This is from the torch bearer: Dandan: Why are you running in such a hurry?
Benshan: Come on, it will be announced that you will be the Olympic torch bearer soon, hurry up
Dandan: Oh, what does it have to do with you? Hurry up and help me get that chair Leave it there, I'll take a break quickly. It's none of your business. If you're in such a hurry, I won't take you out.
Motoyama: Hurry up.
Dandan: Oops
Benshan: What are you doing?
Dandan: What did you say you were doing? Stretch out your left hand to get into the water, and stretch out your right hand to shut up. Cross your left leg to rub your leg. Cross your right leg to give a kiss. Remember, damn it.
Benshan: I have been practicing this business for more than half a month, don’t worry.
Dandan: What have you been practicing for half a month? What the hell are you talking about?
Benshan: It’s a different place. Someone came later and I saw it. It’s so bad. Why did you kiss me? Ah, you are so old
Dandan: Take a look, which foot is this?
Motoyama: Oh, my dear, I will arrive at the scene soon. There are many reporters. Can you please stop stretching your legs and save some face for me?
Dandan: Cherish the opportunity. After running the Olympic torch, you will not be able to touch this leg again.
Motoyama: Hey, HO, what kind of leg is this? Why are you still running away?
Dandan: What kind of legs are these?
Benshan: Are your legs cold?
Dandan: Wrong, these are not ordinary legs. This is the leg of an Olympic torchbearer
Motoyama: Ah, ham
Dandan: Yes
Motoyama: OK, this time with my wife You just can’t get hungry after hanging around together. I’ll rub your belly for you later.
Dandan: Why?
Motoyama: Let’s have some ham sausage again
Dandan: Why did the quality of the food drop when you said it? Even if you can’t lead me
Benshan: Take me slowly, and then I
Dandan: Can you do it slowly? You have to hurry up
Benshan: You have to hurry up, you have only run 40 meters, and you are still short of 160.
Dandan: Shut up. What does this mean? This is something no one knows. The Olympics are still more than six months away. If you can practice something, don’t do it with me.
Benshan: Someone is coming
Liu Liu: Oh, uncle and aunt are here to pull it. ?
Dandan: Well, are you?
Liu Liu: Hurry into the venue. I am Liu Liu, the host of the ceremony
Dandan: I am Baiyun
Liu Liu: I know the aunt
Dandan: This is my assistant Xiaohe
Liu Liu: I know Auntie. Hey, hello, Uncle Hei, Uncle Hei, let me tell you, there are some changes in our activities today.
Benshan: What changes?
Liu Liu: Now through the Internet, netizens are calling for you to be a torch bearer, and your support rate now exceeds that of aunt.
Dandan: Hurry, what are you doing, Mo Mo Jiji, don’t make people wait. I have a big hand. It’s not appropriate to go late. You said you are such a person. ． Oops, I don’t want to take him with me. (Motoyama: Take the time and inform her.) It’s good to lie down on the kang. Everyone is here. Gu is so peaceful
Liu Liu: Come on, come on Come on, come in, sit down
Dandan: Hurry, find your place. Where are you sitting? I'm thirsty, I'm thirsty.
Motoyama: Didn’t you just finish drinking?
Dandan: What, why do you want to be ambiguous?
Benshan: There is a change
Dandan: How is it
Benshan: There is a change
Liu Liu: OK, ladies and gentlemen , everyone be quiet. Now I announce that the selection ceremony for the farmer torchbearers in northern Liaoning Province for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games will now begin.
Benshan: OK
Dandan: It’s quite scary that you were shocked and exploded. You said it had nothing to do with you.
Liu Liu: Okay, friends, we conducted an online survey. Now we have many networks
Netizens are very vocal about uncle being the Olympic torch bearer, and now his support rate on the Internet has surpassed that of Aunt Baiyun.
Benshan: Public opinion, there is no way
Liu Liu: Well... So, our organizing committee decided on this last one. We want to let netizens come up with questions online and let the two elders Answer questions on the spot, and finally determine who is today’s farmer torchbearer through the online support rate. Okay, now the topic has come out. This is a question. It is also a must-answer question. Please listen, the Olympic torchbearers have to run at least 200 meters when passing the torch. Since you two are already 80 years old, how many meters can you each run? Be realistic and realistic
Benshan: 2 miles of land, no effort required
Liu Liu: 2 miles of land, that’s 1,000 meters. Where's the aunt?
