Two days ago, the fifth season of Oddball finished. This season of Oddball has had its share of controversies and even more surprises, bringing us many meaningful arguments and a heated debate.
Despite the fact that this season has added a lot of greats - famous school masters and big names in the debating world - every time they started their debates, I silently clicked on the 1.25 multiplier to play it, or even skipped it directly. In the end, I found that the only ones I could watch were Chen Ming, Fu Seoul and a few other fading old oddballs.
Why is this happening? Obviously the oddballs said something very clearly organized and right, but why still can't listen to it? Is this the kind of "embarrassment" that occurs in our daily lives?
In fact, working life is full of those "maybe you're right, but I just don't want to listen" situations. But the ability to influence others through subtle language design is rare.
People in the jungle, it is inevitable to deal with people. How to persuade the other party to listen, and then resolve disputes and reach cooperation is a very important ability.
We can start from the following points:
1. Positive guidance with questions
Some time ago, my mom drove an electric car in the town, and accidentally hit a raised stone on the ground and lost control of the fall.
Because the car was going pretty fast, my mom flew out and broke three ribs on the spot, requiring her to stay in bed for two months.
My mom is the kind of active person who has to ask her friends to go on a trip every week and dance in the square at night. In the face of the sudden disaster, depressed, she can only lie in the boring hospital bed sighing.
I asked her a question at the time: How is it that among your siblings, you have the most cheerful personality and like to laugh the most?
After this question was thrown out, my mom naturally thought about the answer to the question, and every reason that flashed through her brain actually reinforced her image of optimism and cheerfulness - that's the power of asking questions.
It's worth noting that the key to asking questions is to provoke positive thinking in the other person.
On the other hand, in the above scenario, if I had asked, "Why do you regret complaining about the accident when it has already happened?
The result is predictable: "Why do you regret it? Of course I regret it, if there hadn't been that damn rock, if I hadn't been driving so fast ......" .
So you see, setting up questions based on your intent is the key to leading.
Remember, at heart, people don't like to be persuaded by others because it means, in a way, showing weakness to others and giving in to them.
Instead of trying to convince the other person with a long list of reasons, the skillful use of questions to lead the other person, and ultimately let the other person "convince himself" is an effective way to increase influence.
2. Use the other side's interests to persuade the other side
"This project program will be submitted at the end of the month, please help me look at it."
"The meeting will be held on Wednesday, please report last month's sales data to me, I want to do a summary."
Many times, we put on a low profile and talk to each other, but the other side is just not in a hurry, and I don't care.
Convincing the other person with their interests is a much more effective method of influence than a humble gesture asking for help.
-Because everyone only cares about what concerns them.
There was once a segment on the Internet:
A man was carrying heavy luggage to catch a train. When he met a pedestrian on the road, he said nicely, "Hello, please give way. I'm in a hurry."
No one paid any attention to him. So, he changed his words: "Auntie, give way, be careful of bumping into you." ; "Beauty, come through, be careful of scratching your stockings." ......
As it turned out, this time, everyone got out of the way.
Convincing the other party with the other party's interests is actually a kind of transpersonal thinking. It emphasizes putting yourself in the other person's shoes and thinking about the other person's interests and losses, and the other person naturally accepts it better.
Emma Watson, who plays Hermione in the movie "Harry Potter," delivers a feminist speech at the UN General Assembly.
In the face of gender bias, she didn't just preach that both sexes should be de-sexed. Instead, she took a different perspective and called on men to join the movement to defend feminism. She mentioned in her speech that gender bias, in fact, can cause a lot of pressure on many men.
Because in the overly stereotypical image of men and women, a man is considered effeminate if he does something that everyone conceptualizes as something only women do.
Moreover, the rights of their daughters, mothers, and sisters can only be effectively protected if men join the movement to protect women's rights.
Like this, standing up for the other side and thinking about what can be good for men by opposing gender bias is much more of a rallying cry.
3. Between family members, using "for my own good" instead of "for your own good"
Convincing people of their own interests works in most cases. But between family members, it doesn't work.
Because the closer a family member is, the more he or she gives us a sense of correction when it comes to advice, and the more we feel that our freedom is being interfered with.
Then you need to find another way to convince your loved ones from your own point of view, with your own interests, with "for my own good".
My father was a big smoker, a pack of cigarettes a day. My mom and I tried to persuade him to smoke less.
"Dad, smoking is not good for your health. I'm sorry, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm doing this for your own good. Look at your medical report."
"Okay, I know what I'm doing. I'm responsible for my own body. You don't have to worry about it."
Later I changed my words:
"Dad, I recently found out that I have a sinus infection in my medical checkup, and when I smell smoke, it's very uncomfortable, so for my sake, can you smoke less."
"What's wrong, so young and you have sinusitis. Hurry up and cure it while it's not serious, or it'll be a pain in the ass later."
Afterward, my dad did smoke less, and although he didn't quit, he was a lot more restrained than before. Especially when I was around, he definitely didn't smoke.
We are all social animals, and being in a humane society, we are naturally wired to be nice to others, especially those close to us.
So, if the person you're trying to influence is your loved one, it's often more effective to persuade with "for my own good".
All things are learned, and all things are practiced. Speaking is an art, a bridge between people.
As the best-selling book series "I'm Not Teaching You to Deceive" by renowned Taiwanese author Lawrence Liu says:
I want to use words to influence others, and not to let you fool around, but with goodwill to give people around you a positive influence, and to have better interpersonal relationships.
I think that's the real beauty of speaking well.