Finally still can not help but to publish it, in fact, I won the lottery yesterday 10 million. Maybe other people will use this money to buy a car to buy a house, but I will not be so material, just want to use this money to cure my paranoia.
One day on the bus, in front of a beautiful woman on the bus to the driver said: "Master, I do not have money today, kiss you a mouthful of coins as a good?" The driver said yes, the beauty kissed the driver and then went to the back to sit down. Another woman in the back to see clearly, get in the car and hold down the driver a wild kiss, looked up and said, "I also do not have money, kiss you so much, as I coin it!" The driver was scared and cried, "The one in front of you is my daughter-in-law ah!"
After a party with friends, Xiaoli walked alone in the dark alley. Suddenly a figure jumped out in front of him and said viciously, "Take out the money!" Xiao Li timidly said: "Money ...... money just now ...... dinner ...... spend... ...spent it." The black shadow laughed and said, "I know you don't have any money, if you have money you'll take a taxi." "Then why do you still want to scare me!" "If I didn't scare you a little, you'd still have hiccups now." Said carrying a knife disappeared in the fifteenth moon.
Once and my husband went to dinner together, he advanced the bill I do not know. After eating he said to the boss: "Forgot to bring money, let my daughter-in-law to you brush the bowl it!" Said turned around and left, leaving me looking at his back in horror.
In history class, the teacher asked me: "Which emperor of China lived the longest." I am a scum where understand these ah! Suddenly I don't know where to come from: "Jade Emperor." The teacher was speechless!
Today to go to a fast-food restaurant to eat, the neighboring table in the show of love, only to see that the man just fed the woman to eat a mouthful of rice, the woman asked: "Dear, in addition to feeding me, you also feed who? Be honest!" The man thought for a moment and said in fear: "Dogs!" Instantly spray rice!
I didn't see the driver wearing a bluetooth headset on the phone in the cab!
A female colleague, one hundred and forty pounds. Every night with the ladies dancing in the square dance action all kinds of retardation. Yesterday, I went to watch, finished, asked me how the jump looks. I said: I think you dance looks like a small swan ...... brand drum washing machine.
When I was a kid, I went to the kiosk with my dad and saw a big pink package, so bright and attractive! "Dad, I want this!" "Stop it!" "I want this!" "No!" "I want it! I want it! I want it!" Then that day many people saw a bear child happy upside down carrying a large package of sanitary napkins to home... can you imagine I came home excited to open the package but found that it can not eat the miserable mood of it ......
Friends of the chest is particularly small! She said to me, don't look at my breasts small, but every time my husband is serious about touching, I said: Yes, he is not serious about touching, but also can not touch ah!
Today, I took a cab! To do the car driver did not say a word, I have a few things to ask him on his shoulder and said: "Hey, buddy." I did not expect the driver's reaction was "ah ah ah" yelled up, then I froze. When he ah finished he suddenly slowed down and said: "I'm sorry buddy I'm the first day to open the taxi, previously open the hearse sorry ah.
Every time I argue with my wife, she will be scared by my loud voice. Today is the same, after the fight, she came over to pull my hand and said to me: "husband, please can you not do this, you cry so loud the whole building heard."
Woman: honey, ask you once, if I and your mother fell into the water first save who? Male: How to ask this question again, you love me? The first time I saw a woman, I was in the middle of the night, and I was in the middle of the night! Male: love me should not ask this question! Woman: I don't love you, answer quickly. Male: you do not love me, why do not I first save my mom?
I remember when I was in high school we were not living in school. All are in the neighborhood of the small village rented cheap house. Because the night is too hot a student took a cooler in the door on the ground to sleep all night. The next day woke up stunned. The landlord raised a dozen old hens squatting around him, and a few on him. Another student exclaimed. Really the happiest man in the world. Sleeping a dozen chickens a night!
Colleagues new to a girl, usually look soft and weak, even the bottle of water let others wring the kind. Today encountered a drunken molestation of her, began to hide back and forth, the man is more and more wanton, just as the brother is ready to go to his rescue, only to see her a roundhouse kick on the man put down, the mouth said a let me so far messed up words,
"Hey, it seems that after the loaded not go on".
My daughter-in-law just finished her driver's license not long ago, said to me: "I want to drive to my grandfather's house." I said OK: "Only we can go by ourselves, not with children." The words just fell, my son shouted: "Dad, I'm not afraid to die, let my mom take me." This bear child, blindly say what the big truth ......
