I was talking to my date today and he said he's not a virgin anymore, he's only 15 now! It is said that it seems to be and a young lady drinking and then get up the next day.

1.noon to deposit money, queuing up a beautiful woman in the back asked me: "deposit money is it?" "En!" "I happen to want to withdraw money, anyway, you want to save, why not give me the money, how two will not have to queue." I think it makes sense, so the money to her. 2. afternoon on the bus, out of the bus card bam into the coin hole. 3. one day found missing, rummage through the bag and all corners of the house, no results. So depressed to sit down on the ground, from the pocket out, to everyone: I lost 4. Neighbors forget to bring the key, from my balcony over, in the house to find the key, and then turn back, and then open their own door. What's even more screaming is that I was on the balcony from the beginning to the end to catch it, and didn't realize anything was wrong. Alas, our heads must be the same doorway squeezed. 5. I remember the first time to the girl confession, too nervous, so it is, "Well, that, XX, let me do your girlfriend it" 6. A few days ago the unit dinner, a young colleague asked for a bottle of Sprite, to everyone poured a circle, his turn when the bottle is empty. So the coworker shook the Sprite bottle to the waiter and said: "This still have it?" The waiter came running over, took the bottle, examined it carefully, and said with a sincere face, "No more." 7. and two enthusiastic female coworkers (plump type) with dinner, they opened up to me to introduce the object. I want to say: you two matchmakers really enthusiastic ah results of an opening: you two fat women .... .8. A few brothers play Warcraft. Staff check, angry, a grabbed the mouse, the desktop Warcraft shortcut dragged into the recycle bin, empty, said: let you play again! 9. Today, the dad played to the mom's on, when the mom was busy, I'll pick up. I: Hey Dad: Ugh, your dad? I: ah? Dad: What's your dad doing? I: Uh.... Play it Dad: Oh, you let him play finished to me back a. 10. Once we played mahjong blackout, light a candle to continue to play, and then someone is too hot to yell "Hey ~ turn on the fan" everyone busy persuasion "No, no, the candles will be blown out. 11. fancy a pair of gloves, the boss wants 35 dollars, I said! 30 dollars I want, the boss did not comply with non-35, told a few back and forth refused to budge, I think even then, gave a 50 yuan, he was very nimble to find me 35 ....... 12. 12. A question requires that the following four sentences be connected by associated words: 1. Zhang Haidi sister paralyzed; 2. Zhang Haidi sister tenacious study; 3. Zhang Haidi sister learned a number of foreign languages; 4. Zhang Haidi sister learned acupuncture. The correct answer should be: "Although Zhang Haidi sister paralyzed, but tenacious learning, not only learned a number of foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture. As a result, one child wrote: "Although Zhang Haidi tenaciously learned acupuncture and several foreign languages, she was still paralyzed. Another found an even more fierce child wrote: Zhang Haidi sister not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture, she was so tenacious, finally paralyzed! 13. noon cooking, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" 14. My name is Zhu, and I manage the unit machine. Once someone hit me: "Chicken section chief, are you in the pig?" At that time wildly scolded that guy a 15. a leader led the crowd to drink, raised his glass and shouted: "Let's die together!" Crowd (......) 16.I remember once went to a kind of fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: boss, Shakespeare how much? The boss stayed on the spot 17. rice noodle store a: boss, to two two onions do not want rice noodles. Boss (......) a certain (while looking for a seat while turning back to add): do not put onions ah! Boss (tears): you in the end to eat rice noodles or onions?18. Once to field dishes, ready to get together, a Korean friend had lettuce, to 2 yuan 4, he gave all the change on the body to the vendor, still missing a penny, so he said to the vendor - "my hair, all to you, so no hair." The hawker was dumbfounded, half-heartedly, and replied - "I don't want your hair." 19. once in the cafeteria to eat while eating and chatting, suddenly found himself a piece of rice dropped outside, secretly feel sorry for the farmers uncle waste food, pick up and eat. But later found that rice, as if it is not my ......20. small strong at the time of the speech, the following people wash their ears! Xiao Qiang said: "I hate two kinds of people! One is racist, the second is black people, and the third is those who can't read!" The following people were sweating. 