Guo Xiaoxiao is a bad student, just in junior high school when we were told to stay away from her a little bit, and then a little bit farther away, because the farther away from her, the closer to the key high school, the closer to the famous university, the closer to the success of marrying a rich white woman as CEO on the pinnacle of the life of the closer to the fact that has been confirmed, because the whole of the first year a year of time, and all the Guo Xiaoxiao sit at the same table of the boys, grades are all down, it's like a magic spell. The results are a drop in the bucket, which is like a magic spell, who does not know why.
Do not look at the results of the words, Lin Dayong is a good student, he studied with a positive attitude, good conduct, positive, helpful, never gossip in class, listen carefully, review, complete homework on time, just the report card, from the point of view of Lin Dayong do not rely on the rankings, in the words of the classroom teacher Mr. Ma, teaching career for more than twenty years over, what kind of students I have seen, only like you are so stupid students, I have seen, but I do not know what to do. Only like you so stupid students, I've never seen, if not your learning attitude is more positive, I have long been transferred to the back of the seat, or waste the front seat of the valuable learning resources.
Lin Dayong is me, in that academic performance to divide people into three, six, nine class era, my biggest nightmare every night is not the ghosts and gods, but I was accidentally labeled with little hope of further education, sitting in the back of the back row of the teacher are not looking at the back of the eyes of a little bit, and fell into and those who do not learn, eat and wait for death of the poor students, and then appear in front of the market in the disappointment of the mother's eyes. I'm not going to be able to do that.
When I woke up from the nightmare, it felt as if the whole world had suddenly gone dark.
I could never have imagined that one day my nightmare would become a reality.
On this day, I was called to the blackboard by Mr. Ma to do the problem, I have never done this kind of weird application problems, there is absolutely nothing in the books, I froze and thought for a long time, and unsurprisingly hung on the blackboard.
"Even a simple arithmetic problem like this you can't do, how can you stand up to your mom and dad who get up early and buy food to earn money for you to go to school?"
My heart tightened, Mr. Ma knew my family's situation like the back of his hand, he could poke at my pain and provoke my pain nerves without any effort.
"You can't keep up with the class already, why don't you join the after-school cram class run by your teacher?" Mr. Ma had evidence and was aggressive. But he only knows that my family sells vegetables, he does not know that our net income is thirty dollars a day (or on the premise of being able to run away from the city police without any problems), a month is nine hundred dollars, and the cost of a month's tuition for the three subjects of mathematics, physics and chemistry is three hundred for a subject.
"After class you transfer to sit in the back row." Ma teacher disappointed look let me not dare to imagine myself back home should be how to face to my parents who gave me high hopes, I momentarily some trance, pinched their thighs hard, not a dream, good end of the dream, how to say that became reality became reality?
I carefully swept a large circle in the back row, most of the students are strong, fierce face, let me look at the fear, shudder, as a "superior student" I am very disgusted with these simple-minded four limbs developed monster, the key is still not fight, in order not to be with them, I hesitated. I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do that," she said.
2
Because Guo Xiaoxiao is a woman, even if from the momentum, mouth on the opponents can not be overwhelmed, at least from the strength to get back some face, but also because Guo Xiaoxiao's next to just have an empty table, her former classmate because of the class to watch pornography in the classroom by the classroom teacher was caught on the spot, go home to planting the land, I sat next to her, we did not look at each other and did not speak, I was a little embarrassed, she wafted over to me. Some embarrassed, her body wafted over the faint fragrance in the middle of us to warm up, I glanced lightly at her, her wide school uniform inside as if nothing to wear, the zipper pulled down very low, revealing the white shaking neck and skin.
I suddenly turned red, and with a pencil, I drew a thirty-eight line between us, three for her and eight for me.
The next lesson, I don't mention how frustrated, I even fell to sit next to Guo Xiaoxiao, I'm far away from the key high school, far away from the famous university, far away from the success of marrying a rich woman as a CEO to embark on the pinnacle of the life is even further away, may be because of the first time to sit at the table is not too adaptable, Guo Xiaoxiao always quiet listening to lectures, honestly, neatly sit as if she and the front row of the top students, as if there is no difference between her and the front row. The first time I saw her, I was very happy to see that she had a good time.
