of them would even hate themselves.
This is a very common situation, especially in old age, many children will "hate" their parents. Of course, there are reasons for this.
The reason why children "hate" their parents
1, parents too much
Many parents, no matter how old their children are, feel that they are still children, and often worry about them, so they will be more of a child. But everyone is an independent individual, the child has grown up with their own ideas and considerations, they are no longer as young as rely on their parents, need more space to be alone. The parents are too much control, but it will make the children annoyed.
2, love nagging
Love nagging is a common problem of parents, especially mothers. Many mothers love to nag in front of their children, urging more clothes, more meals and so on. Although it is for the good of the child, but the child is an adult, they can take care of themselves. Once or twice nagging is fine, it will make people feel very cozy, but if the nagging time and time again, surely will be upset. Children may deliberately avoid their parents' nagging in order to avoid them.
3, different ideas
Parents and children are in different generations, there is a big difference in thinking. Children like some of the things, parents may be very disgusted, the two sides do not agree, the idea is not on a channel, it is easy to have a verbal conflict. The children will feel that their parents do not understand them, and then do not want to talk to them, but also in order to avoid disputes and intentionally stay away.
If parents find that their children "hate" themselves, we must change the original mode of coexistence, do not treat them as children, to give children independent space. They take care of themselves, the food, the play, do not care about the children's business, so that not only their own old age happy, children also like.
I am a help mom, a senior baby nurse, private letter " child care ", to help you answer the trouble on the way to bring children ~
The elderly, just like children, we are said to be old children. They can be especially sensitive at times and need our care.
That said, what kind of old people are not popular with their children.Children and the elderly, the relationship is two people out, not a party can decide. In general, children do not like the elderly have the following characteristics (do not like is not like, do not like does not mean not filial piety.)
Love nagging
General old people have the habit of love nagging, always say what they care about, over and over again, sometimes emphasize that things, sometimes there is nothing to say the most is used to it, as a young person, the work of the family children, sometimes sound impatient, in fact, this needs to be our young people's change, after all, the old man is very difficult to change, as we have to change the old man, after all, the old man is very difficult to change, as we have to change the old man. The elderly is difficult to change, as our elders, no matter what or to fulfill the occupation of caring for the elderly.
Love meddling, meddling in the education of children
Some old people are young and overbearing inertia know to change, but can not change. Intervene in the children's home affairs, and even children's education of children to go up and say a few words, it is a headache.
Subjective judgment and family affairs outside
An old man beside me, love to say that the daughter of the "bad words," she always think who is in good family conditions, who will pay more, in line with the idea of requiring individual children, who who is not filial, who is how yong The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
Eccentricity of a child
This is something that many people have experienced, and it's something that a lot of old people do.
Not straight, love to play in secret
A friend said, she just worked every time she went home, her mother nagged a month of electricity and water bills, too expensive, a kind of words, she felt that her mother is in disguise to ask for money, feel uncomfortable.
In fact, many children still know their parents very well. What to do, need to we understand them a little more.
The fact that the children slowly hate themselves means that the old man is too concerned about the attitude of his children, too dependent on them or very much in need of their care in life.
If this problem occurs, the old man, you have not first self-examination, the problem in themselves, or children, if it is your bad habits lead, you have to try to correct.
If the children have a problem, find time to communicate with them, say their inner thoughts, do not have to hide, find the root cause, in order to solve the problem. I believe that most children will respect the elderly.
Everyone has shortcomings, especially when people are old and their energy is declining, these shortcomings will become more and more serious, and even become paranoid.
As a child, we also have old people in our family, so I'll talk about a few of the more representative old people around.
1, the parent complex type
Yang grandmother young sensible, capable, home affairs are basically her head.
After marrying her daughter-in-law, her son and daughter-in-law still respect her, and she is basically always on her side when she says something.
Grandma Yang is 93 years old this year, in addition to deafness, strong body, no other problems. The old man lived to such a large, can still take care of themselves, even if it is the children's blessing.
But a while ago on WeChat heard her daughter-in-law spit, the old lady has driven away the family's fourth nanny!
Grandma Yang's family of four generations, daughter-in-law in the unit is the Secretary, the son in the unit is also a leader, daughter-in-law work are very busy, often have to travel. The grandson and grandson in-law are also civil servants, and after the birth of the baby, the family bellhop became a nanny to help burn two meals.
But the always thrifty Yang grandmother, think that hiring a nanny is a waste, and she is not used to an outsider in and out of the home, so she looked at the nanny is not good.
Nanny burning vegetables she stared at the side, a moment to say that the oil put too much, a moment to put less water; nanny burned dishes are not good, but also suspected that the nanny to steal her home things.
The nanny can't stand her full range of monitoring, one after another resigned.
After the last nanny was kicked out, Yang's grandmother praised her son for his good cooking.
The whole family threw up their hands at her persistence. From then on, the son got up early to buy groceries, and the daughter-in-law went home at night to mop the floor and do the hygiene.
