You eighteen, just finished the college entrance examination, tomorrow will be out of the results, because many of the pre-test is not good, so I know that you do not have too high expectations. It's okay, life is not smooth sailing, just like your birth, is not smooth sailing.
I used to hate children, at least when I was 26 years old, or so I thought, including when I got married, I did not intend to have you, because children do not understand anything, can not communicate, and very naughty, your father I was working in the theater, the most afraid of a thing is to see children to see the movie, the smaller the more afraid, where there are parents with small children to see the non-animated nature of the film. The more you look at it, the more scared you are. Anyone who has a parent who brings a child to a non-animated movie, basically your dad can be very shrewd and think that the family will not be able to watch the whole movie, and as it turns out, I'm right.
But due to pressure from both parents, you were reluctantly born that year. You were born when your mother is very thin, obviously look some malnutrition, but that time, to thin for beauty, then the woman, the biggest luxury is how to eat are not fat, your mother is also love of beauty, so even if the stomach has you, but also pay close attention to their own body, which is why you were born, only 4 pounds.
When you were born, it was so small, so unconscionable, the doctor said you were malnourished and needed to be observed in the hospital, I was worried that you would just die prematurely or leave sequelae in the future, grow into deformities and so on, so I wanted to give up on you because I would have hated the little children, plus in front of me this child is very likely to be the future is unhealthy, I would not want to raise it, I would not want to raise. Perhaps you will think that at that time I was very cruel, not at all sympathetic, but the reality tells me that she will affect you for a lifetime, perhaps because of a wrong decision, a lifetime of living in the haze of self-reproach, so after you were born, until you were discharged from the hospital, I did not look at you again, just to go to your mother's hospital bed to visit a glance, at that time, your mother knows me very well, it is she who protects you, and you have lived to the present.
It turns out, let nature take its course is the best way when there is no way, a month later, when the doctor notified me to go pick up your mom and dad, I do not know what kind of feeling, as if in a dream, when you really sit in the car, I'm still in a trance, for a long time, I can not bear to look at you, because I feel guilty with you, but you stared at the wide-eyed, staring at me, and you can't even see the car, I'm still in a trance. Although you are a single eyelid, but still very large, I was thinking, you must think I am very strange, just inadvertently, suddenly you laughed, issued a silver bell-like laughter, coupled with the innocent face, instantly conquered me!
On the way home, I told your mom that this child has a talent for singing, and when she laughed just now, she brought me into a realm of emptiness, as if detached from reality. As it turns out, I was right.
Walking on the path home, looking at the passing scenery around me, I suddenly had a sense of mission and responsibility, I suddenly understand why the people over the past said that once a man has a child, he will really grow up.
I like you a lot, I admit that I once thought wrong, have a child is not at all annoying, and will be the happiest thing in the world.
When we got home, the whole family came out to greet us, even your grandparents came, they loved you so much, they kept praising you for being so beautiful, and the neighbors around us were all happy to come and hug you, saying that you looked as beautiful as your mother. Then I could only soothe myself that you probably inherited my intelligence.
Your mom is a reasonable person, she suggested that I go to your physician to send something, after all, you can live over the most thankful person is the doctor, and in case you are sick, and then go to the hospital or have a care. I went to the doctor's house, sent some things, did some thank you, and then went to the hospital to give all the doctors and nurses to give out candy.
You were born with a big problem, and I believe that it will be a blessing for you!
Your sudden arrival gave me a big surprise, but also let me do not know what to do, because I do not know how to cultivate you, even if I say that you have the gift of singing, but only my personal opinion, there is no scientific basis, but I simply think that no matter whether you are crying or laughing, are very good to hear, the voice is good, suitable for singing, coupled with your mother sings very well, so the inheritance of your mother's musical talent is also very good. Mom's musical talent is also very likely.