I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but I think it's a good idea!
I was indignant, it won't take long for her to show her tail as an underclassman, she will affect my studies and my future, just like she affected those desks before her, she will drag me down, she doesn't study and doesn't listen to the lectures anyway, the purpose of her existence is to stir up the class into a mess, so that all the people will be as unfortunate as she is, and that's what underclassmen are for.
These are the selfish, lazy guys, the assholes of society, the scum of the bottom, who have no future to speak of.
My eyes inadvertently stared at Guo Xiaoxiao's exercise book, strange, Guo Xiaoxiao is writing what? A poor student nestled there all the time writing, the picture is so bizarre that I can not believe some, I came closer, and found that Guo Xiaoxiao is not taking notes, nor writing homework, but in the drawing, in the drawing ........ A woman's nude body.
My face instantly reddened from my neck to my hair into a baked sweet potato, poor students are poor students, even their thoughts are so lewd and dirty, no, I have to get out of this horrible place, what kind of students are these people sitting in the back row ah, let my parents know what I can do?
I took my eyes off Guo Xiao Xiao's laptop, only to realize that Guo Xiao Xiao was looking at me, unblinking and interested, I don't know when she started to look at me, the corners of her mouth were hanging with an enigmatic smile, and I don't know why, but I shamefully felt that she was very good looking ...... ...
"Did I draw well?" I almost never talk to Guo Xiao Xiao, her voice is very nice, not the kind of whiney voice that is pretending, but innate, like a small child's soft voice, like a breeze gently caressing all my sensory nerves.
"As a student, as a student, do not study well in class! Draw this kind of ...... draw this kind of shameful thing!" I was incoherent, I had never dealt with poor students before, I didn't know how the same people who memorized the elementary and middle school student code in a classroom could have degenerated to such a degree.
"Are you ashamed of a woman's body? It's strange how certain people hide it when they clearly love it in their hearts."
"You're the one who likes it!" I gritted my teeth and grimaced as I growled softly at Guo Xiao Xiao, who stared meaningfully at my crotch for half a day, smiling while shaking her head at me with a sneer.
I have to say, Guo Xiao Xiao's drawing is really too realistic, and I realized that, without realizing it, I was already shamefully hard, vaguely visible in my light summer school uniform pants.
I suddenly felt that my worldview and values, which I had lived for more than ten years, were refreshed.
"My mom was right, people like you ......."
"What kind of person am I?"
"Lewd, dirty ........." I gritted my teeth.
"Shouldn't that be you?" Guo Xiaoxiao once again took aim at my crotch
"Selfish ......."
Guo Xiaoxiao glanced contemptuously at the three-eighths line where I eight her three.
"You're the bad student ........"
Guo Xiaoxiao disdainfully laughed softly and said, "I've never seen you ranked forward and big honor student, how do you run here to sit?"
I don't know what to say, if not for Guo Xiao Xiao's soft voice, good-looking face, I really hate a neck to strangle this chirping endless talkback bird.
The moment the bell rang, I suddenly felt liberated, I want to get away from this crazy woman, I'm going to go to the teacher to change seats, Guo Xiao Xiao once again stared at me curiously, since I sat here, she was like Columbus found a new continent as carefully observed me, and revealed a strange to some of the smile of the unintentional, and there was a moment I wondered if she was in love with me, until she opened her mouth to speak to me. For a moment I wondered if she was in love with me, and it wasn't until after she opened her mouth and spoke to me that I realized she was merely in love with my body.
"I ....... haven't drawn a boy naked yet, if you don't mind ......."
"I mind!"
3
Guo Xiaoxiao and I, so mutually disliked the beginning of the life of the same table, of course, we do not often talk, even if we talk is out of the official or forced to personal needs, such as the teacher let us at the same table to swap test paper corrections, for example, a certain problem to two people as a unit of the discussion, or I forgot to bring my eraser and she just happened to have a few spares, her umbrella was the wind blew I happen to not have an umbrella on a rainy day and I'm forced by my family to take one.
