A magazine once did a social survey - life, you think people's which three qualities are the most valuable?" One of the findings was helpfulness. When you think about it, it's really true that we can't live without helping each other, and the quality of being helpful makes it all the more valuable. Our society consists of countless individuals, but they are interconnected. If you can do in the ordinary life to help others, not only can pull people closer to each other, but also to build a more harmonious society.
When it comes to this, I can't help but think of the security guard in my neighborhood. He is known as a "warm hearted" person. Although he has almost reached the age of retirement, but his spirit is very good, always with a smile on his face, every day you can see him wearing a uniform in the neighborhood patrol figure. Even more rare is that no matter who has difficulties, he will not hesitate to help.
If anyone in the neighborhood can't move the courier, he will take the initiative to come forward to help; the delivery boy riding a bike is not convenient, he will help to press an elevator; even heard that he himself is very frugal, the rest of the salary every month to save up, wait until the end of the year and donate to the local children's welfare institution. In this way, his warm hearted behavior makes us, who are busy in the city, experience the warmth. When we met him, we would greet him cordially, and he would always respond with a smile. We all like this old man from the heart, and the relationship between the residents of the neighborhood has become harmonious because of him.
Of course, there is a limit to what can be done. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and you'll be able to do it in a way that's easy for you. But the starting point for being helpful is to help others, not for your own vanity. Can not know things in their own range, but also "swollen face", hard to help others in order to save face.
Tina's mother-in-law, who is sometimes inappropriate for her own face, said she would like to see her mother-in-law's newborn son, who was born on the same day as her father's son.
Tingting and her husband met on a blind date five years ago. When Tingting was first introduced to her husband, she was told that her husband was a single-parent child and would have to live with her mother-in-law. But at the same time, Tingting was told not to worry, telling her: "If you marry him, not to mention other things, but the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should be quite good. This young man's mother is a well-known 'warm-hearted', although from the countryside, but the relationship with the neighbors are very good, to their own relatives are able to help. You can rest assured that the two of you won't have any major conflicts."
When Tingting heard this, she no longer minded living with her mother-in-law, but felt that it was not easy for such an old woman in the countryside to bring up her son on her own, and it was also very great. The mother-in-law's presence in the house will not only make the house lively, but also help ease the burden on the couple, which is a two-for-one deal, so she agreed to the marriage.
The introduction of this is indeed true, Tingting's mother-in-law, although not much culture, but especially helpful. Tingting just married over to the mother-in-law, I think this person is really good, always send this to the neighbors to send that, the family but there is something to eat put, she will certainly pick up the pick up to their own often nagging that a few families to send. Even later, Tingting just buy something back, such as snacks ah, fruit ah, milk ah and so on, put in the refrigerator before even think of eating it, the mother-in-law can not wait to give away.
These are the first time I've ever seen a woman in the world who has been in a position to do something like this, and I think it's a good idea for her to be able to do that. So, in the days that followed, her mother-in-law often took the things that Tingting bought home and secretly took them to others. Small to a box of cookies, large to cell phones, tablet ...... In short, as long as the mother-in-law think "extra", usually can not use the things, she will directly take away, not even discuss. Even once, Tingting took advantage of the double eleven discount, to add a lot of things to the home. What hair dryer, hot water kettle, humidifier, all together to buy a new back. But what she didn't expect was that before she had a chance to replace them, her mother-in-law gave them to her friends who were square dancers with her, and to her uncle who lives in the county.
Tingting felt inappropriate in her heart and went to ask her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law then smiled and replied, "I can't use these new high-tech appliances, it's better to use the old stuff smoothly, so I gave them to others." None of these practices of her mother-in-law had been discussed with the family. This makes Tingting have to reflect on whether her mother-in-law is warm-hearted, or good face?
When an epidemic broke out in early 2020, the state called on the whole country to wear masks. But the supply of masks is not enough, and there is a "hard to find" situation. Tingting considering that there are old people at home, this mask is a necessity. Tingting asked her friends to buy a box of masks for her family, which is a necessity. There were not many masks, just the right amount for a family that doesn't go out much. The mother-in-law also knows that masks are hard to come by, but the first thing she did was not to think about staying at home and not adding to the family's mess, instead she had to run outside and give all the masks to her relatives in the same city.