21. Yesterday, after swimming, directly open the trunk, the key thrown in, and then close the trunk ......22. To go to a good friend's house, chatting, her father came back, opened his mouth and called "auntie", embarrassed, her mother appeared again, opened his mouth and called "uncle" ....... And then unlimited doubt their own IQ 23. Once to go to the hot dry noodles, in front of a couple is, the boss asked if they want to put cilantro, the man said no, the woman said how not. I was next to think "cilantro, why men want cilantro, women do not want cilantro ......" think is out of focus it, the boss asked me, what to eat? I did not hesitate to answer loudly: "cilantro!!!" 24. high school when school got up very early, breakfast is mom get well I put the schoolbag with school to eat, usually buns buns, Sunday is not in class mom made rice, I do not know the root of the tendons pumped, end up rice thrown in the bag.... . 25. one day, said the duck people, so, her old man without thinking said: "ah to the end of the day, the duck people on the more than enough to see the window in front of a duck in the queue." 26. Called the finance to find a called Zhou Chunmei out. I picked up a excited: I am Zhou Chunmei.... =_=||||Zhou Chunmei: You are Zhou Chunmei, then who am I.... 27. Once at school to eat breakfast, in front of a student, the machine did not respond, and then brush or not, very depressed, said the machine is broken, I said let me try, swiped the card, the machine really did not respond! He changed again, or the same, very angry! Collected the card just want to put in the bag, found in the hands of the bank card, I laughed wildly! He pointed to my laugh even more, it turned out that I took the ID card! 28. When I went to college, there was a year of school, dormitory old five at the train station to see if there is no one in the dormitory, hit the dormitory old four to pick up. "Hey, Lao Si ah, I Lao Si, dormitory anyone" Lao Si nap confused: "Ah, Lao Si ah, you hit the wrong, this is the cross dry (next to the school) "Ah, sorry, hit the wrong" After a while, Lao Si look at the Dial the code feel right ah, and call back "your damn old four it, fooled me, dormitory people have not" "No" "Oh, then I'm staying at a friend's house tonight" "Good, see you tomorrow" 29.morning left hand a plastic bag full of snacks, right hand a plastic bag is garbage, open the trash can in the morning "bang" a throw a bag. Then carry another Shi Shiran to the noon hungry to eat snacks when you open the cabinet to find that it is a bag of garbage. 30. subway into the gate, take the gate on the wild brush, but also has been waiting for me and the back of the person said how to brush out it, the machine is broken. The machine is broken, right? 31. twenty years ago, my mom rode twenty-eight-inch men's bicycle to send my one-year-old sister to kindergarten, to the kindergarten, she was extremely elegant to make a move after the Mantis swinging leg, feeling knocked what. She did not mean to push the car to go forward, not a few steps behind someone shouting "comrade, this comrade ......" My mom turned her head to see, I more than a year old little sister to keep sitting stunned curls across the ground, so after twenty years, my sister dead or alive! I refuse to sit on my mom's bike, this hate also hate more than 20 years ......32. like to eat all the melon seeds high. Ghosts make God guess, all stoned, after the plate of melon seeds nuts a ancient brain poured into the trash can, looking at another plate of melon shells daze. 33. monitor standby, go to shake the mouse, the results are still on standby, and vigorously shake half a day, and found that he shook the ......34. Ride a bike to something, to the store car did not lock into the store. After finishing something out, lock the car, ride the bike ready to go. 35. When I was a child, I liked to bite the head of the pen, one day bite felt wrong, especially salty, and then found that sucked a mouthful of ink.36. Once peeled apples, long batches did not break, very proud, by hand, the apple thrown to the trash can, take the skin to the mouth.37. Scrambled eggs tomatoes when you take