I'm very conflicted, I like to do things by feeling, but the feeling thing is very unreliable, and I can't force this unreliable feeling on you, I think it's best that you should develop naturally. Your grandparents are also rushing to raise you, and love you so much, I very much want to put out the task of raising you, but I have one thing I'm very worried about, that is, whether your grandpa and your grandma will teach you to be too traditional, I have a generation gap with them, let alone you in the future, in case your mind is imprisoned what should I do. If I were to raise you myself, in addition to the lack of time, I don't want your grandparents to be too lonely, because they only have one son, and I'm not at home during the week, I can't go to take care of them, after a lot of agonizing, I ended up giving most of the time to your grandparents, but with one caveat, the music in the house should be turned on all the time, and only play the songs that I chose, and don't take her to watch the square dance. If there wasn't too much going on in the evening, I would put you to bed and watch you all the time and try to make you laugh, and as it turns out, I really don't know how to babysit.
This situation has lasted until you were one year old, because at that time you can eat the main food, so you went back to the countryside with your grandparents, the night a time, I went back to see you with your mother, I can bear to send you to the countryside, not because of the countryside air is good, but because of the countryside environment relative to the city to be harsh, the mosquitoes of the summer, and in winter it will be extraordinarily cold, I also want to let you be strong, but I did not let you be strong, but I did not let you be strong. You become strong, but I did not expect that your `grandparents will protect you so well, in the summer, every time I go to see you, I want to try to find one or two mosquito bites from your body, so that I can rest assured, but one can not find.
By the time you were three years old, I took you back to the city. Because I feel I have to get on the bandwagon, you have received close to three years of traditional education, I believe that this is enough, and then proceed down the line, the thinking is set, but, for me, I do not have too much time to spend with you, your mother also has their own business, hire a nanny, and do not feel at ease, after all, not their own children, so finally decided to let your grandparents care for you, but, the premise is that it must be by the I began to let my grandparents teach you to recognize words, of course, not like a teacher to teach you, but in the toys you play on top of a lot of letters and Chinese characters, so that your grandparents unconsciously read to you to listen to the night, your mother will teach you to sing some children's songs, I don't know if this will be useful, but if I don't do these things, I will be very uneasy in my heart.
By the time you were 5 years old, you started going to school, and rightly so, you chose a school closest to your home. Every day, if there was time, your mom and I would take you to school and back, and if there wasn't time, your grandparents would take care of you. Your grandparents played a very important role in your childhood, as you grow up, I found that you are more and more distant from your grandparents, I can see the old couple of heart's reluctance, I can also see the distance in your eyes, you may feel that your grandparents are old and messy, nagging intolerable, can not be in a piece of communication.
You know, I used to feel the same way you do, your father I was 20 years old, but also because they were too nagging and they turned their backs on me, I felt that the generation gap between me and them was too big, and they did not understand me at all, but also took the children next door all day to say things, really annoying, I really felt so aggrieved at that time. But as I slowly grow up, slowly become a responsible person, I found that the inner most pain, in fact, is them, because their feelings than our feelings at that time, only their methods are a little extreme. See the eighteen-year-old you, as if I saw the year I, is step by step towards the lost deep pool of self-doubt, I hope you can wake up as soon as possible, otherwise it will only add more regret!
After you went to school at the age of 5, your musical talent showed, you like to sing very much, I was discussing with your mother, if this child really like to learn music, then send to a specialized music school to study, and then I decisively sent you to the local music school, because I feel that this can not wait.
It turns out that I was right, your attainments in music, I do not know whether the genetic relationship is large or cultivated from childhood, you soon received the attention of the teacher, and became the finale of the grade, every time you participate in the competition, you will appear as the most important players, but also won a lot of honors.
When you continue to get honors and praise, I began to vaguely uneasy, I think, this continues to develop some abnormal, because everything is too smooth, to be honest, every parent wants their children to go smoothly, I am also such a father, I also hope that you can be all right, but I also hope that the future of the strong, because the reality is that any of us can not always go smoothly, and I hope that the future of the strong. I know this, but I don't know what to do to change something, only to let nature take its course, because I believe that setbacks will soon appear.