We are still quite peaceful, slowly contact time is long, I found Guo Xiaoxiao is a very do not like to disturb others, she never talk in class, and do not mess up, just quiet painting their own paintings, she is not like a pervert like every day staring at other people's nudes do not let go, she also draws something else, such as birds, deer, landscapes, sketching head, her album stacked a lot of many, sitting in the back seat of a anyway, no one cares. No one cares about the back seat, she can draw as she pleases, free to draw, and most of all, I found that Guo Xiaoxiao is not like the average poor students like low self-esteem, or violent tendencies, the longer the contact time, the more I feel that she is not very scary, she seems to be in addition to the study is not good, and other people do not have a lot of difference.
Of course, I will not say this to Guo Xiaoxiao, I still want to draw me nude this thing nagging.
This day in study hall, I looked for the teacher for the nth time to request a change of seat was rejected, I was disheartened, downcast, the whole person was in a state of despair thinking about life, Guo Xiaoxiao appeared to stop the pen, in the moment I turned my head and looked at her, she began to pretend to swish swish swish draw again.
"Did you attend the cram school?" Guo Xiao Xiao's soft voice came softly.
"No."
"Then did you give the teacher a gift?"
"No."
"Then why are you still looking for the teacher to change your seat?" Guo Xiaoxiao's usual sneer matched with a gentle voice as usual, making me want to retort, but I can't bear to be too forceful in my tone.
"Guo Xiao Xiao, please don't be such a snob, okay? Do you think everyone has the same dirty character and open mind as you?"
"Whatever you say!" Guo Xiao Xiao turned her head away somewhat angrily, she fiercely disliked the tip of her pencil, she didn't expect to accidentally dislike the quill and broke it, so she could only come over again with a thick skin to manage me to borrow a pencil sharpener.
"Mr. Ma is genuinely good for us, he also used my parents to encourage me to motivate me, only I myself is too uncontested, even a simple question that everyone will not be able to do ......." I fell back into deep self-blame.
"Those questions Ma teacher have spoken in the cram school, you did not go of course will not be able to do, Ma teacher all the knowledge points mentioned in class, in the tutoring class will be meticulous again, to be frank, in our classroom Ma teacher are muddled to speak, some places simply do not speak, of course you will not learn!"
"Mr. Ma is not such a person." I slammed the table, startling the people in front of me.
"If the grades are the same whether you go to Mr. Ma's tutorial classes or not, how can Mr. Ma still make money?" Guo Xiaoxiao showed an odd smile, as if the me she saw in front of her was just a toad lying at the bottom of a well looking at the sky.
Later, I investigated, I went to the blackboard that day to do that question, belonging to the binary quadratic equations, at that time have not learned, and participate in tutorials students have long been learned, the formal class when the binary quadratic equations, Mr. Ma is only a symbolic mention, and then began a new course content.
Guo Xiaoxiao, once again refreshed my three views, I realized that perhaps the reason why I try so hard to learn, not because I am stupid, I am stupid, I am the teacher has taught the least understanding of the students, but just because the teacher thinks I am stupid, the teacher thinks I am stupid, the teacher thinks I am the least understanding of the students he has taught, or just because I did not go to the damn tutorials. .
4
I found that I became ordinary, I no longer have a dream, there is no hope, I became bleak, just like Guo Xiaoxiao successive desks, Guo Xiaoxiao's spell is really still verified, I no longer listen carefully, no longer study hard, I found that it is not Guo Xiaoxiao hypocrisy, not I hypocrisy, it is the world, the whole world is hypocrisy.
"What's wrong with you!?" Guo Xiao Xiao asked me with concern, her cold hand placed on my forehead, strange, when did we become so familiar?
"Guo Xiao Xiao, I'm disheartened, I don't think I can succeed no matter how hard I try, I have no hope and no head for it, just like you, I've become a poor student, you've achieved your goal ......." I said that latter sentence in jest, but I still saw Guo Xiaoxiao's slightly furrowed brow.