You say, such an old man does not sympathize with the children's hard work, but also think they are in charge, the children can like her!
As the saying goes, the young should be peaceful, the old should be good, and the old people who live with their children must learn to abdicate. You are already old, energy, physical strength, ability to keep up, just enjoy the happiness, less nosy, how good?
2, worry about the children excessive type
Grandma Chen was a young village women's director, strong work ability, can talk, and a pay a warm heart, who has a family can not be resolved family conflicts, please ask her to mediate, quasi-complete solution.
When she was young, her husband worked outside the home, and she was the only one who had the final say. She also has a bellyful of experience in the workplace, and her children have encountered some difficulties in their work, as well as some conflicts in the family, so she has to listen to her opinions.
Now Chen grandmother 83 years old, suffering from a variety of diseases, and the sequelae of cerebral infarction.
But she still likes to be in charge of her children's home, "Xiaomei ah, you do not burn vegetables like this, put so much water why!"
This is the advantage of being able to talk when you're young, but now you're old and you're a chatterbox, and you can't stay idle for a minute.
Everything can be pulled out of the nagging, often listen to her talk about the long ago. Her aunt's dowry was robbed by the Japs, and I've heard her tell the story N times.
If you don't pay attention to when you can't hear her talk, you'll have to sit on the sofa and doze off.
You said Chen grandmother old, still so worried about the children's home, of course, care is good, but care too much is not good. Children are older, they are still sick, you do not worry, is not asking for trouble?
3, selfish and unhygienic type
Grandma Wu was dressed very well when she was young, but the home is very sloppy, will not clean up. When she had time, she liked to hang out with her parents in the east and in the west.
The old lady is 92 years old and has no major health problems, but her upper body is fat and her belly is as big as that of a pregnant woman in October, and her legs are as thin as dry wood and her center of gravity is seriously out of whack. In recent years, more and more lazy, action has become slow.
A few years ago, she suffered from urinary incontinence, when she lived alone, but also quite good, they know that they have to wash clean, for fear that the body has a smell of people dislike.
But since the children's home to take turns living, she has a dependence, no longer self-care. If you let her bring a diaper, she thinks it's uncomfortable to carry it on her body, and if she is forced to bring it on her body, she won't bother to take care of it, and it doesn't matter if she pulls it on her body.
Not limp, not paralyzed, is lazy, sometimes pants wet a few days also do not change, if the children do not ask her to change, she covered herself.
There are also times when she can change several pairs of pants in a night.
The children were all disgusted by her.
These are the first time I've ever seen a woman in the world who has been in the world for a long time, and I've never seen a woman in the world for a long time.
A neighbor in the neighborhood often hears her daughter-in-law sigh. The daughter-in-law went to work early in the morning and late at night, and her son, who was home on sick leave, often washed her diapers and sheets and clothes, and washed a whole lot of them.
Even if you wash your face and feet, you can take care of these small things, and she waited for her son to wait.
But she never cared to ask about her children's family, even when the sky was falling. The first daughter-in-law suffered from cancer for a few months, she did not propose to go to visit.
The younger son had cancer, and she knew about it and didn't ask about it.
You think she's dumb, but she's not at all. She knew exactly in which pocket she had a small wallet hidden. When my son washed his clothes, he found that the money was too old, and helped her to go to the bank to change it, and forgot to give it to her, and she reminded him of that money: you take it to help me buy shoes and clothes!
Many times she disguises herself as demented in front of her children to fake it, but in exchange for more care. She has this little heart, do children understand. Only on the basis of her old age, are too lazy to bother with her.
But she is so selfish and uncaring that she only cares about her own comfortable old man, which is not any son or daughter can like.
4, capricious to be strong type
Zhao grandmother this year 89 years old, walking tiger wind, talking also crunchy.
On the second day of this year, she ran to her nephew's house and complained that her children were bullying her.
The nephew of the mother's family invited her daughter to mediate a bit to realize that things are not as she said.
It turned out that Zhao father suffered from lumbar disc herniation seriously out of bed, she did not want to sleep in a room with the old man to take care of him, she was worried about the children threw Zhao father to her one care, but also hated him back then to the family's money in the hands of the old man to do a good job of their own, to the money to his son, his son like him.
Shanghai's youngest daughter last year, the father of Zhao took home for most of the year, back to the daughter-in-law also at home to help take care of.
The daughter said she was too much, and would not even serve him food. She has a problem with Mr. Zhao, and she is jealous and unbalanced when she sees that her children are good to Mr. Zhao. She said that when she was sick, her children didn't care about her like this.
Grandma Zhao was a very sensible person when she was young, but now that she's old, she's just like a child, she's just as willful and bratty.
During the mediation process, the two daughters not only could not speak to their mother, but were also scolded by her, and the youngest daughter was scolded and ran away in tears, so the mediation ended up in the end.
You say, such a strong old man, and do not listen to people, but also rely on the old, how can children like her?
