Season, swaying in the spring breeze, the ten thousand purples and reds hanging on the branches, flowers, the earth a thriving look. Especially like the spring, not cold and not hot, the comfort of the temperature is the best in a year, and that full of willow green and all over the field of rape flowers yellow, blooming in the ground in the ridge, blooming in the fields between the endless ...... Occasionally from the flowers floated from the saxophone "home", warm and long, that is a year-old man in the fields without restraint! The old man in his old age in the field, unrestrained, doing exercises, perfecting his lifelong hobby day by day!
I don't know how many days I haven't sat down and typed these words, maybe it's a year, two years, or maybe it's even longer, but no matter what the reasons are, I think laziness is the main root cause. When I was young, the love of words is better than food and cosmetics, I do not know how many times on the street to buy food, unknowingly into the new bookstore, there are books that like to buy immediately, until you can not afford to buy food and haphazardly put together a day of meals, go home and silently feel the dissatisfaction of their loved ones.
At that time, I was really young ah, while working hard to complete the adult self-test, regardless of whether the lover is happy, but also do not care if the family is not cold-eyed, I just want to live in their own dreams. Although not able to complete the full examination, to get a bachelor's degree, but those days and nights of hard reading, like a ray of light, in the life of the darkest moment, had warmed me, illuminated the direction of my advancement, those philosophical, those professional knowledge, so that I do not meet things at a loss. I remember those years after the resumption of the college entrance examination, in order to meet the majority of young people in society's desire for knowledge, gradually appeared all kinds of correspondence courses, I enrolled in the Northwest News Correspondence College, not yet finished, in order to rectify the chaos of the false diploma, the state launched all the correspondence is not recognized, all pulling the Ministry of Education adult self-study exams. I work in the place in the mountains, can enroll in the specialty is not much, some subjects do not participate in face-to-face teaching is difficult to complete, in order to promote a diploma, chose the legal profession. Dull provisions, case study, civil law, two years did not pass, not to mention the criminal law, the first year just civil lawsuit pass, marriage law over the line, the test for three years, finally gave up, but these remember the knowledge points in many years later, caught up in lawsuits, in civil litigation for their own defense. When the court, the other side has a professional lawyer and family, and I was alone, did not apply for legal aid, they did their own defense, to evidence, war of words, with logic and facts to overthrow the other side of the chain of evidence is a bit far-fetched, one by one to fight back, a lawsuit, a hard rehearsal of the practice class. In fact, it would have been an accident, completely reconcilable, only because the other side is unforgiving, domineering and strong, gas is not flat, feel somewhat bullied, must be taken to court, so that he understands that ordinary people are not lambs to the slaughter!
The day inadvertently crossed from the fingertips, a indistinct sideburns white hair can not hide the pallor of the years, face wrinkles written all over the story of the years, young is not in, the dream? It seems to have forgotten the dream, no desire and no demand!
(2)
I don't know from when, I feel that I live a little screwed up, not into the surrounding groups, and even family. Alternative, I guess, doesn't seem to be, just a little nerdy. Feeling that everyone's words are sincere, feeling that all human beings are kind and sincere. Until I heard the compliments in front of people, and the insults after the people, see the face behind the harmony, feel the heart to the freezing point, are the closest people, how could it be like this? Caught in the troubled and confused, can not find the answer, overturned years of books cognitive, the original people are a multi-faceted, the surface of a lot of are false images, packaging, is to do to others to see. Strike! Strike! Strike! Three views do not agree, can not agree, then respect far away from it!
The era of the planned economy, workers are very leisurely, after work, mahjong is the trend, almost half of men and women, in addition to gossip is who wins who loses, both to participate in the topic, but also feel uninteresting, or more intimate with the book as a companion.
Day in the ordinary market economy is disrupted, layoffs and unemployment wave knocked down the inherent thinking, to adapt to society, looking for a way out, alive is the hard way!
Throwing away the books, carrying a big bag, crowded in a group of vendors to make a living. Being counted, ostracized, eating the mountain stalls of meals, sand and pharynx is a common occurrence.
From the stall to open store, from the mountains to the city, early morning and late at night, there is no balance, the money earned is only enough to make ends meet. Because of the age of the family, because of the responsibility to shoulder, but also because of a nerd, there is not much mind for the way of business, can not realize the knowledge. And the small store like chicken ribs, can not be abandoned, can not be thrown, the meager profits at least to ensure the normal life of the family.
Muddling through the days, looking forward to the children to grow up quickly, academic success, looking forward to working thousands of miles away from their loved ones, physical health, units can have a good start, get a stable salary, out of the family's dilemma. Late at night, it is still the book accompanied me through the long night of tossing and turning ......
A few decades past, as if there is nothing to be praised and proud of, read a lot of books, but now learn not to be exquisite, learn not to be a thousand people, is a sinew, guarding the principal and goodness, not to pander to, not to disobedience, to do the original! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty!
Once also tried to do change, knocking on their own books is not stupid, into the crowd, then try to give up. I've written a lot of articles that I think I'm proud of, not self-financed books, and finally can only be hidden deep in the heart. The half-life dream is just a rainbow in the life, and I can no longer find the joy of the early eighties when the first debut article was published in the newspaper Gan. I remember that in that remote small forest field, the whole field was in an uproar, in order to share the joy, the manuscript fee of fifty dollars all bought delicious food, to each office to distribute. But now, the times change, write something even children think there is no wide readership, can not catch the eye, just flat, no sense of the times. Give it up and try to live a normal life as an ordinary person, and maybe be happy too. Day after day to catch up with the drama, square dancing, living the so-called grounded smoke and fire arashi, but I do not know why? The heart is empty, the soul can not find a place to rest, no support! Perhaps, young preferences is a road of no return, no matter how the world how disturbed, the original heart does not change, work, reading, love wisdom to come, letter hand knocking some of the favorite words, my hand write my heart, not for fame and fortune, just want to put a restless soul!
(C)
The dream is the driving force, but also the direction, the dream is more of life's paint, with it, life will be colorful! Just like the old man who plays the saxophone every day by the stream in the field, not chasing fame and fortune, but only for his own dream, living a full and textured life!
The wandering heart has found a resting place in the words, struggled, changed, bitter, wandering, but back to the beginning, still want to live!
I've been walking around, enjoying the flowers in the fields, and every flower has its own unique and wonderful life. Pear, full of trees, white, pear with rain, make people feel pity! The peach blossom is delicate and colorful, intoxicating the mountains. Cherry blossoms, full of flourishing branches, live out the splendor. The yellow of rapeseed flowers, the earth's dress, the simple beauty of the interpretation to the extreme! And women's flowers, even if you are old and gray at the temples, as long as you have a dream, love, and direction, you will still live out your own splendor! Do not listen to things outside the window, let the east and west, south and north wind. A cup of tea, a piece of music, a book, write a text, a small poem, or close your eyes, hair, and the soul of the dialogue, not to please others, only for their own favorite!
Some people say that women who love words are pretentious, life which has so much poetry, how can live so exquisite! In fact, the ordinary fireworks is the symphony of the woman who loves words, only she played the symphony with more soothing. Bubble tea can change a transparent glass cup, eat fruit can be cut into pieces on the plate, listening to music can be lit with aromatherapy, as if these are very ordinary, just do these into a state of mind, but also added a few more poetic to it.
Give yourself a hug, can't change, don't change, life is not to cater to others, to please others, life but need to live for themselves, live without shame! Live without complaint!
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