"Who doesn't have dreams? Same as who? Lao mama has all the dreams, Lao mama graduated from junior high school and went to the United States to learn painting, who is the same as you! "Guo Xiao Xiao was really angry, she was so angry and incoherent that she started to stutter in her speech.
"I'm very busy, not so much free mind to turn you into a poor student, you are really narcissistic to a certain point!" Guo Xiao Xiao had a look of disgust on her face. She stopped talking, shook her head hopelessly, and continued to draw her own picture.
I know I hurt her, in Guo Xiaoxiao's heart, I must be a cocky, arrogant, unseen pseudo-good student, yes, good students must be preceded by the word "pseudo", I put myself in a lofty position, comparing all the students in the back row of the seat to mole crickets, but in reality, I'm not a good student, I'm a good student. ........ I was also nothing more than a mole cricket that thought it was high up, I stared at Guo Xiaoxiao for a few seconds and suddenly thought of something that would make her happy.
"Didn't you say that you wanted to draw my nude body? Let's make a date after school, when you become a big painter in the future, I can still be completely nude and become famous"
"Hmm? When did I want to paint your naked body?" Guo Xiao Xiao suddenly went against the norm, her cheeks even flushed with a hint of redness.
"Before ah, the two of us on the first class, when the class is over the said, you said you have not painted the nude body of the boys, if you do not mind if ........" I explained with my hands in the air.
"I mean if you don't mind, help me to go outside the bookstore to buy a book and album of human body painting, I live in school out of inconvenience." Guo Xiaoxiao taut face because of anger condensed into a cold slate, and can not hold himself to laugh out loud, revealing curved into the shape of a crescent moon features, my whole person stood there, embarrassed face a little square ........
Well, the sordid one is actually me, selfish and self-serving one is also me, the poor future will also belong to me, and the dream ....... Guo Xiaoxiao at least better than me.
I began to admire Guo Xiao Xiao, that stacked layer by layer, are higher than the chair of the picture book, densely painted with Guo Xiao Xiao's paintings, this workload is not more than the superior students to do the massive amount of test papers how much easier, Guo Xiao Xiao actually has been working hard, only she walked on a road no one wants to walk just.
5
The day before Guo Xiaoxiao left, the atmosphere was a bit depressing, mainly because it was raining, and the graduation party could only be held indoors, which led to everyone not having a good time. Guo Xiaoxiao said that she would always remember me because I didn't help her buy the male nude picture book she wanted after all.
The class teacher announced that Guo Xiaoxiao students to go abroad this great news, the class only rang a little sporadic applause, half from Mr. Ma, half from me, we know how to put down their hands, Guo Xiaoxiao people are not too good, she was criticized as a problem girl, will only be the kind of paintings, and go abroad in our then small town, is a lot of people simply dare not think of the thing, the crow instantly! The fact is that the company has been able to get a lot of money from the government for a long time, and it has been able to get a lot of money from the government.
I secretly said to Guo Xiaoxiao, "If you use even half of the effort you put into painting to study, you'll definitely be a good student."
Guo Xiaoxiao asked me back, "Why should I be a good student?"
Once again, I didn't know how to answer her.
Guo Xiaoxiao continued: "The language is useless after I can read and write words and sentences, the math is useless after the first year of study, and the composition according to the syllabus is necessarily a good composition? Do I need trigonometry and quadratic equations to draw in the future?"
I was surprised to look at her, but I have long since stopped feeling that she is a monster, compared to that monster is me, Guo Xiaoxiao have goals and ideas, clear and accurate positioning of their own futures, and I, learning so long mathematics, physics, chemistry, physics and chemistry, but did not think of learning what they do, and do not know the purpose of the higher education, perhaps my only goal in life is to let my parents in the neighborhood can be raised. The only goal of my life is to make my parents look good in the neighborhood.
I certainly don't think it's a bad thing, I just think that in the most valuable stage of my life, the most youthful years, the most cardamom years, my mind seems to be missing something .........
And, in the end, I didn't let my parents in the neighborhood can raise their heads, but they are still proud of me.
