At eleven o'clock last night, the mobile phone suddenly received a message. I opened it in a daze, and it was from my good friend Xiao Li: "I finally quit the dormitory group."
The dormitory group is the most lively group in the university, but why did you quit?
Xiao Li says he is an easy-going person, but he hates having a roommate among his roommates. Even if there is no intersection, just watching her talk and do things is disgusting, and I think she is so pretentious.
She doesn't want to talk to that classmate, but she can't help it. Later, when I heard her voice, I was inexplicably disgusted, and sometimes I even hoped that she would disappear from this world. It hurts to see her taking selfies in the group and sharing her daily life every day, so she chooses to quit the group.
She said that quitting the league might not play a fundamental role, so she often avoided that girl at school. But strangely, I seem to care about her again, and I always ask people around me about her casually.
She doesn't know why she hates this man so much. In fact, there is not much conflict between each other and themselves.
02
We all feel "hate" in our lives.
For example, if someone breaks the law or does something immoral, we will hate him; We will hate people who hurt us or infringe on our rights and interests; Unfriendly behavior or attitude will also make us dislike him.
This kind of dislike is normal, behind which are some painful experiences and daily accumulated anger.
But for someone like Xiao Li who has nothing to do with himself or you think you shouldn't hate her (him) so much, then you should ask yourself.
03
Maybe it's not her (him) that you hate, but another person.
This man may have hurt you.
After a certain reaction (including psychological and physiological reactions) is associated with a certain stimulus source, it will produce similar reactions to other similar stimulus sources, which is called "generalization" in psychology.
For example, if you are bitten by a snake, you will be afraid of snakes. Gradually, you will be afraid of things that look like snakes, crooked ropes, and the sound of filar silk. What's more, you will feel uncomfortable with others sticking out their tongues.
Similarly, if you have ever hurt or damaged your things, some bad feelings they bring to you will also be projected on people you hate.
"You are so wordy, just like my mother."
"Can you stop it? Like my old friend, I like to show off. "
"The sound is really loud, like a square dance in the community."
This person may also be someone you have hurt.
When you hurt someone, if that person has some common characteristics with the person you hate at present, projection will also happen.
For example, a single mother has encountered such a problem. She loves her son very much, but when she sees that his son looks too much like her ex-husband, she sometimes hates him for no reason and gets angry with him for no reason.
At this time, she hated her ex-husband, and her son was only the object of her psychological projection.
04
In fact, what you hate is not others, but yourself.
If you think carefully about why you worship those idols, you may find something unexpected. The celebrities you admire all have some common characteristics: they are the people they want to be.
For example, you like Eddie Peng Yuyan Yuyan's self-discipline, which shows that you really want to be a self-disciplined person. In the same way, you may like someone's modest and low-key inspirational story. ...
Each of us is talking about accepting ourselves and loving ourselves. But you can recall whether you said so.
"I wish I had more sunshine."
"I can't be so weak, I need to be self-reliant."
"Why can't my grades get on? Is it really more stupid than others? "
In fact, each of us is more or less dissatisfied with ourselves. When we suffer from these shortcomings, we are likely to transfer our inner emotions to others.
Psychologically, this kind of psychological experience is called negative empathy, and you can throw away what you hate and shouldn't have.
05
Communication is the inevitable companion of human beings. Marx
When we hate someone inexplicably, we might as well stop and think about our mentality. Is it because of psychological projection, negative empathy, or our unfounded prejudices and stereotypes?
Communication is not only a simple communication with each other, it is more like a mirror, from which we can find the potential parts of our personality and let us know ourselves better.
In front of Xiao Li, she didn't "hate" this roommate, but the existence of the other party still stung the hidden part of her heart.
Later, Xiao Li honestly said that she actually envied that girl. She is cheerful, outgoing and has good communication skills. Many people like her, but she is self-abased, introverted and unsociable.
She used "hate" to prove that she was different from her. This can appease yourself, which is also good for yourself.
So now, do you have an answer to that inexplicable "annoying" person?