He said I've written about so many people, but never about him. I said I never write about things that are happening, I'll write about you when we've turned the page. He said it would be better not to write me in the story, I prefer to write our names together. I asked him where to write, he said, a lot of places, such as going to a friend's wedding to sign in, our family account book, buy a house contract, the child's parent signature.
Said these times, is in a friend's birthday party drunk, two people are drunk, vomited a few times, kissing all look disgusting, each other hooked each other walking on the street, street lamps a swept from the top of our heads, did not feel much love, is a moment of hallucination, feel each other scruffy and dirty very imperfect, but can be hooked up, and has been walking down the street.
1
I don't want to count him as my first few boyfriends, but I just remembered that when I met him, I happened to be at a low point in my breakup, and my work was not going well, and the new supervisor got us all in trouble, and then he resigned directly after a couple of arguments. I don't know how many girls would be so weak as to sit on the sofa in a coffee shop and cry like me. He was not in a good place at that time, and he went everywhere with a cigarette in his mouth and his speech was slurred. He and his friend walked in, saw me biting the straw crying straight twitching, naturally pulled the straw out of my mouth, and said the first reason to tell me: don't drink when you cry, easy to choke to death. I thought he was pretty boring and didn't think I'd love him for a while.
I cried and hit back at him: don't hold the cigarette in your mouth when you talk, what you say others can't hear. After that, he stuffed the straw into his mouth again.
2
I've never had a boyfriend who was so poor or so downtrodden before. The two of us took three cards, the inside of the change brush out, bought two bottles of beer, a few crushed ice, and drink white wine like, small sip sip drink, consume a night, sitting on the terrace to look up at the stars, was bitten by mosquitoes all over the bag, but also feel quite high school quite romantic. He pointed to the sky and said it was the Big Dipper. I was shocked to learn that you can still see the Big Dipper in Shanghai.
I asked the spoon to point to the north is really, he fussed on the north and south, left, right and left, east, said yes. Later I went downstairs to look at the street sign, found that it is not the north, and then questioned him, he giggled and scratched his head, said that is the spoon mouth pointing in the direction of the north.
Until now, I did not understand the principle of the Big Dipper, but just understood that he is a road idiot. The symptoms of his road rage had developed to the point of outrageousness. Once we crossed a long road, there are two traffic lights, we crossed a traffic light, waiting for the second red light in the safety island, chatting a couple of days, turned around, he looked up, and walked back towards the way he came without any hesitation. Originally, I was also a road idiot, after knowing him, inspired unlimited potential, and now become a human GPS, guiding friends to recognize the road can be clear to the extent that "intersection to the left, go to the fifth tree to the right, you will be able to find the sausage noodle store" such a degree.
3
Later, I realized that he was not only a road warrior, but also had more trouble finding things than I did. The main part of my day used to be finding things, living with him has added an extra element, helping him find things. How I wish he had a cell phone for each left sock and a pager for the right.
I often agonize over this and feel like I'm following a dumb x. But he also remembers some things, such as remembering to water the small plants on the balcony, every time he ate something delicious will remember to buy a copy and bring it back to me, remember when I cry, never say anything inspirational, as long as not divided into principles and positions of scolding me what I am scolding.
Once, he stood at the table, moving to the corner of the table and touching me to negotiate for half an hour. I crouched down and rubbed my uvula and thought, this is just as well. My boyfriend is a huge douche and can't do anything but love me.
4
With him, I realized how I should pick up girls without money. He took me to the park to row a boat, buy a grapefruit at the fruit stall, let the boss cut it up, bring it to the boat, row the boat to the center of the lake, eat the grapefruit while watching the people on the shore and guessing their stories.
He's a good storyteller, and he'll tell it all day long, always making the most of a boat ticket. Sitting to the sunset, see some old grandparents from the shore walked by, not at all like the story, hand in hand love touching, but instead is noisy, in Shanghainese complaining about each other only focus on watching the stock, did not move a little earlier to go to the supermarket to snatch a cheap egg, after they found us watching, suddenly a little embarrassed, and lowered their voices.
He told me not to look, people are embarrassed. I looked back at him and he said let's do something a little more embarrassing, and then he kissed me. The first kiss, which was grapefruit flavored, led to a relationship that was bland and refreshing, like some kind of summer fruit, but there it was, and destined to expire.