Have a dog do not help the dog name "haha" my neighbor has a grandmother, raised a husky, she thought it was the beginning of the ha, called haha it. Today she lost her dog, the grandmother was very anxious, looking around the neighborhood, everywhere shouting the name of the dog, on the haha, haha, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha .....
When I was a kid, I went to the zoo to see a tiger and swore that I would raise one when I grew up. 20 years later, my dream finally came true. I'm not going to talk about it, it's time to cook for my daughter-in-law.
Last year, I lost twenty pounds, everyone asked me how to lose weight, I smiled and said: "This is thanks to my girlfriend, she is always with me, I can be disgusting to eat anything.
"
A thief, stole a watermelon, while running and singing: "Run with the wind freedom is the direction".
The old woman who planted the watermelon cried as she chased after him, "Look at me shedding tears, your head is not back."
The policeman saw it and went after the thief, saying as he chased him, "I must not be good enough for you to want to escape."
Then the thief was caught and the judge asked, "What else do you have to say and how many more tears do you have to shed"
The thief replied, "Please give me a chance."
The head of the cell said to the thief, "It is not a sin for a man to cry."
The thief said with relief, "If I remember you in the next life, we will be together even in death."
The executioner said, "I'll send you away a thousand miles ......"
The Tang Monk's letter home:
Dear Goku, I'm writing this letter very slowly because I know you can't read words fast enough.
We've moved, but the address hasn't changed because we brought the house number with us when we moved.
It rained twice this week, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 4 days.
Yesterday we went to buy bisquick and the clerk asked me if I wanted to cut it into 8 or 12 slices, and I said that 8 slices would be fine, and that I wouldn't be able to finish 12 slices.
I sent you a jacket, afraid of overweight in the mail, cut off the button and put it in the pocket.
Chang'e gave birth, because I don't know whether it's a man or a woman, so I don't know whether you should be an uncle or an aunt.
Finally tell you had wanted to send you money. But the envelope has been sealed
May 1 is coming soon, don't forget to tell the children a long, long, long time ago: at that time, the sky is still blue, the water is also green, the crops are grown in the ground, pork can be eaten without fear, rats are still afraid of cats, the court is reasonable, marriage is the first to fall in love, barber stores are only management of the hair, the medicine can be cured, the doctor is to save the dead to help the injured, shooting movies It is not necessary to sleep with the director, the photo is to wear clothes, owe money is to pay back, the father of the child is clear, sell dog meat is not to hang sheep head, married is not to pick up MM, buy things to pay, read it not forwarded out is to be spanked.
February 30, Monday, clear
Today the sun did not come out all day, it is really bad, my father bought back two goldfish, kept in the tank drowned one, I am very sad.
Teacher's comment: I am also very sad, I live so big, February has never met a 30th! I've never seen a sunny day without sunshine, and I've never seen a goldfish that drowned.
1.topic: one side ...... one side ......
Children write: he takes off his shirt and puts on his pants at the same time.
Teacher's comment: Is he going to take off or put on?
2. Title: One of them
Kids write: One of my left feet is hurt.
The teacher criticized: Are you a centipede?
3. Topic: One after another
Kids write: After work, dad came home one after another.
Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?
4. Topic: Sadness
The child writes: It is sad that there is a ditch in front of my house.
The teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.
5.Title: and ...... and ......
Kids write: My mom is short, tall, fat and thin.
The teacher commented; Is your mom a deformed gold steel?
The birds fly away from the swan lake; --Goose-Bird=me
Liang no point double line; --Liang no point + double = very
Two wood not forest heart connected; --Wood + eye + heart = want
You if no heart first fly by yourself. --You-heart=You
Title: You see
Kids write: What are you looking at! I haven't seen it
Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it
7. Title: Euphoria
Children write: Euphoria Rong Confession.
Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many serials!
8. Title: Yummy
Kids wrote: Yummy my ass.
Teacher's comment: There are some things you can't eat.
9. Title: Naivety
The child writes: It's so hot today.
Teacher's comment: You are so naive.
10.Title: Fruitful
Kids write: Yesterday I ate fruit and then drank cold water.
Teacher's critique: it's the word
11.Title: first ...... then ......, example: first eat, then take a bath.
Kids write: sir, goodbye!
Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the intelligence of earthlings.
12. Title: Besides
Kids write: a train passes by, besides, besides, besides, besides
Teacher's critique; I'll be dead
Hope it helps