I didn't expect this to be the elementary school graduation, you are 12 years old, there are no setbacks, but more honors and applause, you are so excellent in the development, you know, the more you are so I am more worried. Because I began to find, as you grow older, I feel some control over you, before I educate you words you will listen to, but now seem a little impatient, I know, maybe I'm older, some things repeated, will seem very long-winded, that's because you have not been according to the do, although you have to have their own opinions, but there are some things that you have to believe that, the ginger is still old and hot.
Although you are in elementary school, there have been a lot of male and female friends to establish a relationship, and they look at it is also very enviable, especially girls, there is a small boyfriend around has been centered around themselves, or plus a few spares, it will be very proud and proud, but I have always believed that in elementary school to fall in love with those students, often because the parents do not care enough. But where my generation, after 80 after 90 generation of thinking, basically against children early love, especially their own children are a girl, because you do not understand now, early love hurt most of the girls, because you girls are emotional.
You are afraid of me, you are afraid that I know that you have a boyfriend, yes, you do not say I know, I am the past, at that time, I allowed you to be friends, however, do not affect your studies, I am very pleased that you did, however, you are still dating him. I will not explicitly tell you to break up, but I gave you a lot of reasoning, I hope you can understand, because I am the one who has been there, I know what is going on in the so-called love at your age, and I also know the direction of the next development, because of ignorance, so curiosity, followed by making a mistake, and now it seems to me that it is still good for the traditional thinking of people of our generation.
You are also considered to be engaged in the arts, your kind of people have a unique temperament, you will be a lot of musical instruments, the family bought all the musical instruments you will, I'm very glad that you are learning to sing, you also have that kind of temperament, full of positive energy, the same as your mother, I think it is also your temperament, attracted a lot of boys to your side, but the men are not sheep, they are not so docile, every boy has a wolf in his heart, he is not so docile. Every boy has a wolf in his heart, and I would know that if you start to fall in love now, your first one will definitely not be a success!
As a matter of fact, you were separated at the end of elementary school, but I didn't look very happy, because I realized that the next wolf was ready. It was also at this time that I felt I had to change tactics, because I had become more and more unable to control you, in fact, my bones are not opposed to male and female interactions, as long as they do not interfere with the school, do not make the wrong thing.
Then I discussed with you, if there is someone you like in the people who are chasing you, tell me, and after I pass the audit, you can go out, but you must learn to protect yourself and keep the distance.
But what I don't understand is that you didn't tell me after you got involved, what a wrong step!
In the second year of junior high school, when October, suddenly the hospital called, said you were in the hospital in a drunken coma, I put down my work and rushed to the hospital, your teacher was also there, you are still in a coma, the teacher told me to check the dormitory when you see you passed out outside the door, I thought of it at that time, you must have hidden it.
Looking at you lying on the hospital bed, I thought a lot, I waited for so many years of trouble is finally here, but I do not know if you are ready to meet, because the doctor told me that your vocal cords were burned by the wine, the first vocal will be very difficult, and the late stage may have sequelae, I am now worried about is not that you can still sing, but can you withstand the fact that the music has been
Until the next night, you woke up, I just looked at you and smiled, you are still on oxygen, and did not speak, before this, I had fantasized that you woke up and saw me, crying, but the voice did not change, still as pleasant to the ear, so now I both do not want to hear you speak, but also some expectation that things may not be so serious, and all the key lies in your first sentence.
You quietly woke up, looked around, then the eyes fell on me, opened his mouth and shouted a dad, although there has been thought to prepare, but, when you say the moment, my heart still hurt a little, because the reality is always cruel.
Looking at the tears left on your face, I cried!
It was too much to bear after all. The things I feared were happening one after another, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Another morning, you woke up, the morning air is very fresh, blowing on the body is very comfortable, it should be one of the few seasons of the year is not too cold and not too hot good weather. I signaled you not to talk, and then, carrying you out of the hospital entrance, I walked out into the courtyard, where there were lots of benches, lots of trees, lots of birds, lots of fallen leaves. I put you on the bench and gently took you in my arms, you were very obedient, did not speak any words, just stayed quiet, as meek as a bird.
