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Very entangled, afraid of not now want to give birth to the future want to give birth to regret; afraid to give birth to the later burnt out, hard work pressure of their own regrets.... I'm always torn between having a baby and not having a baby...
First introduce my situation, my husband and I were from 2 provinces, living in a third-tier city, we are starting from scratch, when we got married on both sides of the family in the economy failed to provide any support, every penny has to rely on their own efforts, fortunately, we are graduated from undergraduate universities, it is relatively easy to find a better job, the income is considered stable for the time being, the work immediately after ten years, the current annual income of Couples *** have about 300,000, there are 2 sets of houses, 2 cars, there is a son 6 years old. For the time being, in addition to the mortgage and child support burden no pension or other burden.
According to the current family income and other circumstances, if you don't have a second child, you can pay off most of the mortgage in a few years of hard work, and cultivate this son with all your heart, and slowly lead an easy and free life with less burden, and you can go out and travel and shop and enjoy a happy life on holidays and festivals, and my point is: after all, life is short, and you need to have fun before it's too late. But on the other hand, around the older friends are persuaded, after all, has been 32 years old, while you can still have a child to have a child in the future is better, now feel hard to know the benefits of 2 children in the future ... ... Most of my peers think it's better to have 2 children... People have a herd mentality .... There are advantages and disadvantages to having or not having a second child. I just don't know which one I will regret in the future. After all, any decision is a decision for life, and can never be changed.
In the final analysis, the reason why I am so entangled is: there is no one to help bring up the child! When my son was born, my parents and his father are still working in the unit unretired, can not help what help, his mother did not work, but buy have pension insurance, before helping the older sister two sisters with children, according to the older sister's intention to bring children to pay wages, she herself to give is 1500 a month. Both parents are 60 years old or less.
Theoretically, it should be the turn of the grandson to bring his son, and when he was pregnant, his mother-in-law said that she would help bring him to the elementary school, so she came from the provinces a week before the child was born, intending to help, and her mother-in-law is a strong character, and she can't afford to have any opinions, and she is not used to having any opinions, but she has a lot of opinions about how to take a child, so she is a bit of a pain in the neck. I think my mother-in-law had a lot of thoughts in her mind... I went home when I was full-term, until the end of my maternity leave over, and then because of small things unpleasant, not moving because of a little thing angry whining, shouting to go home, do not help with the... My husband stood in the middle also feel very difficult, my mother to see me unhappy, the month did not sit well, 24 hours a day to take care of the baby is too hard and have to go out early and come home late, and now for the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems upset, I am afraid of the future of the day is difficult, it is suggested that I simply ask a relative to take it (pay a monthly salary). My relative has been helping me with the baby since he was two and a half years old, but she had some family problems and couldn't help me anymore. My mother retired, came to help me with a year, mother's physical examination found serious illness, can not continue to help with, really have no choice but to ask my mother-in-law to help, my mother-in-law mouth from time to time, with children with fear, do not want to bring the child, most other people are grandmothers with, and so on and so forth, and so forth, and my husband's sister often said that her mother is old, no obligation to bring the grandchildren, so that my mother to live a little easy life. I can only listen to the heart to endure, the middle of the intermittent add up to the mother-in-law a **** with grandchildren did not to 2 years, mother-in-law in my place I am careful, afraid to do wrong to say the wrong thing for fear that she is not happy with a scattering of hands to go back to not bring grandchildren... In the six years since my son was born, I've been living in fear of not having anyone to help me with my son, because my husband and I are both busy with our work, so there's no way we can take care of the house, and once there's no one here, it's hard for us to carry on with our normal work and life. There are also a lot of concerns about hiring a nanny, there is no one at home all day long, and there are a lot of worries about leaving the kids entirely with a nanny .....