Benshan: Seek truth from facts, tell the truth
Dandan: I don’t think this should be considered a problem, because it is something that can be exercised. No one is born running, thank you.
Motoyama: You didn’t say how many meters you ran.
Liu Liu: Please listen to the second question. The second question is also a must-answer question from netizens. Please tell me, uncle and aunt, what kind of sports do you each like?
Dandan: Swimming (Liu Liu: Auntie likes swimming?) Yes
Benshan: Just swim for 3 days. I will ask her when I come back, how are you doing? No more swimming? She said the water in the swimming pool didn’t taste good
Liu Liu: Oh, uncle, uncle, what sport do you like?
Motoyama: I like snorkeling. (Liu Liu: Hey, snorkeling? Uncle, how long can you dive underwater?
How long?) Let’s put it this way...
Dandan: That depends on the lifeguard. To catch him, if you wait one second to catch him, he will dive for one second. If you catch him in a year, you will definitely have left him floating there.
Liu: Oh, okay, okay, uncle and aunt answered so funny. Let me see what other questions netizens have asked. Okay, next is a set of quick-answer questions. Old men, please listen. What kind of sports make people nervous?
Dan: Football
Liu: Which sport is more worrying?
Dan: Chinese football.
Liu: Ha, please continue listening to the questions. It’s still a rush-answer question. Question: The Olympic Games is an international event. Each of us torch bearers must master more or less a foreign language. How do you say tea in English?
Dan: tea
Liu: green tea
Ben: green tea
Dan: What about black tea (red tea) and scented tea? (花茶) I kicked you (三茶)
Liu: Okay, okay, please continue listening to the question. Still a quick answer question. Some netizens asked, what is the name of the father of the modern Olympics?
Dan: You said you don’t know, what are you doing standing up?
Ben: I'm afraid of being snatched away.
Dan: Coubertin
Liu: Auntie answered correctly, applause. Very good answer.
Ben: What eggs?
Dan: Get lost, why are you so annoying?
Liu: OK, please continue listening to the questions. Who is the fastest runner in history?
Dan: Cao Cao. Say Cao Cao, and Cao Cao will arrive. Run faster than anyone else.
Ben: What, how can Cao Cao be an athlete?
Dan: No one talks about athletes. People say who has run the fastest in history is a historical figure.
Ben: Then Sun Wukong is faster than Cao Cao.
Dan: What the hell?
Ben: There is a problem with this question.
Dan: Please change the question.
Ben: It’s not a question (Dan: Forget it)
Liu: It’s invalid? (Ben: Well, it’s true) Keep listening to the question. Another netizen asked La, what sport starts and ends with the sound of gongs and is also dangerous?
Ben: Playing with monkeys.
Dan: Playing monkeys is not a sport, it is art.
Ben: There is no distinction between style and style. If you don't play well with the monkey, be careful of the monkey scratching you.
Dan: Host, can you not let me compete with this monkey PK? I can't stand him, his quality is too low, it's true.
Liu: Aunt, aunt, listen to me. (Dan: In my heart...) This is a competition, a competition. Everyone has the right to speak (Ben: One World, One Dream) Please continue listening to the question. A netizen named Qi said that he had just given birth to a son. I want the aunt and uncle to give his child a very nice name on the spot. (Ben: Qi Delong) Elegant but not loud enough. (Dan: Qi Dongqiang) Loud but not elegant enough. (Ben: Qi’s Long Dongqiang, Yangqi)
Dan: I’ll give you the whole drum again, and you beat it
Liu: Oops, this uncle and aunt’s answers are too funny, too This is humorous. Please continue listening to the question. This is a basic knowledge question. Please listen carefully, what words do you pronounce dot, horizontal and vertical? (original: Guang) Inside the wide space, add a wooden log (Dan: bed) and another wooden (original: double bed) (Dan: what about three more pieces of wood?) (original: three-person bed) (Dan: what about ten pieces of wood) ? ) (Ben: That’s ten pieces of wood, then it’s a kang) (Dan: What’s that?) (Ben: If you add 20 more pieces of wood, it’s a cart mat.) (Dan: I can’t stand this bit of culture. No, I still want to be a Torchbearer) (Ben: Extra quilt.) Oh my, this question is better. Listen up, uncles and aunties, this question is a question that netizens asked us three times. Let the host do a set of moves at the scene, and then let you two guess what kind of exercise it is. Pay attention, what kind of exercise?
Ben: Play mahjong.