5
We also often quarrel, are some trivial things, almost always he pretends to be a puppy to beg for mercy, and sometimes to take advantage of the mouth. Once we quarreled until the news of Faye Wong and Li Yapeng's divorce broke, we both looked at the entertainment news in shock, and instantly became clear. I patted him on the shoulder and said, well, you are stronger than Ya Peng. He replied politely, you are not worse than Faye Wong. I said, how can this be compared, she is a diva. He sneered and said, you are The Day After Tomorrow.
6
Our biggest **** same language is movies. I had dreamed of making movies since I was nine, and he, a depressed little director, made a bunch of unimpressive commercials and music videos, and had to carefully hide the fact that he was colorblind. One of his commercials was scheduled to air before the movie started, and we fussed about buying tickets to enjoy his flashback commercials, excited as if our work had made it to the theaters. Sadly, the movie his commercial was assigned to was "Balala the Little Fairy" with a large group of little girls waving fairy wands sitting behind them, and a mix of laughter and crying in the middle of the movie.
The movie seems to have dropped off the screen within a few days of its release, but I still had a great time sharing the secret with a bunch of little girls in princess dresses.
7
Our favorite pastime was group movie tickets to the movies. We dragged our hands to see a lot of movies, and when we watched "Teenage Pi's Bizarre Adventure" I clutched his hand and earnestly told him that if we encountered a dangerous situation to survive, you remember to eat me. Two days later, when I watched 1942, I clutched his hand again and said to him seriously, "You must sell me when you run away from the famine.
He understands better than anyone else in the world that I have no will to survive in the face of difficulties, and that my pessimistic nature, always rational and mean to things, is exposed in front of him. I don't know where that trust came from, but I can't imagine ever saying that to anyone again. We're used to disguising ourselves beautifully in relationships, but I loved farting around in front of him. He is a completely different person, with fantasies about the future, persistence in his ideals, and optimism about life, and I sometimes just think about how cruel I am to have turned into one of his soft underbelly.
But the world is sometimes so unfair, the ambition is always my little bitch, and he mixed to the end, luck talent owes some fire, no one cares whether he is hard enough to do this thing. I always feel that this unfairness should not appear in my love, but I did not expect, but also not spared.
8
Before a lot of boyfriends said I have a tiger in my heart, I admit, this is the truth. He must know it very well too, but he never says so. It's just that every time I'm working to the point of collapse, I look up and he's in front of me, giggling, asking if I want to go out for an ice cream.
9
He had a notebook and would always write down little snippets of my daily life and make up fairy tales to tell me when I was upset. I played the role of the little master in the stories and he played a dog slave. I looked at his notebook on moving day and it was already half full. If it wasn't for him, I really wouldn't have remembered that I did that idiotic dance from Cherry Bombs whenever and wherever I heard music. What I thought he would have written down was that it was embarrassing. The eyes turned a line, he wrote down the comment: do not look at the little master is very fierce, in fact, also a girl heart.
10
In the spring, I sold my copyright for the first time, and the boss asked me to go out of town to get cash. I always thought I was going to be abducted to dig up a kidney or something, and he went with me, and we were so excited to get the money that we forgot to deposit it right there first, which led to jitters along the way, and I was clutching a big black bag with bundles of cash in it.
The two of us looked at each other as if we had a wicked smile on our faces, and came up to give a few knives. I asked him, if someone comes to snatch the bag how to do? He said, then I absolutely let him stab me, you love money so much.
Then we successfully escorted the money back to Shanghai, even the ground are not afraid to go out, directly by subway to the Xintiandi station, in the station ATM machine to deposit money, a pile of stacks to put in, deposited for almost half an hour. In the end, all the unrecognizable cash was taken out, and I treated him to a meal and bought him a new headset.
When we broke up, we separately put things one by one into a large cardboard box, he hung the headphones around his neck - he used things very carefully, the leather is still shiny, touch just a little softer than at first. I am a little sad, said I have not sent you what good things, this is my most expensive gift to you. A look up his eyes red, said the most expensive gift in my heart.