My mother-in-law's main job at my house is to pick up and drop off the kids at the kindergarten, do the grocery shopping and cook, and my husband and I only have dinner at home on weekdays, and the rest of the time we are at the flat. The rest of the time, my mother-in-law is mainly watching TV, going to play, and going out to square dance after dinner. Every night after dinner, clean up and wash the dishes, help the children to take a bath and so on are my husband and I division of labor to do a good job. Every month to 2000 to buy groceries (just to buy food, the rest of the rice, oil, sauce, vinegar, fruit, etc. is my other buy, my mother in my house I was to give 1500 a month, she said there are left over), did not give the other salary, usually help to buy clothes shoes, etc., New Year's Day to not less than 5,000 yuan in red packets. (With or without children every year will give money to parents)
His sister on her mother with grandchildren do not give wages expressed great dissatisfaction and anger, regularity all kinds of hints hints sarcasm, my point of view is that the grandmother with grandchildren do not have to be the same with the nanny month after month, and my colleagues and friends around the mother-in-law with grandchildren, the good ones also pay for help to buy powdered milk clothes and so on, the economy is almost no requirement to pay, I also think there is no need to look so rusty. I don't think it's necessary to look so rusty. Mother-in-law in front of us regularly said that she did not want to bring children, these years to help the big sister to help the second sister with children with fear, want to take a good rest, the father-in-law is also immediately retired, intends to go back to their hometowns to do some business, to live a little easy and free days, every day to say that, mother-in-law did not bring enough 1 year, my sister said that next year, who also can not ask the mother to bring a child, all their own ways to hire people. In the future, even if which one has a second child, to ask mom to help with the month or bring someone will have to pay according to the market price of the local sister-in-law nanny...
I'm sure my heart is very upset, but I didn't say it, think of colleagues and friends of the elderly are doing their best to help the grandchildren, so that the children can go to work at ease, their own families are in such a situation, the heart of the millions of pain can only endure, said others will feel ridiculous it. We also thought of mother-in-law here than to hire a nanny assured ah, if it is because the wages are not given, the elderly idea more, we will pay the wages well, but gave a few times mother-in-law just refused to accept, do not want. The elder sister's meaning has always been that the 2 of us are not willing to pay wages is not the mother-in-law is not willing to take, the 2 sisters since the beginning of a lot of ideas say .......
Several times the mother-in-law went back to say to rest for a period of time and then come over, can not only ask the hourly wage to cook, but the children do not eat aunts cook, taste is not accustomed to, but also did not continue to, bump, finally determined to bring their own children kindergarten school to let lunch pick up, wait until I get off work and then go to pick up the home, and then buy food to cook, the husband 7:30 to get off work to come back home, and at 8:00 p.m. every night before eating on the meal, the day of the week, the children's children are not allowed to eat, but they are not allowed to eat. It's a tough life, but finally I don't have to worry about which child to bring or not to bring... Barely living can cope with living .....
This year in my hometown, my mother-in-law found a nanny's job, to help other people's families with a 7-month-old child, my father-in-law retired to find a job as a security guard, the 2 old people went to work to earn money, I think my father-in-law is a state cadre, there is a retirement pension, my mother-in-law also has a pension, the 2 people each month, the money adds up to quite a lot of money, the life is not the pursuit of the great wealth is also considered to be a passable life, a few children every year, they will be given the money. I mumbled to my husband, "If you don't bring your grandchildren with you to make money, is money really that much more important than family...". There are so many reasons not to bring grandchildren, one day at a time... But my husband said they want to be self-supporting in their old age, and it's good that they don't add to the burden of their children. From an objective point of view, instead of living together and bumping into each other, it is better to live their own lives, free and easy. I also accept and understand it, after all, they are also old, how happy how to live it.
The child is six years old and will soon be in elementary school, think of the difficult and tired are past, now things as long as I can do are not difficult. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to get away with this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to get away with it, and I'm sure I'm going to be able to get away with it. We can get by with a little bit of hard work. I've been able to get by on my own. I'm generally quite contented and happy and free.
But, from the end of last year, my mother-in-law kept asking us to give birth to a second child, and this year, my in-laws began to call us to be more than one, and if we gave birth to a second child, we will not work over to help with ..... At first, I heard her say this, I also tried to plan a little: born, the two old to help bring, they live in the neighborhood another suite, responsible for transporting the eldest to school and take care of the youngest, cooking, we do not need to live under the same roof, back from work can eat hot meals, and do not need to worry a lot of worry for the child.... It's all nice and perfect when you think about it, but who can guarantee that when you actually have one, you'll have some kind of reason to leave it alone .....
I know a lot of people like my family who are faced with no one to take care of the kids and the woman has to give up her job to be a housewife, maybe they are helpless maybe they are enjoying it because of the kids. My family's situation does not allow me to quit my job to take care of the kids full-time. I don't know if there is anyone in my family situation, do people hesitate like me?
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