a hard-boiled egg in the bowl side of the knock for a long time do not suck, but also to his wife that the egg is bad.38. Last time I had a cold, the nurse let the pants off in the end, almost took off the pants. Nurses let off pants results almost stripped to the end ~ 39. In a dizzy, want to go to the toilet, unknowingly walked to the pure water in front of the machine, looking at half a bucket of water, actually did not react, "Z" sound to the crotch zipper open... Suddenly, I reacted violently, zipped up my crotch again, and went back to my seat as if nothing had happened. Luckily, there was no one next to me. Later on, I thought, I guess I was too busy working for a while. 40. picnic touched out of the cigarette case in the last cigarette on the direct zippo thrown into the fire to put the cigarette case back in the bag, still grilled meat, after blowing up a bunch of sparks scalded the clothes of the 2 people also destroyed 2 bowls of dumplings 41. hold as a lighter to light cigarettes, hold as a TV remote control a press. 42. frying when the ringing of the food. After picking up the direct put inside the dish basin. As a result, and vegetables together to the pot. Then look at the pot of flabbergasted for half a day before rushing to take out. Luckily, it was lettuce.... If it was Mapo Tofu... I'll be damned... .43. college when and roommate together home, after entering the door together to change clothes, suddenly saw a small strong, she went up to pia, and then took the body of the small strong to scare me, I'm very afraid of bugs, a nervous open the door and ran out, she was very excited to continue to chase me. To the elevator mouth, only to "wake up" to find that I only wear underwear, she 。。。。。 Only wearing a small pants 。。。。 Luckily, there is no one in the building. 44. Once before dinner to wash hands in the bathroom, a see the mirror brain suddenly short circuit, very skilled take cup toothbrush, put the cleansing milk squeeze toothbrush, humming a small song brush a tooth out, but also while wondering how today's toothpaste flavor is not right. 45. the first day of work, some people looking for the manager (female), put to the manager by the way, said, mom, someone looking for you to pick up. 46. one time on the computer class, I was very courageous when I sent a message to my Boyfriend send a message, while very brave and shouted loudly to the teacher: "Husband! My computer is not connected!" The classroom was instantly quiet. 5 seconds later, all burst out laughing. The teacher is a little old man in his 50s.47. Sister has a and a, one day changed a new card, a coworker asked her how much the new code is, she said she forgot, so she dialed her own with the changed card. When dialing continue to chat with colleagues, after ringing, she picked up and asked: "Hello? ...... hello? ...... you speak ah, do not speak I hung up!" All the colleagues present were petrified. After she pressed hang up, and then said: "Nervous, call and do not speak".48. One day students to go to Zhongguancun around, a peddler went over and asked, "to hard disk not? Cheap" The students took over to see, said: "How hard?" 49. I remember when I was in fifth grade, the class teacher asked a group of first classmates:; you are what ethnicity; students said:; Yi" and then asked the second classmate: "What about you?" Answer: "Second ethnicity" 50. customer A: boss, ice soybean milk is hot! ....... A friend to shop for home appliances, see the ground placed a home weight scale, this friend body fat, see the scale would like to try. So immediately stepped on it, "crunch" sound, proved afterwards, that is an induction cooker. 52. the first time with the bus IC card, I took the initiative to the driver after getting on the card, and went straight to the seat. Do not want to, the driver said: "read the card", I will IC card, seriously read: "Hefei bus IC card ~ ~", the driver said: "to read over there", I went to the driver pointed to the place, and read with all my might: "Hefei bus IC card ~ ~", the driver said: "to read over there", I went to the driver pointed to the place. Read with all my might: "Hefei bus IC card ......" 53. dormitory old four out of bed looking for half a day slippers, no, asked everyone: why my slippers where to go? 54. in line at the cafeteria, heard a boy next to him said: ", come to a bowl of '' bullet cauliflower '' soup! ' soup!" (Purple cabbage and egg flower soup) haha, laughed at my spray soup.