You are very understanding, I know. The next few days, in addition to eating and sleeping, is our family three in the courtyard to see the falling leaves, listen to us tell your childhood, sometimes your mother and I laughed, but you have not been smiling, we all know, you can not hear anything in your heart, you still can not believe in these realities.
During this time, many teachers and students came to see you, both men and women, but I didn't see him.
A week later, you were discharged from the hospital, but you never spoke up, and I kept struggling with how to communicate with you effectively.
Finally, one day, I heard your house has movement, I quietly went in, you actually sing, but, no longer before the kind of crisp like a bell voice, but a very hoarse and hoarse voice, you keep trying to sing down, singing sang wow cry, I ran over to hold you, you are crying so sad and desperate, like a wounded bird tearing his heart out want to fly, but always fell to the ground. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do it.
Your mom asked me, over time, this will not cause mental illness, I said no, I really do not dare to think about it, because the last few days, I can think of all the bad things have happened, but I can not do anything to think about it and how? Is this the natural order of the development of reality?
Finally, one day, you suddenly asked me, I can not sing is it? Although some hoarse, but I can hear clearly. I smiled and said to you, the doctor said, just damaged vocal cords, slowly will recover, need to maintain. Of course, that's looking on the bright side, because I just wanted to quiet your mind first. Thankfully, you accepted this explanation, and your mom and I were relieved, I know, in fact, you did not give up, because later I often heard you alone in the house humming, I know, you have also fantasized that one day in the morning, after a lazy, suddenly found that the voice is not hoarse, and suddenly able to sing, even if the reality is like this, but we are still full of fantasies and hope in our hearts.
After this incident, I know, you can grow a big cut, growth is cruel. Although this incident is very cruel to you and me, but the development of things have their two sides, at least you have learned to better recognize right and wrong.
Next, there is another problem, you can not learn music, then the high school can only be through the cultural courses, I can only tell you, because your vocal recovery to a long time, maybe a few years time, so temporarily to the cultural courses as the main, music classes as a supplement, the first to get into high school again, I tell you, you do not learn a lot of cultural courses, so in the remaining more than a year, you have to work harder than the average person. The average person works harder, if you can get into high school in such a short period of time, I believe that all teachers and classmates will have great admiration for you. I don't know if my words inspired you, or if you were really smart enough to get into a major high school. Of course, during the middle school time, you never fell in love again. Afterwards you gloated to me and said, middle school students in love must be vigorously promoted, because if they do not waste time in love, I will not surpass them!
High school came, at this time your vocal cords on the surface has been good, you speak much clearer, but can not sing high notes, because that will damage your fragile vocal cords. But you're over it.
After you went to high school, you have taken the initiative to promise me that, with the success of the middle school period, during high school, not to fall in love, the first to get the study done, after the examination of the university, then I was very pleased, after a major encounter, to stand up to the heroes, can not stand up to the bears.
However, you still fell in love, in high school!
You did not realize that you had promised me, however, you brought the boy to the house, the boy is very clean, a look on not much seen the world, very honest, I talked to him a lot, I was talking, he was listening, you know, your father I was with you in the general age of the time, but also other people said that I was listening to, so the boy did not say much throughout the whole process, and nodded to make me feel comfortable, I saw the shadow of my own then. I saw the shadow of myself back then, so I forgave you for breaking your promise at that time. Because I know, too beautiful promise because too young, so it is best not to do not grasp the promise.
The boy once promised me that you will only promote each other's learning in a piece, and no physical contact will occur, holding hands will not. I saw that this boy is quite honest, as I was then, so I believed him.
But he let me down, you ask me how I know you have held hands, I saw from his circle of friends, you two play a selfie face to stick a piece, still worse hand?
Fortunately, your high school grades have been very stable, the examination of key universities should not be a problem.
Day has been very calm, until one night, there are two months to the college entrance examination, you suddenly went home, a door into the house, you cried, crying and ran into my arms, mouth has been whimpering and saying something. I didn't know what was going on, but I was sure it had something to do with the boy you were dating, and my heart was vaguely disturbed. This scene I had also thought would happen, but really happened, or quite suddenly.