Dan: Why don’t you even understand this stuff? It's obvious that this is Tai Chi. (Liu: Hey, Tai Chi)
Ben: What he does is obviously playing mahjong. This is shuffling the cards, stacking the cards, grabbing the cards to see the cards, grabbing the cards to see the cards, and it's a tie. Even touching himself.
Dan: I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand you.
Liu; Okay, okay, let’s take a look at the online support rate now. Let me see. Okay, friends, now the online support rate for aunties has surpassed uncles.
Dan: Hey, Qiaoqiao, I’m so popular
Ben: You’re so annoying. I didn’t answer much either.
Dan: A question of proficiency
Liu: Dear friends, our Q&A part is over first. What about the next part? Let’s give these two contestants one last time. Make a statement and talk about your relationship with the Olympic flame. Give yourself one last vote. Next... (Dan: Sit down, what do you need?) Ah, here comes the aunt.
Dan: Thank you to Tieling TV, Liaoning TV, and possibly CCTV in the future. Today on this special occasion, I want to reveal a secret that has been hidden for many years. I am a premature baby. (Motoyama: Oops!) I have been associated with fire since I was a child. He started playing with fire when he was three or four years old, and once caused a huge fire at home. He accidentally fell into a brazier when he was six or seven years old, and there are still marks on his buttocks. When I was a teenager, I boarded the train and came to Huojiatun. After being introduced by a fireman, I got to know this black earth who made me angry all my life. From then on, I lived a life of dire straits. I spent a lot of time wondering, why did I come to this world in such a hurry? Why do I have such an indissoluble bond with fire? Today I finally understand that I was born to be an Olympic torchbearer. (Liu Liu: Thank you, aunt, thank you, thank you) I haven’t finished yet, Sorry. Last night my mother told me, (Motoyama: Hey, hey, your mother has been dead for 30 years, what are you doing?) I was asking for a dream. Why is it not allowed? (Benshan: It’s a dream) My mother said: Xiaoyun, you must be the Olympic torch bearer, because you were born next to the fire. (Motoyama: Oh no, your mother should say that you were born on a rocket, so you are blind) My mother also said that if anyone dares to compete with you for the position of the torch bearer, your father and I will take him away. Thank you, my mother, thank you!
Liu: Thank you, thank you. Next, we welcome the uncle with applause for his final statement.
Ben: What else is there to say? This is all life-threatening, I won’t be careful, this is too cruel and scary. Moved her mother out. (Dan: Go ahead) I’m not that bold, so I’ll abstain. Let's just let my wife do the job and I'll be a volunteer, clean up and do some work. (Dan: He is more suitable for cleaning) (Liu: Uncle has abstained?) (Dan: Abstain)
Liu: Okay, uncle has abstained, so let’s take a look at the online support rate. Look, okay, now our votes are tallied. Okay, friends, now I announce that the farmer torchbearers in the northern Liaoning region of the 2008 Beijing Olympics will be black soil.
Ben: Hey, wife, wife, are you going home?
Dan: I am a monk. I can't stand it anymore, I don't play like this. For the past six months, I have been promoting me. How could I tell Lao Litou that I accepted all the gifts? Doesn't this embarrass me?
Ben: Honey, honey, stay calm, stay calm. Isn’t it an honor for both of us to be the torch bearers?
Dan: No, I can’t stand it. If you are angry, how can I deal with it?
Ben: Why are you angry? I can’t be angry. Listen to me, good boy
Dan: You are angry. You must not bully me like I bully you.
Ben: No, no, no, obedient, calm down, it’s airing now, (Dan: Then do you still care about me?) I care about you (Dan: OK, call me, don’t you?) OK, call you ( Dan: Serve me? ) Serve you. (Dan: Are you still afraid of me?) I'm not only afraid of you, but most importantly, I'm also afraid of your mother. (Dan: So are my husbands okay?) Drink water, shut up, rub your legs, and give the old ghost a kiss. Muma, why are you like this? Ah, stop crying. There is an old ghost here.
Liu: Come, come, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit,
Ben: All my life, I have been afraid of you. If I don’t let you bully me anymore, I can’t live anymore. . Nothing else, don't be embarrassed. I'm so happy (Dan: I can't be happy either) Don't cry, my business, my business is your business, your business is also my business, baby (Dan: Let's go together) Well, okay. fine. It's okay. (Liu: Are you okay?) Well, calm down. (Liu: It’s good that everything is fine) My wife is so kind
Liu: Okay, friends, next, I propose that all our good friends here extend your lovely hands and welcome the uncle to be selected. Testimonials.
