In many people's minds, holding hands not only represents lovers or couples, but also means that the two people will face the storms of life together. And the beloved, hand in hand *** with walk through life, is also many people heart the most beautiful vision.
So we subconsciously feel that as long as we find the person holding hands, we have found a dependence. It's as if the happiness of the rest of your life is pinned on this person.
Or in fact, we always want to get love from others, only when the desire for others to love, they become a patient, always want to frequent from him to scavenge for love, and thus produce a very deep dependence on others.
It is in the nature of all of us to look for love and to be loved. As children we want to get love from our parents, and when we leave our parents and start to live independently, we want to get love from our marriage.
Yazhou is recognized as a very happy woman, in the company she is her husband's most capable assistant, there is a very handsome son at home, every day to and from work her husband is her exclusive driver.
It is such a husband love, son handsome, very happy woman, in the age of 50 just retired, actually left home.
Later, I learned from Yaling's sister . Yaling said married so many years, they are too tired, in order to her husband Yaling gave up her career, originally Yaling is the company's technical backbone, in order to support her husband to do her husband's assistant, in the company's husband out of the question, Yaling to help him take the blame, in the home Yaling do good food husband does not like to eat, Yaling has to be from the new to her to do, the two of them at the same time to and from work, Yaling has to do all the chores, her husband not only do not help but also The two of them commute at the same time.
Yaling thought that as long as she did enough, she would be able to change her husband's love, and did not expect the other side to turn a blind eye to it, but instead, she took it for granted. It is the beginning of Yaling's marriage on everything to the husband's wishes as the standard, slowly developed the husband's say no character.
And the husband not only control Aryan's life, but also very spoiled child, everything for the child to make decisions. Yaling thinks he needs to be allowed to be independent. But her husband did not listen to her at all, neither let her son go to work too far away, nor let her son go to do too tired sales work, resulting in more and more disagreements between the two, and finally Aryan could not stand it, retired from work and left home.
Yaling's story tells us that if a person puts all of his or her happiness on others, he or she is destined to be disappointed. It is because Yaling's husband and his wife have different educational philosophies, resulting in no normal communication between husband and wife.
So the seemingly happy family, in fact, inside has long been full of devastation. They did not go to the movies together, did not hold hands, just go home on time every day. The days went by like a monk.
When they are too dependent on a person, it is destined that you do not see yourself, in fact, they are also eager to **** Ming, eager to someone to understand you, someone to love you, but when all this eagerness in the years of ignorance, the collapse is sooner or later.
Yaling has also thought about changing the state of this marriage, but her husband said that she, I come home on time every day, the payroll card you control, I never outside the hook and four, you should be content. Yaling knew that he could not communicate with his husband, after all, she obeyed her husband for so many years, this family she has long had no say.
In fact, each of us is an independent individual, and your feelings are only known to yourself and others can not appreciate. Yaling wants to be happy, but he put the right to happiness in the hands of his husband.
In this world, there has never been true empathy. Instead of expecting others to bring you joy and healing, you should look at yourself and find a more spontaneous way to happiness.
And it was after seeing the truth about her own marriage that Aryoung resolutely chose to do what she had previously been afraid to do.
She said she cared too much about her husband's feelings in this marriage, and that she always wanted to make herself a good wife and a good mother, and as a result, she invested the most energy in her husband, but instead, she made a mess of her life.
Living for others, all your efforts and achievements are just a kind of consumption,
Yaling finally chose to live for herself for once, she ran away from home and went to Xinjiang, where she worked as a technical instructor for a friend's company to play a spare part. She says she now lives a full life on her own every day. On weekends, she goes to the grassland to get close to nature, and she is very open-minded.
She is no longer running away from her own pain in her previous marriage, and doesn't care that others will think she is a bad woman, she now wants to keep the choice of happiness in her own hands. To live the life she wants.
Yaling does not know that many of her friends in the know the reason why she left home, no one thought she had much wrong, but admired her courage. Or that every middle-aged person's marriage actually harbors unknown hardships.
Matsuko, in The Life of the Disliked Matsuko, spent her whole life longing for the love of others, but never loved herself. She puts down all her dignity to love everyone around her, but is always hurt and disliked.
Matsuko's greatest tragedy is that she has never taken a good look at herself and loved herself. If a person doesn't even love himself, how can others love you?
So how do women love themselves?
A: love yourself first love their own bodies, who all know the importance of health, I want to say love the body, is the hope that do not mind their own bodies, too fat too thin, or not beautiful enough, no matter how their own is the best arrangement, acceptance of their own bodies will allow them to keep their physical and mental pleasure.
Second: create a little sense of life rituals, from time to time to create a little bit of romance for themselves, a bouquet of flowers, a candlelight dinner, eat spices to eat out of the Western feeling. Life needs a sense of ceremony, it will let you in the ordinary and trivial days, to find a poetic life, to find the light to continue to move forward, to find the courage not to will.
Three: cultivate some kind of hobby, don't say you don't have hobbies, hobbies can be cultivated. Can be swimming, but also exercise, can be traveling, broaden their horizons. Can also be reading books to broaden their horizons. Can also like music, temperament. Jumping square dance is also good, shoot video is also good, now jittery, short video a lot.
When your mind rests on one thing, your life will definitely become full and beautiful. From a health perspective, hobbies are a medicine for the mind.
When you learn to love yourself a little bit more every day, you will find yourself more at ease in your life, and it will be easier to be a happy, confident person, and you will get closer and closer to liking what you look like.
Life is short, make sure it's splendid
A person who has the ability to love himself has the capacity to love others, and when you are tired, stop and hug yourself. When you yourself start loving yourself, you will realize that you are at peace within yourself and you don't need others to give you security.
Ma Yili gave up her career for her marriage, and after her husband cheated on her, she started to re-improve herself and make herself better and better.
"I can spoil you or change you." Every woman should live out this kind of dominance.
If you love me, I will rejoice, if you don't love me, I am not sad, be your own little sun. No need to rely on anyone's light.