待你不哭了，逐渐平复了，你跟我说，你男友出事了，被车撞了，断了一条腿，他是给你去买冰淇淋，过马路时发生，你还说都怨你，偏要吃什么冰淇淋，还说他残废了。 Said said and cried again.
It is not that you were hurt, I have a hint of fluke, but this is for you, a world not deep little girl, I am most afraid of is that you are emotionally involved.
Really afraid of what comes what, you just do not cry, began to say that he is good for you, since he is so, you also do not participate in the college entrance examination, work to earn money willing to take care of him for the rest of his life, I hope that I fulfill you two. I know you now say everything everything in the future will not happen, because even if I do not prevent it from happening, the reality will also prevent, but on the present you, bent on emotionally overwhelmed, simply what to listen to, if I was against you to do so, I guess to your character, on the spot to leave home.
This is not a matter of urgency, you have to take your time. The next day, I accompanied you to see him, after the operation is still in a coma, a leg has been lost. Later met his parents, his parents now do not know why the accident, just in the middle of grief. And I can see that his parents still don't know you, they don't know that you're his girlfriend, which makes me a bit lucky. You were crying uncontrollably again, and you insisted on staying to take care of him, and I forced you to pull away. I could see the look of anger in your eyes.
After returning home, you ran back to your room alone and locked the door. There are less than two months to go before the entrance exam, and your teachers have been calling to urge you to go back to class, but in my opinion, even if you go back to school, it's the same as if you stayed at home.
It was the only thing I could do. I went to the door of your room and told you that I promised to let you take care of him, but there was a rule that you could take care of him for a week, then you had to go back to class for the same amount of time, which was also a week, and after those two weeks, the rest of the decision was up to you. You agreed.
Later it turns out that maybe that's the only way to die and go back to school at the same time, it's a game about reality.
After a day, I accompanied you to the hospital, I met his parents and said, my daughter and your son's relationship with your son is particularly good, and your son to my daughter to help a lot, so I hope that you will give her a chance to let her take care of your son for a week, to fulfill her heart's desire. The first thing I want to do is to make sure that I have a good understanding of what I'm talking about, and I'm sure that I'm going to be able to make a good decision.
Then I told you, if they ask you what you want to do in the future, you say nurse, and then everything should be grabbed to do, try not to let his parents hands, you agreed.
It turned out that I was right, and a week later, you went back to study.
I know, although you promised me to take care of him for a week, but in fact the heart is to take care of a longer period of time, because of your youth, so you have a hot blooded impulse in your heart, but you have not suffered, is not aware of how bitter. The fact is reality, you grew up in an excellent environment, dirty work have not done, have not taken care of the patient, have not slept in a hospital bed, have not taken the shit and urine, just have a passion is not, I know that you certainly can not hold on to any one of your age, will not be able to hold on to, the reason why I give you a one-week deadline is to give you a step down, so that you will not be in a dilemma. You called me a few times during the period, I can hear you want to give up, but I did not let you come back, because the time is not yet, in addition to keeping the promise, there is also that you have to be responsible for your impulse to say the words after, although this makes me very painful.
A week later, you went back to school to study, and then never mentioned the matter of taking care of him, only to visit occasionally.
A month later, you participated in the college entrance examination, tomorrow the results, since the car accident, your results fell, several simulations are not ideal. Your homeroom teacher had found me, saying that your mind is not at all on the test, so many years of hard work, can not be a lost cause.
A week before the college entrance exam, I found you, talked to you a lot, I am very grateful that you can listen to it, I can feel that you have a realization, people are also spirit up. I think it's useless to review again, even though you're desperately trying to read the book.
Tomorrow the results, you also 18, I hope that no matter what kind of results, you can accept, from the time you out of the examination room, I see you face some haze, but this does not mean that the results, because everything is just a brand new start, your future will be a brand new day.
When I woke up, it was already light!