So, you feel that your children slowly hate you, you must first self-examination, there is such and such a problem.
When you are old, you have to understand the difficulties of your children and be understanding.
Not to be capricious and selfish, to parents;
Both to care for their children, but do not interfere too much; can take care of themselves, must do their best, hygiene, diligent bathing, laundry; do not rely on the old, capricious and arbitrary.
Of course, there are also children who hate the elderly, is really unfilial. The children's filial piety is not filial piety, and the family of origin must have a lot to do with the family education from childhood. The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to go into that here.
We can easily find an interesting phenomenon. The impression of the parents on the child is changed over time .
When the child is still very young, he will feel that his parents are the sky, the heaven and earth that support them, Daddy is a superman, can do everything, knows everything.
When a child grows up and reaches puberty, they will feel that parental control is a kind of bondage for them. They will be rebellious and cranky.
When children get married, start a family and work, they experience the social experience. And they will feel that their parents are still dependent on them, because their value is still important to them.
When children grow older, their children grow up, and their parents grow old, they will be tired of their parents because of the different values and concepts of life. They will no longer think that their parents are superhuman, and the role of their parents' former life experiences in enlightening or inspiring them is already very small, and they want to live according to their own ideas.
Because of the differences in life circumstances between the two generations, there can be conflicts. For example, there are conflicting ideas about money, conflicting attitudes about life, and so on.
So it creates a problem as described in the title. People are getting old, and children are getting nasty to themselves. What should the old man do at this time?
The old man's change of heart. The child has grown up, is no longer a child that is afraid of his fall. This time you should enjoy life. Take care of your own body, for the children is the greatest care, I believe your children will live a good life.
Three, do not think of him well as an excuse to interfere with the child's life.
They can keep a distance between each other when appropriate. It is said that distance produces beauty, and it applies here to the elderly and children as well.
I hope that my own changes can be exchanged for the children's perception, and I also believe that the children will see the changes in the elderly, and thus eliminate this aversion.
This is too sad a thing.
When people get old, they tend to become a bit weak, feel overwhelmed by everything they do, and unconsciously want to rely on their children. If you find that your children's attitude towards you becomes impatient, and you start to hate yourself, you must be very sad, and it's hard to accept this reality, right?
At this point, parents must feel that their hearts have been emptied, and even suspect that their lives have been in vain. When I was young, I kept working and running to earn money to support my children, but when I was old and needed to take care of my children, they were reluctant to do so, thinking that they were dragging them down. When the pillar of life that supports their own life collapses, the mood of the parents must be very sad.
When they come to their senses, they realize that they have to live anyway, and that they will have to rely on their children to take care of them in the future, so they have to find a way to face and solve this situation.
First of all, first of all, calm down and observe to see if the children really hate themselves. Sometimes children because of the pressure of work and life, inevitably moody, mouth, but not necessarily against the parents. The reason for this situation is that parents and children communicate and exchange too little on weekdays, and the child is used to report the good news not to report the bad news, there is pressure and negative emotions on their own, and parents can not help, sometimes also add to the chaos, the two sides are prone to conflict. For this situation, parents should be sympathetic to the children's feelings, but still need to find time to talk to their children face to face, say a little bit of their own inner feelings, I believe that through open and honest communication, the children realize that some of their own words and deeds to parents caused misunderstanding and harm, will be improved.
There is also a situation where the parents themselves are the ones who like to blame and pick on their children, so when the children grow up and internalize this way of interacting with people, they habitually pick on their parents, blaming them for not being good at what they do, for not doing what they do right, and so on. When this happens, parents need to reflect on themselves and realize that their children are doing this partly because of themselves, and that children often don't realize it and just treat their parents the way they learned from them. If they can let go of the facade, parents can have an in-depth conversation with their children about the issue, or they can apologize to their children in person, so that if they are aware, they will pay more attention in this area. The two sides can also agree that if the child starts to interact with the parent in this way, the parent can remind the child in time, so that it will slowly improve.
Of course, the worst case scenario is that the child really doesn't want to see the parent. I remember reading an article about how a mother in a family where the father died early due to illness had to work hard to bring up several children, and in order to build a house, she had to carry stones down from the mountain again and again in order to save money, so that she wore her own spine to the point of being scarred. Nevertheless, when the children started their own families, they only knew how to live their own lives, but did not care about their mother. When the mother was sick, not even one of the children in front of the waiting, and finally the mother left the world alone.
Seeing this mother so miserable life, we are not qualified to comment, but the children are after all her upbringing grew up, their selfishness and the elders do not care, but also the mother of the results of upbringing. At this time and then remorse is of no use, in any case, parents have the right to be cared for by their children, children have the responsibility to support their parents, for the children's behavior, in the case of necessity, the parents can use external forces, such as through the mediation and negotiation of the neighborhood committee, so that the children to take care of their parents' responsibilities; if still no effect, the parents can also resort to the law to fight for their own rights.