Dan: I’ve asked you to give a speech. Why don’t you go and give your speech? (Ben: I’ll go, I’ll go) If you don’t feel like it, just go ahead
Ben: Okay, okay, okay, thank you TV, thank you all TV, MTV. Thank you for the broadcast, well, today, here, the walls are shining brightly, there are huge crowds of people, the sea is dry and the rocks are rotting. I, I, I never dreamed that I could become this torch bearer.
I, actually, I am not a fire person, I am a parallel import, ah no, no, I am a water person. Ah, here I am, thanking my wife. (Dan: Here she is) Without my wife, I wouldn’t be where I am today, because I practice with her, she trains her down, and she trains me up. My wife, as the saying goes, a successful man has a troublesome woman behind his back. (Dan: What are you talking about?) Behind his back, there must be a troublesome woman behind his back to take care of me. I am here today, thanks to the government , can give me a chance to be a new person. No, this is wrong, this is absolutely wrong, give me, give me the chance to be a torchbearer. I must be frank, be frank, and do things frankly. I (Liu: OK, thank you, uncle, thank you, uncle). Sorry, I’m not done yet. The Olympics, OK. At this moment, on behalf of my wife, I would like to express my condolences to the elders, brothers and sisters in the south who were affected by the disaster. , New Year greetings to you, you should have a happy New Year, everything will pass, with the government backing us, what are we afraid of, right? Okay, after the Chinese New Year, I will take my wife to visit you and (Dan: Yes) donate money to you (Dan: Donate) Can I decide? (Dan: How much is the donation?) Donate, donate as much as you can, (Dan: Don’t donate all, let’s do the same) Not my wife, 2008 is good, Beijing, good, so am I (Dan: Good) Host, it’s over .
Liu: Come on, come on, uncle, uncle, uncle, this is a souvenir from our event, please keep it.
Ben: The great 2008, the Olympic Games of a century. , we are both 80, so we catch up. (Dan: Run, run)
Liu: Let us give applause to uncles and aunts again! This is what was planned: Song Dandan: My daughter-in-law, we have a guest at home, and we are going to have to eat a lot of food. Where will you broadcast it after you finish recording it?
Niuqun: Broadcast on all local stations.
Song Dandan: Local stations are good, but don’t let the central station broadcast them, they are unreliable (laughter). When I came back from CCTV last year, that guy memorized the words all the way, and he was compensated for whatever he did (laughter).
Niuqun: Auntie, let me take a picture of you.
Song Dandan: I won’t take pictures with him.
Niuqun: Let me take a group photo with you.
Song Dandan: Take a photo together, otherwise people will think we are divorced again.
Song Dandan: Old Man, Old Hei (Zhao Benshan appeared from the right side of the stage to warm applause).
Niu Qun: Hello, audience friends, standing behind us now are two celebrities, Baiyun Heitu. Not long ago, a huge and strange thing happened in their home. Their rooster actually laid eggs.
(Zhao Benshan ran away, Song Dandan followed)
Zhao Benshan: Why is your old woman’s mouth like a cotton waistband?
Song Dandan: What’s wrong?
Zhao Benshan: So loose!
Zhao Benshan: When a rooster lays eggs in our house, it doesn’t mean that I am pregnant (laughter).
Song Dandan: I counted, one, two...
Zhao Benshan: You have been counting one, two, three all your life.
Song Dandan: I said you have to cooperate from the beginning.
Niu Qun: Come on, let’s start recording the show.
Zhao Benshan: The last time I published a book, I still owed him 20,000 yuan in fees.
Niuqun: (takes out money) This is the prepaid labor fee.
Song Dandan: If you want to know the details, please log in to Baiyunpiaopiaodian.com.
Niu Qun: Why did Aunt open a blog?
Song Dandan: Nowadays, celebrities all publish books.
Cattle: Are there any signs before the rooster lays eggs?
Zhao Benshan: No sign.
Song Dandan: There are signs, there are signs, how can there be no signs? To say that there are indeed signs before a chicken lays eggs, and the signs are obvious, the most important one is the change in facial expression.
Zhao Benshan: The chicken laughed first. (Everyone laughed)
Niu herd: (laughing) Please describe in detail what happens before a chicken lays an egg.
Zhao Benshan: There were no signs at the time. It was impossible. At that time, the chicken was particularly conflicted. It was a rooster that actually wanted to lay eggs. It was not its job that it wanted to do.