11
On the day I earned the money, I invited my friends to my home, opened a bottle of champagne, shook it vigorously, pulled the cork pompously, and let the champagne spill into everyone's hair. Drunk as he was, he ended up sending one of his friends away, and the two of us ended up sitting by the window, looking at the night sky. I asked him where the Big Dipper was. He said, today is a little cloudy, can not see it. I was happy and said that our lives would be different from now on. He didn't say anything, just kissed my eyes.
Later, every time I finished a job, I would go and open a bottle of champagne. I seemed to know every flavor of champagne, watched all kinds of bubbles sinking and floating, but in addition to drunkenness, no longer feel happy.
A year later, on my birthday, each of my friends brought a bottle of champagne as a gift, and we had no idea how much we drank in one night. I chilled and laughed the whole time, shot a video of my friend vomiting on the floor of a high-end hotel, and drank until I couldn't remember anything. Later a friend told me, or he, always behind me, afraid I touch the corner of the table, stepped on the floor of the glass, in every time I close to the danger of pulling me a hand, frowning, do not say love.
12
Sure enough, my life has gotten better and better since then, too good to be true. The world had become too fast again, not quite the same as what I had seen when I first plucked up the courage to step out of the compound and stand in the doorway when I was six years old. I had thought that my future life was to go and face a road of ringing bicycles, and by the time I accepted this reality, the street was full of honking cars.
My work was getting busier and busier, and I told everyone that this was the flagship year of my career, and I couldn't afford to miss a single opportunity. As it turned out, I was indeed the one with the tiger in my heart.
We argued more and more often, rather more often than when we were strapped for cash. He was his usual self, shooting stuff that no one reads, following up with odd jobs, and stretching himself to pay the rent every month. I can't help but be cynical about him, and I'm sometimes unforgiving in front of my friends.
I remember I said the most hurtful sentence, is in front of a group of friends and he argued, he said half a day, I looked up and coldly looked at him, said, the whole room all the things, I am angry want to smash, can afford to pay, you can? After saying this, my friends froze for a long time. I myself am also a little shocked, how did I become such a person?
Moving away, put away a small bowl in the cupboard, printed with a bunny cup, the wall of his collection of movie posters, stained with a piece of grease environmental protection bag, and the chair plush cushion - or a friend to move to Beijing when I went to his home to take. Walking two stops with them in my arms, I felt like I was finally going to have a home, and my heart was full of happiness. It turned out that I had added every single thing with all my heart, but somehow, time rolled on and made me forget about it. I stroked the corner of the table, feeling that it no longer recognize me.
13
The two of us were at our worst when we were at the ATM trying to transfer all the money from our cards to one card to make up the whole number to bring up the cash. At the end of the transfer, two dollars short of the fee, I finally broke down and cried. I didn't say a word and walked out into the bitter cold wind. He was helpless and followed me a long way. I don't know how far I walked, but it seemed like the whole city was asleep. He shouted "I love you", I silently turned around and tearfully told him, I love money.
He always remembered this sentence, and then took a job, earned a few thousand dollars, he took out all the money, with my hair tie rubber band tied into a bundle, put under my pillow, deliberately let me find before going to bed, to create the feeling of dream come true.
14
There is no one who can see me at my worst like he can. Strangely enough, he has no principles to go along with this badness of mine and fall with me.
15
My mom didn't like him and thought he was prodigal and drifting with no prospects.
The first time he sneaked home, in the middle of the night, I thought my parents were asleep, I did not expect my mom suddenly came out to get water, a light, I froze, shocked. Just want to turn back to find him, found him bowed hiding behind the shoe cabinet. The most important thing is that the shoe cabinet can not cover him at all, so my mom and I just stood still, looking at the shoe cabinet behind the hiding of him so seriously.
So every time he went to my house after that, he was careful, the more careful, the more my mom thought he was wandering around. Later, in order to go to my house, he put his own carefully up hair cut, earrings hide good, silent in the kitchen washing dishes. My mom still sighed and lamented that he was wandering around without any prospects.
I walked up to him and touched his arm. He saw that I was in trouble and squeezed a little detergent and blew a bubble for me.