Then Tingting was so upset that she told her mother-in-law that it was not safe for her to go out, but she didn't listen to her. But her mother-in-law did not listen to her, still insisted on going. Tingting had to persuade again, "Mom, this mask is not enough for our own family, how can you think of sending it outside?" Her mother-in-law was not convinced and said, "Our family doesn't go out, so we don't need these masks. Besides, if the masks are gone, you can just buy them again. What's the point?" When Tingting heard this, she became anxious: "I had to ask someone to buy this mask, not to mention the money I spent, but also owed someone a favor. I wanted to buy it for our family to use, how can I just give it away?"
Mother-in-law was not happy to hear this, and said in a bad mood: "What do you mean by giving it away casually, I'm giving it away to my own relatives, who are not outsiders. I've agreed to this, how can you not agree? If you ask me, you are just pained by the money, and you don't treat your relatives as your own family, that's why you don't let me go out." Tingting really didn't expect that her well-intentioned persuasion would be mistaken for selfishness by her mother-in-law, and her tears of frustration came down, "Mom, you've really wronged me if you say that. I've been married for so long, but I've never counted these. If you are dissatisfied with me in your heart and can't trust me, you can get a divorce if the epidemic is over, but you can't say that about me!"
At this point, her husband couldn't sit still and stood up, saying, "Mom, look what you're saying. What kind of person is Tingting, don't you know? She doesn't care about money. She cares about you! Do you know how hard Tingting worked to buy this mask? Not to mention how dangerous it is for you to go out now, but if you have to go out in an emergency, where can you buy a mask? Why are you still confused?"
Mother-in-law saw that her son was also anxious, so she could only confess: "But I told your uncle that we have enough masks at home and promised to send them a box. If I don't go, I'm not cheating. This is how humiliating ah, a little face are gone."
Hearing this, my husband said, "Mom, if you don't go to send the masks, you're cheating, but if you say to the public that we have enough masks, are you not cheating? You always think of sending masks to others, but our own family has no masks, so it is not more than worth the loss? I know you're a warm-hearted person, but everything has to be done in moderation. If we had extra masks, I would have given them to my relatives, but now we don't have enough, so if you only think of your own face and don't care about the safety of our family, how can this work? I think, let me handle this matter, I'll call my uncle to explain the situation, do you think it's okay?" Hearing these words, the mother-in-law finally nodded silently.
Tingting's husband is very understanding, this is also very well handled, the young couple's marriage has not been affected by anything. It seems that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good, whether the family and marriage can be harmonious for a long time, and the husband has a very big connection. Since ancient times, the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is like a puzzle, difficult to defeat many people. But is the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law really unsolvable? In fact, it is not, two women without blood relationship, because of a man, thus establishing a close conflict. So many times, "the bell must be tied".
Men need to act as a lubricant for family relationships, stepping up to mediate conflicts when necessary. Tingting's husband will understand that his mother's various actions, is their own good face, want to compete outside. There is no excuse for doing this for small things, but now it needs to affect the health of the family, then you need to step in and stop it. Such a wise move, not only solved the wife and mother-in-law's contradictions, but also eased the family tense atmosphere. It lays the foundation for a more successful family afterward.
It is true that even though they live together as a family, mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law should have boundaries with each other. Even if they live together in the home, there is also a question of proportion. The mother-in-law can't feel that if her daughter-in-law buys something at home, it belongs to her, and she, as the elder, can dispose of it as she pleases. What's more, she can't put her own face first, and without communication, take the liberty of giving away things in the house so that she can make her own face shine.
It is important to realize that a family can be harmonious, it is necessary for the whole family to **** the same pay. A family together, get along harmoniously, live peacefully, relying on the mutual respect of family members, the younger generation in the face of undeniable triviality, can be more a step back, more understanding, not excessive interference in the elders, but respect for the elderly's decision.
The elders should also learn to stand in the perspective of others to see the problem, in principle, their own family members as the main consideration, taking into account the feelings of the younger generation, everything and the younger generation to communicate first to discuss, rather than take the liberty to make decisions. Only when they do not take others for granted, do not easily ignore, waste of other people's dedication, in order to better safeguard the feelings of family members, is really do not lose face, for themselves to earn face.