What do you think of the big cock? What do ducks think? What do you think of the goose? What do you think of the little hen that got along well with it? When a rooster hatches a chick, what do others call it? Call me dad, mom, or aunt or aunt? It couldn't lay its eggs and was panicking, so...
Song Dandan: It strengthened its belief, laid its own eggs, and let others talk about it.
Cows: Uncle and aunt, where did they lay their eggs?
Song Dandan: Let me ask you, where did you go?
Zhao Benshan: He was quite stressed at the time. He was embarrassed, so he walked for a walk and came to the chicken coop, but he couldn't. I came to the duck cage again, but it didn't work either. Then I couldn't hold it any longer, so I found a kennel and laid the eggs.
Cattle: Doghouse? How was it discovered?
Song Dandan: I was discovered by the paparazzi. In the past, the chicken walked on the walk, with its chest raised and its head raised, and it was majestic. Since laying rooster eggs, the walk has been changed. It changed like this (it started to imitate the rooster walk), and the chicken's claws can be scratched vigorously. I didn't understand it at first, and I studied it for a long time. Only then did he realize that he was practicing his signature.
Cows: Uncle and aunt, where have the eggs laid by the rooster gone?
Zhao Benshan: Eat it.
Niu Qun: Are there any side effects?
Zhao Benshan: It tastes just like the ordinary one.
Song Dandan: Nonsense. Although it cannot be said to be a cure-all, the effects are different. Many elderly people are troubled by the sequelae of cerebral hemorrhage. My wife suffered from the sequelae of cerebral hemorrhage last year. In the past, the aisle looked like this before he ate the rooster eggs (pulling Zhao Benshan to join in the performance, Zhao Zhi stared blankly). After eating, that guy , look again, it became like this (Zhao Benshan fell to the ground in response).
Niu herd: What’s wrong?
Song Dandan: No more recording, no more recording, just play this section upside down. (Urges Zhao Benshan to go down and serve the food)
Niu Qun: We also want to ask the aunt to be an image spokesperson for Rooster Egg.
Song Dandan: That’s no problem.
Niu Qun: Then let’s sign the contract. The 20,000 yuan is labor fee. If you break the contract, you can get double repayment.
Song Dandan: Oh, no problem, ten times the compensation will do.
Cows: This is an endorsement. Please ask the uncle to bring the chickens over.
Song Dandan (looked at it carefully): Oh, this guy is so talented. He only has two sentences, which are quite concise. The rooster that lays eggs, the fighter among roosters! Oh————
Zhao Benshan came on stage and told Song Dandan: The chicken is gone.
Song: Where have you gone?
Zhao: Pointing to the vegetable basin on the table, my wife stewed it. (Song fainted at that time)
Zhao: Wife, what happened to you?
Song: It’s over, our family’s famine has now increased to 40,000!
Zhao: Honey, Xiaoyun, baby, stop crying! I'm here, what's going on?
Niuqun: What’s wrong with Auntie?
Zhao: The chicken is gone!
Niu: Uncle, don’t make such a joke. I just signed the contract with my aunt, and the endorsement fee is 20,000. The contract will come into effect as soon as I sign it. If you can’t get the chicken, you will have to pay compensation. forty thousand.
(Zhao was dumbfounded, Song Dandan continued to cry)
Zhao: What are you doing? Where's the crow?
Niu: Then tell me where the chicken is?
Zhao: Taking a nap.
Niu: Still taking a nap?
Zhao: This chicken has become jet-lagged since it became famous. (Q) How much is this chicken worth?
Niu: Uncle, let me tell you the truth. This chicken was not worth much at first, but after I hyped it up, it became worth a lot of money. Fried, boiled, or stewed, they are all valuable!
Zhao: Are you saying that no matter whether it is alive or dead, it is valuable?
Niu: That’s right.
Song: Oh, old man, you are so talented.
Zhao: For example, if this famous rooster dies, will the meat be valuable?
Niu: Yes.
Zhao Benshan: How much is meat worth?
Niu herd: Let’s just talk about this. If you don’t get two thousand, you have no right to eat it.
Zhao: Where are the chicken hearts?
Ox: four thousand.
Zhao: Chicken liver?
Ox: six thousand.
Zhao: Chicken kidney?
Ox: Eight thousand.
Zhao Benshan: It’s done, that’s enough. You can't carry it away, but you can carry it away. You can also take back the 20,000 yuan. It's okay to eat here, just think of it as if I treated you to a dinner worth 20,000 yuan.
Song (Resurrection): Wife, you are so talented