16
We are gradually distant, no longer together to watch movies and chat and eat. I traveled frequently, and then simply went back to live at my parents' house. We haven't had a drink with friends in a long time, and we've completely forgotten the secret codes that we used to use to get out of the game. We used to like to discuss some strange code words after each poker game to prepare for the next time, but every time, we don't remember, count the money we lost after the game, and start to chagrin, prepare new code words.
We stopped leaping for small things, and I ran forward desperately, looking back at him, still standing in the same place. I felt safe and sad at the same time.
17
When I was out traveling, I had an accident on my bike, and I fell into a concussion on the spot, and the whole world spun around, and I had complete amnesia for a few minutes, and when I slowed down, I realized that it was him on his bike, rushing me down the hill to the hospital. He kept talking to me, and in the end, he couldn't stop talking and cried himself. The wind was whistling and I couldn't hear a thing, and when I tried to speak, I burst into tears. I never imagined that there would be so many messes in my life, and I never imagined that he would be the one to witness them. I said "you get out", but hugged him hard.
For a moment, I thought he was the one who would be by my side until the end of my life.
18
He was also very charming. I'm not a good singer, and he sings beautifully. He stood on stage at a friend's store and sang, and the girls below looked on with bated breath, but he never forgot, even at KTV, to end with our theme song. Smiling shyly at me afterward.
We organized all the scattered things in the house, and there were a few small flowers that had wilted away on the windowsill, yellow ping-pong ball chrysanthemums, stuck in a wine bottle, a little pathetic. This is the props he went to shoot a commercial, a large plastic bag of sunflowers, tulips, and ping pong chrysanthemum. He brought them all home, threw them on the ground, and happily asked me to count them to see if there were 99 of them. I couldn't help but laugh and cry, saying that no one sends chrysanthemums. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get the best out of them, but I'm sure you're going to be able to get the best out of them," he said.
We sat quietly, looking at each other, unable to speak. The weather began to heat up, and the room became as new and empty as it had been when we moved in with joy. The subsequent occupants of the house would never know the heartbreaking stories of what had happened in the house before. Perhaps these are the stories that only the table will remember.
19
He put the headphones around his neck on my ears, and inside was Fruity VC's Supersonic Train:
Collage in Supersonic Train, who says you still need yourself at this point.
When I look at the colors outside the window, I see memories that were once in the puzzle.
Reversing time to the afternoon we met, I sat on the couch in a coffee shop and cried, with this song in the background. I could actually hear every word he said. He said, the first time I saw you, I felt that this girl is like a little poor abandoned by the world, but I have nothing to give, just sit next to you to accompany you, at least to accompany you through this most difficult time.
I think this relationship to the end, we are released, did not think about it, I still and any previous loss as a time at a loss. And this time, I was not abandoned by the world, but abandoned the world, including once myself.
In fact, we never keep moving forward in a space, every time we grow, we have to cross from one space to another. I wanted to say, you are so good, why can not go together? But never said the words out.
20
He likes to take a lot of photos of me ugly, I see only angry, asked him why can not I shoot beauty. He said put on good makeup, wear beautiful clothes, put out the perfect fake smile that is not belong to my you ah. You are the teenage girl who farts uncontrollably in front of me, talks with her toothbrush in her mouth, likes to roll her eyes, and is very unhappy with the world.
In the end he sent me a roll of film, he said, it is all about your beauty. In the past, only when there was a fight he would post the P photos on the Internet, Ait me. He knows that I don't answer the phone when I'm angry, but will always brush the microblogging.
I pulled that roll of film on the spot and exposed it. I said I don't need it anymore, just keep the real ugly me for you.
21
Previously, the novel has been written, in the end, how many relationships have been talked about, so that we can love easily and freely? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that.
But every love, can let us learn a little something. The first love took me into the industry, learn how to get along with another person; in front of the second boyfriend to know the disguise; to the third boyfriend, I have in the relationship between men and women are already familiar with, and even learned how to and others ambiguous. But when it came to him, I didn't use any of these skills, instead I degraded to the beginning, I cut my hair short, I couldn't paint my nails well any more, I wore sweatpants on the street, and I drank root beer in the shittiest stalls. I never even knew my true self that well before.
I've often wondered what he actually taught me, and writing to the twenty-first didn't occur to me. He was the dumbest boyfriend I've ever had, and didn't do a single thing right except love me.