6
Guo Xiaoxiao this name once again appeared in my world, is the second day of the May Day holiday this year, I was in the city hospital on the first floor waiting to take X-rays, I heard the name of the patient No. 32 - Guo Xiaoxiao, I naturally thought that it was the same name, until I turned my head, Guo Xiaoxiao is puzzling. The elusive corners of her mouth smiled at me, and I stretched out a hand to point at her feebly with my index finger, then cracked my half-open mouth and laughed with her.
Guo Xiaoxiao became more beautiful, delicate features, white skin, she cut into short hair, neck and chest is still like the student era exposed a large piece of snow white, just vaguely two bumps did not have the kind of flat, Guo Xiaoxiao dropped out of school, she still can not stand the life of some people in the school to see some people, she said that went to the United States is also a group of Chinese students to live together, and did not imagine that good, she said that the United States is also a group of Chinese students to live together, and the United States is also a group of Chinese students to live together, and the United States is also a group of Chinese students to live together. Not imagined that good, Guo Xiao Xiao feel that the school has nothing to teach her, she went back to China, she is still with the previous did not change at all, that diploma, that 4k of waste paper, Guo Xiao Xiao never cared.
I asked Guo Xiaoxiao, "What are you working on now?"
Guo Xiaoxiao said, "Wandering."
"Wandering? How much is the salary? Pay five insurance and one gold? Any commission and year-end bonus?" I flirted.
"Go wherever you paint, in Yantai, in Lijiang, in Kunming, in Chongqing, in the case that I have not traveled all over China, you are likely to see me wherever you are, because I like to paint ah, where painting is painting, life is short, to go out more before you can not walk to not regret this life." Guo Xiao Xiao shook the case in her hand.
I seem to understand what, want to snatch the case to see, hesitated, did not make a move.
"Sooner or later, you'll starve to death!" I am indignant, looking at the white and fat Guo Xiao Xiao, I again feel from the heart, Guo Xiao Xiao will never starve.
When she asked about my years, I do not know how to answer, I took a general high school, on a two-book college, professional I do not know, employment prospects are worrisome, every day like a headless fly in general, running east and west but bumbling, I do not know what I like, I do not know what I'm good at, the computer popular to learn computers, accounting to learn to make money to go to the accounting certificate, it's a shame! I have not yet found the ideal job, no salary, no five insurance and one gold, no commission and year-end bonus, more regrettably, I have not wandered.
"Guo Xiao Xiao, although your name is Guo Xiao Xiao, but you are not small!" Before Guo Xiao Xiao entered the filming room, my hand rested on my chin eyeing her breasts with a smile on my face.
"Your name is Lin Dayong, and you don't see where it's brave." Guo Xiao Xiao showed her signature sneer again and turned away.
Guo Xiaoxiao later sent me a postcard from Zhuhai, the letter said: "When I was small, I wanted to become a painter like Van Gogh, and then I realized that I could not become a painter of Van Gogh's caliber, and then I found that I was glad that I did not become a painter of Van Gogh's caliber, because my ears are the best looking of all my five senses, and I am not willing to cut them off! I wouldn't want to cut them off! Perhaps we are born ordinary, can not help, want to do things not many can really realize, but life should at least have a dream, attempted a delusion, even if the back of the world's eyes also in the eyes, can be ordinary, but not mediocre ah" I do not know where she copied, but I feel that every sentence poke my heart.
The first week after leaving Guo Xiaoxiao, I almost every night in the repetition of a dream, I ran alone in the endless prairie, no Guo Xiaoxiao's figure, the hot sun on top of the head so that the sweat uncontrollable downward flow, I desperately run desperately run, no destination, no end, and even do not know where I want to go, but I am not willing to stop, as if as soon as I stop, the previous run, I will not stop, I will not stop, I will not stop. As if as long as a stop, all the previous run will be abandoned, everything will return to the original point, as if as long as the run all the time, you can see the road farther ahead, see Guo Xiaoxiao.
I took the film and left the hospital, suddenly had an incredible idea, to travel, while they are still young walk, go to Lijiang, go to Beijing, go to all the places they want to go, even if wandering.
The phone's song tuned to Park Shu's "Ordinary Road", hard stuffed headphones ........
End