One day, as she watched the girl's graceful steps from an unfamiliar perspective, she realized that the girl exuded an independent spirit and a constant quest for freedom from the inside out, even in her bones. She was mesmerized, and suddenly remembered the words of Chai Jing: Loneliness is a person's bones. Yes, she looks so lonely when she is working hard.
In fact, she herself is a hardworking loner.
She loved reading books since she was a child, but she over-valued her feelings and failed to get into the university she wanted to go to, and did not realize her dream career, but she married a woman early. She got married, had children and everything was in order. She thought it was necessary to go through the road in her life, so it was all done at once.
Later, after experiencing some things, her heart slowly sank. Both do not want to let the time waste, but also do not want to waste time in the nonsense. I'd like to read a book, and occasionally write some articles, a little bit of artsy young man's artifice and moaning without losing their own unique style.
When the first article was published on the Internet, she was excited to show it to someone else. The person said, "Is it appropriate to expose yourself naked to the public? At once, she froze, she did not expect the one she thought understood her would say so. Bone already rebellious, she changed her nickname, changed her signature, determined to make a good effort.
Pride and Prejudice has this to say: Hiding your feelings too y is sometimes a bad thing. If a woman hides her feelings for the man she loves, she may lose her chance to get him. Sometimes she feels that she writes as if she were treating one of her lovers, not wanting to hide her desire to pursue him. She felt that the life she was able to record in writing was an affirmation and a reminder of herself. Writing is not a toy that she can easily discard, but an antidote to her life's self-exclusion .
During that time, she encountered a bottleneck in her writing. She wanted to express herself, to write something, but she just sat there at the computer and couldn't write anything, and she cried at her own disheveled state. She sent a text message to ask for consolation, but in return she got a cold "I'm busy".
In the end, an unknown stranger she knew gave her the advice to hibernate and read more classic books. She then bought tons of books and read them all day and night. Her husband said that if she was working so hard now, what was she doing earlier. When she heard that, her heart became even more desolate. She also thought of giving up, but then she thought that she had already given up so many things, and she really wanted to grab the last bit of her life that belonged to her. She felt that there was still room in her life for her to make a new choice.
In order to balance and harmonize the family environment and give her son a healthy family model. She took it upon herself to undertake a great deal of household chores. Some things tend to always lose sight of the other, in order to fight for more time to read, in order to be able to let the brain fully rested, she had to give up the morning run she had been insisting on. In the summer heat, every day she takes her son to play in the air-conditioned playground, and she reads quietly next to him. She says she's glad she can still be quiet enough to reread the classics.
While riding her bike on the road she was so full of thoughts about the manuscript she was going to write that she almost hit someone a couple of times, only to be chastised by her husband when she got home. After giving her son a bath, her brain was muddled thinking she hadn't washed it but she did it again. Many times, some inspiration flashed in her mind, immediately put down the work in hand to record it, but then her husband hit her hard. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a computer and start writing.
Later, finally, the effort is not unmerited, not a literature professional born she got the first penny of life. The first time I saw her, I was able to find a way to get some of the words she had written on the radio, and a network radio station found her. In the middle of the night, listening to the Internet radio station to pass out the words she had written, think about the efforts made in these few months, she was like a child, moved by herself to tears. And at this time, the people around her are also on the state of her two months of magic to praise the eyes.
"Jane Eyre" has a saying. Love" in the sentence "love is a game, must be kept forever with each other, evenly matched, in order to be able to rely on each other for a long time, because too strong opponents let a person tired, too weak opponents are tired.
Although married, she is still insecure. Feeling like a piece of grass in the floating weeds, wandering around, may one day be knocked into the abyss of ten thousand feet. She wants to improve herself through her own efforts.
However, walking on the road with loneliness, she can only fight alone. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. In the more frustrated the more courageous road, do your best to fight to the end but just to catch that poor sense of security.
Men never understand why women are always so hysterical to men for security. It's like a maverick cat, because when a kitten is injured, it always uses its own tongue to add its own wounds, so that she slowly heals itself, and seems to be strong enough to heal all of itself.
And the security she wants is nothing more than wanting someone who understands her, who won't pour cold water on her, and who can retain the innocent and pure nature of her bones. She simply does not want to be the one who is too strong, but is afraid that she will be the one who is the weakest.
Often in love, each other or in the eyes of the other perfect lover. We all long for and fantasize that when we get to the end of our lives, there is a person who will still be in our ears and said softly, "Compared with your face at that time, I love you more than the face of the devastated now".
But, in this drop in the ocean, we can rely on ourselves. After experiencing some things, we can savor and understand that sentence " smile, the world will laugh with you, cry, you will cry alone " in the full of suffering and pain. Also understand that no woman is loved because of the beauty of her soul", we are always in this kind of suffering, constantly learning, adjusting, repairing, self-healing.
At two o'clock in the morning, she was still writing, a friend sent a message to say: "Children's mom, life is so hard, I can not hold on.
She thought about it a little and replied, "What you lost will be returned to you in another way.
Whether as a toy or an antidote, life is sometimes too bitter, need an antidote to suppress the unspeakable bitterness, just hope that you try to look less lonely.
PS: Kudos to all the women who are fighting alone in their marriages!