My understanding of depression is more from the stars or celebrities, such as Leslie Cheung, and because of their distance from ordinary people, I once felt that this disease is far away from me. Then I realized that depression was all around me because of family and friends around me who suffered from this problem, as well as my own real-life experience in the post-partum period. It wasn't until I read A Reason to Live by Matt Haig that I first got such a real and comprehensive understanding of depression and what it's like to be depressed.
The author, Matt Haig, is a British writer who was diagnosed with depression at the age of 24 and went on to redeem himself through his writing, which The New York Times described as "a novelist who combines rigor and talent". Matt's work has been translated into 29 languages, won numerous awards, and several of his best-selling novels have been adapted into screenplays.
In A Reason to Live, Matt writes about the five stages of a depressed person's fall, landing, ascent, living, and existence in an extraordinary self-anatomy, using delicate and sincere writing from personal experience to convey to the world the truths and struggles of the transition from death to life, and to answer sincerely the question of why people who are experiencing pain should be brave enough to live.
This book completely refreshed my understanding of depression, including the precursors of the disease, the symptoms, the treatment of personal feelings, and the important role played by love and affection, as well as the patient's own determination to face up to it, and so on, all of them are physically and mentally shocking.
1. Depression is not so much about the why.
People know too little about depression. In the face of those who commit suicide because of depression, at least nine out of ten will say, he really can't think straight.
The scary thing about depression is that it's mysterious, it's like an invisible demon, it's not something we think of as "feeling a little sad". Because it is a disease of the mind, the mind is not like the body, it is endless, so the torture brought by depression is also no upper limit, depression as a disease, sometimes even come to no expectation, just like the flu, you will never know when the next cold is what reason.
Reasons to Live tells us the brutal truth that depression can "'infect' millionaires, people with silky hair, happily married people, people who have just been promoted, people who tap dance, play poker magic, play guitar, people with tight pores, people who are in a state of renewal, people who exude happiness - all of them. people who radiate happiness - in short, people who outwardly appear to have no reason to be depressed."
So what exactly are the symptoms of depression? And how do people with depression really feel? Matt's feeling is that his head is on fire, and he can't put it out himself, and no one can get into his head to put it out, so he has to let the pain of being burned spread. According to the book, symptoms of depression also include localized tingling in the body, fear, hypochondria, agoraphobia, separation anxiety, feeling like you're falling even when you're standing still, feeling like you're going to have a panic attack soon, insomnia, and feeling like you're a different person in the mirror ...... "For depression and anxiety, pain is no longer some thing you can 'think' about, because it is your thoughts themselves. Your back is just a part of you, and your thoughts are all of you."
Never discuss the physical and the mental separately; while depression is a mental illness, the pain it causes also includes physical, tangible pain. When I graduated from college, I had an internship at a newspaper and interviewed the director of the local psychiatric hospital, who said something that really stuck with me: mental illnesses can lead to physical "illnesses". Many illnesses seem to be physical problems, such as chills, shivering, difficulty breathing, rapid heartbeat, weakness or pain in the limbs, and medication and injections are ineffective until they are finally realized to be caused by mental problems. Depression and schizophrenia, for example, can cause this range of physical problems.
According to statistics, 1 in 5 people will suffer from depression, and if one parent is diagnosed with depression, the probability of the child suffering from depression is about 40%. Depression is now one of the deadliest diseases on the planet, and the majority of suicides are committed by people with depression. "Depression kills more people than other forms of violence (such as war, terrorism, domestic violence, physical assault and assault with a gun) combined. Of these, twice as many women suffer from it as men, and in Europe and the United States, several times as many male patients commit suicide as female patients.
People are far from realizing the seriousness of depression and the pain it brings to its sufferers. It is precisely because people know so little about depression that it has led to widespread prejudice against people with depression.
In the face of all kinds of cancer, paralysis, diabetes, we usually give enough sympathy, but for depression, people's "comfort" is usually: "Fortunately, it's not cancer, at least you won't die ah! "Why do you think you have this disease?" "You have depression? Tell me what it's like, maybe I have it too." "Come on, think about it, the mind is the most important thing!" And so on and so forth, that exposed our ignorance and indifference, but also deepened the despair of the depressed.
There is a view in the medical profession that depression can be treated by taking medication, but how to get out of depression varies from person to person, and Matt believes that no matter what the method is, whether it is to take medication or otherwise, as long as it is useful to you, then go for it. The premise is: unapologetically look it in the eye, accept it, talk about it, don't run away, don't be afraid, talk more, listen more, see depression as the same as ordinary illness, don't be afraid to pretend to be normal if others know, bravely accept depression itself and the pain it brings, this is the first step to healing.
Depression does not have so many whys, it brings people more pain than imaginable, the current treatment is extremely limited, and the harm it brings is increasingly eroding more and more healthy people. Only when we clearly understand all this, we will better understand those who suffered misfortune, and from the misfortune of others, more cherish their own luck and happiness, compared to their despair, we encountered difficulties and what is it?
