In my memory, I really happy from the inside out can be used "times" to calculate, reading period my classmates and teachers say I am happy, but in fact I hate others say I am happy, because only I know, my happy are pretending. I'm not sure if I'm a good person, but I'm a good person, and I'm not a good person.
In the past, although my work was quite decent and my income was not low, I had a lot of psychological pain, from the pressure of work, more from the dissatisfaction of married life, and the powerlessness of facing the child's physical condition.
At the end of 2014, my mental state was once depressed, as soon as I heard the phone ringing, I was unusually irritable, I was most afraid of receiving a phone call from the person concerned, it felt like a hypnotic call ......
The pressure of the work, the disharmony of marital relations, the state of the child's education and health, all kinds of responsibilities pressed me to breathe. I couldn't breathe, and I didn't know what to do to find a way out. Later, I was fortunate enough to embark on the path of learning psychology, Chinese medicine and traditional culture. Over the past few years, I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars attending various studies, and although my status has improved in all aspects, I always feel that I still haven't found the feeling of happiness that I want.
In 2017, after the child's father's recommendation I paid attention to the public number of drinking wind free valley, although I know that valley is very good for the body, but because I have a great desire for food, and did not study valley homework, mistakenly believe that valley is directly let us not eat, so let me valley is simply "heavenly fantasy! "
This is the first time I've ever seen a person with a high level of health.
Because of the serious state of sub-health, always feel the energy is not good, before I through a lot of ways to regulate their own body, the effect is very little, also had a 14 days do not eat only eat meal replacement powder experience.
In August 2018, my child's father said to me, "Changsha will hold a free Gu Gu camp for drinking wind during the eleventh month, let's go together to participate in it, but before going to the Gu camp, it's necessary to do the preparatory homework," and I immediately agreed to do so.
On September 13, 2018, I began to study the 16 preparatory homework, watching the Valley of the Valley live broadcast, do knocking teeth swallowing Jin, walking Tianxingjian, due to the fact that there is always a trace of anxiety lingering in my heart, and I always can't live in the present moment, so naturally, the homework is a form of doing some, but the substance of the work is almost not done.
On October 1, 2018, my child's father and I took the child together to attend the free 辟谷 camp in Changsha, and also formally began the first time in my life to 辟谷.
The first 2 days of restoring the valley, the body did not have any uncomfortable reaction, the mental state is very good.
On the 3rd day of restoring the grain, I ate an apple, two red dates, and two mouthfuls of the rice that the children brought back.
On the fourth day of restoring the valley, although I did not feel hungry, but my body was a little soft, sweating, and I did not want to get up Tianxingjian, I only wanted to eat a little bit of egg yolk in the yolk of the lotus seed paste mooncake to replenish sugar, but I did not expect that I would eat a mooncake all the way through.
After the Valley mentor told me, because I was not ready to do the homework, so this will happen, so my first 4 days on the resumption of food, but I was surprised to find that before how to use the will to control can only eat 7 points of fullness can not be done, and resumption of food I naturally eat 7 points of fullness, I do not want to eat, ha ha, have a heart to practise, no heart to succeed, the desire for food naturally put down.
Next I will seriously study the 16 preparatory homework, walking Tian Xing Jian, saw the fine diary and the Valley of live, also participated in the learning of the landing class, through the study, I successfully after the Valley of 3 times, the Valley of 7 days, 14 days, 7 days.
After restoring the valley, the often painful back and cervical spine improved, and the phenomenon of large hair loss is completely gone, but what I gained more is the learning of the heart of the valley camp class, which opened up the fog in my physical health, family relationship management, as well as children's education, career direction, so that my heart is open to break through the mystery of the enlightenment.
Health: all kinds of health concepts conflict in the entanglement of me, after learning the village head of the heart, from the psychological completely put down all kinds of health concepts of the past box, but also let go of the loved ones around me, and no longer with the health concepts that I have learned to ask my mother, asking relatives and friends to eat vegetarian, do not eat fruits, do not blow the air-conditioning, can not go to the night exercise sweat ... ... ...My heart is liberated, but also the people around me are liberated, at ease, the important thing is that mom can freely eat some of the meat dishes she wants to eat, can frankly go to the square dance in the evening, mom is happy, the family atmosphere is harmonious. At the same time, mom, dad and one of my 80-year-old and one of my 70-year-old aunts also attended the training camp in Changsha with me in November, and my dad even volunteered to go to Zhongnan Mountain with me in April this year for retraining. ..... My father, who never said the word "good", now praises me. .... The family atmosphere has never been happier.
Marriage relationship: I was taught from childhood to rely on myself for everything, very strong, and at the same time the lawyer's profession, so that I am accustomed to control and confrontation, debate and sermon. Through the study of Heart Dharma, I realized that the reason why my marriage failed is because I don't know how to be a "good woman", I am strong, used to treat my other half with orders and accusations, and never praise and appreciate each other, I am a complete "bad woman"!
Children's education: I have always attached great importance to children's education, and always looking for a better education, the child from the age of 2 years and 9 months to send to the private school, the school reading, the light tuition fees will be 50,000 - 70,000 per year, but the child has been unable to reach the state of happiness I want. Never let our children be our role models, instead we need to be our children's role models! The study of the Heart Dharma class made me realize that the education of children does not depend on the external environment, the most important education lies in the internal environment of the family, parents know how to love themselves and live a truly happy state, the child will naturally have the ability to be happy. So I'm going to be a role model for my children's happiness - love yourself.
Work: Before I was entangled in the lawyer's work, I could not find a sense of value in my work, but I had to continue in order to make a living. Through the study of Dharma lessons, I realized that it is because I have a deep fear and lack of money, and a deep disapproval of my own mission and value. Through the study of Dharma, I have a new understanding of money, self-mission and value. The reason why we earn a lot of money and want to be recognized by everyone is just to be happy and joyful. And what I want to do now is to enjoy the present moment and embrace it, no longer resisting acceptance or pinning my hopes on the future after reaching a certain goal, but rather following my heart and giving myself more permission to do something I love while meeting the challenges of my job with a relaxed and happy mind. I hired an assistant, and now my work and study and life are in a state of harmony and happiness that I have never known.
On self-understanding: I used to refuse to accept my own imperfections, like to nitpick, blame and complain, I'm strong, not soft, and also resist to accept the fact that I'm not tall. ...... Through the learning of the mindfulness class and the Drinking Wind Landing class, I realized that the most fundamental reason why I couldn't feel happy and blissful was that I didn't know how to love myself. And when I began to love myself, slowly accept that I am an imperfect person, I have a lot of dark sides, I am a person who does not like to be picked on, blamed, and preached at by others, but often picks on, blames, and preaches to others, and I am very often just strong and not soft enough, and I am just small and delicate in size. ......
When I tore off the mask of the disguise of I am happy, happy, I am very good, I really accept my dark side, so that I become a complete person. I also finally really felt the comfort and happiness of being authentically alive, and crucially accepting these dark sides didn't make me bad, instead my friends felt happier, more relaxed and freer to be around me.
When I really started to love myself, I experienced what it felt like to love myself and be in love with myself. And now happiness and joy are happening so naturally every day ...... I'm truly becoming my own happily ever after and living the way I want to be happy. I also believe that when I fix myself into a good pot, there will naturally be a good lid to match.