2. There is an end to the darkness.
The first thing Matt tells us about in the first chapter of Reason to Live, "The Fall," is that he tried to kill himself, and came very close to doing it. After reading his description, I changed my mind, I always thought that depressed people choose to end their lives because they feel that there is no point in living anymore. And actually maybe not, they are just in too much pain, leading to think that the only way to end this pain is to end their life.
Many people are able to forgive and accept those who are terminally ill and choose euthanasia, but often find it difficult to accept those who commit suicide because of depression, and even consider them cowards. This is simply because people know so little about depression, we can imagine the pain of a body on fire, but it's hard to imagine what it feels like to have your mind on fire ...... In fact, the pain is the same, and the mind is even more painful because it can't be put out.
But no matter how horrible depression is, like the night, it must come to an end. And if one chooses to take one's own life, one can never wait for that end, so existence itself, is a kind of hope. With his unique sensitivity, experience, and inspiration, Matt describes everything he sees, thinks, and feels during a depressive episode in a book that is immersive and thrilling, and he offers a variety of worthwhile treatments for depression.
Among them, the understanding and companionship of loved ones, relatives and friends is the most indispensable and effective "medicine" for people with depression. If depression is the devil of the night, then love is an angel with a beam of light, it can break through the darkness, even if the dawn is far from coming, there may be a new darkness after the dawn, but because there is light, there is hope. Depression may destroy everything, but love can also save everything.
Of course, the most important thing is yourself. Don't feel like you're walking alone in the darkness, because there are countless others who are experiencing this darkness; don't hate yourself, because everyone has something to hate; don't be afraid of being labeled "depressed", because everyone is labeled differently; and when you feel like everything is only going to get worse, realize that it's just a symptom of depression, not a fact. When you feel that everything is only going to get worse, realize that it is a symptom of depression, not a fact. One day, there will be a joy that will equal the pain.
In fact, it's not just depressed people who need to think this way. Everyone, in the face of difficulty or even desperation, should maintain this self-awareness. Not only depression, but also in the face of all of life's less-than-ideal, bravely persevere, the storm will always pass.
There are several good ways to cope with depression mentioned in The Reason to Live, and one of the most interesting is to set up a Bad Bank, which specializes in storing bad days and experiences, and every time when you feel bad, you will record it: how you feel in a certain moment of a certain day of a certain year, a certain month, a certain day, and stick to the record, and store it for a lot of times. The next time you feel bad again, take the previous record out and look at it, and maybe you'll exclaim: "Oh, so there were worse ones before! This time it's not a big deal!"
Also, stick to running or yoga, because exercise is a great way to relax, as well as talking, traveling, meditating, writing, reading ...... and finding what works for you. These are not only for people with depression to learn from and refer to, but ordinary people can do the same, in order to have a better mind, a better body, and better habits.
Haruki Murakami has a passage in Kafka by the Sea: "After the storm is over, you won't remember how you survived, you won't even be sure that the storm is really over, but one thing is for sure, when you've gone through it, you're not the same person you were, and that's all there is to know about storms. "
When the depressed person comes out of depression, when we come out of the storm, both become better versions of ourselves, which is the purpose of life and the meaning of suffering.
3. Existence itself is the reason for living.
Matt wrote in his book: "Madness is a reasonable response to this crazy world. Perhaps in a sense enough, depression is also just a rational response to a life we can't understand. Of course, no one fully understands their own life. The most annoying quality of depression is that it makes you inevitably think about life. Depression makes us all thinkers."
This suggests that in these rapidly changing times, whether it's the inability to adapt, being overworked, being overwhelmed, or having trouble sleeping or eating, it's all a natural reaction stemming from stress, and that depression is a natural reaction, and that by seeing it as a normal rather than an anomaly, one can also unexpectedly discover the benefits that come with it. For example, the extraordinary sensitivity, unparalleled experience, unprecedented inspiration, but also a unique and precious experience.
The book also lists a long list of famous names, including presidents, prime ministers, athletes, boxers, Hollywood comedy stars, writers, and so on, who have all been depressed, but who have also lived wonderful lives, and most of them did not die by suicide. This is a good illustration of two things, firstly, anyone can get depression and secondly, depression does not prevent us from living a wonderful, happy and successful life.
Then, no matter what we face, we have a reason to persevere; to persist, to exist, to live, is the reason to live.
There is a particularly wonderful expression in the book: "Depression may be a dark cloud drifting across the sky, and you are the whole sky. There is a sky before the cloud appears. The cloud cannot exist without the sky, and the sky is still the sky without the cloud."
This is the best analogy I've ever seen for depression, and the word "depression" can be replaced with any other word. Our life, we have to go through a lot of people, a lot of things, a lot of happiness, a lot of sadness and pain, but all of this is ultimately a cloud of smoke, and what we have is this wonderful life full of all kinds of changes, even if there is a lot of pain, there will be a beautiful and happy.
After reading Reasons to Live, I thought a lot, in addition to being y moved by Matt's personal experience, but also more aware of how to deal with life's difficulties from now on. Not just depression, but everything that makes people despair. Like Matt, despite the occasional relapses of his depression until now, nothing will ever stop him from staying strong again, so there's no reason for us to give up trying either.
This is a book that begins with despair and ends with raw hope.